A/n: I can't believe it, but there is something actually more time consuming in my life than Harry Potter right now, and that is the hell-tastic voyage that is SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE! AAH!

Guh, who knew finding a future would be this difficult?! Why can't nerds like me get paid to write fanfiction?! That's what Steven Kloves does to the HP script!

Bah, enough of that. Less of the personal life, more of the fic!

Warning: I'm getting to a point where it's vital to read the last chapter before the latest. What does that mean? Read the rest of the chapters before reading this one, lazies! And definitely make sure you read this chapter before the next update. More's in the final a/n, if you want a fuller explanation.

Oh, and this chapter's a bit long and heavy. Make yourself nice and comfortable before reading. :D

The Tales of Weasley the Father
By dieselwriter

Chapter 9: The Tale of Women

Hermione stared at the curious sight in front of her, suspicious but intrigued.

"Move over, Hugo!"

"Dad, your squishing me! I can't breathe!"

"Well I can't see through the door! Scoot!"

"You're suffocating me! And now I can't see!"

"Here…come here—"

"Dad! That tickles!"

Hermione stepped further into the living room, trying to decide why her husband and son were sitting on the ground and staring out of the large window into the back yard. All the while she tried not to laugh as they entered an impromptu tickle fight on the floor.

"Well…does this tickle any less?" Ron smiled evilly as he dug his fingers into Hugo's sides, tickling him purposefully.

"DAD!" Hugo choked out amidst his giggles. "Dad, STOP!"

But Ron ignored him, laughing as his son flopped on his side, futilely trying to escape his father's clutches.

"DAD," the boy searched the room, trying to think of a way out of his situation. "THEY'RE KISSING!"

Ron stopped his tickling abruptly as his eyes opened wide, fearful.

"No they're not!"

He snatched the Omnioculars hanging around his son's neck and peered back out the window into the backyard. Hugo jolted forward as his father used the magical device still hanging from his neck.

"Dad, I can't breathe…AGAIN!"

"They're not kissing," Ron said obliviously, taking his eyes off the backyard to glare at his struggling son. "After he goes home, you get double the tickling."

"After who goes home?"

Husband and son gave a start before staring guiltily up at Hermione.

"Welcome home darling!" Ron said through a broad grin, acting as though he hadn't heard his wife's question.

"How was work, Mommy?" Hugo asked endearingly, joining his father's act.

"What are you two doing?"

They shared a panicked look between each other before turning back to her, identical polite but confused smiles on their freckled faces.

"I don't know what you're talking about," they said at the same time, as if they had rehearsed it far in advance.

"Then what are those for?" Hermione asked, pointing to the Omnioculars in Ron's hand that were still attached around Hugo's neck.

"We were…" Ron hesitated, looking to his son for support.

"Playing a game!" Hugo replied with a wide smile, as he finally succeeding in taking the Omnioculars from his father's grasp.

"What kind?"

To that, Ron stole the Omnioculars back and glared through them back out of the window, forcing Hugo into his side again.

"Spy."

Hermione leaned over her husband and grabbed the Omnioculars out of his hands. Hugo was forced to stand by her side or face strangulation.

"Who are you spying on?" she asked, looking down on Ron and then Hugo coldly.

Neither answered, so she looked out the back window herself.

"You're spying on Rosie?"

"No!" Ron and Hugo replied indignantly as they stared furtively at Rosie.

Rosie's full attention was captivated by the youth practicing Quidditch with her. He was laughing about something as he pitched a practice Bludger at her, and she retaliated with a swing of her Beater's bat. The Bludger flew far over Bobby's head and Rosie stuck her tongue out at him playfully.

It was lucky for everyone involved that neither she nor the boy noticed her entire family staring at them through the window.

"You're spying on Bobby!" Hermione shrieked, cuffing her husband on the head with the Omnioculars.

"Ouch! Hermione! That hurt!" Ron muttered indignantly, rubbing his head.

"What happened about all that talk on privacy?" Hermione continued her tirade.

"This is different," Ron mumbled, still rubbing his head.

She rounded on her son, and he cowered under her furious gaze.

"And I thought your father already talked to you about invading your sister's privacy?"

