So, this chapter will be the one where the sh*t hits the proverbial fan. And furthermore, I deeply apologize for any and/or all OOCness. And I do not own Hetalia.
"Ah! Dima!" A cheerful, Ukrainian-accented voice calls as soon as the capitals file into the lobby. A girl looking only a day shy from eighteen jogs over and hugs Dmitri tightly. "Oh my goodness Dima, I am so happy to see you!" Recovering from the shock of the sudden embrace, Dmitri smiles widely and hugs her back, returning the enthusiasm
"Sasha, I am very glad to see you as well!" he says brightly.
"Pryvitannie Dima." A stern-looking teenager greets, walking up to the group somewhat uncomfortably.
"YURI!" Dmitri zips over and gives his younger cousin a crushing embrace. "It is good to see you Yuri!" No one can tell if Yuri's face is red from embarrassment of his cousin's open display of affection or if it's because of the fact he can't breathe.
"You are as affectionate as ever Dima." Yuri comments, stepping back a bit. Dmitri continues to smile until realization hits him.
"Oh. Tetya Katyusha and Tetya Natalya are here, da?"
Oh, great. Stanley, as well as everyone else, thinks. Alexandra wrings her hands nervously while Yuri's face remains stoic.
"Mama and Titka Natalya wanted to have our family reunion a bit sooner Dmitri. We miss you and Dyaďko Vanya." she offers.
"Perhaps Ciotka Katyusha wanted as such. But my mother is still under the delusion that Dziadźka Vanya is just, how do you say it Stanley? 'Playing hard to get'. I will not begin to describe how incredibly inconvenient this is for all of you..."
"It's alright, seriously." Stanley interjects. "You two can just hang with us. We're only talking about the boring stuff today, so can't do much about that. Strictly business. But at least it should keep you out of some the of family drama." Sasha takes Stanley's hand and squeezes it.
"You are so sweet Stan! And do not worry. I have some knitting that I would like to finish."
"I have a book. And I also want to clean my blades." Yuri adds. He gives Stan a wry smile. "Always the hero, are you not?" Stan smirks back.
"I try dude." "I have noted it." He then takes out a cigarette and lights it up.
"Sir!" Everyone turns and sees a rather irritated business woman walks up to him. "Sir, you can not smoke in here!" Yuri raises an eyebrow.
"I apologize." He proceeds to carefully stub it out on the bottom of his boot. "No! You're making it worse!" she shouts. "You'll set the building on fire!"
"You're overreacting. It's not like we're standing on carpet. So calm your ass, lady." Stanley snaps. Yuri scowls at the woman.
"Listen to me. Sasha and I have just gotten off a flight from Ukraine and I am very tired. I did not intend to break one of your policies. But the problem has been neutralized and I shall not do it again. Now, you harping bliazď, you can leave and return to your insignificant life and routine ."
"Yuri..." Dmitri mutters in a warning tone, knowing the word all too well. The woman then grabs the front of his dark red shirt and jabs a finger at his face. He scowls in disdain, looking ready to draw his knife.
"Listen. I know who you are, as well as the other freaks that come crawling here. I don't get paid to coddle you, so you'd better straighten up, or I swear I will-"
"You will what?" Dmitri tears her hand off of his cousin and forces the woman to face him, still holding her wrist, a sweet, benevolent smile hiding the malicious anger seeping from his being. The woman's eyes widen."I will apologize for my cousin's rudeness, but I will not tolerate any threats towards my family, politically or otherwise. Nor will I allow you to call any of us or our parent nations freaks. If it were not for us, you would not be here, I guarantee that." Horrified and infuriated, the woman twists her arm out of his grip and storms off.
"That's going straight to my dad. Damn it." Stanley smacks his forehead. Dmitri's mood changes from homicidal to concerned. As does Yuri's.
Worst of all, Sasha seems to be ready to burst into tears.
"I did not intend..." Yuri begins.
"I know you didn't. That woman's been a bitch for as long as she's worked here. She just loves pouncing on anyone for anything. She has a hard time keeping her trap shut when it comes to-"
"YOU GITS CAN'T STAY OF TROUBLE FOR A FEW HOURS!" Arthur shouts storming in, face bright scarlet.
Well, that was fast.
"Iggy, calm down, man-" Alfred tries to plead.
"NO! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BEHAVIOR!"
"Dad, let us explain-"
"Please stop shouting, Uncle Iggy-"
"Jason, what happened?" Matthew tries asking calmly among the chaos.
