(Almost) Alone (Helen)

Echo, by Jason Walker

"I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name

like a fool at the top of my lungs.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright,

but it's never enough

'cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back.

My shadow, shadow is the only friend that I have.

I don't wanna be down and

I just wanna feel alive and

get to see your face again, once again.

Just my echo, my shadow,

You're my only friend."

Two months had passed since that fateful afternoon. Damon was gone, had run, from me and from himself. I had been an emotional wreck ever since that day. Going to work, as if nothing had happened, I buried myself afterwards in my home and dwelled on my memories of those four days I've had with him. During the first three weeks, I used to cry myself to sleep with his shirt in my arms. After that, it got a little better, but things like sitting in the sun on my rear porch or ordering take-out at the Italian delivery were quite an ordeal. I threw the delivery menu away, stored the porch furniture away, bought new sheets and rearranged my bedroom completely. It helped only to a limited extent. And I found his traveling bag under my bed. At first, I hesitated to open it, but finally my curiosity got the better of me. Apart from a few clothes, I found a book with a leather binding and a leather strap wrapped around it. It looked like a diary. After I had looked at it for a while, I put it back into the bag. I didn't want to betray his trust by reading it.

If I only knew that he was okay – I didn't have anything, not even a cell phone number. John had visited me a couple of times after he'd heard about Damon's disappearance, but I had been able to reassure him that I was doing okay. Well, considering my physical condition, I was right, even if I had noticed a certain reluctance to have breakfast during the past few days. Mentally, I slowly got the feeling that I was losing it. I saw faces or heard voices when there were none. My dreams were disturbing and felt irrationally vivid, but the craziest thing was that sense of clairvoyance. I had anticipated a crash on the highway right in front of my car twice already, and had been able to get away unharmed. And, there had been those times at the bar when I had known that a bottle or a glass would crash to the floor. I didn't know what to make of it, maybe it was all coincidence, but it was getting spookier by the day.

It was Monday morning, and it was my day off, so I slept long. Strictly speaking, I didn't want to get out of bed. Tossing and turning, I groaned at the bright sunlight which pierced the gap in my drapes. I really could've used sunglasses. Today would be a hot day again and July's sun already burned down on Baton Rouge. Suddenly, my doorbell rang. Who the hell…? I thought and got up to get dressed. The bell rang again. "Hold it, I'm coming," I yelled and ran downstairs. I opened the door and found myself face to face with my mother and my aunt. "Hello, sweetie," Mom greeted me, sounding very chipper, and hugged me. "Mom? Aunt Abby? What are you doing here?" I asked baffled. "Oh, we wanted to see you again and decided spontaneously to come here," my aunt replied and hugged me too. They pushed me back into the house and put their bags down. "How about breakfast, darling?" Mom asked and held a paper bag with deliciously smelling pastries under my nose. Suddenly I felt awfully sick. "Sorry…," I groaned and clamped my hand over my mouth, running upstairs to the bathroom.

I just made it to the toilet bowl before my stomach emptied its contents. On the edge of my awareness I noticed that Mom and Abby had followed me and helped me through this awful nausea. Mom cleaned my face with a warm washcloth and led me back to the bed, sitting down next to me. "How long has this been going on, kid?" my mother asked with a tone in her voice that tolerated no dissent. "A few days," I mumbled, squinting my eyes shut. Aunt Abby had opened the drapes. "The sun, … it's giving me a headache," I groaned. Abby closed them again and sat next to me. I caught the meaningful glance she gave to my mother. Mom cupped my face with her hands and looked at me. "Helen, I'm here because John called me. He's worried about you, and seeing you like this I'd say he's right," she said. "Mom, it's nothing. Maybe it was the Chinese take-out last night," I fended her off. She shook her head. "I don't think so. John said you've been seeing somebody?" she asked. I was surprised. And then, I got angry. "He had no right to tell you anything!" I hissed. She raised an eyebrow with a reproachful look. "No right to tell me that my daughter has fallen for a 174-year-old vampire?"

It felt like the rug had been pulled out underneath me and tears welled up immediately, flowing freely down my face. Abby and Mom wrapped me in their arms without another word. Mom caressed my hair like she had done while I'd still been a child. "It will be okay, sweetie, I promise!" She rocked me softly in her arms. "He's gone," I sobbed. "Hush, it's okay. I know it hurts, but I'm here for you now," she whispered and held me tight. I finally let go and cried my heart out. The awful load of two months of suppressed feelings slowly dissipated and at some point I had no more tears left. Mom combed my hair back with her fingers and Abby gave me a tissue. I blew my nose and looked at them with red-rimmed eyes. "How… how do you know about, um… well, vampires?" I asked carefully. "First of all, you need some tea for your stomach and a light breakfast. We'll tell you afterwards, okay?" Mom suggested. I held my hands up, but she soothed me. "I know what I'm doing, child, believe me you'll keep it down. Now, get up and let's go down into your kitchen!" She stood and pulled me up with a smile. Together we went downstairs.

