Chapter 10: Eternity.
And then, I probably chose the past
So that I can become, so I may become a kind person rather than a strong person
So that I understand what "memories" are…
"The past or the present? Which do you want?"
That was the very first question that he asked me. To me, it was nothing but a casual question. From a stranger, he became the very first friend that I made since I came into this hospital.
And so I answered it, without having any second thoughts.
I chose the past.
But then, with you, right beside me, now that you have captured my heart…I thought—
Should I have chosen otherwise?
Tell me.
Should I have chosen the future?
And then I realized, it didn't really matter.
Yesterday. The present. And tomorrow.
What I wanted was an eternity.
With you.
We laid there for hours. Sometimes, he'd use his long fingers to brush the strands of my hair. He would whisper me some words that made me blush over and over again. I tried to do the same. When I told him the things that I loved about him, he turned away, his ears a cute shade of red. He then told me to go outside because by now, my parents would have been looking for me. I jumped right at the thought. In an instant, I was getting dressed. Like the dork that I was, I rushed outside the room. I had to come out with the best explanation on how I was able to come out of my room without entering the front door of our house. Oh well, in the end, they seemed to have believed me that they were probably just asleep or busy doing something when I went it. I scratched my head, just laughing to cover my anxiety. Nevertheless, I managed to excuse myself. I ran upstairs as fast as I could, not minding the suspicious stares that followed me.
As I raced my way upstairs, I realized that I wasn't just racing physically.
I was racing with time.
As if, I was trying to get the better of it.
Not yet. Don't move yet.
Just a little longer.
A little more.
Let me stay with him.
I opened the door to find him already dressed. He was on his usual spot, but this time, he was gazing at the window.
He turned his head as soon as he felt my presence.
"Hinata…"
The way he spoke my name sent me a strange feeling. It made my heart race all the same, but there was this pained look in his eyes. I grinned, trying to shake off the sweltering emotion in my chest.
To my surprise, the black-haired angel grabbed me by the waist. Soon, I was in his arms once again.
"Kageyama-kun!" I said, half-surprised. "What's with you?" Nevertheless, I was really pleased. When he surprises me like this, I feel all those weird fluttering sensations in my stomach. I buried my face on his chest, inhaling his scent.
"Oh…enjoying it aren't we?" he said, placing a kiss on my forehead.
"Shut up," I pretended to hiss. I closed my eyes, finally wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Aw…that hurt," he said, making a pout to go along with the drama. He then patted my head, ruffling it with his fingers.
"Let's go to buy some pork buns."
"Eh?" I glanced at the clock. It was already six.
"You don't want to?"
"No but—"
He smiled. The pained look in his eyes—it was gentle at the same time.
"Okay. We'll stay here."
"No! Let's go!" I exclaimed.
He opened his mouth as if he was about to ask what brought the sudden change in my mind, but he closed it. He then fixed his eyes on mine.
Perhaps he felt it too.
That like him, there was pain in my eyes.
Just like that, he opened the window.
"Care to have a flight?" He grinned as he held out a hand to me.
"People might see us!"
He laughed. "I'm an angel. I can do almost anything that God can."
"Y-You mean…that time when you flew me back here, you made the two of us invisible?"
"Yep."
My eyes glowed. "Amazing!" I said, ogling at him like the child that I was.
He chuckled. "You said you wanted to fly right? Well now here's your second chance."
I grinned and trembled at the excitement of feeling the rush of the wind against my skin. What was more, I could finally see the view from above.
I took the angel's hand.
"Don't you dare let go of my hand," I said rather teasingly.
"I won't…" He said, kissing my lips before two pairs of wings sprang from his back. I would never be able to get over it It was the most breath taking sight I've seen. Black feathers flew all over the room as he made one huge flap of his wings, sending a strong gush of wind across the room.
"You might want to close your mouth," he said.
"Y-Yeah."
"Well, here we go, Hinata Shouyou!"
Before I knew it, he had grabbed me again. Barely having time to wrap my arms around his neck, we set flight into the dimming sky.
