Did Anybody See That? Chapter 13
"Tell me, honestly," Ruffnut asked. "What's it like to be engaged?"
"What's it like?" Astrid echoed her. "Well, it means I can't spend time alone with Hiccup any more, because people think we're going to start a scandal or something.
"It means I have to spend hours at the seamstress' shop, holding up one girly dress after another so my mother can decide which one I should wear for a wedding dress. Then I have to stand still for half an hour while the seamstress takes all my measurements, calling out every number nice and loud, just in case I'd forgotten how un-womanly my figure is.
"It means all my married aunts and cousins are starting to tell me about things that are going to happen once I'm married, but they won't give me any details, just enough to give me nightmares.
"It means I have to memorize a bunch of ridiculous ancient stuff for the ceremony. I mean, come on! Can't you just see me serving Hiccup his mead at the reception, and trying to keep a straight face while I'm saying this to him?
"Ale I bring thee, thou oak-of-battle,
"With strength blended and brightest honor;
" 'Tis mixed with magic and mighty songs,
"With goodly spells, wish-speeding runes.
"So, basically, it stinks, Ruff. I can't wait to be married, but our precious Viking culture sure makes it hard to get there from here."
"Huh? You can't wait? I don't get it." Ruff looked a bit concerned. "I mean, this is Hiccup you're marrying, right? Hiccup the Useless? I know your father arranged it all, and you don't have much choice, but... wouldn't you rather be engaged to a real Viking like Snotlout? Or Fishlegs, or... even my jerk brother would be better than Hiccup, wouldn't he?"
Astrid's face turned a bit hard. "You don't even know him, Ruff. Nobody in this village knows him. There are things about him that you can't even imagine might be true."
"But you know all these amazing mysteries about him, right? That's very... hey, wait a minute." Two random brain cells formed a connection, and Ruff suddenly grinned maliciously. "Astrid... are you in love with him?"
"One word out of you, Ruffnut Thorston, and I'll use you for my next axe-throwing target! Don't you dare start a rumor like that! Do you know what that would do to my reputation?"
Ruff smirked. "Don't worry, old friend. I won't say a word... today. I'll wait for the perfect moment when it will do the most good! Yeah, that will be epic!"
Astrid grabbed Ruff by the shirt front and pulled her until their faces were barely two inches apart. Ruff's eyes went wide. Astrid growled a single word. "Don't."
"Uhh... okay. Maybe I won't, then." Her smirk returned. "But I know the truth, don't I?"
"Just don't."
o
"Tell me, honestly," Tuffnut asked. "What's it like to be engaged?"
"What's it like?" Hiccup echoed him. "Well, it means I can't spend time alone with Astrid any more, because people think we're going to start a scandal or something.
"It means I have to spend hours learning about Viking history and family lines and all kinds of other stuff that can't possibly have any use in real life, but Dad won't quit teaching it to me until I've got it memorized.
"It means I'm supposed to build a new house for the two of us, when I don't know the first thing about carpentry or house planning, or even how to buy lumber, never mind how I'm not the greatest at swinging a hammer.
"It means the entire Hofferson clan, including the in-laws, are keeping their eyes on me every minute, as if they're hoping for me to mess something up so Astrid won't have to marry me.
"It means I have to magically develop enough skill and muscles to throw a sword into a wooden pillar in the Mead Hall, because if I don't, I've brought a curse on my marriage.
"It means I'm supposed to know everything about how to be a husband to my wife, but nobody will tell me anything until the day of the wedding, which doesn't give me much time to think about it before I'm supposed to do it in front of the whole village.
"So, basically, it stinks, Tuff. It's almost like they made up all these traditions to make it hard for people to get married. If they expect every Viking to marry, why do they make it so difficult?"
"Maybe it's just difficult for you," Tuff smirked. "Real Vikings don't have a problem."
"Maybe," Hiccup nodded. "But my dad starts everything he says with 'I know this is hard for you, son, but...' I think it's hard for everybody."
