Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AN: DLB48- you're a brilliant beta! I can't say that enough. Thank you! And many thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. It definitely encourages this first time fan fiction author. :)

Chapter 13

Three security officers placed Vager in Klingon cuffs and transported him into the shuttlecraft. Two stood ready for orders.

"James." It was Dr. Marcus.

The obsidian eyes of the captain did not acknowledge her immediately. Jim's disquietness, accented by shaking hands and an inscrutable expression, alerted Spock to proceed. Jim had reached a terrifying potential of violence, as he clearly demonstrated. However, the second mind meld Spock had with Jim, although short, had kept Dr. Marcus alive.

"James," she said again. Jim regarded her silently then. Spock motioned discreetly to McCoy, who moved past Jim on the side of the hangar and circled in, stopping ten feet away.

"Thank you," whispered Dr. Marcus. She made her way to Jim, who swayed slightly. Spock took this movement in with concern. Whatever Jim did to get blood from his head to distract Vager had been illogical but necessary. That was the reality of being Jim Kirk, even while under the influence of a drug.

Jim's dark eyes revealed concern for the woman before him. He reached out a slightly trembling hand, pushing back a smooth strand of Carol Marcus' hair from her tear-stained face. "I am sorry I scared you."

She fairly threw herself at him as he spoke then. Jim, momentarily taken aback, held his arms out. Another few seconds passed before he folded his arms tightly around her and dipped his head into her hair. The relaxation prompted Spock to cue the doctor.

McCoy quietly stepped into the moment and a hiss sounded as he administered the second dose of temporary relief from the drugs to Jim.

Do not even think you are safe from me, James.

It won't work as well, this time.

They cannot control you. They are afraid of you. They will not allow you to leave.

The voice was commanding. Jim separated himself from the warmth of an embrace and a soft, strawberry scent.

You cannot control yourself, James.

The wildness edged in, flaring even as Carol touched his face lightly.

"Jim?"

James.

He grabbed her hand and took it off his face. "Go." He stepped back from her. Away from McCoy and Spock. "It is not working as quickly this time."

"I'm so sorry, Jim."

"James," he hissed, grabbing her arm again, harshly.

"Ja..James," said Carol.

She was scared. Of him.

How did he come to holding her arm so tightly?

"Oh, God, Carol. I'm sorry." He released her arm and took another step away from her.

His head buzzed with his alter-ego.

She gave you a Judas kiss. In the brig.

She is Carol. She would not have done that. If she did, it was to protect everyone from me.

"Dr. Marcus, you are in command of the ship," said Spock, his comm in hand. "Mr. Chekov recommends we use a thoron field to hide the Enterprise. Maintain our position in the field while Mr. Sulu, Lt. Uhura, the captain, and myself leave on the shuttle."

"Yes, Commander," she said.

"Carol," Jim said as gently as possible, wanting to close the distance he just created between them.

Spock took Jim's arm. "We are leaving."

"No, just one more minute." Jim pleaded. "Carol, I'm sorry. I did not mean to hurt you."

"I know Jim." Carol moved towards him. Her courage amazed him as her fingers gracefully touched his face. "I'll be waiting for you, Jim."

He touched her hand tentatively. It was warm, inviting. He squeezed it, then winced from his previous injury.

He let go of Carol. She had a job to do. So did he. They exchanged a look of understanding when he glanced back before boarding the shuttlecraft. She already appeared in charge. She expected his return. He expected his ship safe and sound when he did return.

The Enterprise had stopped to reach the most promising of Thoron fields. Jim was pleased the decision to keep the Enterprise moving at warp speed towards Revlair early on now allowed them enough time to reach Revlair via the shuttlecraft. Spock was antsy though, and they'd not talked about anything yet in the minute they had been on the shuttlecraft. Uhura was stitching up Jim's head, which had not ceased bleeding.

"I'm afraid to ask," he mumbled, trying to keep his head up while Uhura applied a bandage. At least he wasn't hearing voices at the moment.

"It was a heroic effort, captain," she said in a concentrated effort. "Which succeeded."

Sulu, at the helm, shook his head and chuckled. "It was bad-ass. Captain, I'm just glad we're friends."

"Carol, she wasn't hurt was she?" He was certain he saw tears on her face.

Uhura gave Spock a sideways glance. Jim tensed. Those were never good.