When he first carried me for a flight, I wasn't really paying attention to the view. That was because I was dead worried for the leg that was shot. I kept on wishing, "Please let us be there soon…please let us be there soon."
Only now was I able to appreciate the view from above. The kaleidoscope of colors, the way the blues, blacks, and oranges battled it out in the twilight sky, there was no comparing. I was no artist, but I knew no painting could compare to it. What was more, the sensation of the wind brushing against my face was priceless. I kept on screaming (much to his annoyance and yet he would smile at me in the end) and howling.
"Is heaven like this?"
"Hm…not really. It's pretty much trees, water, it's like Earth minus the stress made by men."
"When I die, do I get to be like you?"
"Huh?"
"An angel."
"Hm…" His eyes darted to something far away, clearly contemplating over my question.
"I don't really know."
"Ehhh…how could you not know?"
"Come on, you're too short to be an angel—ack!"
I gave him a good smack on the head.
"Meanie…" I said, looking away to show my annoyance. He chuckled.
"I was kidding. Of course, well, maybe you can."
My heart leapt as soon as I heard those words.
"Then…I'll be aiming for that! I won't only become the best volleyball player! I'll also be an angel like you! And then we can grant the wishes of those in need, right?"
He merely smiled.
"Oh. We're almost there."
As soon as we got our pork buns, he gently took hold of my hand and entwined his fingers around mind once again. It had been pretty much a tradition. Some sort of…unspoken language. I just smiled and let him do so.
"We're not flying anymore?"
"Please. You're pretty heavy for your frame."
"But you lift me up easily when we have—" I went red, realizing that I shouldn't have opened the topic in the first place. The meanie seemed to have caught my embarrassment. He flashed a smirk.
"Well you're right. That's because it feel so good when I hit you against the w—"
"Stop it!" I yelled, drowning his sentence before he could even end it.
He just laughed.
And then he was staring at something faraway again.
The pained look in his eyes had not left.
It was already eight when we reached home. My parents pretty much got mad at me for going home late at night lately. I had to bow my head over and over again, but nevertheless, they let me climb upstairs to go to my room and rest.
The two of us sat on the edge of the bed.
"It's almost your birthday," he said, staring at the calendar.
"Hmp."
"What? Aren't you happy?"
"How could I?" I said.
He sighed. "We're not going over this again."
"Hmp."
"Hi-na-ta."
"But it's true! I'm gonna have my birthday without you."
"I leave at five. That was the day that you got hit by that vehicle remember? So we still have—"
"I want to spend every day with you!" I said. The voice that came out wasn't calm anymore. It was quivering. I clenched the blankets, not having the courage to look him in the eyes. They were pained more than I could take, and if I did meet them, I have no idea what would happen. It was the first time I have felt so lost.
"Hinata…look at me."
"No!"
"Hinata…" This time, he had settled his hand on mine. He gave it a squeeze. He then place his other arm over my shoulder, making my head lean against his shoulder. I bit my lips.
"Please…"
That did it.
I met his eyes.
But this time, I was crying.
"Please. Don't cry…" He whispered, kissing my eyes and brushing my cheeks with his thumb.
"How could I not?" I said, my voice cracking. "I thought I finally accepted it. I thought it would be easier. And I feel stupid. I should have wished for something else. I shouldn't have chosen either. The past, the present, the future—it won't really matter—none of them matters—
"If you're not here by my side, nothing else would really matter!" I said, the salty liquid finally gushing from my eyes.
Cupping my face with his hands, he placed his forehead over mine, our noses touching as I hiccupped through my tears.
"Hinata, do you know? I did wish to become a human…"
"As much as I despised their greed, their selfishness—I realized—I wanted those imperfections. I wanted to get hurt, I wanted to know how it is to love, how it feels to love, how it feels to yearn for something so that I have to work hard like my life rested on it…I wanted to know how it feels to make the best out of my life just because my days are numbered…
"And do you know how I feel like right now? I wish that I could just beat this thing called 'time'. I wished that I should have been born as a human, not as an angel. When you asked me if you could be an angel, the answer is 'no'. But that goes the same with us. We can't be humans. Even if we fall in love with them, we can't be with them. But damn, screw this, how I wanted to break the rules and just rip off these wings. I would, and I would if I could…I would never leave your side, Hinata. I will sing to you as much as you want to before you sleep. I would stand with you on the same court…I would toss the ball to you no matter how many times you wish for it…" He breathed these words against my lips, gently kissing them from time to time just as when I felt that he was close to crying.
