Light. So blinding he has to keep his eyes shut tight. Time passes and slowly he blinks a few times. The bright glare pulls back to the edges of his vision. Now there's just green. So much green. His mind starts to categorize it until he sees trees, grass, bushes, weeds, little wildflowers. Nothing and no one around but forest that stretches on forever or as far as he can see at least. But not like in Purgatory. Where that had been bleak and dirty and so hot you were choking on it even at night.. this was lush and healthy. Vibrant. Alive.
It kinda looks like.. Oh. This is where Cas first took him to spar. Oregon he said? Maybe. He looks around, waiting for him to fly in and just appear like he does.
But Dean's alone.
Though it's peaceful with the sky clear and despite the high sun there's no heat. The air smells refreshing as if it had rained not too long ago. Dean sits down against the trunk of a tree and closes his eyes. Leaning his head back, he listens to the insects.
He smiles when he feels someone sit down next to him. Cas finally got his feathery ass here already.
"'Bout time."
When he creaks his eyes open, he's confused to not see his angel. It's.. Chuck. Chuck sitting next to him. Legs bent, staring off into the wilderness. He looks kinda funny. No not funny. He'd been a bit funny looking to begin with. Now he's.. different. He's wearing a simple white short-sleeved t-shirt and light brown khakis. Bare feet sinking in the lush grass. Gone was the nervous fidgety guy he had hassled and bullied. Now he was possessed by a calmness, as if he could wait there for all eternity for Dean to speak.
"Chuck? You're dead." He says the obvious, slowly.
Chuck doesn't turn to him but just smiles. Light flickers across him through the leaves of the trees. Then it clicks.
"..And so am I."
He sighs and turns his head to face Dean.
"You are Chuck..right?"
"I am all that I ever was."
"Man, that sounds like cryptic afterlife talk if I ever heard it. Why can't anyone ever just give a simple meat n' potatoes answer?"
"Yes. I am the Chuck that you knew."
"But.." Dean furrows his eyebrows. "You're not exactly. I mean, how can you be? He was a weird little writer dude. You're.. more."
He raises his eyebrows. "If I am nothing else, I am a writer. I wrote you into existence as I did every living thing."
Dean's eyes widen. "You mean.."
"You call me Chuck. Castiel calls me Father. The Jewish people call me Elohim. Pantheists call me Mother Earth. Atheists don't call me at all."
He laughs once at his own joke and that looks a little more like the squirrely prophet he remembers.
"So, you're what.. God?" He probably should have something more profound to say than that. Does he expect him to like bow or something?
"You can continue to think of me as Chuck if it makes you more comfortable."
Dean shakes his head at how unbelievable this is. Him sitting next to God. Just having a talk. Dean Winchester and God. Wait does that mean he was a prophet of himself? Kinda cheating, wasn't it? This is really supposed be God? He's.. small. Not intimidating. Or impressive. Or breathtaking. Definitely doesn't look almighty. This can't be the creator of freaking everything.
"I really am, ya know."
Dean raises his eyebrows and heaves out a breath. "So why am I getting an audience?" It comes out thoughtful. Usually, that would have come out with more bite but all the anger he always kept inside is gone.
"It seems as though you were destined to die by your brother's hand after all."
Dean remembers Sam pulling him away from Cas. His arm up. He was really going to do it. Then.. Cas above him. He thinks Sam had been talking to him but not Cas. Cas just stared at him the whole time. His eyes never left Dean's.. until it was too hard to keep them open.
"Yeah, I guess so. I wasn't really holding out hope for a happy-ending anyway."
Dean breathes deeply and gazes out at the surrounding trees, finding serenity. Worrying about being dead wasn't really an option. He left the world behind with all its many problems still to be resolved but they weren't his problems anymore. Player 1 is dead. Game Over.
"You're not angry?"
"Nah, just.. sad, I guess." Dean clears his throat and asks, "Cas?" He doesn't want to hear if it's bad but he has to know.
"He's still down there. Begging for you. Pleading to let me take him instead and praying all kinds of deals at me." Chuck shakes his head but grins. "A bit unbecoming of an angel. I don't wheel and deal like the demons."
That's good. Cas would heal if he wasn't dead by now. Sam was alive, Cas was alive. All in all it was better than he expected. He wishes Sam didn't have to live out his life with Dean's death hanging over him.. wishes he could have made things right with Cas before.. he didn't even get to say any sappy last words. But he could be happy knowing that much. That thought is busted when Chuck turns to meet his eyes again.