"But this is different!" Hugo pleaded. "She's just in the backyard! If she wanted a private moment, she should've gone up to her room! Anyone can spy on her if she's outside, even Mrs. Puckle if she wanted…."

But he cowed again as his mother's eyes narrowed angrily.

"I can't believe you two! Both of you to your rooms, now!"

"You can't punish me—" Ron started huffily, but hesitated as her attention was drawn solely on him.

"Oh, can't I?" she asked, her voice dangerously low.

Ron was about to open his mouth in retaliation, but closed it again, thinking better of it.

"Right; come on, Hugo," Ron muttered, defeated, as he stepped forward to usher his son out of the room.

Hugo, who had almost freed himself of the Omnioculars strap around his neck, was foiled as his father tried to steer him away from his mother, who still held tightly to the magical binoculars.

"Oh, sorry Hugo, dear," Hermione said, relinquishing possession of the Omnioculars to him.

Hugo followed his father out of the room after casting his mother a cautious look.

"Dad," he whined as soon as he and Ron were out of earshot. "She can't really punish you."

But as Ron continued up the stairs without answer, Hugo continued uncertainly.

"Can she?"

Ron gave a massive sigh.

"Hugo, I'll let you know now, women know everything. Not just your mother… not just your aunts and grandmums…all of them. Even your sister probably knew we were watching her. Lucky Bobby's not as observant."

Hugo looked horrified at his father as they entered his bedroom and he sat down on his bed.

"But…but that can't be true!"

Ron nodded his head glumly as he joined his son on the small bed.

"If you learn just one thing from all my stories, Hugo, I pray it's that women know everything. It's best if you just do what they say sometimes."

"I don't remember that sto—" Hugo started, but clamped a hand over his mouth, realizing what he had walked into.

"I haven't? Well then, let me tell it to you…."

Ron began his story with a smile on his face, for Hugo had started berating himself for his mistake by hitting himself lightly in the head with the Omnioculars still around his neck.

Ron adjusted the glasses on his face, wondering how Harry dealt with them full time. They were quite a pain now just as he was getting ready to fly; how did they handle in the air, or through a battle?

He glanced over at his best friend and couldn't fight a smirk; Harry was sitting in Hagrid's sidecar, looking much like a grumpy child sitting wedged between his belongings.

"All right then," Moody called out to the crowd of Order members and Harry impersonators. "Everyone ready, please; I want us all to leave at exactly the same time or the whole point of the diversion's lost."

Tonks mounted her broom, and Ron did so behind her with difficulty; even as Harry he was still taller than her, making it uncomfortable to get on behind her without touching her.

"Hold tight now, Ron," Tonks said, contradicting his prior thoughts.

Ron glanced uncomfortably, guilty, at his old Defense professor before holding her waist tentatively.

"Good luck, everyone," Moody shouted, his voice gravelly but authoritative all the same. "See you all in about an hour at the Burrow."

I hope, a small voice rang in Ron's head, making his stomach twist nervously.

"On the count of three. One…."

Ron tightened his hold a bit, fighting down the urge to be sick.

"Two…."

The glasses were sliding off the edge of his borrowed nose, but he had no time to fix it as Tonks nervously kicked off the ground, a split second before Moody finished in a loud but surprisingly calm voice.

"THREE."

Most of Ron's fears stayed behind on the ground as they soared into the sky. This was something he was familiar with; the rush of wind on his face, the whistling in his ears….

Well, the hooded figures were a new touch.

Tonks yelled something as they made an abrupt turn so as to avoid collision with one of the Death Eaters, and a green light flashed momentarily near him, but he had no time to think on it as they raced off into the night.

"Left!" Tonks shouted as she veered to the right, exposing a Death Eater flying at their left.

Ron took as careful aim as he could while clenching tightly to the Metamorphmagus.

"Stupefy!"

The spell did not hit the target, but caused enough of a delay that they were now out of range of his spells.

"Bombarda!"

Tonks cried triumphantly as her spell hit an incoming Rodolphus Lestrange's arm, causing it to break and him to roar in pain.

"Impedimenta! Stupefy!"

