A/N: This chapter contains a section about non-consensual sex. Please heed the warning!
Bitter sweet (Helen)
Unbreakable, by Nick Howard
"Standing on a ledge see the past before me
Pick out all the bruises one by one.
Feel a little cold but there's warm there somewhere
But not where you come from.
Staring at my face in a broken mirror
Pick up all the pieces make them one.
You might be strong, but you'll never hurt me
There's nothing stronger than love."
Kane dragged me to the tunnel and up the stairs into the house. I fought him as hard as I could, not wanting to leave my child behind. Finally, he backhanded me across the face. "STOP IT!" he shouted at me. Exhausted from the struggling and the blow, I stopped fighting and let my tears flow freely. In the room I saw that Reuben had packed quite a few cardboard boxes and extinguished the fire. "Are you finally done?" Kane snapped. The warlock just nodded. „Yep, you've got the trigger?" he asked. Kane nodded. „Here. Do it once we're outside", he replied and handed him a small black box that looked like a remote control. Then he dragged me out of the house and to the white van. It was sunny and for the first time I saw where we were. High up on a mountain, snow covered everything and the sunlight provided me with a good view. If I only knew where exactly we are, I thought. "Get in", he growled. Kane shoved me into the backseat of the van. He didn't even bother to hide me. When the warlock left the house, he turned around once more and pushed a button on the little black box. A loud bang could be heard and a cloud of dust appeared through the entrance. "What… what was that?" I asked alerted. Kane grinned. „Well, darling, our friend has changed his plans a little. He will settle down as a physician and heal a lot of people with your lover's blood. You were, so to say, the guinea pig", he elaborated sardonically. "You know, the vervain and that... And such a precious investment needs to be protected." I stared at him. „You… you blew up the tunnel?" I asked horrified. Kane nodded smugly. „Yep."
Shaken to the core I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. Damon would lose control while starving and kill Laura. And if our son should really survive, he would die later in Damon's arms. The cruelty behind this cut me to the bone. I had never been a religious person before, but for the first time in my adult life I started praying reverently for help. As if from afar, I registered that Kane used the central locking and pulled out after Reuben sat in the passenger seat. Blinded by tears I stared out of the window, not recognizing the landscape. The pain I felt pierced my heart like a thousand needles. Numbly I fingered the raven pendant. I was still wearing it, Kane had left it to me and now I was very glad about it. I knew that Damon couldn't die, but watching his own child die… I couldn't even imagine the agony my beloved would have to suffer. And the baby… my poor poor child… quickly I pushed the image of my son's face out of my mind. I couldn't dwell on it, otherwise I would crumble. I just wanted to die, that's how miserable I felt, but I couldn't. I would become a vampire, and that wasn't an option. Damon's blood had saved my life and I owed him to keep it.
While I sat there, a plan formed in my head. I had to make sure that Kane would trust me and take of the repressor. Only then could I help Damon. We drove down into the valley and then to the west. Kane took the next interstate and at some point I saw a sign saying Kentucky. I was about to ask where we were going when he took the next exit to get to a gas station. "We'll stop for gas", he said and turned to me. "You will not run away", he addressed me with an intense glance as if he was trying to hypnotize me. I felt a tug in my head, just like with Damon at Christmas. "I won't run away", I replied without blinking. Inwardly, I cursed myself, but I couldn't withstand his compulsion. Kane refueled the car while I stretched my legs. "I'm hungry and thirsty", I told him when he was done. "We'll arrive in Louisville in about two hours. You'll get something there", he explained gruffly and shoved me back into the car. We continued our travel until we arrived at a small motel next to the interstate. There was a bar and grill next to it and Kane checked us in for two rooms. I had to go with him. In the room, he threw a bag on the bed. „Here, new clothes. Take a shower and get dressed." He pointed to the bathroom door.
Eagerly I grabbed the bag and entered the bathroom. A shower! I opened the bag and found a few toiletries in there. I brushed my teeth and stepped into the tub for a long, long hot shower. Scrubbing the filth of the past weeks off my body and out of my hair, I lathered myself generously. For a moment, my hands rested on my empty stomach and I froze. The vampire blood had not only stopped the hemorrhage, but had obviously also reshaped my body. Apart from a couple of pounds too many, there were no traces left of my pregnancy… Tears rolled down my cheeks while I rinsed myself. I felt empty, not only physically but also emotionally. After toweling myself, I tried a few clothes from the bag and found something fitting and blow-dried my hair. When I returned to the room, he lounged in an armchair and looked me over. "You're looking much better now, my dear. Let's go eat." He got up and I let the bag fall onto the bed. Roughly he grabbed my wrist. "My order is still the same: Don't run, got it?" he said and held my gaze. "I won't run", I repeated. "Good." He caressed my hair before he pulled me with him.
