Going nowhere (Helen)
Ungodly Hour, by The Fray
"Don't talk, don't say a thing
Cause your eyes they tell me more than your words
don't go, don't leave me now
Cause they say the best way out is through
And I am short on words knowing what's occurred
She begins to leave because of me
Her bag is now much heavier
I wish that I could carry her
But this is our ungodly hour"
Slowly John and I staggered back through the dark landscape into the direction of my house. "I'm surprised you still remembered our little games, Helen. I knew immediately what you were hinting at," John mentioned casually. I laughed dryly. "I had counted on it, John. Looking back, you and Dad had trained me often enough," I replied and we continued walking. "What will Damon do with the corpse?" I asked as calmly as possible. John shrugged. "Well, the safest way would be to feed it piece by piece to the alligators." I breathed deeply, but my stomach revolted anyway. I suddenly felt sick. Holding on to the next tree I supported myself bent-forward while I heaved dry. John wanted to help, but I pushed him away. "Stop that," I gasped and wiped my mouth on my cuff. "Helen, please let me … ," he started, but I interrupted him. No, John. I'm not a child anymore. You kept so many things from me, I'm simply mad at you!" Taking a deep breath, I returned to the footpath and we kept walking in silence.
"How do you feel about Damon? Now that you know what he is?" he asked after a while. I pondered on it. This afternoon at the pond, I would've admitted that I had fallen head over heels for him, but now? I didn't know anymore what to feel or to think. "I don't know, John. It's a lot to take in right now," I replied. He just smiled knowingly. "You've fallen for him, haven't you? You risked your life to protect him. That's something only lovers do." I tried to process his words. In a way he was right. I had only thought about Damon and how to divert Henson's attention, but I would've done the same for John had he been in the same place. I shook my head. "That's bullshit, John. I've known him only for three days." He kept walking and grinned. "What?" I insisted. We had almost reached my house. He turned around and held me by my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. "I'm not your dad, but I am a man with life experience, Helen. I see the way you look at him, and I see the way he looks at you. You two belong together, no matter how long you've known each other and regardless of the circumstances, believe me," he stated adamantly and left me a little nonplussed.
Finally, we had reached my threshold and I hugged him quickly. "Thank you, John, for everything." He caressed my cheek with the back of is hand. "You're welcome, sweetie. You will always be like a daughter to me," he said softly. "If you're looking for answers, forget everything you've ever heard about vampires and come see me, okay?" I just nodded. John scrutinized me. "And, watch out. I believe, you can trust him, otherwise I wouldn't leave you here, but vampires are quite instinct driven. Take care?" I nodded again. "I will. I think you can head home now, Uncle John," I replied. He walked to his car and took off. I went inside and switched the lights on. Heading for the kitchen, I decided to make some tea first. I felt tired, exhausted was more like it, and I felt filthy from all the dirt on my clothes. I really needed a shower and some sleep. While the water was boiling, I rested with my arms on the kitchen counter and heard the front door snap shut. "At least you kept your word," I talked at large. Suddenly I felt him standing right behind me. "One of my better character traits," he replied. I put the teabag into my mug and poured some boiling water without turning to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered and caressed my shoulders. I leaned back to his chest and closed my eyes. "I'm alright," I replied quietly. He placed his cheek to my ear and carefully wrapped his arms around me, but only lightly. My body stiffened with a slight tension and he noticed. "You're not, and you know it."
I concentrated on the warm and secure feeling his embrace had given me the days before. It was still there and I clung to it until my body relaxed again. If it had been gone … I probably would've backed away from him. "Aren't you afraid of me?" he finally asked. I opened my eyes and turned around, forgetting about my cup of tea. Placing one hand on one of his cheeks, I felt him twitch as if he was afraid of my touch. I added my other hand and cupped his face. His eyebrows furrowed and he appeared to be insecure how to react. "Show it to me again," I demanded. He shook his head and turned away. "No." I clicked my tongue. "Then how am I supposed to know if you other side really scares me?" I asked harshly. He suddenly appeared on the other side of the kitchen. This vampire speed-thing was breathtaking! "As you wish," he finally acquiesced. His face changed and before I could blink, he stood right in front of me, showing me his fangs. My heart definitely skipped a beat, but I didn't back down. He really looked terrifying and I swallowed hard. "Okay, so I am scared," I breathed. "But I still don't want you to leave," I added and caressed his lips with my fingertips.