"And then I can say those words to you. For every moment, I'd say 'I love you'. I can great you 'Happy Birthday' each year, and man, how I dreamt of saying 'Will you marry me?' when I finally gain the courage to ask for your hand…" he said, chuckling. "Then after that, I can greet you 'Happy Anniversary'…and then maybe we could adapt some kids, we'll teach them how to play volleyball too—we'll have a team of cute volleyball players that bear the same cute face and orange head as yours!"
My tears were still flowing like a stream, and I knew that I looked no less than a mess, but still, hearing those words did not fail to make me smile and laugh for a bit.
"Please, taking care of them would be really difficult."
"I won't mind being a hands-on dad."
I chuckled. "Do you mean to say I'm the wife?"
"Yes."
"That's unfair. You're always unfair. Saying all of those things before tomorrow. It's been six days and you're just telling me these stuff right now. You're always unfair…"
"I know, and I'm sorry…" He whispered, kissing my lips once again. This time, I responded, kissing back gently, just enough to feel the softness of his lips.
"Can't you just ask God to do it?"
He chuckled. "I wish I could, but that's the rule. It's a contract."
I laughed amidst the tears. "Here I was, wishing that I could make fun of you when you finally get a cane to walk."
"Oh just try. I'll do the same when I see you cursing because of your back pain."
The two of us laughed.
"Kageyama," I whispered as I caressed his flawless face.
"What is it…" he said in a much breathier voice than mine.
"Can I make a wish?"
He smiled. "Is that an order?"
"Yes. And you have to obey it no matter what. Because it's my birthday."
"Not until the clock strikes twelve."
"I don't care. Time is nothing. It's only you that matters."
He broke into another smile.
"Then, what's your order, your Highness?"
I wrapped my arms around his neck, my chest heaving up and down as I ached for his heat and touch.
"Take me…" I said, gulping. "Take me as you never did before. This might sound cheesy but..."
My amber eyes met his celestial ones.
"I want you to carve yourself unto me. So that I could never forget. So that I would never forget that once, there was a grumpy angel by the name of Kageyama Tobio who stole my everything."
I felt two strong arms trap my waist in an embrace.
"Very well. The order is made."
And just like that, he took my lips in a storm, with me summoning all my strength in a kiss as I surrendered myself into the very last night that I could be with the one that I loved.
"Ugh…my butt hurts…" I groaned as I massaged my back.
"You asked for it. Don't blame me. And didn't you say it felt so good?" He said, grinning, as he pulled me closer to him.
"Hmp…"
"What time is it…" I said in a rather tired voice.
"Three minutes before twelve."
"Hm…"
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. .
The clock went.
He must have been watching the hands of the clock move. As soon as another click went, he kissed me on the lips. It was a chaste one, but I knew what it meant.
"Happy birthday…" he said.
I smiled as I wrapped my arms around the best present I have received ever in my life.
It was the heat that woke me up. Scratching my eyes, I lazily opened my eyes. I reached out my hand to get a feel of the warm skin that my body had grown accustomed it, ready to hear him say "Good morning."
All I felt was the fabric. By this time, my senses were fully awake. I sat up at the speed of lightning. I realized that I was no longer naked. I was wearing a pair of shirt and pants. What was more,
As if nothing ever happened.
I looked around the room as panic began to strike me.
"Kageyama?"
There was no answer.
"Kageyama?" I called out louder.
Still, there was no answer.
And then I realized. It was happening.
The nightmare I had.
It had turned real.
"Kageyama! Kageyama! Please, answer me! This is no time to be playing pranks!" I said, frantically searching for a sign of him.