"Once they snap out of their grief, once your body is cold, they'll turn on each other. Do you want me to tell you what will happen next? Do you want to know which will triumph?"
Dean knows now he can still feel pain. "Please.."
"What would you have me do?"
"Stop them!"
"It's free will, Dean. What you fought for so long and hard for. What I left my children to give them."
"Yeah! And look what they did with it." Dean gets to his feet. Restless. He probably shouldn't argue with freaking God but he can't keep silent when he thinks of all the death and collateral damage the angel's mutiny caused.
"Look what you did with it. The Crusades. Slavery. The Spanish Inquisition-" Chuck counts off on his fingers .
"Okay."
"Hiroshima, The Holocaust, Rwandan Genoc-"
"Alright, I get it." Dean says, tiredly.
"Before, they were cold, loyal, obedient. Without choice. When I left, I gave my angels the same chances mankind had. Freedom to kill each other. Freedom to release Lucifer. Freedom to end the world. Freedom to sacrifice themselves and fall in love with hunters."
Dean smiles down at the perfect grass but it hurts. He turns his wrist over out of habit and is surprised to see Cas' Sigil. He lets out a little laugh that sounds more like a sob.
"There's tattoos in Heaven?"
"You are as you see yourself."
"Kinda like in the Matrix?"
Chuck smirks. "Yeah, kinda. Apparently that has become a part of you."
Not taking his eyes off it, Dean rubs a thumb over the symbol with reverence and says, "I don't suppose you'd send me back for old time's sake?"
"Every time I do, you just find another way to get yourself killed. You used up more lives than a cat. I should probably cut my losses." Chuck has a twinkle in his eye but he's not exactly smiling.
"C'mon, I'm good for business. Isn't there more evil to take out? Demons to Banish? Apocalypses to avert-"
"There will always be evil, Dean. Your journey is done. You can rest now. You deserve it."
Dean sighs and traces the mark on his wrist. If nothing else, he has this. He tries to push thoughts of his brother and Cas away because otherwise it will just torment him endlessly.
The silence stretches. He feels the weight of Chuck's ancient eyes on him but he's lost in regret and memories.
"Why do you think you took the killing blow for Castiel?" He sounds merely curious as if he's asking what Dean's thoughts were on Global Warming or something.
Dean flicks his eyes up at him. "I didn't exactly expect to get an Angel Blade to the chest."
Chuck tilts his head reproachfully. "You can't lie to me, Dean. Before you even thought about moving, you knew you would not have enough time to stop your brother."
Dean shrugs. "What's it matter?"
"There's power in self-sacrifice. It is an act that honors my gift of free-will. To die in place of another.. That you would give yourself freely for one of my angels.. I respect the weight of such an act."
"Yep, that's me. Mr. Selfless." Dean fidgets. "So Chuck.. God, whatever.. don't you have anything better to do?"
"Not particularly." Chuck's lips twitch up in a smirk. "Castiel is now cursing me. How quickly his love for me departs. Where did all his devotion go do you think? I believe you have replaced me."
"Huh?" Hearing about Cas, an update on what he was doing right at that moment, gives him a twinge of grief that he wouldn't think was allowed in Heaven.
"You are his god." Chuck gestures up at him from where he's still sitting in the grass. "He serves, rebels, worships and dies in your name now."
Dean can't help the sad little laugh. "Don't be jealous."
Chuck stares at him, solemnly. "I would bring you back for him."
Dean's head jerks to up so fast he could have whiplash.
"Despite his mis-steps... I'm rather fond of him." His eyes crinkle at the ends and his mouth twists with affection.
Dean's afraid to say anything.
"Maybe this time you'll get it right." He nods once at the ground.
Dean doesn't quite believe he'll actually see Cas or Sam again. What is he supposed to do now? Swallowing, he tries to wrap his head around the magnitude of the words he's hearing.
"Um.. thanks, Chuck." It's ridiculous, but he doesn't know what else to say. Chuck smiles so he supposes it will suffice.
"Come sit next to me for a little while longer, Dean. Your heaven is quite nice."
Author's Note: I could feel the wrath and gnashing of teeth all day as you waited. I appreciate that I am able to traumatize you all with my little story and hope you lasted through the bad times. Now come close and I'll make it all better.