Both of Ron's spells shot forward and headed to the two Death Eaters that had appeared in front of them.

As both spells missed their targets, his hands quickly returned to grasp Tonks' waist, and not a moment too soon: Tonks veered up, nearly perpendicular to the ground, to avoid crashing into the two Death Eaters. Spells flew through the air beside them, but all miraculously missed as Ron clenched on with all his might, willing himself not to fall off the back.

"Stop! STOP! SHE IS MINE!"

Ron felt his blood turn cold as Tonks was finally able to straighten up so they flew parallel to the ground once again. He gazed to the left where the excited, shrieking voice had come from.

Bellatrix Lestrange, long black hair flying crazily in the wind, appeared from the darkness, her deranged smile evident even from the distance they sat at.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"Shit!"

Tonks went into an impromptu dive, and, had not their lives been on the line, Ron would have commented on her surprisingly superb flying capabilities. He swallowed his compliment as another Death Eater flew in from the right.

"STUPEFY!"

It was a knee-jerk reaction, a spell he had practiced over and over again at DA meetings, and Ron could only stare in shock as the body fell unconsciously from the broom. Ron shivered, desperate but unable to take his eyes off the broom recently vacated. It was taking a much slower route to the ground than its occupant had, because of its magical properties.

"Nice one!" Tonks shouted from the front, and Ron felt even more disgusted with himself.

"CRUCIO!"

Ron's heart stopped; one second he was clutching onto Tonks' waist with all his might as they nosedived, and the next her hands were off the broom as she twisted and writhed under his grasp. Startled, his grip loosened, and that was all that was necessary for the broom to go completely out of control.

Tonks fell sideways off the bucking broom, and Ron could only hold onto her for a short moment before her weight and her frenzied movements caused him to lose his grip. He shouted after her even as she screamed agonizingly on her way to certain death.

Ron tried to keep both her shouts as well as the depraved laughter of Bellatrix out of his head as he tried to get the spiraling broom under his control. It jerked suddenly to the left and he slid off, making a desperate grab for the handle before he fell dizzily towards the earth right behind Tonks.

His left hand grasped the smooth wood, but he had only a moment's relief before someone cackled from behind him.

"Oh, baby Harry, did I kill your friend? I'm sorry."

His blood boiled under his skin but a chill ran down his spine a moment later as a hand fisted his hair and pulled him up by a few inches. His eyes watered as he felt a few hairs leave his scalp.

"But you're not baby Harry, are you?"

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as he felt her breath on his ear, warm and putrid.

"The baby Harry I know wouldn't have killed another…you're far too murderous to be the Chosen One, aren't you?"

His heart must have stopped beating, but then why could he feel it turn ice cold in his chest?

"Expelliarmus."

The broom and his wand flew from his hand, and he gave a yelp as the only thing holding him up now was her resilient grip on his hair.

"Say hello to my niece, won't you, my little Potter imposter?"

And she let him go.

He had hardly a breath to yell with, but he did his damndest as he fell toward the ground. The wind whipped violently at him, and at some point his glasses flew off his face, leaving his vision blurred.

But truly, if this was the end anyway…he wasn't sure if he wanted to see it or not.

The cold air rushing at his side turned him numb as he tumbled down, unable to stop. At some point his shouting had ceased, but he wasn't sure if it was because he had indeed stopped or if he just couldn't hear anymore. He wondered if it would hurt…no, he probably wouldn't feel a thing, not from the height he had dropped from. He wondered if his life would flash before his eyes...it'd be nice if he could relive that kiss from Hermione in fifth year. He wondered if Tonks was dead already. Probably, he decided. Remus would be inconsolable.

He couldn't really feel the wind rushing in his ears anymore, and he wondered if he were close to the end. How crazy was Harry going to get when he found out? Would it be like when Cedric died? And what was his family going to do? The closest family member they had ever lost was Uncle Bilius….

Oh, what was Hermione going to say?

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

He stopped abruptly in the air, feeling quite nauseous as his body jerked to a halt.

Without his glasses, he couldn't tell who it was flying toward him, but considering that the person had saved him from (in his somewhat biased opinion) a premature death, he was sure he'd been quite pleased to see them.

