Chapter Thirty: More or Less Aware

0635 Hours, March 1, 2558. Qamar Island Ruins, Planet Khan. "The Rebound," Outer Colonies. Day Eleven of the Dawn of the Prometheans

As much as I wanted things to be different the last several days - hoping for something good to happen for a change - nothing came along to alter the circumstances that much. If anything, things had gotten worse; not so much because of the fighting, which was still mostly at a standstill for now thanks to our complete coverage of the island, but in terms of morale. We'd managed to stall both the Storm and the Prometheans that had shown up so far, but we were all tired of constantly being on our toes waiting for trouble. Being that amped up and alert for days - weeks, now - on end was taxing for body and mind, and I longed for something to make things better again.

Unfortunately, as soon as I awoke from my cot in the command tent after yet another minuscule nap, I realized pretty quickly that today was going to be even worse. I sat up slowly at first, running a hand through my still put-up but sleep-mussed hair, let out a yawn, and planted my booted feet on the ground. I looked around sleepily for my battledress jacket since I was just in my T-shirt and pants, picked it up, then felt around in the pockets for my meds. I took my birth control pills as usual, but when I reached for the ones for the nightmares, a rattle of the bottle came up silent. There was only one pill left.

If I thought things were going to finally start going my way today after a hellish past couple of weeks, I was sadly mistaken.

"Good morning, Colonel," I heard a voice say beside me then, and I quickly shoved both pill bottles in my pants pockets and looked up. It was Major Harris. "Rough night?"

I snorted while I rubbed at my eyes. "If you can call two hours of sleep every few days a whole night's rest, sure."

Harris smiled faintly. "If we end up having four hours of uninterrupted sleep for just one day after all this is over, ma'am, I won't complain."

"Well, you might as well go looking for the Holy Grail while you're at it, too, Major." I managed a small grin of my own. "So? How're the lines looking out there right now?"

"Quiet. I almost wonder if the Storm are up to something. They haven't tried a major charge against any of our lines for a couple of days now."

"And we know that usually spells trouble. Keep a good eye on them in your sector, Shawn."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I've already tasked two of Collins's squadrons to cover you guys by the ruins as well. Never know when the Prometheans might choose to jump back into the fray again."

"Right, Colonel. We're on it." My former XO shifted uncomfortably for a moment before turning to glance at me sideways, arms folded over his chest. "Any word yet from the mainland about Hawk?"

I shook my head and tried my best to keep the anguished disappointment off my face. "No. We're on day ten now since his crash, and still nothing."

The 8th's commander leaned over to squeeze my shoulder. "I'm sure he'll make it through, ma'am. It's not hopeless yet."

"The doctor said it'd get to be a worrisome case after a week. It's been three days past that."

Harris released a sigh. "Still, can't hurt to hope, Colonel." He gathered up his gear then, ready to get back out to the island. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will, Harris. Thanks."

Once the major was gone, I was left alone in my part of the command tent, with only a few aides checking holotables and maps here and there. I sat there another minute on my cot with my head in my hands, wondering what in the hell I was going to do without my PTSD medication out in the field, and if and when I'd ever see my husband recover. I was still wallowing in self-pity as I took my very last pill for the nightmares when another figure stepped in front of me.

I looked up slowly, suddenly feeling sapped of all my energy. "What's going on now, Staff?"

Staff Sergeant Porter straightened, standing there with his SAW by his feet and his hands clasped formally behind his back. "Ma'am, I thought you should know. Captain Heat is here to see you."

I almost let out a surprised laugh. He was easily the last person I wanted to see this morning. Or pretty much ever, really. "You know what? Go ahead and send him in, Josh. It's not like he can make anything worse with his fucking words."

My aide nodded dutifully despite my mood and left. A few minutes later, my husband's best friend and wingmate appeared in his place, looking as uneasy as I felt.

"Well, Brandon? Who've you shot down today? You keeping a tally of your friendly hits yet?"

"No, ma'am," Heat answered stiffly. He stood rigid before me, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he either hadn't slept since Willis had crashed or he had a serious guilty conscious about what happened - maybe both. Either way, I was glad about it. He deserved nothing less than the torment I'd felt every minute of the last ten days while Willis was in a coma. "Actually, I'm here for something else."

"Spill, then."

His expression changed abruptly, breaking into a wide grin despite his obvious fatigue. "He's awake, Natalie. I just heard from Major Collins, who got the message from the mainland. Willis woke up. I'm set to take you over there now."

I'd never gotten ready so fast in my life. I fixed my messy head of brown hair quickly, then pulled on my jacket and picked up my helmet and DMR before strapping on body armor. I didn't know how safe the mainland was anymore, but I knew for sure things were still iffy here on the island. I wasn't taking any chances getting to Heat's waiting Pelican, because it would've just been way too damn poetic for me to get shot and killed on my way to see Willis.

Luckily, Staff Sergeant Porter and his squad accompanied me and the pilot to the bird as part of my security detail. We got out to the aircraft and inside with no fuss, and since it was just the two of us this time, things were quiet for an awful long time until Captain Heat finally spoke once we were airborne.

"Cooper...I wanted to say I'm sorry it's me. I got assigned to this." I heard him swallow hard. "If you don't want me near him while we're there, I understand. I can leave you guys alone."

I didn't answer at first. I wasn't really sure what to say. Again I ran a hand through my hair, trying to sort through my various emotions at all this, then let out a sigh. "I won't keep you from your friend, Heat. I'm...sorry too. I've been a bitch to you when you've always done right by us in the past, and I know that what happened was an accident." I glanced down at my boots and shook my head. "It's just, losing Will isn't on the list of things I can take. I thought he..." Like the captain I swallowed on the lump in my throat, then continued. "I thought he wouldn't make it."