"Commander," Jim warned. He was finally feeling the fog lift. He could take it. "Explain."

"Our prisoner was in the process of escaping when he took Dr. Marcus as hostage."

"What?"

"You, however, were able to disarm him and pull her out of harm's way."

"How bad was it?"

"Captain, you can read my report at a later date," stated Spock.

Well, shit.

"Why wasn't I in the brig? Wait, I do sort of remember something about that. It's just way too foggy to make sense of. And Memphis," Jim frowned. "Where is he?" He vaguely remembered wanting to take him to Revlair in a cursed moment of rage.

"To your left, Jim, unconscious."

That explains it. As Uhura tended him, he was strapped in and could not turn his head. He was trying to be good even now and not look at Memphis.

"How is he?"

"His strength is superior to other humans by 35%. When you are under the drug's effects, your strength is greater. I will be able to physically detain him as well."

"In other words, we're not screwed having him here on the ship." Jim sighed. "Sulu and Uhura, did you get the specifics about Revlair from Scotty? And would you care to explain to the commander."

Please tell me you did. And will. His time was shorter than the last. He could feel it.

"We will do that now, Captain," said Uhura. "Spock, fourteen half human, half Vulcan children live within a facility on Revlair. The children received special abilities during a poorly executed rescue operation by Section 31. An accidental chemical explosion on the ship also caused their bodies to require the extremely frigid climate on Revlair to maintain a stable body temperature. Their emotional tolerance is now significantly lower than that of a normal Vulcan child. The captain was coerced by Section 31 during his recovery of radiation poisoning to help them find an appropriate planet for which the children to reside. Section 31 knew of his previous excursion to the ice planet."

She took a deep breath. "Captain Kirk requested Mr. Scott to accompany him to Revlair so they could hide a shuttlecraft within a hole in the planet 5 kilometers from the facility as a safety measure. The mission at hand puts the children at risk. The Captain was only six months into his recovery at this time." She glared at Jim. "They force a man who could hardly walk to travel to an ice planet, and you somehow are able to hide a ship deep inside the earth? God, Jim, how did you manage?"

"With help from Ambassador Spock and Scotty. And I didn't have to walk all that much. It's called spelunking."

"Yes, that is so much better. And I bet you gave McCoy some bald-faced lie for your month and a half absence," Uhura muttered.

"Well," Jim did feel badly about that. "I had to, Uhura. He couldn't be involved then. None of you should be involved now. It's dangerous. They like to get rid of people who know too much."

"I remember when you returned from your 'mandatory captain' crap or whatever. You had to return to therapy. I remember how awful you looked after those special meetings," Uhura said, her attempt to hide sarcasm failing. "Do you remember, Spock? Do you remember Jim, unable to get from the hospital bed to the bathroom door on his own- again? After all that hard work? And how he had struggled with the motor skills again? Do you have no limits?"

He did. People pushed them all the time. And then he pushed his own limits.

"Drop it, Uhura. What's done is done. There was a drastic temperature change and it didn't do my body any favors. But, I'd do it again. You weren't there to see those children," he said simply.

She listened, promptly lifting her chin and turning to Spock. Jim could see her care for him and knew when this was all said and done, he'd have to talk with her. And Bones.

And maybe Spock, too.

If Vulcan looks could kill.

Jim hadn't thought that Spock, this Spock, would be this angry he had not been informed of Revlair from the beginning. In truth, Jim knew Ambassador Spock pulled more weight in Starfleet and had tricks up his sleeve if anything went south. Plus, well, Jim had wanted to protect Spock, this Spock, from Section 31.

"Spock," continued Uhura, "the captain fiercely argued with Agent Sloan that the Ambassador's involvement with the children would be the only way Jim would be coerced or, what was it you said, captain?"

"You can shove another malfunctioning warp core up my..." Sulu called out. "See. Like I said. Bad ass."

Spock did not school his features quickly enough at that statement.

He is not happy.

"It would have been prudent for me to have been informed."

What was this? Spock was mad with him- now?

"Spock," said Uhura.

"I am sorry, commander, if you feel slighted for me not informing you of the half-human, half-Vulcan children." Jim said pointedly. He left it at that.

But Spock did not.

"The fact that they are of heritage like my own does not provoke my anger." Spock did not lift either eyebrow.

"I could not involve you."

