Tilly frowned... She had never seen jane look so worried ..
Maybe tonight wasn't the best time for them to talk" Tilly thought..
Tilly took a seat like Jane asked... So what're wrong!?
Jane swallowed.. Her breathing slightly erratic... Ok..um...so I wanted us to talk..
Tilly nodded... Was Jane feeling the same way? Maybe now was the right time...
Yeah... Yeah we do...
Tilly firstly I want you to know that I love you... I love you more then anything else in this world.. And I know lately we've been going though a rough patch and it's been hard...
But well I know we can work it out ... I just know we can...
Tilly forced a smile...how was she going to find the courage to tell jane her feelings were shifting...
Tilly the last week months have been difficult and I know a lot of it's my fault.. Jane continued... I push you to commit to me when I can't even so much as be honest with my family about us... About me... Who I am...
Tilly sat silently... Feeling slightly bad that jane was beating herself up about their struggles when she knew deep down that their problems really started the day she met Jen...
Jane signed... I don't know... In theory it's easy.. I tell myself they love me and will Except what I am... But when it comes to it ... I'm just afraid...
It's ok jane" Tilly muttered... I get it... Your not ready...
Jane smiled... Tilly things have happened and I... I can't understand how or why... We've been together 2 years and I've always felt like we can get through anything... What ever is thrown at us we've always worked our way though it ... Together... Right?..
I believe that's still the case... Because what we have is special... It's pure and real..
Tilly frowned... What's going on jane? She asked confused as to why jane would be saying such things...
Jane got up from the chair and began pacing the floor... "Sometimes in life people do things that they can't control... Like it's not really them ya know?
They know it's wrong but it's like ... I don't know .. Some out of body experience ... Like your looking in rather then taking part...
What is? Tilly asked confused .. Who are you talking about ? What are you talking about?
I'm talking about me"jane sniffed... I talking about things I can't control ...things I've done...
Tilly rolled her eyes folding her arms... Jane I'm really getting tired of talking about your family.. You don't want to tell them' that's fine.. It's you who has to live the lie... If your ok to do so then...
I'm not talking about my family" jane interrupted .. I'm talking about...
As the moment came to admit her wrong doings jane froze... This was the moment that could change her life forever... Was she ready?'
Then what? Tilly asked getting annoyed
Jane shrugged... Do you love me Tilly?
Tilly shook her head walking into the kitchen... What sort if questions that?
A question I want the answer to" jane replied following the red head... I want to know if you love me...
Of coarse I do... Tilly sighed..
Like you use to? Jane asked... As much as you use to?
Tilly had her back to jane ... She closed her eyes giving herself a moment... This was it.. She had to tell the truth...
It's been hard... She answered... We've been strained... Things haven't be right between us...
Yes... Exactly .. That's exactly it.. Jane agreed... And when that happens all things go through a persons head... Ive been feeling really down about it lately..
Your always at work..
Tilly turned to jane" so our problems are my fault?
What? Jane frowned... No ..no of coarse not it's just...Tilly I feel like I'm losing you...
I feel lost... Like I'm in limbo...like I don't know what's happening .. Like your not with me..
So you are blaming me? Tilly sulked...
Jane shook her head sitting down at the kitchen table... I'm blaming myself... Tilly I've... I've done something stupid ... So stupid... Something that's way out of character for me...
I've been trying to work out how it happened... What I was thinking ...I feel sick every time I think about it...
Tilly's heart began to race... She could see from janes face this was serious...
Jane'?
Jane began to cry... I'm so sorry Tilly... I love you so much... Your my world... There is nothing I want more then you...
What have you done? Tilly asked...
Jane shook her head.. Her tears flowing uncontrollably... I'm so sorry..
Jane... Tilly said asked again... What are you sorry for?
I never meant for this to happen... She sobbed... I was so drunk .. I can't even remember it... Everything's a blur... It just ... I just I... I...
You what jane? Tilly shouted... What did you do?