He let his face go back to normal. "You are crazy, you know that?" he said and looked at me. "And you've put your life at risk pretty recklessly today. Why?" he asked, sounding miffed. I locked eyes with him. "I did it because I feel something for you which I have never felt before." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "You knew that I would move on, and now you know why I have to leave," he returned. I shook my head. "No, I don't know why. Henson is dead and John is a friend. Where is the problem?" I demanded. He turned away and started pacing on the spot. "Henson was just the first. There will always be hunters like him. Most of them don't care if a vampire indulges completely uninhibited in his gorily instincts or if he keeps his shit together and just fits in. And what about other vampires? At some point, you'll be attacked because you are with me. You will always be in danger as long as we're together!" His voice got louder and louder with each word. I blocked his way. "Then we'll address the problem once it's there, Damon!" I said emphatically. He shook his head. "No! I've done that once and things ended in a complete mess!" He was definitely upset. I sighed and covered my face with my hands. I was ineffably tired and this argument was too energy-sapping for my current state of mind. I tapped the fingertips of one hand against my other palm, signaling that I needed a break. "Time-out, Damon. I can't think straight anymore."
I turned around and headed towards the stairs. "I'm taking a shower," I said softly. When he didn't move, I looked at him. "Aren't you coming?" I asked. "You better go alone," he replied. Exasperated I rolled my eyes and headed upstairs. God, this man could be so difficult, I thought. Okay, my heart stuttered now every time he was close, but it had jumped in his proximity all the time before. I saw through his monstrous mask, and I trusted him, no matter how reckless that sounded. In the bedroom I divested myself and scrutinized my body in the mirror. Apart from dirt and caked blood in my hair, red welts on my wrists and the scraps on my throat were the only signs of tonight's events. Putting my clothes in the hamper, I turned the faucet on and stepped into the shower. The hot spray felt heavenly… When I looked down, I saw a mass of thick red droplets around my feet. Blood! Normally, blood wasn't a problem for me, but this situation was so crazy that I lost my composure and felt sick again. "Aaah… " I moaned and supported myself on the tiled wall, closing my eyes and covering my mouth with one hand. Suddenly I felt hands on me and my eyes tore open. "Look at me. Breathe deeply and look at me." Damon stood in front of me and held my shoulders while he fixed my gaze. I obeyed and recovered quickly. "Turn around and let your head fall back. I'll wash your hair," he whispered. I turned my back to him, tilted my head backwards with closed eyes and let Damon shampoo my hair. Then he rinsed it. "Keep your eyes closed," he ordered and lathered it again. I obeyed, not really wanting to know what he rinsed out of my hair.
After repeating the procedure, he turned me to face him again. "You can open your eyes now," he said. "Thanks," I replied shyly. He frowned and caressed my face. "My world is not for the faint-hearted," he added. "So I noticed," I whispered and left the shower to towel myself. He was still fully clothed, not having taken the time to undress, and now he was drenched like a cat. Quickly he divested himself and took a shower while I dried my hair. Sitting on a stool, I watched him toweling himself afterwards, but compared to the past two days the sight didn't stir any cravings for a change. Wrapping the towel around his waist, he walked out to the bedroom without looking at me. I hung my head. Was this the end? Would he use the incident and my reaction as an excuse to leave right away? I shouldn't be surprised if he did, I thought and slipped into my PJs before I followed him into the bedroom.
When I saw him lying on my bed in his shorts, my heart literally jumped with joy. He patted on the space beside him. "Come here, Helen," he asked softly. I slipped into bed and snuggled close to him, cuddling my face to his chest. "You're still here," I croaked and clamped my hand over my mouth immediately. "I just wanted to say… I mean, I'm not stopping you, if you think you really have to go, do it, but…," I rambled on until he covered my mouth with his hand and looked into my eyes. "Tonight I'm not going anywhere, and tomorrow … we'll see about that," he said softly, but with a serious face. A big lump built in my throat and I couldn't stop my eyes from filling with unshed tears. He raised his index finger. "Ah, ah, ah, don't cry!" he warned me. "Please, don't," he added imploringly. I took a shaky breath and swallowed hard, squinting and wiping my eyes. I wrapped my arms around his body and he pulled up the duvet. We remained like this for a while, snuggling tightly to each other. Finally, I felt something wet on the back of my hand that rested on his left collarbone. When I raised my head, I saw a single tear track shimmering on his left cheek in the dim light which a streetlamp cast through the window.