I could have, since I bend the rules constantly, but I refused this time.

"Your well-being was compromised," said Spock, the tiniest of glare attached to his statement.

"It was not prudent to involve you. Scotty had some free time."

"You are not being truthful."

"I'm being honest."

"As your first officer, your health at that time was a concern for me." Spock stood then, cutting a formidable figure before Jim. Sulu initiated autopilot for the moment, curious with the exchange between Jim and Spock. Uhura bounced her gaze back from the captain and first commander as well, a look of astonishment on her face.

Jim cursed his body. Oh, he wanted to show Spock he was not at his limit. But, at this moment, he was. The world reeled as he sat and his ribs hurt worse than he remembered the last time he was lucid. He tilted his head back, careful not to press into the place Uhura just tended to, and squinted at his first officer.

"As your captain, your safety was my concern."

"As your friend, Jim," Spock began, slowly, "I would have preferred the option to be involved in a mission which had a 100% probability of increasing rehabilitation."

Ouch. Jim was speechless.

Spock never reveals his feelings, and he does so now?

Jim stared at Spock.

Spock stared back.

This Spock was beginning to know more about Jim then he really wanted him to and now, shows the beginning of some..some...feeling about their friendship?

Jim didn't know how to handle that.

Except to be protective of his family, his crew.

The clandestine operative group could make anyone they wanted disappear. Or worse. Putting Spock in that position, well, wasn't something Jim had wanted to do.

Scotty, well. Scotty had said an immediate yes because he wanted to talk with the Ambassador again.

Scotty's loyalty to Jim was unprecedented from the moment they met.

But Spock.

Their road to friendship had not been easy. He wanted to keep that friendship which was coming along so nicely and not endanger Spock. Jim never meant to hurt him. He did not want to be the reason their relationship suffered.

"I..I'm sorry." He meant it. Spock gave the barest of nods.

Jim had to move the mission along. "The other thing, Uhura."

Jim hated this part.

"Oh, yes," Uhura stammered at the command Jim threw at her. "Captain Kirk also obtained employment at the Green Gate for Tarsus survivor, Kevin Riley, as a young aspiring but superb scientist. That is what drew Kodos there in the first place."

"So, you see, Riley is there because of me."

"Jim," said Spock. He handed a PADD to Jim. "You have two minutes to read this and tell me what it means to you. Jared Vager sent it to you at 1000 hours this morning."

Uhura unstrapped Jim and he took the PADD from Spock. He was surprised to see the device Reed gave him at first but that cloud of remembrance struck him again. He must have gone to engineering with Spock to get equipment which was already in the shuttlecraft.

He read the list on the next screen. Silently. Bitterly.

"The first nine names are the Tarsus survivors, including myself. The second nine names were the other children I rescued at that time, but never heard of again and they were not among the listed survivors once Starfleet arrived."

He blanched as he read specific orders by each Tarsus survivor name and the person who gave the order.

"Marcus. Sloan, the agent in charge of Revlair. Brainwashing. Drugging." Was this all that Marcus had thought of? Using people?

He frowned when he came to his name again. There was an order listed for this day.

"Jim, what is the control group?"

He blinked several times, trying to filter through it all.

"The control group..looks like it is the group I thought was missing. Their orders are all..." He couldn't finish.

"They were given soon after the massacre on Tarsus."

"And they are all alive." No date of death had been filled in. "Section 31 or Kodos are using them. Oh my God. Those kids..."

"They are not children anymore, Jim."

"No," Jim said angrily. "They're like Memphis. Brainwashed. Destroyed." He slammed the PADD down. "Those were children I saved and somehow Kodos or Marcus or both got to them first and who the hell knows what happened to them next."

"I am concerned, Jim, about the fact you have been added to the control group." Spock said stiffly.

"I shouldn't have left them that day. I should have stayed. It's my fault."

It's my fault. My fault.

He had failed to save them.

Kodos.

"Jim."

Marcus. Who is dead, but many others could step up to do what he did. Like Sloan.

Spock said something else to him. Jim couldn't listen.

I failed.

They were left alone and somehow were taken, because I went out to try to 'save' one more thing.

Jim laughed bitterly. He couldn't stop laughing. He got to his feet then, and pounded his broken wrist into the wall. It hurt but he deserved it. The pain made him feel.

And he deserved that.