"Um-"
"Mon petit chou, you must remember you are not an Englishman!" Francis scolds.
"Non! I did nothing!"
"What is going on!?" Katyusha sobs.
"Mama, I-"
"Malen'kiy Volk, you do not act like that! Did that woman threaten you, Sasha or Yuri?!" Ivan asks, deeply concerned.
"Y-you see Papa-"
"Yuri, answer your father!" Natalya demands.
"I do not have a father, Mama-"
"I demand that everybody calm down!" Ludwig shouts. "I have no interest of what happened, but it is clear that the Capitals cannot function properly today."
"Says the people who can't get through a meeting without trying to murder each other." Stanley snorts, earning a smack on the back of his head from Alfred.
"So they will be sitting with us for the rest of the day." he finishes.
Needless to say, the kids are not happy with this.
"That's bullshit!"
"Nyet! I refuse!"
"Wankers!"
"Oh, be quiet!" Arthur interjects before anyone else can get their two cents in. "What has been going on with all of you today?!"
All of the Capitals exchange glances.
"Hormones." they reply.
/
It was predictable that the Nations would start arguing. So instead, the capitals bet on how long it would take for the chaos to ensue.
Everyone owes Akiko five dollars.
But there is a perk to this. The Capitals actually get all of their written work done, having developed the power to tune out the Nations. Tomorrow, all they have to do is hold discussion, lead by Eva of course.
Soooooo boooorrrrreeedddd.
At this point, Stanley doesn't try to figure out what the shouting and crying is all about. Probably something seriously stupid. Or creepy. He just wants to get out of here. He's ready to fall asleep when he feels a kick to the knee. He looks across the table and see Dmitri smiling a little too innocently. He allows a tiny smirk and kicks him back. Dmitri kicks a little harder. Just as an all-out kicking war was going to begin (which would have certainly resulted in broken legs for both parties), Stan hears Arthur's exhausted voice.
"I suppose we can call it a day-"
"Oh, Gott sei Dank!" Eva groans. Ludwig shoots her a look, but say nothing.
The teens stand and stretch.
"Dima, do you have the AC/DC CD?" Yuri asks. Dmitri pauses for a moment and then smiles.
"Oh, da! It is back in our hotel room." he answers.
"I'm starving! Think I'll head to the Micky D's around the corner." Stan says to no one in particular. He takes out his wallet and hands Akiko her promised reward, and the other capitals do the same.
"Ah, I think I am running out of cigarettes." Sasha says, frowning at her near-empty pack. As well as her last. Dmitri takes out an unopened pack and hands it to her.
"There you go, Sasha." he says cheerfully.
"I think I will go to see if there is any good manga." Akiko announces, smiling at her winnings.
"Up." Jason looks down and sees the small white bear.
"Hey Kumajiro!" he says scooping the animal up. Kumajiro then turns his head to the Slavic capitals, who are discussing the incident earlier. Yuri rolls an unlit cigarette between his finger and thumb idly, informing Dmitri and Sasha that they've all witnessed events worse than smoking indoors. The bear's eyes lock on the smoke. "What's that?" he asks, pointing at Yuri. Matthew and Jason never smoked. When Alfred and Stan did years ago, they had to smoke outside. Dmitri did, but Kumajiro was usually more focused on the attention he always gets and a few windows were always open.
"What's that?" he asks pointing at Yuri's hand.
"Oh, a cigarette." the Belarusian answers.
"Can I see?"
"No, he can't." Matthew states firmly.
"Come on Dad, he's curious."
"Here, I will show him." He walks over and holds it out to the bear.
"What's his face says I can't." Kumajiro says, not wanting to get hurt or reprimanded.
"It is not lit friend. Just do not try to eat it." Yuri reassures him. Like Dmitri and Sasha, he has a soft spot for animals. Kumajiro sniffs it and huffs, turning his head.
"Ick."
"I guess he doesn't smoke." Stanley snickers.
/
"Stan, catch!" Alfred calls tossing him a McDonalds to-go bag at their hotel room. Stanley catches it and pulls out a double quarter pounder and takes a large bite.
"Mm. Thank Dad." Alfred hops his bed.
"Anything good on?"
"Dumb and Dumber. It just started." His phone goes off and he answers it without checking to see who it is.
"Hello?"
"Stan?"
"D! How's it hanging?"
"I do not have anything hanging at the moment, but I am fine." Stanley can hear yelling and crying in the background.
"Uh...typical family reunion?"
