Author's Note: Thank you to all my reviewers and for those who ask.. begging and tributes are never turned away... (o:`,
The sun is going down as Dean stumbles through the door looking worse for wear.
"Whoa, what happened to you," Sam asks concerned.
"You know. Me and Cas. Exercises." Dean can only gesture vaguely like thats almost too much effort.
"I thought you were like meditating or something," he says incredulously.
"Yeah well, sometimes it gets kinda physical."
"What the hell-"
"Can we talk about this later? I am wiped."
Sam glares but allows, "Yeah, fine."
Dean closes the bathroom door, too tired to care about the annoyed frown on his brother's face.
Sam takes off to do some recon a few towns over the next day. They had argued when he noticed some of Dean's colorful bruising. Dean tried to explain that what he was doing was helping but got angry when Sam kept pushing to know more. So he let his hot head rule his mouth..
A little time apart would do them some good. They needed it every once in a while. He spends most of the day eating local BBQ and flicking through the channels ideally, catches a few reality trash shows and a rerun episode of Dr. Sexy MD.
He jerks off to his favorite porn mag and falls asleep early due to boredom.
Something wakes him up.
Before he can panic, he blinks his eyes and sees a familiar hunched form sitting on the side of his bed, facing the door. Is he dreaming this?
"Cas? Cas, you ok?" Dean tries to force himself more awake.
"I didn't have anywhere else to go."
"What's wrong?" Dean asks to his back, getting uneasy.
"A woman drowned her baby today."
Dean is confused but knows how affected by this Cas is because his voice is devoid of all emotion.
"I told you that I have been helping people. Her infant daughter was one of those I had healed."
"Cas.." Dean reaches forward to put a hand on his shoulder.
"The mother was suffering from depression. Apparently it is not uncommon."
Dean feel helpless but not in the way it usually is between them. God he is crap at this. Sam is way better at knowing what to say when people are breaking. How does he make Cas better?
"I know it is useless to mourn one human tragedy.. it.. she was one of countless deaths today. I just thought that I would.. possibly check in on her throughout her life."
Back still to him, Dean sees Cas drop his head even lower and hunch in on himself.
Dean can only think of one thing that might help. "You know, a good friend of mine once told me.. you can't save everyone."
He hears a little laugh that turns into a small sob.
When Dean pulls at his shoulder, Cas turns and looks at him, eyes shiny even in the dark with unshed tears.
Dean stands up and Cas goes back to staring at the floor. Dean bends and slips off his dress shoes, trench-coat and suit jacket. He loosens his tie and pulls it over his head. Cas lets him, frowning at the ground.
Dean finally pushes him down and crawls up the bed behind him. He presses himself close and hesitates. Then shakes his head angrily at his hang-ups and brings an arm over the other man's middle. He may not know what else to say but he can at least do this.
Slowly, he can feel Cas becoming pliant instead of tense. After a long time, he covers Dean's hand that's on his stomach with his own.
He must have fallen back asleep because he wakes up with his hand on Cas' chest. Cas had turned on his back and is staring at the ceiling, left hand behind his head.
He gazes down when Dean shifts but doesn't say anything.
A barely there smile flashes for a minute but leaves as soon as he's seen it.
Dean makes himself shake off the awkwardness of waking up in bed with a man. This is his friend, who yeah he's let touch his naughty parts but who is hurting.
"My apologizes for last night."
"Shut up, Cas." The smile stays a bit longer this time.
Dean tries to sit up smoothly and not make a big deal of pulling his hand back.
"Come on, why don't you go get a shower."
"Dean, I don't need to-"
"Yeah, I know you can zap yourself squeaky clean but it always makes me feel better."
Cas just looks at him like he doesn't get the point.
"Humor me, huh?"
And secretly he kinda wants to see what Cas has under all these layers. Not that he'd want to do anything with him being so down.
"Sam is not here."
"Nope, he's off scouting our next case."
Cas follows him to the bathroom, still in pants, shirt and socks. Dean almost laughs at seeing Cas in socks. He definitely doesn't laugh when Cas starts to slip buttons through their holes in the white dress shirt one by one, watching him.
Dean turns to fiddle with the settings and get the water comfortable. He's testing the spray with his hand when he hears his belt unbuckling. Moving to sit on the closed toilet lid, he doesn't look up until he's taken a deep breath.
"Are you not going to undress?" Dean's only in boxers and a thin white t-shirt.
"No Cas, just get your shower. I didn't tell you to do it so we could.. you know. I want you to feel better."
"I will feel better when you are no longer wearing clothing."
Dean smiles and looks away.
There's a clink of the belt hitting the linoleum and he can't help looking back when he hears Cas' pants are off. Then the socks and finally the blue boxers.
He has a lean muscled body that he hid so well. It's smooth and he thinks graceful. It's surreal to have so much of him on display. Cas only gives him a minute to stare before he moves to drag Dean to his feet.
He's pulling Dean's shirt over his head without hesitation like he has every right. Then his plaid boxers are being pushed past his hips, Cas looking straight in his eyes from too close as he pushes them down around where he is hardening.
They haven't said anything in a while and they are suddenly in a small space, no clothing between them. It feels claustrophobic and overwhelming, but Dean is gonna try very hard not to panic.
Cas slowly lowers his eyes to follow the naked line of his body to his curling toes.