She made me sit down and fixed a tea for me and some coffee for Abby and herself. "Why not coffee, Mom?" I whined and sniffed the wonderful scent longingly. "Because it irritates your stomach too much. Tea will be better for you." Then she started making breakfast for me - porridge with a grated apple in it and a bit of honey. "Here, give it a try, Helen." I inhaled the scent carefully, but it didn't cause any nausea so I tried a spoonful. It worked, I kept it down. "Fine, now you've got something you can eat in the morning," she said. Slowly I polished the porridge off while I listened to her. "Helen, you are an adult and can live your life anyway you want, but there are a few things you should know regarding your vampire boyfriend," she started. I shook my head. "He isn't my boyfriend," I murmured. "He vanished two months ago." She gave Aunt Abby a baffled glance. "You don't know where he is?" she asked. "No," I replied. She pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers and squinted her eyes. For my mother, this was a sign of highest disconcertment.

I pushed my bowl to the side and looked at her. "Mom, what's going on here? For months, we've only talked on the phone and suddenly you're on my doorstep with Aunt Abby, telling me you know about vampires. John knew it, Dad knew it – why do I get the feeling that I was left out all the time?" I also put my cup of tea to the side. Mom stood at the window and looked outside. "When your dad and I got married, he'd already been Mystic Falls' sheriff for a while. His family and mine had lived there for a long time and we both knew that the town had always been a reservoir for supernatural creatures. But he didn't know that vampire blood had run in my family for a long time." My eyes widened. "We are a family of witches, Helen. I am a witch, Abby is a witch and you will also be one. The witch-gene is passed down the female lineage." Again, I felt as if a rug had been pulled out underneath me. "A few of our ancestors had fallen in love with vampires, just like you. Due to our magic powers, a woman named Elspeth Corey managed to give birth to a vampire's child three hundred years ago and all descendants of that child inherited the same ability."

I could feel the blood draining from my cheeks. This was… was this the reason for the nausea I'd felt during the past few days? I had no chance to ponder on it, because Aunt Abby continued Mom's explanations. "After your father's death, you've suffered so much, you've been badly traumatized, that we blocked your latent witch powers and asked a vampire friend to change your memory. We wanted you to have a normal life, sweetie. We never thought that you of all would ever meet a vampire!" There was no doubt anymore. I was pregnant – and Damon was the father! Unconsciously, my hands covered my still flat womb. "He doesn't know," I blurted and I looked at my mother. "He doesn't know that it's possible, and he won't believe me!" She put her hand on mine. "Then don't tell him, Helen. Just think, what could a child mean to him?" she said. I pulled my hands away. "I can't withhold this, he's got the right to know!" She got up. "Helen Corey, do you know Damon Salvatore at all? He's a monster, the man has left hundreds of corpses behind in more than 150 years!" I shook my head. "No, that's not the man I know," I said. "You know only one side of him. There are vampires who fear him, lots of witches who hate him because he's killed their kin and he has extraordinary powers, even for a vampire!" I got up too. "I know more of him than you think. You want to know why he left? Because he almost lost control of his blood thirst with me."

She scrutinized me. "You've exchanged blood during sex?" she asked. Unfortunately, I blushed. "Why do you ask?" I grumbled. "Because that is the trigger for the generative magic that enables you to conceive a vampire child," she replied. "Each time?" I inquired. She shook her head. "No, only if you have sex meanwhile. Apart from that, vampires can't procreate." I let a mirthless chuckle. "Damon said the same thing," I whispered to myself and placed my hands on my belly. I would protect my child, I swore to myself. Abby put a hand on my arm. "It's a secret and has to remain undetected. Imagine if some power greedy vampire would get a whiff of it. He would try to use us like breeding mares." I shivered. Now, I was the one to scrutinize my mother. A thought had crossed my mind. "Who was my real father?" I asked quietly. "Your daddy…," she started, but I interrupted her. "Who was it, Mom? I did eavesdrop on Dad's colleagues at the precinct. They talked about the man I shot back then. Did I kill my own … begetter?" I raised my voice in the end. She shook her head. "No, your biological father was a vampire named Ian Slater. The one you've killed was a madman. A vampire, yes, but insane." The thought comforted me a lot.

"Have you loved Ian?" I asked and she nodded. "He was a smart and funny young man at Richmond's university. I loved him a lot, but he was so curious. I had to maintain a certain distance to keep my secret, but he misunderstood it completely." A sad expression crept on her face. "You knocked him off?" I dug deeper. "Yes, and when I got together with Rafael, I didn't know I was pregnant already. I had just quit the relationship with Ian one month earlier. When I noticed it, I talked to your father. Unlike Ian, he knew that I was a witch. We decided to get married and to raise you as his child." I turned to the window and stared outside. The sun was still shining onto my porch. My mother put an arm around my shoulders. "I know this must be very hard on you, but I promise, I will be there for you." I just nodded. "Will my baby be a normal child?" I asked her. "Yeah, I think so. Most of the children show none or only weak vampiric traits. You, for example, have always been a fast runner," she said with a smile. "What about blood thirst?" I inquired. My exchange with Damon crossed my mind again. "Some of us are pretty turned on by the blood exchange. Did you feel this way?" she asked softly. I blushed throroughly. "Yes," I whispered. She kissed my cheek. "I love you, Helen, no matter what you feel for him. I'll stay as long as you want my advice and then I'll go back home." I turned around and hugged her fiercely. "Thanks, Mom!"