Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.

AN: Dear Patient Readers, I'm happy to share this particular chapter to Jim/Carol fans. The next update won't be for a few days, so I do hope you enjoy this part of the story and that it helps the wait. :)

Chapter 8

His steps were excruciating slow, a result of broken and bruised ribs.

"Security, carry the captain."

"No, Bones," Jim protested his current state of frailty.

"Jim, accepting assistance will save us 1.2 minutes," said Spock. The accuracy was getting to Jim. He'd been told his time was short, and as much as he wanted to deny it, Jim couldn't. Both Bones and Spock said "minutes."

"After the five in sickbay, and another to get to the brig, Jim, you are down to four minutes of sanity," Bones muttered.

"Maybe it'll give me 15 minutes," Jim offered, with a grim smile, trying to be hopeful for his crew.

Spock and Bones agreed with an adamant, "No, it will not, Jim."

I'll fight the drug more this time. Already, his own pep talk unnerved him. Though he was certain he'd fought the effects, he hardly remembered doing so before. Bones had tried to humor him with what he had said to Carol, and Jim had to hand it to Bones- Jim had said some downright embarrassing things. All those things he did not remember saying, but were true. Like thinking of Carol's smile when things were bad in his brain.

And now, here he stood, a step away from coming face to face with Memphis. Only 360 seconds and counting to get as much information from him as possible.

"Captain," said Spock. It was a vocal nudge from him to "start moving." I'm trying, but this is one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

As he first looked in through the glass of the brig where Memphis sat, Jim's memories of his days rescuing and keeping other children alive flooded his brain. He grabbed onto Spock's arm, felt Spock stiffen, but Jim could not let go. The brig is the size of our hideout. I've never noticed that. He imagined Tom at the entrance, the most diligent of guards. A few of the children would've been in a corner, telling stories to get their minds off the starvation killing their bodies. Memphis, who'd been the loner of the group, would've sat alone, just as he was alone now.

Half of the children Jim had saved perished before Starfleet had arrived. They were the center of his nightmares- his failure to ultimately save those other children, those who should've became part of the Tarsus 9. More than a dozen years after living on Tarsus IV, Memphis was definitely not the same kid Jim had known. This kid looked smug, just as Uhura told him as they parted ways in the hall. Memphis' face changed when he saw Jim, and Jim detected the facade he instinctively expected from him.

He is hiding something. Don't trust him. Jim kept repeating the words to himself, as if the drugs were already in effect again and he was fighting it.

Without realizing it, Jim was in the brig. He'd spaced out while holding on to Spock and remembering. Did I panic? He searched Spock's face but the Commander was expressionless. Just like I should be right now. Focus, Jim.

He let go of Spock's arm and walked towards Memphis, who sat on the bench connected to the wall. The young man looked like he could hold his own in a bar fight. That was the another detail Jim came up with. Memphis was no longer skinny. No wonder Jim had not realized who he was. He was brawny.

"JT." The name on Memphis' lips sounded like a curse. Why are you so bitter towards me?

"Memphis. I'm glad to see you." I really am. Just sad about the choices you made.

Memphis scoffed. "Seriously? I wouldn't be. You don't have to lie, JT."

"I am not lying. I am glad you're alive."

"Oh, right. JT, ever the hero. I forgot."

"Memphis, what happened?" What did Kodos do to you?

"You left us." His voice had turned cold.

"Memphis- Kevin, Tom, and I went out to look for more food. Something. Anything. We had every intention of returning. You knew that."

"You may have started to search for food, but you never came back."

"We couldn't," came Jim's quiet answer. "All three of us were caught. I couldn't run as fast as before and fell in the dust. So, I was the first. Tom and Kev- they should have left me, but they stayed. Kodos' men took us, chained us..."

"You abandoned us." Memphis said. "You got what you wanted, and never came back because you were rescued," Memphis said as he nervously scuffed the floor with his shoes. "Right? That's what they told us."

"Who told you that, Memphis?"

"Kodos' men, when they found the rest of us. They said you sold us out." Memphis scowled at Jim. "You left us to die."