"All right there, Ron?" a breathless Tonks asked him.

He heard himself give a shaky laugh before responding.

"Yeah…you?"

The voice didn't sound like his, and he knew it was more than the reason that he was still Polyjuiced as Harry.

"Fine," she said as she grasped his shoulder in an effort to steer him on her newly acquired broom.

"How…how'd y-you…" Ron's teeth chattered, unable to get the question out for the icy numbness still taking a hold on his body.

"Still had my wand in my pants," she replied as she helped situate him behind her again. "Mad-Eye may not approve…but it certainly helps in some situations. Rather have my buttocks off than be splattered on the ground like a bug on a windshield."

Ron hadn't the foggiest idea what she was talking about, but didn't mind in the slightest as he practically hugged her waist as he sat on the broom once again.

"Summoned the broom off that Death Eater you knocked out," she continued as they sped away toward their final destination.

They had fallen a long way…so far that they could skim their feet on the tips of the trees they passed. It was obvious that Bellatrix had thought she finished the job, for no one followed and they had a rather unremarkable trip the rest of the way to Ron's Great Aunt Muriel's home.

They landed in the front garden, which looked far too perfect and maintained to be natural, much like the Dursley's they had left behind only an hour ago. Could it have only been an hour?

Tonks landed surprisingly graceful on the sidewalk, but the minute Ron had his feet on the ground he fell, still unsteady in his best friend's feet.

"You sure you're all right?" Tonks looked at him worriedly as he made no effort to get back up.

Ron's head bobbed up and down without any real conviction as he stared off unseeingly into space.

Tonks looked at him in concern as she knelt beside him.

"What's wrong, Ron? We made it…" but she left her sentence hanging as his eyes sparkled with tears.

"I…" Ron started, looking green. "I—I…and then…oh God."

He turned to his side and vomited on the pristine lawn, but it did nothing to alleviate the coldness of his heart.

Tonks did nothing more than rub his back encouragingly as he continued to try to heave up his guilt. Soon he had nothing left in his stomach, but he still dry heaved, unable to stop.

"C'mon now, Ron," Tonks whispered soothingly, wiping his sweat-sopped bangs from his forehead. "This…this is a war. It was either him or us. I didn't even see him coming. He would have killed us if you hadn't stopped him."

Ron spat on the ground and sat back, still shaking. "H-how'd you…kn-know?"

She smiled down on him kindly.

"Happened to me on my first mission. Tripped into a Death Eater and he fell off a cliff…long story. Mad-Eye helped me through it. He's been mentoring me every since."

"I didn't…it almost was us…no one sh-should go like…."

That. The sickening freefall. He could feel the vertigo overcome him again and he leaned back over, dry heaving.

"If it makes you feel any better…you made it swift. He was unconscious- he wouldn't feel a thing!"

A bubble of laughter escaped his throat, as his nausea left again and he sat back. He was probably losing his mind.

"M-makes me feel," a coughing fit interrupted his reply, "loads better!"

He wiped his sweaty brow with his hand, and it was then that he noticed it actually was his hand, and that he could see it quite clearly. He had changed back to himself.

"It was Dolohov."

Ron's blood felt like ice in his veins. That was the Death Eater…he had tried to kill Hermione at the Department of Mysteries battle….

His fierce anger alleviated the guilt as he stood up uncomfortably; his borrowed clothes didn't quite fit. He wasn't sure how he felt now…better, for being able to put his actions with a face…and something, he couldn't quite place…having to do with getting revenge on the man who had caused Hermione to suffer.

"I'm proud of you, Ron. You did admirably."

Tonks put a supportive hand on his shoulder, and only the heat he could feel in his body radiated off of her hand.

Pride. It couldn't be that…he couldn't feel proud about ending another man's life…?

But she was grinning in support, and maybe that was one of the emotions he was feeling…he couldn't quite tell. He was still quite numb about the whole thing.

What he did know though was that he wanted to say a lot of things to the pink-haired Auror. Thanks, for saving him. Thanks, for helping him through this. Thanks, for making him feel…better, he guessed.

"How'd you know?" is what he ended up saying.

