Jen and Tilly share a few more text messages .. Arranging to meet the day after ...

Tilly was at work contemplating if meeting Jen was a good idea..

You ok ? Smiled Tilly's friend Ben..

Ben and Tilly had attended Uni together .. Once Tilly got her placement she pulled strings to get Ben a job ...

Mmmm" smiled Tilly .. Just been a busy day "

Well we both get off in half hour " how about we go for a drink ?

Tilly but her lip .. I can't tonight .. I have somewhere I need to be "

Oh do tell ? Ben grinned ..

It's nothing exciting .. Tilly shrugged .. I'm uh.. Just catching up with a friend..

Friend friend ? Or a friiiiiend friend " ? Ben teased ..

Tilly rolled her eyes " you do remEmber I have a girlfriend ?

Ben screwed his face up .. " yeah so What's that got to do with anything ?

Bennnnnnn" Tilly fumed ..

Ok ok .. I won't push .. He smiled leaning into Tilly's ear .. Just let me know the gossip tomorrow yeah ?

Tilly slapped his arm playfully ... Stop it ..

Ben winked and headed off to finish his rounds ..

Tilly slouched down in her chair .. Rolling a pen over her top lip...

Was Sarah's idea really a good one ?

Would seeing or speaking to Jen be the right thing to do ?

As she weighed up the pros and cons her phone beeped ..

Hey "

Are we still on for tonight ? J

Tilly stomach fluttered ..

She sighed heavily .. Butterflies at the sight of her name" she moaned to herself ... How am I gonna get through the evening ?

Tilly wondered if maybe it was better to cancel .. This would be the ideal time to make an excuse ..

Maybe she could say she had to work ? An emergency ?

She tapped her phone in her hand for a few seconds ..

Or we could rearrange if your busy? came another message ..

Tilly bit her lip .. It was her idea to meet .. She couldn't really cancel ..

I'll be there x T

Once she sent the message her felt a little sick ..

In the next hour or so she would be face to face with the women who makes her heart skip a beat ..

Jen rushed home from work .. She wanted to give the flat a bit of a clean ..

Quickly running the Hoover over .. And plumping the pillows ..

Double checking every room was tidy ..

Feeling please with herself she jumped in the shower ..

Wondering what she should wear ?

Does she go casual ?

Should she dress to impress ?

The constant questions she was throwing at herself were making her nervous ..

Jen settled on a blouse and a flowery skirt..

Let Tilly think she had been in it all day .. She didn't want to look like she had made an effort ..

Checking herself in the mirror as she applied some lip gloss .. She cringed .. Stroking her neck .. Cara had left a mark on her skin ..

Jen tried to hide it with make up and then lifted her collar .. Hoping it was enough

Ok .. Jen sighed straightening her skirt ..

Done...

Tilly was due at 7pm.. As Jen pulled the wine out the fridge she noticed Tilly was late ..

Maybe she changed her mind ?

Maybe she didn't want to see Jen again?

Jen poured a large glass of wine . Sinking in it one gulp ..

It was 7.10pm ..

She isn't coming " Jen sulked to herself ..

She isn't coming ...

Just when Jen gave up hope there was a knock at the door ...

Jen sunk more wine .. Inhaling deeply exhaling fast ..

Hi" Tilly smiled as Jen opened the door ..

Hey . Jen replied opening the door to allow Tilly to come inside ...

Can I uh ... Get you a drink? Jen asked nervously ..

Coffee would be good" Tilly smiled ..

Jen nodded flicking on the kettle ...

So how are you?

I'm ok.. Tilly nodded .. You?

Yeah .. Jen grinned .. I'm fine ..

Yeah I uh...see that " Tilly pointed to Jens neck ..

Oh no " Jen panicked holding her hand over the mark ..

Its not what you think! .. I mean it is what it looks like but it's ...

It's none of my business Jen" Tilly interrupted..

Jen felt deflated .. She didn't want Tilly to think she had quickly moved on from cara ..

Cara came round .. She began .. She uh... I don't know I .. I guess she thought that if she gave me a few days to calm down everything would be back to the way they were ..

Jen you really don't have to explain ..

I know .. I want to.. Jen continued..

She kind of caught me off guard .. Needless to say I quickly came to my senses and sent her on her way.

so your not back together ? Tilly asked

God no .. Jen laughed under her breath .. Cara and I are defiantly over ..

Jen pondered for a few seconds remembering what cara had disclosed to her ..

Tilly Listen .. Cara she uh.. She told me som...

Can we not ? Tilly stopped her .. I don't want to talk about her .. Or Jane .

Jen realised maybe this wasn't the time to tell Tilly ..

Ok... What did you want to talk about ?

Tilly swallowed .. I don't know .. If I'm honest I don't really know why I'm here .. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore .. I know you said we can't be "just friends " and your right ..

Jen handed Tilly a coffee and sat on her sofa leaving enough room for Tilly to join her ...

Tilly hoovered for a moment before taking a seat on the opposite sofa

Jen I uh .. I've been feeling a little lost lately .. Tilly began .. I don't know what's happening to me ..

My friend Sarah told me I need to start thinking of me That's kind of why I'm here ..

She uh .. She's gave me food for thought ..

About? Jen asked

Tilly rolled her eyes .. God about everything .. My life .. Me .. Jane ... Me and Jane ...and You ..