"It can't be that hard," Tuff insisted. "If I was getting married to the hottest babe in town, I'd be so motivated –"
To his everlasting surprise, Hiccup leaned forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. Everyone knew Hiccup had no muscles to speak of, but few realized that he had to have strong hands in order to grip the forge tools that were otherwise too heavy for him. Hand muscles can't always be seen. But they can be felt, when they squeeze your shoulder until you feel the need to scream.
"That's my fiancée you're talking about," Hiccup said in a reasonable tone. "Play it cool with how you talk about her, okay?" He released his grip.
"Ow! What brought that on?" Tuff complained as he rubbed his shoulder.
"I know it's hard to act like you have class when you don't," Hiccup suggested, "but fake it. I've been faking a lot of things all my life. You could do it if you tried."
o
"Gunnarr, please, just hear me out! I promise you won't be sorry!"
"Spitelout, it is completely out of the question. You're a month too late."
"Hofferson, my son has had his heart set on your daughter for years! Are you going to make him suffer because of one month?"
"It has nothing do to with him, or with suffering. The chief and I made a deal. It was witnessed. We clasped hands on it. It's done. Which part of that don't you understand, Spitelout?"
"I didn't even know your daughter was in the market for marriage! I would have said something ages ago if I'd known!"
"You've got to be kidding! She and Snotlout were born a few months apart; you knew how old she was! She's almost sixteen! In most Viking villages, she would have been married years ago!"
"But she isn't married yet, is she? How much did Stoick offer you for a bride-price? How much did he demand for a dowry? I can beat his offer, whatever it is! Just give me a chance!"
"Spitelout, are you asking me to break my deal with the chief? It's not all about money, you know. There is such a thing as honor!"
"All right. If you won't consider my son, would you consider your own daughter? Imagine what her life is going to be like, married to that accident-prone bean-pole! Don't you think she'd be happier with a real Viking?"
Gunnarr wasn't as tall or as beefy as the town's second-in-command. He had to stand on tiptoe to look Spitelout in the eye. That's what he did now, but somehow, he didn't make himself look ridiculous. "If you could have seen my daughter's eyes when I told her about her engagement... There's some kind of connection between those two. I don't know exactly what it is. I've got my whole family watching them to make sure it doesn't burn out of control before the wedding. But I can't imagine her happier with anyone else. Not even your muscular, masculine, real-Viking son.
"The answer is no."
o
Hiccup yawned hugely. Toothless glanced at him, surprised; it was the first sound Hiccup had made in half an hour.
Stoick didn't want him "mooning around in the sky all day on a dragon." That put limits on when he could work on improving his cave. He had to do it at night, sneaking out of the house through his window so his dad wouldn't know. With an hour's flight time to his island and another hour back, that meant he couldn't spend more than an hour or so each night in the cave without seriously depriving himself of sleep. That, in turn, meant he had to work like crazy in that one hour if he wanted to get anything done.
This cave had never been inhabited by anything but bats and small rodents. It needed huge amounts of cleaning just to be fit for a boy and his dragon. To be fit for a lady... that meant a lot more work.
He resumed chipping away at the wall with mallet and chisel. Mentally, he was making a list of the things he'd need to bring out here. Some would come from his room, some things he would have to buy, and some he'd have to make himself. He had some money for the 'buying' part, and he felt sure there was nothing he couldn't make, if he had the tools for the job.
The question was, would he have enough time to do it all? The wedding was just a few months away.
I'm supposed to be building you a house, Astrid, he thought. I know you're not the frilly, feminine type, but every lady needs a house she can be proud of. You will have that house, even though it's really a cave. You can settle down here, and you can decorate it the way you like it, and you can raise our –
Gulp.
Well, yeah, that usually happens after people get married. And if you aren't ready for that, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, then you'd better get ready, because the way you feel about her, and the way she feels about you, she's going to make you a father, sooner and not later.
He started working faster.