Tonks gave him a wry smile as she climbed the porch steps and stumbled over the welcome mat. Muriel was in the doorway, looking crossly from the pile of sick in her otherwise immaculate front yard, to her pale nephew, and then to the Auror standing beside her with a knowing smile.

"Well? Come inside…you're letting the cold air in."

Ron's jaw dropped; he had messed up her perfect yard, a feat that in the past had earned Fred and George quite a chewing out, yet here he was, being invited in to do who knows what other damage to her house.

"I'm sure the others are worried about you, you missed the Portkey," his auntie fussed as she headed inside.

Ron ambled up the stairs and stood hesitantly in the doorway, watching Muriel bustle around the small but richly decorated living room to set out tea and biscuits.

"How…why…?" Ron looked confusedly from his auntie to Tonks, who stood at his side.

"Because…we've been there. We know everything," she smiled as she walked into the room, grabbing a biscuit from the tray and plopping down on the love seat.

Ron smiled bemusedly as he entered the house and closed the front door behind him.

Hugo stared up at his father in unsuppressed shock.

"So he…he died?"

Ron shook his head glumly.

"He didn't die that night…. One of his colleagues saved him. We didn't find out about it until much later."

"Oh."

Hugo stared at the Omnioculars in his hands blankly, trying to process the information.

"So girls know everything?"

"Pretty much," Ron replied, also staring at the Omnioculars. "On the plus side, we can find out a lot about them as well, if you spend enough time with them. For instance…."

Ron froze as he heard someone in the hallway climbing up the stairs.

"For instance, your mother's about to come into this room. She's going to be upset with me for being in your room, she'll apologize for hitting me on the head, and she'll ask you if you've learned your lesson, to which you'll reply you have, that you should respect your sister's privacy and you should not listen to me."

Hugo's face split into a broad grin as Hermione stuck her head into the room.

"I thought I sent you to your room?"

Ron gave his son a knowing eye before acknowledging his wife's remark.

"Got lost," he shrugged as she entered the room.

Her anger melted as she stood next to him, raking her fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry about hitting you…your head's okay, isn't it?"

Ron closed his eyes and nodded, enjoying the feeling of her fingers massaging his scalp.

"Hugo, have you learned your lesson?"

Hugo couldn't hide his enormous smile, and it was lucky that Hermione wasn't watching him or she would have been quite suspicious at finding humor in this seemingly tedious question.

"Yes, Mum…I should respect Rosie and Bobby's privacy, and I shouldn't listen to Dad when he tries to rope me into dumb ideas."

Hermione smiled as she transferred her affections to her son.

"That's my boy," she said, giving him a loving kiss to his forehead. "You can go play now."

He giggled as he followed his mother and father to the doorway.

"Oh, and Ron?"

Ron froze as they stepped into the hallway, his hand nervously floating above the handrail.

"Yes?"

Hermione grinned smugly.

"They kissed."

"They DIDN'T?!" Ron roared as he flew down the stairs and ran through the house to get to the backdoor. "ROSIE! NO!"

Hugo adopted the same blank stare he did before as he glanced from the spot his father recently vacated to his mother.

"We know everything," Hermione shrugged but kept her grin on her face as she descended the stairs after her husband, leaving her son to ponder the real workings of women, compared to his father's interpretation of them.

A/n: Damn, this was a long one! This is like…two chapters in one! Lucky you! ;)

But anyway, this chapter marks the beginning of a bit of a 'season finale' sorta thing. I like to think that every 10 chapters I'll do something special as a celebration. The flashback in this chapter will be vital to the next two chapters I write. Let's just say you have Hermione/Ron-ness to look forward to in the next chapter's flashback. :D

After my next two updates I'm going to be taking a bit of a break (haha, like three weeks isn't enough of a break?) to finish off another doozy of a fic I'll have coming out later this year. I think you all will love it…plenty of Ron/Hermione/action/blood/angst and more!

I've probably confused everyone…bah, well expect another update in (hopefully) the not-too-distant future.

Thanks so much to all my reviewers; you are all wonderful people who deserve wonderful things for the love you share! And if you haven't taken the time to review, please do so! I'd sorely appreciate it!

-dieselwriter