You're beside me, crying on my shoulder.
Stuttering with your words, saying he broke your heart.
You saw him with another girl.
No wonder he hasn't been coming home lately.
I smile a little seeing that you now feel the same way I felt because of you
WAIT, I'M SMILING?
I mean, is this what friends normally do when their friend gets hurt?
Is this revenge?
Is this…
I don't know what I'm feeling.
The past few months with you by him, made me suffer.
I had to lie to myself,
I had to act as the supporting friend,
When deep inside I knew I loved you so dearly more than the act.
I don't know what I'm feeling.
Everything is messed up within me.
You twitch a little and turn towards my face.
NO, NO, NO YOU CAN'T SEE ME SMILING!
You can't!
You'll think of me as a creep, and of course by the way things are, I can't deny that.
You say my name with your weak voice
I tremble, afraid of you turning around
"Don't look" I say.
You stop turning as expected of a good girl…
MY GIRL…
YES YOU ARE MINE NOW…
MY OWN WITHOUT HIM IN IT…
I stroke your long hair and whisper in your ear,
"I can't show you my face right now"
You ask why
MUST I LIE?
SHOULD I TELL THE TRUTH?
GOD, THIS IS MY CHANCE TO CLAIM YOU
AS MINE
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A CONFESSION
OR
AN ACT
?
There was a long silence
….
…
….
.
I answer,
"because I love you and am relieved you are not with him anymore"
"I'm happy that you are back to me"
"I know you are in pain, but right now, right here at this exact moment, I am….."
WHAT AM I SAYING?!
OH NO WHAT DID I JUST SAY
"I am happy"
….
…
…
.
She turns around and stares at my face.
I can see her eyes.
It's so red and so tired from crying.
WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I?
THE PERSON I LOVE THE MOST IS IN PAIN AND HERE I AM ENJOYING MYSELF
I AM A MONSTER
NO, DON'T LOOK AT ME
PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME
THE REAL ME…
A
SELFISH
MONSTER
She caresses my face gently
Using her finger to draw the outline of my smile
THE SMILE THAT THRIVES FROM HER SUFFERING
She looks into my eyes
Those eyes I love
Filled with compassion and hope, but today were filled with tears
"I miss your smile" she said
BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP
Then added "I'm sorry for causing you pain"
Tears started to fall from eyes without me knowing it.
She hugs me and I cling to her like old times
Keeping her close
As if my body's telling her to never leave me again.
I break down,
And lose my consciousness…
Everything turns into black,
But even when I'm in this eternal abyss, I could still feel her warmth.
That night,
I slept well
For the first time since she went out with him.
That night, I was sure everything was going to be fine.
-kingoftheolives