If I should die

Chapter 2

All this time I've loved you

She wasn't sure how long it had been. How long it had been since she'd entered the building, since she'd hit the ground. Since Callen had dropped to his knees beside her. She let her gaze drop from his eyes to the floor. The stain on his knees, what she knew was blood, her blood, climbed up the denim fibres growing larger and larger. Yet he didn't seem concerned. The room was still spinning but she tried her hardest. She drew every ounce of energy she had left in her body to keep her eyes open. Like he'd asked, she'd try for him. She briefly let her eyes flicker to Deeks' on the other side of her who was speaking rapidly into a phone in his left hand while he clutched hers tightly in his right. She couldn't make out the words he was saying it was all a blur.

A finger caressed her cheek and it burned her skin. It was like hot iron and her eyes met Callen's stare again. He was talking but she couldn't hear him. She couldn't make out the words he was saying. She even tried to lip read. She'd always been able to do that, but now...what was happening to her?

She stared into his blue eyes, wells of pure, aqua water that she found herself lost in. She loved his eyes. She always had. She loved him. She wasn't sure how long for, but she knew it was more than she'd ever thought. She hadn't even realised her feelings towards him and it was Deeks' who'd pushed her in the right direction. She'd love Deeks' forever for doing that. He was her best friend and the greatest partner she could have.

She could feel him clenching her hand and Callen continued to stroke her face and speak slow words to her. But the world continued to spin and she kept getting colder and colder. She became conscious of how hard and uncomfortable the ground beneath her was and her eyelids grew heavy, wanting to shut.

But she would fight to keep them open. Because he asked her to, and she loved him.

She always had.

And never known your face

He'd been there all along and she felt royally stupid. She wondered if they'd all known, if Callen had known. Images of the first time they met, of the op that she'd been sent on without knowing it was a test. Of how the supposed drug dealer with very pretty eyes had leaned forward over her until his lips were millimetres from her ear and spoke,

"Welcome to NCIS agent Blye"

She hadn't seen him the whole time. She'd never thought it could be him. That he could be the one for her, the one to take her on a second date. No, he'd been her boss and then her friend and then almost her brother but then he became something different. Then she began to see him differently. Not that she had realised it at the time. She wasn't sure what had caused it, caused her thoughts to change. Thoughts of him. What had happened to make him consume her thoughts?

All she knew is that something had changed and so had she.

A strike of pain sliced through her chest and her chest heaved as she tried to get air, any air, into her lungs. She could hear her own breathing. And she saw Callen's eyes grow wider. It wasn't working. She tried to raise her hands to her throat to get rid of what was on it, whatever was crushing it but she couldn't. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. Her head span and the room span faster and more lights erupted behind her eyes. Callen's face became blurry and fear built up inside of her. She needed him, needed to see him.

All this time I've missed you

Her face became numb and pins and needles erupted on her skin pricking it. She wanted to squirm away but she couldn't move. Blue eyes came back into focus and she gazed into them. All of a sudden sound erupted in her ears and she clamped her eyes closed as pain erupted with it. Then everything went silent again.

She could hear the world around her and then she couldn't, it went in and out like driving through the hills with the radio on.

But she could still see Callen. He was still there with her. She couldn't believe how much time she'd lost, wasted, missed. Time together. Time. She needed more time. They needed more time.

And searched this human race

Jack, Pete, Ryan, the blonde, the fireman. He'd been right in front of her the whole time. Laughing at her jokes, teasing her about her first dates and getting angry alongside Sam and later Deeks when she told them of the more interesting characters she had been on dates with.

The thought of going on a date with Callen had never crossed her mind, at least not since the night of her first op where she'd acknowledged the attraction she found in him. But since then it hadn't ever crossed her mind that he would be the man to take her on that second date. And then the third and fourth...fifth ...well she would have laughed at herself.

Another wave of cold washed over her body and she wondered if she was shaking but all she could do was clench Callen's hand in her own as tight as she could and did the same to Deeks' hand who still sat on the other side of her.

Here is true peace

With him she knew she was okay. He understood her, they understood each other. They got each other, they knew each other. Solved and completed the other. He made her forgive herself and she did the same for him because none of the losses they'd each experienced had ever been their fault.

They filled the gap of family, of love. They were each other's family. Together along with the rest of the team. Together they were happy, peaceful, content.

Callen didn't feel the need to hunt and search for his history as much as he had. He hadn't given up but he wasn't as driven, obsessed as he had been. Plus now he had help. And for Kensi she slowly learned that she could trust Callen. He showed her that he would always have her back in the field or not, showed her that he wasn't going anywhere.

Together they chipped at each others walls. Slowly they began to let each other in.

Here my heart knows calm,

Eventually, with him she had learned to stop waiting to wake up for him to be gone. With him she learned that he wasn't going to leave her, disappear or find someone better. With him she could file away all the insecurities that had slaughtered every other relationship and just be herself.

Callen had already known her; he had already built trust for her. He knew her flaws and he knew her strengths and he hadn't pushed away yet. Maybe that's what made it easy, knowing each other.

Safe in your soul

She was safe with him. Safe in her own skin, her own thoughts and opinions.

It was amazing to know that after a tough day at work Callen could take all of that away. He could distract her or talk with her. Talk with each other. Because he knew her, he knew how she coped and how she didn't. He knew when she needed a shoulder or a beer.

She could be herself. They both could.

She never had to change for him.

Bathed in your sight?

With the way he was looking at her nothing else mattered. She held his gaze and tried to focus on nothing else. Tried to forget the pain, the burning the knives; forget it all and focus on him.

His eyes full of promises and hopes and dreams of everything she wanted and everything that she was afraid to lose. She never used to be afraid, never used to be scared.

But then again she had never had so much to lose.

But it was hard. And it was only getting harder and harder. To keep her eyes open, to stop the darkness that was creeping in, that was slowly pulling her away. Her eyes felt heavy, everything felt heavy she was so tired.

Chapter 2

So everyone I haven't had a computer for a month now but I do again! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Hope you like this one and please review More to come,

Nina xx