"I know, Natalie. But he's going to be okay now," his buddy reassured me. "And thanks, for forgiving me."

When we touched down I was left feeling oddly nervous. I'd waited anxiously for over a week for news like this, and now that the time was finally here, I found myself shaking a little as I pulled off my helmet and walked. I wasn't sure what to expect, or just how improved my husband's state really was. I just knew I needed to be here - and how much I wanted to see him.

As we got closer to the field hospital on the mainland, I noticed Captain Heat slow up behind me. Though I was impatient to forge ahead, I stopped and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked.

Heat motioned in the negative. "No, ma'am. I'll come see him in a while. You guys should have some privacy." He scuffed at the red dirt with his boots. "Besides, since he just got up, they might only let you in to see him for now anyway, till he's better."

I nodded. "Okay. I'll come find you when we're done."

I was left to go the rest of the distance on my own. When I walked in in full gear and with my rifle slung diagonally behind my back, uniform worn and dirty, I looked instantly out of place and garnered quite a few stares at my presence. I ignored them and went right up to the nearest doctor to ask if I could see Willis. It was Doctor Kiev again, and this time, instead of wearing a somber expression as he'd done when I'd visited last a few days ago, he offered me a small, encouraging grin.

"Colonel Cooper. So you heard. I'll take you over to see him now, ma'am. Come this way."

Though I knew the way myself now by heart, I happily followed anyway. I was so excited I didn't really have much room to feel anything else at the moment - until we stepped inside his room.

Still lying supine in his hospital bed, my husband didn't notice us walk in right away. But it was just a second later that he opened his eyes a crack and glanced over towards the door, breaking into a pained smile.

"Natalie."

It was as much as he could seem to get out for the time being, and something about seeing him awake and hearing him say my name shattered everything in me that I'd tried so fucking hard to keep inside the past several days. I broke into tears with a weak smile of my own, and just stood in the doorway for a long time, unable to move.

Eventually, I felt a pair of hands gently grab my shoulders from behind. Doctor Kiev, urging me on. "Go ahead, ma'am. I'll come back in a few minutes to update you both on his condition."

I nodded slowly but continued standing there once the doctor had left. It was like my legs had suddenly revolted. But then Willis grinned a little at me again and I finally found the strength to walk forward.

Willis was wrapped up in bandages like before, with a number of thin tubes running through him. His more severe injuries were still visible in the form of dark bruises across his body - his chest had turned a yellowish blue color now, as had the skin around the broken fingers on his right hand. His face looked better, though; much of the color had come back so he wasn't so chalky and pale. And most importantly, his gorgeous hazel eyes were half-open and he was alert.

As soon as I reached his bedside, I leaned over and grabbed his uninjured left hand in my grasp. "Hi, honey."

"H-hey."

My grin widened at his reply, raspy though it was. I wiped some of the tears still making tracks down my face with my sleeve, then used my other hand to gently smooth back the golden brown hair from his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Not so...good, Coop." I startled a little when I felt his hand give mine a firm squeeze, and he smirked a bit. "But you're...here now, so I...can't complain."

I looked down and noticed the respirator was gone. "You're breathing on your own now. That's good." I chuckled lightly to counter the lump that still constricted my throat. "Last time I came to see you, you weren't so autonomous."

"Yeah. Doc says I'm...doing much better than...when I first got here. Just took too...long of a nap."

"He's right. You nearly gave me another heart attack."

"I'm...sorry."

I leaned in closer then and touched my lips to his with care, closing my eyes as I took in his familiar scent. I'd missed it. I'd missed him. "Don't be. I love you, Will. Very much."

"I...love you, too, Cooper."

There was so much more I wanted to say to him - that we needed to say to each other. About the crash, and about the despair I'd felt for days when I thought I was losing him. But it'd all have to wait until later, because just then, Doctor Kiev came back into the room. He was wearing a smile. I straightened up as he walked over, but I never let go of Willis's hand.

"So, Doc," my husband said, his voice coming out rough. "What'd I...miss?"

"A lot I'm afraid, Major," Kiev replied. "But no worries. We'll get you up to speed soon enough. Just try to take it easy for a while. You were in pretty bad shape when you got here, so recovery will take some time."

"I thought you...said I was better."

"You are, but better than death's doorstep isn't very functional out in the real world, son. It'll be a while till you're combat ready."

Willis glanced up at me then, still unable to fully open his eyes just yet. "Natalie? What about...my pilots? Kilo and...Victor and...Cobra?"

"All taken care of, honey," I answered. "Collins is planetside now, leading the air wing. We had...plenty of shit going on to tackle after you took your dive."

"Right, so...what's wrong with me? How soon can I...go back and...fly?"

My face fell as Doctor Kiev and I exchanged a glance. I remembered Reynolds's words to me when Willis had first crashed hard onto Qamar, and I knew this was going to be difficult for my husband to hear. I squeezed his hand in preparation.

"Hawk, I'm not sure you appreciate the gravity of your injuries," Kiev said carefully then. "You're very lucky to be alive, and that you've safely emerged from a coma after so many days. With your severe concussion, contusions, and broken bones, it'll be some time before you're up and running."

Willis mulled it over for a minute, as best he could in his condition. "So a...few weeks, maybe?"

Kiev released a lengthy sigh. Then he ran a hand over his hair and said, "I won't lie to you, Major. Right now, your return to flight status is...uncertain at best."

"You mean...forever?" My husband's ragged voice went even lower and harsher, and the raw hurt in his tone crushed me. "I might not...fly again?"

I remained by his side and stroked his hand with my thumb. "Will, we don't know anything yet. We're just happy you're still here for right now."

"The colonel's right, son. You just focus on healing up and getting your strength back for now. The rest we'll deal with as it comes."