Quinn lazily handed Dug some bacon bits. They had bonded a little when Quinn rushed to protect him from Rachel's vegan plans. Dug happily licked her hand clean of the bits. Rachel never did this for him. Feed him this good stuff. Dug decided that he liked Quinn a little. This stuff was addictive!
"Hey do you want anything?" Rachel asked, stepping into the living room and standing over Quinn, who was lying face down on the couch. "I'm making snacks for when Bailey's coming over. Do you want anything specific?"
Quinn lolled her head in Rachel's direction. She was so bored today. Hearing the question, Quinn couldn't resist.
"Make me a sandwich, woman."
Rachel gasped and smacked Quinn's backside several times.
"Hey! Ow! Ow! Woman, I protest such violence! Stop at once!"
"You know what, just because of your rude comment, I'm choosing our costumes for Halloween this year."
Now it was Quinn's turn to gasp.
"No!"
"Yes."
"You can't."
"Live with it. As much as I like dressing up as food, I'd prefer something more a little more creative."
"But I thought you liked dressing up as bacon!"
"No, you like it. And call me 'woman' again, I dare you, and you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."
"My apologies . . . civilian."
Rachel shook her head in disbelief. "You're having a laugh, aren't you? Well, have your fun because when Bailey comes here, you better start speaking normal English."
"Are you ashamed of thy wife?"
Rachel pinched her nose and closed her eyes. Honestly, the things Quinn made up.
"Just how long are you going to speak like that?"
"As long as the sun rises in the east."
"Ugh, whatever Quinn, just help me with the snacks and dinner."
"Anything for a beautiful goddess such as yourself." Quinn got up and followed Rachel into the kitchen.
"I thought I was a civilian."
"Hm, me too, but then I remembered how awesome your butt is." Quinn said as she slapped Rachel's butt.
"Wha—hey!" Rachel turned around and lightheartedly pushed Quinn's shoulders and tried hard not to smile. She failed. "I swear, you only want me for my body, you perv."
"A perv that really likes your butt," Quinn said as she placed both of her hands on Rachel's butt and drew her close. Rachel rested her hands on Quinn's shoulders. Quinn was about to dive in for a kiss, but was then reminded of a certain seventeen year-old when she heard a loud shriek.
"Aiiiieeeaaaahhh! My eyes!" Claire cried as she covered her face with her hands. She had gone to the kitchen to help her mommy with the snacks, not to see a make-out session. And are those—oh my God, oh my God—are those her mom's hands on mommy's butt.
She glared at Quinn for putting such a sight for her eyes. "Stop that mom! Are you trying to mentally scar me for life?"
Without even looking at her, Quinn muttered out a "yes," before puckering her lips at her wife and dabbing multiple kisses on Rachel's mouth. Rachel, who was trying to dodge Quinn's loving attacks, started giggling.
"Stop Quinn, you dog."
Quinn grinned and let out a "woof." So did Dug.
Claire's mouth fell open and she was about to reprimand her parents about their shameless acts of affection when the doorbell suddenly rang.
"Oh thank God!" Claire felt all her irritation drain as she happily bounced to the front door. Quinn slightly pulled away from Rachel and watched her daughter in amusement.
"She's just like you: scary and volatile."
Rachel placed her head on Quinn's shoulder and hummed in agreement.
"Bailey seems like a nice kid, don't you think? Someone to calm Claire," Rachel mused.
Quinn didn't know what spurred drove her to say it, but it was too late by the time she uttered, "Yeah, Finn seemed like a nice kid, too."
Rachel then gave her this unreadable expression, and Quinn momentarily wondered if she had said something completely wrong, but then the front door closed, and Claire, along with Bailey, was making their way to them.
Rachel immediately put on her Broadway smile on. Quinn knew that that particular topic would continue soon, so she put on a relatively polite face.
Rachel strode toward Bailey and Claire with the biggest smile she had that betrayed the tension she had inside.
"It's so nice to see you! We missed you." Rachel firmly hugged Bailey as Bailey replied with an equally friendly response. When Rachel pulled back, Quinn stepped forward.
When she hugged Bailey, she couldn't resist going back to her old habits.
"If I ever see you on top of my daughter I will end you," Quinn whispered while hugging Bailey. Bailey audibly gulped. Quinn pulled back and said, in a louder, much more cheerful voice, "Glad you're back, kid! It's good to see you again!"
"Uh, t-thank you," Bailey stuttered.
"Aww, it's good to see some love between you two," Rachel said, unaware of Quinn's whispered threat.
Claire was giving Quinn a suspicious look, which Quinn ignored.
"Okay!" Claire took Bailey's hand. "We're going to hang out in my room, so if you'll excuse us." She propelled Bailey out of the living room, much to Bailey's relief and Quinn's apprehension, and up the stairs to her room.
Rachel sighed before picking up Dug, who was quietly rolling around on the floor, and sat on the nearby couch, rubbing his back. She wordlessly patted the seat next to her. Although Quinn wanted nothing but to run in the opposite direction, she obliged to Rachel's request.
"What was that back there?" Rachel casually asked.
Quinn dodged what Rachel was really talking about and said, "I was nice to Bailey."
Rachel sweetly smiled at her wife. Quinn internally recoiled in fear.
"No, before that, Quinn."
Quinn obtusely stared at Rachel. It was much easier to look at Rachel if she pretended it was a stare contest, so that's what she did. Pretended. Rachel rolled her eyes. She cut in to the heart of the matter.
"Do you really think Bailey's capable of being like Finn? Is that what you meant?" Rachel quietly asked, afraid that Claire and Bailey would hear her despite the slim chances of it.
"Well, yeah." Quinn carefully chose her words for the next few sentences. "I mean, Finn had that innocent all American baby face, and he was charming and nice. At first. Then I don't know what happened, but he became a total douche bag. So yeah, I think I have the right to be suspicious of Claire's girlfriend, even though she is a girl. It's not just boys that hurt, you know? I . . . I hurt you, too." There it was again. Quinn's shame and guilt.
"Oh Quinn . . ." Rachel pushed Dug to the side and engulfed Quinn in a warm embrace. "Oh Quinn. You shouldn't ever compare yourself to him. Or anyone. But especially him. He's nothing compared to you. You're so much better."
Quinn relaxed a little at Rachel's affirmation.
"I don't want it to happen to Claire," Rachel said as she kept her hold on Quinn.
"Never," Quinn agreed.
Rachel loosened her hug to look at Quinn in the eyes. "But how would we prevent it?"
"We could always hire a hit man."
"I'm serious Quinn."
Quinn huffed. "Well, we could do it the old-fashioned way and stalk—I mean investigate her. Or, like, come up with some experiments or questionnaires."
"Hey, that's not so bad. Yeah. We should do that. And hey!" Rachel suddenly slapped Quinn's shoulder in excitement. "We could get Sam and the others in on it, too! Oh my God, this could be like our new hobby or something!"
"Yeah." Quinn smiled contently, happy that she wasn't punished and instead praised by Rachel. She had expected Rachel to give her a lecture on her comment about Finn, but things somehow worked out.
"Give me a draft of your plans by next week! Processed and fully-developed, Quinn!"
Quinn grinned.