Me? Jen gaped ..

Tilly nodded .. Jen I don't know how this happened..

I mean we haven't known each other long .. And yet I feel like I've known you my whole life .. I've told you things about me that not even Jane knows ...

I can help but feel I'm being disloyal to Jane ... everytime I'm with you .. I feel like I'm doing wrong

Jen sighed .. Tilly .. We have a connection that's obvious .. But we haven't done anything wrong

I have Jen .. I have .. I'm doing wrong ..

No Tilly .. Your not .. Yes we are attracted to each other .. Jen admitted ..

But so what ? We haven't done anything physically wrong ..

Physically no .. But for who long ? Tilly asked shaking her head .. But what about mentally ? Mentally I have .. mentally I cheat on Jane every day ..

Every time I'm with you Like this

Every time I think about you .. Every time Jen .. Every time you cross my mind .. I cheat ..

Tilly got off the sofa and began to pace the floor ..

I can't do this .. She moaned shaking her hands at her side ..

I can't cope with what this is doing to me .. How I feel .. How you make me feel ..

How quickly this has happened.. She added standing still looking fully at Jen ..

I need to know Jen.. Is this one sided?

Or Do you have any of this going on ?

Jen cleared her throat .." Of coarse I do .. I feel the same way ..

And I hate myself for it ..

Part of me wishes we never met ..

The other part of me kicked myself for ending things with cara because it meant I might not see you again ..

Spending time with you made me realise that I don't want " friends with benefits " I don't want someone to call when I'm bored ...

someone I can come home to at night .. I want someone I can cuddle up with ..

I want someone to want me .. All of me .. I can't stop myself from feeling the way I do about you Tilly ...

I think about you all the time .. Tilly muttered honestly ..

Jen nodded ...I don't want you to feel pressured ..

Pressured ? Tilly shook her head .. I'm standing here fighting with myself

Tilly said ... I have to use all the strength I have not to grab hold of you and kiss you !

Jens eyes widened ..

Tilly's honestly had taken her by surprise

She had to tell Tilly about Jane and cara .. She knew Tilly needed to know .. At least then she wouldn't keep beating herself up for having the feelings she did ..

Tilly look.. There's something you need to know ... Jen swallowed ..

Please Jen .. I need to say this ..Tilly pleaded ..

I need you know what in feeling And I need you to understand why I can't act on them ..

Jen felt annoyed that Tilly was thinking of Jane and putting her own feelings aside .. When Jane didn't deserve it ..

Please Tilly...

Tilly sat next to Jen linking her fingers with her own ..

I dreamt about you .. Tilly smiled looking at there hands entwined together ..

I dreamt about what it would feel like to touch you .. To kiss you ... To make lo... Tilly sighed ...

I need to know how you feel Jen ? .. I need to know your not just looking for a "good time"

And that all this isn't for nothing ?

Jen knew this wasn't the time to tell Tilly ... She worried Tilly would think she's only told her in hope Tilly would stop caring about Jane and give in to her ..

Tilly ... Jen sniffed... I think you're amazing .. I've never met anyone that makes me smile the way you do .. You give me butterflies .. I'm certainly not in the habit of getting involved with unavailable women for a "good time"

And it's hard for me too.. It's hard to have all this going on knowing I have no chance ..

Tilly squeezed Jens hands .. ..

Jane and I can't survive this .. Not now ..

What are you saying " Jen gasped learning Closer to Tilly ..

I'm saying that ... I have to end things with Jane ... Tilly explained shaking her head ..

It's unfair ... I can't trust myself .. I'm fighting now but for how long ?

Jen .. I want you and .. And I know it's only a matter of time before I can't control myself ..

Jens heart was racing .. Her internal monologue was screaming at her to tell Tilly .. Tell her .. Tell her ...

Tilly .. Jane doesn't deserve yo..

I know she doesn't .. Tilly butted in .. And that's why I have to do what's right .. I need to tell her the truth ..

No Tilly .. No you don't .. She ...

Tilly placed her finger on Jens mouth to stop her talking ...

It's ok .. The red head smiled ... It's not for you to worry about .. It's on me ...

But for now ... For now I just want to forget about all that .. Pretend it isn't an issue ..

Tilly placed her head on the back of the sofa stroking Jens hand ...

Can we just hang out ? Like this ?

Jen was so close .. Why couldn't she just say the words ? Why did she keep letting Tilly interrupt her ?

Jen smiled leaning back on the sofa pulling her legs up so that her and Tilly were almost snuggling ..

I'd like that ...

The pair spent a lot of the evening just holding hands staring at each other .. The silence wasn't uncomfortable .. And the need to make conversation wasn't there ..

Jen woke realising her and Tilly must have fallen asleep ..

Tilly was curled up to Jens side .. She looked so beautiful .. Her hair hanging loosely over her eyes ...

Jen checked the time it was almost 12.30am ...

She say watching Tilly sleep contemplating whether to wake the red head all not ..

She knew if she woke her there was a chance Tilly might leave .. And that was something Jen wasn't ready for ..

Pulling the blanket that lay across the back of the sofa over the pair of them .. Jen gently moved Tilly's head so they could both be comfortable ..

Lying with Tilly in her arms felt right ..

She felt like she was hers ..

Jen decided that in the morning she would tell Tilly about Jane and cara hoping upon hope Tilly doesn't hate her for it ...