"You are beautiful, Dean."
Dean scoffs audibly at that. Chicks usually dig his muscles and he'll admit he can clean up when he wants, but he knows there's deep scars and a few places where a chunk of flesh has been gouged out. Hunting had taken its toll on any "beauty" he might have once had but he'd paid the price willing. Cas was beautiful..graceful.. though he scarcely let that thought form.
"Geez Cas, you can't just say stuff like that. Besides I'm a man. We're not 'beautiful'."
Cas had started running a finger or thumb over each burn, scratch, scar and imperfection and said distractedly, "I could use pulchritudinous if you prefer?"
Dean was at full mast now and trying to focus on being still but this odd inspection of his body was driving him crazy.
"Exquisite? Resplendent?" He finally reached up to cup Dean's neck and rub the pad of his thumb over the fading mark he'd left when sucking it against that bathroom wall.
"Beautiful," he said as he lifted his eyes.
Dean sucked in air and tried to steady his pulse. Cas was so freaking intense sometimes.
Not really being able to take being looked at with such reverence much longer he tries to make a joke. "You look better without the bees."
"You're referring to when I was insane. I still believe insects are preferable to most angels, as well as humans after yesterday."
"C'mon, let's get a shower before there's no hot water left."
It was kinda weird, showering with a guy. He hardly ever even showered with one of his one-night stands. Dean ducked his head under the spray, ran a hand back and forth over this hair and moved underneath it so Cas had more room. He resolutely kept his eyes at chest level.
He almost laughed as he had a mental image of an angel getting wet and thoughts of wings droopy with water.
Cas stood with the water hitting his chest like he didn't know what else he was supposed to do. Grabbing the bar of soap, Dean instructed him to rub it all over till there was suds.
It was like a forbidden wet dream and distracting to see the water beating off so much of his skin, warmth making it slightly pink.
Dean looked to the ceiling and blew out a breath. His first jerk-off fantasy of Cas had been in the shower and it was really hard to not remember it in great detail at the moment.
"I think I'm finished?" Cas said like he still wasn't sure if he had done this right.
"Uh, turn around. I'll get your back."
As Cas turned, he took the bar from him. Dean suds the bar over his shoulders, middle of his back and can't stop his head from bending to check out the firm ass. He must have stopped moving his hand for too long because Cas turns and sees where his eyes were from over his shoulder.
He tilts his head and smiles.
"I want to wash your back as well."
"Uh, sure."
Dean is a little embarrassed as they shift places. Turning around, he feels vulnerable. Cas grabs the bar from his hand that's hanging at his side. Oh yeah. He'd forgotten to give it to him.
Instead of just rubbing the soap bar over him, Cas suds it between his hands and puts it down. His fingers are rubbing down his back. Dean tenses at the feeling and his arms feel awkward at his sides.
"Dean, put your hands on the wall."
His dick twitches and he does. He's staring at the while tile and he can't help getting snapshots of his daydream with him and Cas in the shower now.
Cas is dragging his soapy hands down his back. Down down down and Dean jumps a little when they don't pause as they get to his butt. Cas' hands turn to drag back up over his ass.
Since Cas is blocking the water, the suds cling to him. Dean's arms bend and he rests his forehead on the shower wall.
Cas breaks contact for a moment and Dean has time to wonder what he's doing but that's answered pretty quick and he almost bites off his tongue. It takes everything in him not to jerk away. Cas rubs his soaped up cock between his cheeks, his right arm coming around to pull him back against him tight. Cas mouth fastens on the side of his neck right about where the hickey was fading.
Cas left hand holds his hip as he slides against his ass. Groaning, Cas' blunt nails drag over it. The next pass he makes is harder and Dean winces as he leaves scratch marks. Dean's fingers bunch into claws on the wall but he relaxes them again immediately.
He feels kisses and gentle bites at the back of his neck before lips are replaced with Cas' firm right hand.
"Turn your head."
Dean obediently turns to his left as Cas forces his head steadily forward until his cheek is laying against the slick tile. Fuck.. he must have read Dean's mind and seen this.
Oh, this is so much better the scenario he imaged with Cas because he would never have dared add his cock picking up speed to make obscene noises behind him. His other hand moving to grab Dean's dick so it glides through his soapy fingers. Cas making little grunts in his ear as he surges against the back of his body.
Dean is pressed so hard into the unforgiving wall, they're both moaning now. Trapped tight, Dean closes his eyes and let's Cas fuck against him and his hand picks up the pace when his dick pumps harder. Cas hand squeezes his neck and he shouts something in Enochian.
If he has a braincell left later, he'll ask him about it.
Cas' cum is shooting over the small of his back and his ass.
"Now, Dean." He breathes in his ear and presses his entire body against him as he jerks him hard.
Dean cries out and Cas eventually uncurls from clutching him.
When Dean opens his eyes and pushes off the wall, it's dark and the water's cold.
He laughs, shakily. "Really, Cas?'
"What?" Cas says from close behind him.
"You're hell on light bulbs."
"Do you realize how difficult it is to not destroy light fixtures in the entire city?" he huffs.
"The water is cold and becoming uncomfortable."
Dean reaches blindly around him to shut it off.
As Dean steps out to open the door for some light, trying not to kill himself, he hears Cas say, "You were right Dean. The shower did make me feel better."