Purgatory
Darkness, by Trümmerwelten (part 2)
„(…)
Only one way to escape
So I escape this life
This horrid nightmare
And close my eyes
Why should I go on?
Is there a reason?
I escape this life
This horrid nightmare
Close my eyes
There is no reason..."
(Damon)
Blood flowed…
...every hour...
...every day…
...until nothing was left…
Empty veins scrunched and chafed like sandpaper…
...every move caused unbearable pain…
Pain ruled me – filled my body…
...and my mind...
...again and again…
...continuously...
And there was the hunger!
A mad hunger for blood!
Hunger replaced the pain...
...hunger replaced the rage…
...the rage about what Kane did to her!
At some point her cries for me stopped…
...her crying stopped…
...only her heartbeat told me that she was still alive.
I closed my eyes…
I sought refuge in the innermost part of my soul…
...where HE couldn't reach me...
...where I was safe from his knives…
...from his vervain-soaked wooden splinters…
...and his burning stakes.
Only his magic attacks on my body pulled me back…
...back into my purgatory…
...each time – there was no escape…
At some point, I gave up…
...I gave myself up…
I wanted to die.
…
…
…
…
…
(Helen)
I was almost going mad…
Kane forced me to witness Damon's torture, forced me to witness his pain, to watch Reuben bleeding his body dry, over and over again...
I had to watch how his soul slowly vanished and only the raw vampire remained... instinct driven, reacting to its keeper like a caged animal and submitting abjectly to snatch tiny drops of my blood which Kane had been taking from me.
Why he gave it to him, I couldn't fathom...
At first, I had fought him, then I had begged, screamed and cried – all in vain. At some point, I had no more tears left...
My heart broke, just like the mangled poor creature in the cell across broke anew every day…
Laura was a nervous wreck. My child had become her sole purpose of existence. I owed it to her that I didn't go into preterm labor. Kane had put her into my cell and provided us with everything we needed. She distracted me, she simply blocked out the horrors she had to witness. She was an elderly maternal woman, but the longer this madness continued the more she was turning into a shadow of her former self. Sometimes I heard her babbling incoherently while she lay in her bed. I didn't know for sure if she had gone mad, but whenever she directed her attention to me she was alert and of a clear mind…
I didn't know how much time had gone by – I had stopped counting the days or weeks…
Hollow, the pain eating me up inside I vegetated in my cell, waiting hour by hour for the sound of footsteps in the tunnel, waiting for the clanking of keys, waiting for the next screams from Damon...
I couldn't sleep anymore, I slipped into a semi-conscious state whenever I got tired. And I was always tired. When I closed my eyes, I saw images. Violence, blood, pain and violence again – and woke up screaming. His pain had become mine. Kane let me suffer…
One night – or day – I noticed that the warlock didn't come. However, the baby did. I'd had a pain in my back for a longer time and now I woke up from my damp state of mind because an unexplainable wetness cooled the lower part of my body. "Laura!" I called her. She jumped up and knew exactly what was going on. "It's time, honey. A few more hours and you'll hold a wee baby in your arms", she chuckled and had me get up. "Walk around for a while and support yourself on the wall if necessary", she ordered me and changed the bedding. Afterwards she helped me change into a hospital gown and a warm bathrobe. Now I realized that we must've been captured almost two months ago.
Kane had provided us with all possible amenities. We had a radiant heater, a chemical toilet, he brought fresh water every day and food and all kinds of daily utensils. Except for being locked away we had all we needed. Laura prepared everything she would need for the delivery while I kept walking around. I couldn't remember for how long, but the contractions came at short intervals now. Standing near the bars, I couldn't help taking a look at Damon and my heart constricted. He huddled up against the bars of his cell on the ground and the last rags of his clothes hung from his blood-stained body.
As by a miracle, he lifted his head and gazed into my direction. Something like recognition flashed in his eyes. "Helen…", he breathed with a rough voice. My fingers clenched around the bars. "Damon!" His gaze seemed more awake now and raised himself up a little. „The baby's coming, Damon, your baby", I whispered. Attentively he threw a fearful glance towards the tunnel and then he looked into my eyes. "Our baby", he croaked and tried to smile, his face contorting with a grimace. I couldn't help the tears flowing down my face and nodded. "Our baby", I confirmed, stifling a sob. I doubled over again when the next contractions ran through my womb and I groaned loudly.
Damon watched me closely but suddenly he slumped down again and closed his eyes. I heard steps and understood – he didn't want to draw attention. I moved away from the bars and kept walking along the wall. "What's going on here?" Kane growled and looked at us. „She's in labor, I will need clean and hot water soon", Laura answered in her professional midwife-tone. He scrutinized her suspiciously but gave in when I convulsed in pain again. "Fine, I'll get some", he grumbled and vanished. Laura kept me moving and supported me while I kept walking like a caged tiger. She wanted to keep the birth process running because she had no means of helping me if it came to a halt.
At some point Kane had returned with the hot water and demanded to know how long it would take, but Laura just answered it would take as long as needed. I was glad for her support, but Kane's words still rang in my ears. "If it's a girl, I will use it…" he had said on day one of my captivity. What if it would be a boy? Would Kane just kill the child? The thought kept revolving in my mind. „Laura", I gasped as the pain abated for a moment and clung to her. "Does a baby have to cry when it's born?" I asked. She gave me a confused glance. „Well, some do, some just inhale deeply. Why are you asking?" she wondered. My tears filled with eyes. „Because of what Kane said in the beginning. I'm pretty sure he would kill a boy." My heart was torn by the image.
A stony expression settled on her face. "There's another way", she whispered and kept walking with me. "We could spare the baby to be killed by him and do it ourselves", she said softly. My eyes nearly bulged, but she just nodded. "In your arms, right after birth, a cloth on his mouth and nose… it would be more merciful than to hand him over to this pig!" she explained grimly. "No!" Damon's voice startled us. He pulled his upper body up on the bars and stared at us, wide-eyed. "Not… my… son…", he croaked urgently and clung to the bars, shaking his head.
The next wave of contractions made it impossible for me to answer. I doubled over and gripped the bars of my cell. Damon's gaze locked with mine while I endured the labor pains standing there as long as possible. He was with me, albeit not like he should've been. I lost track of time while the contractions got more and more painful and at some point Laura led me back to the bed. The pressure of the child's head between my legs was enormous. She kneeled between my spread legs now. "Push, sweetie, come on!" she instructed me. I felt like I was ripped apart and screamed my heart out. "Wonderful, keep going. You're almost there", she exclaimed. I tried to pant like I had learned it, but with the next expulsion contraction I threw it all out the window.
I gripped the iron frame of the bed's head piece and lifted my upper body involuntarily while I pushed again and again. "Great! Once more, Helen!" Laura encouraged me. With the next contraction I screamed at the top of my lungs and shortly after she placed a bloody bundle on top of my naked breast. Tears streamed down my cheeks. The baby breathed, but it didn't scream. Relief flashed across Laura's face and she cut the umbilical chord, cleaned the baby and examined it thoroughly before she wrapped it into a clean towel. "What is it?" I asked weakly. The sad expression on her face made my heart skip a beat. „It's a boy", she said softly and placed my son into my arms while she took care of the afterbirth. I stared at the baby in my arms. My son. Our son. And then I started crying, uncontrollably.