Was he trying to get to me with friendliness? I thought while we walked over to the bar and grill. The joint, there was no other word for it, was filled with cigarette smoke and the smell of stale beer. We sat down at a table and a bottle blonde waitress approached us, wobbling on her high heels and chewing on her gum like a cow. "What's it to be?" she squawked and whipped out her pad. "Beer and something to eat", Kane ordered. She nodded and scribbled down with her extra- long and colorful artificial nails. "And the lady?" she insisted. "I'll take a beer too", I replied. The blonde banged a blotchy looking piece of paper on the table – the menu - and wobbled back to the counter. The men ordered steak and I thought about it. Emotionally, I didn't feel like eating, but there was no use in going to sleep hungry and so I ordered steak too. When the food came, my mouth watered from the smell and just now I recognized how hungry I really was. "Slow down. I hate puking women", Kane grumbled when I dug hastily into my food. I forced myself to eat a little slower and after my plate was empty and two more beer, I felt a lot more relaxed. However, my bladder now reminded me of other necessities. "I need to pee", I said quietly. Kane pointed to the restroom and gave me a warning glance.
I stood in front of the spotty, broken mirror after relieving myself and looked at my image. You look just as broken as this mirror, I thought and touched my face. A cold breeze from the window made me shiver. I turned around to close it and saw that there weren't grills in front of it. My first impulse was to climb out and run away – wait a moment! Shouldn't this be impossible because of the compulsion? I decided to put it to the test and attempted to climb out of the window. Nothing was stopping me, I was able to decide freely! What happened to Kane's compulsion? Had it been only partially active or had something prevented him from compelling me? Had I only anticipated to obey and could have run earlier? I was baffled and looked at my mirror image. I knew I hadn't any vervain in me, Damon's blood had been free of it, otherwise I wouldn't have lived. So what was it? My gaze fell on the raven pendant. Was that the key? Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. „Hey, do you intend to stay in there?" Kane shouted from the other side. "I'm coming", I replied hastily and turned the faucet on. I decided to stay with him for a while to rid of the damn repressor. I needed to have my witchcraft back! When I left the restroom, Kane grabbed my arm. "What took you so long?" he growled. "You want details about form and color?" I retorted with my newly found courage. He let me go and barked a laugh. „Quite witty", he said. „Come on. Let's go back to the room."
The warlock vanished into his room while Kane shoved me into his. He let himself fall on the bed and patted the space beside him. "Sit down, I won't bite", he demanded with a grin. Hesitantly, I crept closer. "I said sit down", he growled harshly and I obeyed. "Closer", he breathed. I gulped and scooted closer to him. "Lie on your back." He looked me over while I did it. Inwardly I prayed… please don't… please don't… not this… and closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt him taking my hand. "You've got the choice, darling. I'll get you the hard way, or you can volunteer in it", he whispered and caressed the back of my hand with one finger. Involuntarily I trembled. "Now?" I croaked. He let a dirty laugh and I opened my eyes. „No, I can wait until we're home. It's more comfy." With a lewd grin he traced his fingers up my arm to my shoulder and stopped. "Sleep. Tomorrow we'll be home." Abruptly he turned around and pulled the blanket up. Still tense, I also covered myself and turned to my side. So I have a period of grace, I thought. Sleep avoided me for many hours. I was still scared that he would savage me, but at some point my body finally gave in and reclaimed its badly needed sleep.
We arrived around noon the next day. Kane drove up the hills just before St. Louis and we finally stopped in front of a large two-storey house with an impressive portal which made the building look like one of those southern plantation mansions. A less frequented side road in the middle of a forested area led to it. "Welcome home, Helen", he said and had us all get out of the car. Reuben took the cardboard boxes out of the trunk and carried them all into a small shed next to the main building. Kane dragged me into the house and showed me around. "Kitchen, living room, that's the rear porch with a garden and upstairs there are several bedrooms with adjoined bathrooms. The perfect home for a big family, don't you think?" He led me upstairs and stopped in front of a room, opening the door. "This will be your room for now, and this", he pointed to the next door, "is my room." He grinned, but then he took my chin between two fingers and forced me to look into his eyes. "You won't leave the house, you won't answer the door or the phone, understood?" he tried to compel me and I felt a familiar tug in my head. "I won't leave the house and I won't answer the door or the phone", I repeated, pretending the compulsion was in place. "Very good. And now, stay in your room until I get you. I've got a few things to do." Without a word I escaped into the room and let him close the door behind me. Relieved, I let myself fall on the bed. Finally I had a safe haven.
For five days, Kane more or less left me alone. He was out for almost the whole day and came back at nightfall. Most times he insisted that I had dinner with him and apart from that he obviously expected me to play housewife for him. Reuben on the contrary, spent most of his time in the shed and he also slept there. I was glad that the warlock kept his distance, I didn't want to deal with him as long as I didn't have my powers back. My mind was busy with other things. Apart from the healing and reshaping my stomach, the vampire blood had also caused a complete body reset. I should've had problems with excess breast milk, but nothing happened. Another reason to kill him, I reminded myself grimly and started making a plan. As soon as Kane would force me into his bed, my resistance to his compulsion would be revealed. I needed to make sure that the circumstances would be in my favor and that I could kill him. And this time, luck was on my side. A few days later, I found something in the library while dusting the bookshelves – a letter opener made of hardwood. It lay on the top of one shelf, as if someone had forgotten it there. Smiling, I tucked it into my pocket.
