At half-time (Helen)

Twice, by Little Dragon

"Twice I turn my back on you

I fell flat on my face but didn't loose

Tell me where would I go

Tell me what led you on I'd love to know"

Mom had stayed until the end of September and Aunt Abby had gone back home after my training had started. We had decided to re-activate my witch powers since they had become more prevalent. I had learned a lot about my family and its history, about my powers and how to use them. John had trained me on how to defeat vampires, especially by using vervain and wooden weapons. Close combat training would've been too dangerous for me, but John had trained me anyhow, as far as it had been possible. Apart from this, I kept myself fit with some light running and gymnastics. My mother had run with me since John had lost me a couple of times. Speed seemed to be our common vampire inheritance. She had also accompanied me to all screenings and shared her experiences of such a pregnancy with me. Everything seemed to be okay, the baby was growing as it should, only the gender remained hidden, as if my child wanted to keep this a secret.

Meanwhile John had made some inquiries about Damon. He had even talked to Liz Forbes a couple of times, but Damon hadn't returned to Mystic Falls. Of course he hadn't told her why he was searching for him. John also believed that Damon should know about the child. „You haven't seen the way he's looked at her, Jessica, but I have. Believe me, he would've rather died than hurting her!" he had exclaimed once during a rather lively debate between him and Mom about Damon. I knew what Mom was thinking. She only saw the danger Damon presented for her grandchild, but I was convinced that he should at least have the choice if he wanted to see his baby. I just hoped that I would be able to convince him that this was really his child, and that I hadn't had an affair. An affair – this sounded so weird. I mean, we hadn't any relationship at all, but still I was ruined for any other man. At the bar, I had to gotten quite a few proposals, but ever since my pregnancy had started to show they had stopped altogether.

Well, my job was another thing. I had talked to Jake about everything and he had expressed his joy about the baby, but I knew that he knew I would have trouble with working hours in the future. He had promised me that I could return any time after birth if I could find adequate care. My mom and I had talked about it and she had offered to move in with me if things couldn't be solved otherwise. I should've been able to relax, but I couldn't. I was still worried about Damon. For the umpteenth time, I tried to imagine what had gone through his mind back then. He didn't seem to be the guilt-ridden type, so why hadn't he come back after calming down again? I assumed that he'd taken the incident as a reason to move on. He probably had argued with himself for a while, but finally he must've taken into account that he would hurt me. And he had hurt me, quite so. I hadn't been mad at him, no, I'd felt a towering rage! I had calmed down after a while, but if I would ever meet him again, I wouldn't guarantee for anything.

When I came home on October 25, in the early morning hours after my nightshift, I saw my answering machine blinking with a message. Freeing my swollen feet from my shoes, I listened to the recording. „Helen, this is John. Please call me back, I've got news for you. Bye." My heart jumped. News about Damon? It was five in the morning and didn't want to wake John in case he'd had a late shift, so I refrained from calling him right away. Brewing a cup of tea with the herbs my mom had given me, I peeled a banana and made myself comfortable on the couch. I put my feet up and sipped at my tea. Aah, that was just great! I sighed. Around half past six, my phone rang again. Shit, I must've fallen asleep on the couch. As fast as I could I got up and hurried to the phone. „Hello?" I said a little breathless. „Helen! Have you been running?" John asked. „Oh John," I sighed, „you can't imagine what it's like to feel so immobile." I heard a soft laughter on the other side. „Oh, I can, believe me. I remember the time when my wife was at the same stage with Jason," he replied. „What are the news, John?" I asked him curiously.

„I'm not sure if it helps, but during the past six months I've checked traffic control videos and passenger lists of incoming flights regularly, hoping he would return to Baton Rouge." I hung my head. Damon hadn't even passed through during the past months. „Last night, an Elena Gilbert arrived at the airport, rented a car and the return ticket is scheduled in three days. According to my files she's the girlfriend of his brother Stefan." My heart was beating loud as thunder now. „How can I find her?" I asked excitedly. „You can't, but I can ask Liz Forbes to tell her to report at the precinct because of exceeded speed limit." I could hear a smile in his voice and gulped. „You would really do that?" I asked with a shaky voice. „It's worth a try, sweetie. I'll call again with the answer, okay?" I nodded, and realized that he couldn't see it. „Yes, please do it. And, thank you so much, John," I replied. „Helen, I don't know if she will be any help at all. Please remember this when you talk to her. I don't even know how they are interrelated," he urged me. „He's been in love with her once," I replied quietly. „Well, this could help," he returned. „I'll call you, Helen." „Later, John," I replied and hung up.