"Memphis, that's not true." Jim spoke as if he were talking to a child. Is that where Memphis was stuck? His thoughts rationalized by what he was as a child. Is that where I have been all these years, too? "Whatever the reason, we need to talk about what is going on here now."

"No way." Memphis said. "Not until you tell me what happened to you."

I don't have time. But he knows that.

"Torture. To get information, which we never gave." There. That sums it up.

"Good. That's what you get for leaving the rest of us. Kodos told me every day after he spared me. Kodos told me it would be good for you, because of your deception." Memphis pulled himself up to walk. Spock moved in front of Jim, but the protection wasn't necessary as Memphis only paced the area parallel to the bench, repeating the words he said to Jim.

"Kodos told me. Kodos told me it'd be good for you."

The distorted view Memphis had of Tarsus was alarming. Jim should have felt betrayal from the words coming from his old friend's mouth, but instead all he felt was pity. Is this how Memphis deals with their shared past? Placing himself in league with the very man who had damaged them all?

"Where have you been all this time, Memphis?"

According to records, Memphis had been of those who'd died in the cave. Jim had only kept close tabs on Kevin, the youngest of the nine who'd survived. Helped him get a job on Revlair after he learned Kevin was a genius. Ten...there were ten now when you add Memphis.

"Where have you been all this time, JT," Memphis threw back at him. "You disappeared. You didn't help your friends at the trial."

Spock, don't condemn me when you hear this.

"No, I was sicker than any of you knew when Starfleet finally arrived. I was in the hospital for almost eight months, using an alias. And I hated my mother at that point," Jim admitted. "I did not want her to take me home. I...I acted insane in front of the psychiatrists and my mother. Winona didn't claim me as her son, James T. Kirk, after that and my name managed to slip away from the records. I found my own way, with a little help from my older brother, who kept me hidden for awhile while my health struggled to improve. When I heard Kodos was on trial and several of you already had identified him, I was not in a place to face him, or anybody."

"You were a coward." Memphis stated.

"I was a traumatized thirteen-year old kid." And a coward.

"Jim." Spock's warning chilled him. No. I need more time. Breathe Jim, don't panic.

"I can help you get Kevin," said Memphis. "You'll need to promise to get Kodos' daughter, Lenore, on board. Her father won't fire on the Enterprise if you do."

"His daughter? Where is she?"

"At The Green Gate, a naive visitor." Memphis stared at Jim. "I will tell you exactly where Kevin is and how they are guarding him if you promise to get Lenore on board the Enterprise."

"Why do you want to help us?"

"Kodos will kill you, JT, to seek his revenge for saving those who identified him. He won't kill me, because he saved me. But you, he'll kill you." Memphis' face held sorrow as he looked at Jim. "But you can save Riley."

"Go on," said Jim.

George, I can't do this without you.

"Captain?" Spock's gaze was knowing.

It's happening.

"Memphis, you will tell the Commander what I need to know to rescue Kevin after he transfers you to another containment room." Jim faced Memphis. Maybe for the last time. I hope not. I want to see him get better. "I cannot let you go. You know that. I will do everything in my power to ensure you receive the help you need."

I'm seven, it's midnight, and I can't go home. I just can't. I hate him...

"Jim."

"Commander," said Jim, "please escort..." Who? He couldn't finish, but sent a panicked look to Spock.

Spock nodded. "Jared Vager, you will accompany me."

"Some hero," sneered Memphis as Spock gave him over to security. "Do you ever tire of trying to save everyone? Do you ever remember the time you failed? Do you know you're going to fail now?"

Memphis. This is Memphis. "I'm sorry I failed you."

"Don't fight it, JT. You can't win," Memphis taunted.

But I will try.

Jim leaned one arm against the window of the brig as Memphis passed him by, that smug expression on Memphis' face once more. It was peculiar, being on this side of the brig once the prisoner had walked away. And humbling.

"Spock, get Dr. Marcus." Before I go out of control. Before I lose my nerve to ask her out on that date we probably won't ever have.

"Captain, I do not think it wise. Your stability is decreasing- "

"I understand. Spock, I need to talk with her." His head folded in beside his arm and he looked at Spock from under his elbow. "Please."

"Dr. Marcus, please report to the brig."