I cheated .. Jane screamed ... I cheated...
Tilly's jaw dropped... Shock set in... At first she thought she heard wrong... Then the words slowly replayed in her head...
You... She swallowed the lump in her throat... You cheated ?
Jane placed her hands over her face... I'm so so sorry.. She's sobbed...
Tilly was confused ... Her girlfriend had revealed she's cheated and yet Tilly weirdly felt calm... There was no sick feeling... No knot in her stomach .. No tears .. No jealously...
Relief? Was that what's she was feeling? Had jane saved her from the job of ending the relationship ..
Talk to me Tilly... Came Janes voice ...please?
Who? Tilly asked..
Does it matter? Jane asked...
Yeah... Yeah it does...
This is my fault... I did this... I'm the one in wrong...
I said... Who with? Tilly fumed... Becoming angry as it sinks in... She had fought her physical urge for Jen for so long... It actually hurt .. And her feel was it was all for nothing
Tilly please...jane begged.. It meant nothing
I said who with? Tilly shouted ..
Cara... Jane cried..
Tilly gasped... Her heart hitting her stomach...
She began to laugh... No way... No ... You wouldn't..
I'm sorry... Jane sniffed...
When?
Jane knew she had to be honest if she had any chance if saving her relationship ..
At the wedding ..
When I was there? Tilly gasped..
Jane shook her head... The day...night after.. When you left... Jen left...
We were both pissed off... We got drunk it was... We were so so drunk... We both knew the next Day it was a mistake..
Oh...Tilly nodded.. That makes it alright then doesn't it?
Babe please... Jane begged reaching out to touch Tilly..
Don't you dare... Tilly warned... Don't you touch me...
How could you..? Her I understand... She'll go with anyone... But you ... Your meant to be in a relationship..
I know.. Jane cried... I was all over the place... I was lonely... I felt like I was losing you... I hardly saw you... You worked long hours... You were staying at your flat a lot ..
So your blaming me for the fact your a cheat? Tilly fumed..
No... No but... I was a mess... I needed something.. Someone.. You weren't there...
Oh.. Tilly laughed.. So you fancied a fuck and she was on hand to give it to you!?
Jane shook her head." I didnt mean that.. I meant emotionally.. ..
I'm lost Tilly... I'm lonely... Our sex life was non existent all most ... I felt like you weren't here... Like I'd lost you..
Tilly grab her keys off the side..."well you got one thing right... You have lost me... I really hope she was worth it...
Tilly no... Tilly please... Tilly.. Jane called out as she chased Tilly through the flat pulling her arm to stop her...
Babe please... Don't say that.. I'll do anything.. Anything you want...
No jane...
Please Tilly... I'll tell my parents about us... I'll call t hem right now.. She promised pulling out her phone ...
Why ? Because you don't want to lose me?... You had 2 years to tell them...
I'll do it.. I don't care what they think.. I just want us... I want you...I love you..
Did you love me while you were having sex with her? Tilly spat...
It meant nothing ..
Tilly pulled her arm out of her grasp... And yet because of it you've lost everything...
Don't be here when I get back... She added slamming the door behind her as she left.. Running down the stairs out the door into the fresh air..
The cold air hitting her like a fast speeding train...
As she climbs into her car she stares out on to the street... Tears running down her cheek...
Part of her was hurt jane had slept with cara... 2 years was a long time to spend with someone .. She did have feelings for her .. Maybe not like they were but never the less he feelings hadn't completely gone
The other part of her was angry .. Angry she had to fight what she craved... The urges she had to be close to Jen... The need to kiss her... To touch her... To make love to her... And she used all her energy to stop herself because she had to be faithful to jane...
Emotionally she had done wrong... She knew that...she knew jane had lost her mentally...
But physically she was still hers... Tilly wasn't prepared to physically hurt jane ...
She felt numb... Her mind couldn't register what had happened but she knew what the repercussions were...
Jane and Tilly were over...
Tilly began to drive off... Heading to the only place she wanted to be...