"Da, it is quite typical."
"THIS IS WHY WE CANNOT BE A HAPPY FAMILY!" Yuri shouts. "ALL YOU TWO DO IS FIGHT!"
"I-I am so sorry Yuri!" Katyusha wails.
"Ah! Please do not cry Mama. It is alright." Sasha says in attempt to soothe her.
"Not you, Ciotka Katyusha! Mama and Dzaidźka Vanya! He is not my papa, Mama! And you are not Dima's mama."
"Please stop-" Ivan's emotionally drained voice breaks through, only to be interrupted by Natalya.
"Yuri, I demand that you stop this-"
"Niama! You never listen to me! What about Mr. Laurinaitis? He is so kind…"
"I should hang up the phone now. They are going to bring poor Toris into this." Dmitri finally speaks.
"Yeah. Call me back when things settle down."
"Da. T-Tetya Natalya, you are making Papa cry again! Please Papa, it will be okay! Calm down Tetya Katyusha, it is not your fault! Help me Sasha! Yuri-!" Stan hangs up and sighs.
"And I thought family reunions over at our place sucked." he groans. Alfred chuckles.
"Then stop bitching about 'em!" he suggests cheerfully.
"Nope."
/The Next Day/
"I do not understand this Stanley. I love my family, I truly do. But I do not like it when we all are in the same area. So much fighting and sobbing…" Dmitri says with a sigh as the two wait in the meeting room for the others to arrive.
"I have an idea of where you're coming from. Uncle Francis messes with Uncle Iggy, Dad is way too loud, and Uncle Matt has to be the referee. Or, depending on what we're doing, he gets a baseball to the face."
"But I do not think you, Jason, Mary and Pierre hide in a tree when one is available." Stan looks at him for a solid minute and bursts out laughing.
"O-Oh my God! Are you serious?!"
"Da! That is how upsetting it is!" Dmitri says, looking mildly offended. Stan claps a hand on his shoulder, still chuckling.
"I'm sorry D. It's tough. But you have to know that it's pretty funny to someone outside that situation."
"Da." he says a bit sulkily, lighting a cigarette.
"Hey! What did I say yesterday!?" Eva shouts.
"Oh, I am sorry!" Dmitri gasps, stubbing it out.
"Ja. Everyone inside!"
The rest of the teens file in to get seated.
"That German girl is crazy, Dima." Yuri mutters as he sits down.
"Is everyone here?"
"Yeah Eva." Stanley says, silently steeling himself for the anal-retentive capital.
"Gut. Now I think we should start off with-"
*CLICK*
"What was that?" Sasha asks. Stan gets up and goes over to the door, turning the knob.
"It's locked!" he says incredulously. "Hey! Open the door!" he shouts. The other capitals begin to panic. Dmitri, Jason and Mary rush for the door.
"What the bloody hell is this?!"
"I do not like this joke!"
"Is this funny, eh?!"
"Be quiet." Ludwig's strained voice comes through.
"Papi!" Eva runs over to hear her father. "What is going on Papi?!"
"Stay in there Eva! All of you!"
"What's going on!?" Stanley asks, frustration fading into fear. "Where's my dad?!"
"Nein. Not the time. Eva."
"J-Ja Papi."
"Ich habe dich lieb. All of your parents love you-" The sound of a skull colliding with the door seems free the rest of the teenagers from their respective places.
"V-v-ve! Mio padre!"
"NIE! MAMA!"
"LOOK!" Pierre yells. A gray-white gas begins to seep in from under the door. Stanley and Dmitri snatch their jackets off and kneel down to cover it, only get lung full of it when it begins to billow out almost violently.
"Dammit!" Stanley gasps.
And that's the last thing he does before his world turns black.
I apologize to everyone who actually likes this story!
Classes have been killing me! ;_; I'll do better, I promise!
Translations-
Italian:
Mio padre- My dad
Belarusian:
Pryvitannie- Hello
Ciotka- Aunt
Dzaidzka- Uncle
Niama- No
Bliazd'- Bitch/Whore
Russian:
Tetya- Aunt
Ukrainian:
Titka- Aunt
Nie- No
Dyad'ko- Uncle
German:
Gott sie Dank- Thank God
Ich habe dich lieb- I love you (to family members, unlike Ich liebe dich)
French:
Mon petit chou- Very popular endearment. Literally translates to 'My little cabbage'.
And yes, I'm going with Uncle Iggy. It just sounds better than Uncle Art.