I took the handset upstairs and sat on the bed to get rid of my socks. When one fell to the floor, I had to crouch down to pick it up and saw Damon's bag underneath my bed. Remembering the diary in it, I took the bag and opened it on the bed. Hesitantly, I rummaged for the book and finally put it on the nightstand. Then I undressed and went to the bathroom. After I returned, I put on my PJs and made myself comfortable on the bed, together with the diary. I decided to read it after all, maybe I could learn a little more about Damon. On the first page, I found his first entry.

„I'm not going to write ‚dear diary', that sucks. After all, I'm convinced that all this writing is bullshit and a waste of time. My first entry will probably be my last."

I flipped through it. He had made sporadic entries, sometimes with sometimes without a date. It seemed he really didn't care keeping a diary. Then, a more elaborate entry.

„Elena is driving me nuts. She can't be convinced that Stefan has totally gone bonkers. The trail of blood he's been leaving in several states for two months now is huge. He's ripping the bodies of his victims apart while in frenzy and puts them together again afterwards. Typical case of guilt. Although, he shouldn't feel a thing since Klaus has compelled him. Somehow he manages to keep a tiny bit of his humanity. I think it's his link to Elena. However, Klaus has succeeded. The Monterrey ripper is back!

I shivered while reading this. Damon's brother must've gone through a gruesome time as a killer. A few pages up I found the next interesting entry.

„I love her! God, how I love her! We've been to Denver, visiting Jeremy. She kissed me – she me, not I her! If damned little Gilbert hadn't interrupted… I love her, I will always love her…"

The entry brought a smile to my face. He sounded so happy, so hopeful. I continued skimming the pages and after a few more, darkness found its way back.

„Tomorrow we'll be in the lion's den. We can only hope that Rebecca will really pick up Klaus' body at the warehouse and that Alaric stays clear. Alaric, my old friend and drinking buddy – what did she do to you? The witch has transformed you into a monster, worse than all of us together! Without a spark of humanity! I really, really hope I won't have to fight you!"

My head came up. What had he told me back then? „I fought with Alaric, a hunter." He really had to fight his friend? I flipped the page and found an almost unreadable entry on the next page.

„Klaus is dead. She left me alone to die."

The next was more readable:

„Alaric is dead! But Elena isn't dead – she's one of us now! I should thank Meredith on my knees and kiss her hands! Poor Elena, she never wanted to be a vampire, and now she has to make a decision! Stefan is completely off rails. Idiot, he can't even look at her and comfort her, that's how much he hates it that his sweet and lovely Elena will be a vampire like us! It's all his fault! I love her anyhow – no matter what she is!"

Good Lord, I thought, what an uproar that must've been inside him. First, the fight with his former best friend, and then the woman he loves leaves him alone to die, and dies herself later on. And now this! On the next page, I read:

„She remembers – everything. Everything I've made her forget. She's confused, she can't think straight. I'm still hoping."

And then:

„I lost her. For a moment, I believed that I was allowed to be happy together with her. She knows how much I love her, but her love for me isn't strong enough to leave Stefan. I have to go. This ain't my home anymore. If it only wouldn't hurt so much…"

Ouch! There it was – the finishing blow. At the moment he could hope to win her love, she rejected him. It was so sad. I paged up, searching for more entries, but there were none. Just by coincidence, I flipped to one of the last pages.

„Last night I've met an enchanting young woman. Reminds a bit of Rose. I saved her in a raid. She's strong and vulnerable, all at once. I've slept with her, it was incredible. So much passion and compassion. I don't know her at all, but I feel safe with her. As if she could never hurt me. Maybe I'm only imagining it?"

The last entry made me catch my breath.

„I need to write this down or my heart will burst. I think I'm falling in love – head over heels! I trust her. I can let myself fall when I'm around her. I don't want to miss her anymore. If it wasn't for my secret … I don't think I can stay!"

A tear rolled down my cheek. His last entry confirmed what I had only guessed back then. We had both fallen for each other at first sight. My determination to find him grew once more. Just like my womb, I thought and gasped when I sat up. My phone rang. „Hello?" I answered it. „Helen, this is John again. She'll be at the precinct today at noon. Are you coming?" he asked. „Of course, John. See you later," I replied and hung up. I would meet Elena. The woman who had broken his heart. What would she be like? I was really curious, but she was a vampire and I would have to take precautions.