Around the end of the second week, the warlock raised quite a ruckus by bursting into our dining room. "I need to talk to you – now!" he said urgently. "Out!" Kane ordered me and I grabbed my plate, taking it into the kitchen. There I put it down and listened carefully. Unfortunately, I only got fragments. "… found him… saved… searching for her…" I caught my breath and stepped back, leaning to the sink. Could this mean that they had found Damon? And saved him? And maybe our son? Was there hope – for me? I made a decision. I would kill Kane the same night, if possible. Then I heard the front door bang closed. Reuben must've left. I went back into the dining room. „Can I collect the dishes?" I asked, hiding my turmoil. Kane just nodded. Back in the kitchen I had just started rinsing the plates when suddenly Kane stood right behind me. His hands caressed my back and the outside of my arms. I froze on the spot. "Helen", he breathed into my ear and turned me around to face him. "I wanted you to do this voluntarily, but I'm running out of time", he murmured, his fingertips tracing the skin of my face. Another proof for my hope. "Go to my room, undress and lay down in my bed. Wait for me there", he said, using compulsion again. "I'll wait in your bed", I whispered, desperately trying to contain my fear and left the kitchen.
With shaking knees, I went upstairs into my room to get the letter opener. Then I walked into his bedroom and lay in his bed, naked, like he had ordered. I hid the opener under my pillow. Then I waited… and my thoughts started rambling. You'll have to let him touch you, I thought, he needs to be as close as possible. Tears welled up in my eyes and I started shaking. Could I do that? Could I pretend to acquiesce? I breathed hectically, trying to regain my composure. Calm down now, I thought, you need to convince him and kill him in the right moment. Like a mantra, I repeated this thought in my head over and over again. When he finally entered the room and started to undress, panic rose in me. I started to compare him to Damon, but it didn't help. Oh God, this will be like being raped! I thought and started trembling. I couldn't control it. He pulled the blanket away and looked my naked body over.
WARNING: The next paragraph contains non-consensual sex. Skip it if you don't want to read it!
When he started caressing my sides with his hand, I bit my lip not to scream. "Shsh, calm down", he murmured and grabbed my chin. "Don't struggle", he said, using compulsion again, but it was extremely hard this time to pretend. "You may not want it, but you will like it, believe me", he breathed and let one hand wander south to my nether regions while his lips closed around my nipples. I couldn't prevent the tears from running down my face. The bastard knew exactly how to stimulate a female body! After a short time my own body betrayed me and my hips arched into his touch out their own volition. Traitor! my brain screamed when he pushed my legs apart and buried his cock in my wet folds. Hold out, another voice inside me reminded me. Bile rose in my gullet and I fought it down again, focusing on that one goal – to kill him! Reaching for the letter opener I stretched one arm up and under my pillow, closing my fist tightly around the wood. I opened my tear-clouded eyes and looked at him. He was short of coming. "God, you're wonderful", he gasped with closed eyes and kept moving jerkily. Stealthily, I drew the hand with the opener down to my waist and waited. Just when he was starting to come with a groan I thrust the wooden opener into his chest, just below the ribcage.
He groaned with pain and stared wide-eyed at me, not believing what I did. "This is for my son", I hissed, thrusting a little further. "And this is for me!" I growled and shoved the opener completely into his heart. Then I pushed his desiccating body off me and jumped from the bed. His body rolled to the side and the only upright thing was the handle of the opener and his cock. Suddenly, I heard a soft click and I felt something moving on my wrist. I looked down. The repressor had opened and I removed it hastily. Obviously Kane's death had been a trigger. Rage welled up inside me. Rage about this yucky thing and about the disgusting things I had just endured. The lights flickered heavily and the whole electric wiring hummed. I had my powers back! Breathing heavily I leaned to the wall and felt something on my thigh. Looking down, I saw a sticky fluid dripping out of my crotch onto my thigh and I got sick. Covering my mouth, I ran to the bathroom, embracing the toilet bowl. My whole stomach emptied itself and in the end I collapsed sobbing to the ground next to it.
For the first time in weeks, I could feel free, but all I felt was misery and disgust at the things I'd done to survive. After a while, I forced myself up on my feet and scrubbed my body ferociously under the shower spray until I sort of convinced myself that I didn't bear any of his marks anymore. I felt humiliated and defiled, but I had managed to kill him. I had killed Kane! Why couldn't I feel triumph? I crept back into my room and packed a few things before I got dressed. I wouldn't stay another minute in this house. Methodically, I searched Kane's office for the car keys and money. After stealing a few supplies from the kitchen I headed out and threw everything into the van before I turned around once more. This building would never ever be a home to someone else. Fueling my magic with my rage, I let the wiring smolder, developing the first embers into a fully-fledged house fire and did the same with the shed. Just when all parts of the building were eaten by raging flames, I started the car and drove off.