"Thank you." Jim drew a deep breath from where he still leaned.

Memphis' words echoed fitfully, scratching at the surface, as he waited for Carol. Do you ever remember the time you failed?

Always. It had been Bones who pulled him through, nightmare after nightmare. Before, he'd done it on his own. A very poor job of it, too. His drinking had almost spiraled out of control that week Pike found him at the bar, and challenged him. I dare you to do better. And then he had met Bones. They complimented each other's craziness- most of the time, one bailing the other out of trouble. After Bones, it was Spock who'd come alongside after awhile, steadying Jim in ways he'd not expected, especially after Jim had walked to his own death to save his crew.

Do you ever tire of trying to save everyone?

Flashes of his unwanted past circled his mind like birds of prey. They were getting closer. A strange warmth came with them, and he almost welcomed it, along with the surge of strength. Then he heard Carol's voice, a whisper to remain awake in this world, not in the other tugging him.

"Jim?"

Her face was close to his, outside the glass. Within kissing distance, had there not been a rude barrier. He sighed. She is so beautiful. Jim could tell she'd been working. Her lab coat was on, as well as her more serious face. He weakly smiled. "You're a brave woman, coming to talk to a prisoner."

"You're a brave man, wanting to talk to a weapons specialist." She grinned at his attempt to joke. He just stared like a dumb kid, unable to form a word to impress her. As usual. "May I come inside?"

Jim eagerly glanced at Spock, delighted with her question, feeling like a school boy. I didn't even have to ask him myself. Surely he'll agree. Jim pulled himself upward easier than expected. His ribs did not hurt as much, probably the drug reabsorbing caused a healing affect. "Can she?"

"For a moment." Spock exited the brig and for a few seconds, Jim lost sight of them both.

"Carol?"

Relieved to see she had not changed her mind as she entered the brig and afraid she was going to walk right out, he blurted out what he had been contemplating for months.

"Would you like to go out on a date, a real date, with me?"

Dammit. She hasn't answered yet. She's not even smiling. I want her to smile.

"I mean, because it's hard to do that on a ship. But, I'd like to. Go on a date with you. If you think I'm playing you, I'm not. I know I have a reputation, but I'm not that way anymore. I mean, Carol- "

"Jim."

"I'm a mess, I know that. But I'll do everything I can to- "

"Jim, I- "

"Seriously, if you'd rather not, then let's forget it. Okay. Never mind. I probably won't make- "

"James Tiberius Kirk!"

Jim gaped at her. It was all he could do. Did she just call me by my full name?

"Don't you dare tell me you won't make it after you ask me out on a date. Don't you dare put words in my mouth or my head. I do not think you are playing me. I know you have a reputation, but do you think I never did? It was only because I'm a weapons specialist who is immersed in her work that I hardly get asked out anymore. And do you think I don't know you're serious? Jim, I'm an intelligent woman. I'm a woman who cares for you. I'm a woman who thinks you have a wonderful romantic side in you waiting to be unleashed and dammit, Jim, I want to be that woman who makes you be romantic!"

She used Bones' phrase. Can't believe she did that. And she used my full name. Who does that?

Jim blinked, trying to figure out if she was an apparition of his mind. Spock seemed to be enjoying the interaction. Unbelievable- he's smirking.

"I understand now, Captain, why you feel Dr. Marcus fully equipped to take charge of your ship while we are on Revlair," said Spock.

"You are giving me captainship of the Enterprise, Jim, while you are on Revlair?"

"Yes," he said.

"I could kiss you."

Jim was well aware this was not the most professional conversation to have concerning who would run the ship, but having Dr. Marcus say she could kiss him made him do something he swore he'd never do.

He blushed. He felt it, from the base of his neck, creeping all the way to his cheeks, and then some. Is my whole face on fire? Must be, Spock is hiding his mouth. Oh my God, is he laughing?

"You what?"

"I could kiss you, Jim." Her statement, clear as the glass in the brig separating them from the rest of the Enterprise, unfurled the desire in his heart.

"I wish you would," he whispered. "You could take this vulnerability of mine and stomp on it, Dr. Marcus, or allow me the honor of your kiss."

"Well, then, Captain," she said as she closed the distance between them.