"Hinata! What are you even screaming about?" It was my mother. She seemed to have run up here as soon as she heard me yelling.
"Okaasan, I can't find Kageyama!" I said. I knew that I looked no less than a fool as I searched under the bed, the closer. "I can't find him…." My hands trembled as I opened the window, hoping to catch the sight of that familiar back.
"Hinata, what's wrong with you? And here we are thinking you have been dead sick! Please, you've been aslept for almost five hours?"
"Five hours…"
"Yes! We checked on you 'cause you weren't answering our call at all! We thought you were just sleeping. But then noon struck and you haven't still woken up! We almost thought you were dead had it not been for your pulse—"
I could hardly hear what my mother was saying. No. I had no idea what she was saying.
Or rather, my mind was refusing to understand what was going on.
There was only one question that struck my mind.
"Okaasan…what time is it?"
"Time? It's fifteen minutes before five…why on earth are you—oi Hinata! Where are you going?! Hinata!"
I didn't wait to hear the rest of it.
Right. I remember now.
After he greeted me, he asked me if I wanted him to sing that song. I nodded.
And so he began to sing.
I had hardly heard the rest of it when I felt myself being pulled in by the slumber.
"Why…" was the only word that escaped my lips as I cried, running towards the place where I first met him.
I know. It was kind of funny. But I just knew that I had to go there. None other else. I was sure that I almost bumped and knocked over a couple of nurses, but I paid no heed. Summoning all the strength in my legs, I ran as I never did before.
Once again, I was racing time. And maybe for the last.
"Kageyama…Kageyama!" I called as I struggled against the tears. I was well aware that people—patients and doctors alike, were staring at me as if I had gone insane. I couldn't have cared less. No. There was nothing else that mattered.
The doors and white walls sped past my vision like a blur.
Amidst all of these, there was only one door that flashed before my eyes.
I slid it open as soon as I spotted the familiar number.
How many days has passed?
Ah. Indeed. Six days.
And this was the seventh one.
The ceiling. The cold white walls. The flower on the vase. The bed. The windows. The curtains.
Everything remained the same, exactly as if they had been when I was still some lump of body residing this cold room. As if they have never been touched.
It was completely empty, save for that lad standing just beside the window. He was just gazing at the window, his eyes carrying a distant look.
I walked slowly towards him.
"What is your wish?"
Those were the first words that he said to me.
I bit my lips. I wanted to punch him. Yell at him. Get mad at him. I really, really do. But for some reason, my strength failed me.
"The past or the future? Which is it?" He said. He was still looking at the window, refusing to meet my eyes.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock went. Ah yes. This room had one. I remember hearing its agonizing sound when I was lying over that bed. It plain torture to me. To me, time moved agonizing slow in this room, as if I was in a different space.
But this time, it felt strangely fast. As if it was in a hurry.
There was a moment of silence as I gazed at him.
And then—
"The future," I said.
The head of the lad turned towards me.
Unlike that time that I first saw his face, he was smiling—far from the grumpy and scary expression he had always been carrying.
"Very well. That wish of yours I shall grant it."
I smiled as I watched him walk towards me.
To my slight surprise, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him.
"Anything else?"
"E-Eh?"
"It's your birthday. You get a special bonus," he said, grinning.
I chuckled. "Well then, that special birthday bonus, I'm taking it."
He rested his forehead over mine, just like he always does.
"Then, what is your second wish, Hinata Shouyo?"
I wrapped my arms around his neck, just like I always do.
"Sing. That song. For me."
It was his turn to chuckle. "I knew you would say that."
He kissed my lips for the very last time.
"The order is made."
And so he began to sing.
I closed my eyes, savouring every melody, every note, every word, every verse.
Until he came to that part. Come to think of it, I have never heard that part before. Maybe because I always fell asleep when he got to it. I felt the clasp around my waste tighten.
"By the way, there's just one more thing
Should I add "tears" as an option?
Even without it, there is no impediment, but some people don't add it, because it's a pain.
What will you do?"
Just as he sang that word, I felt tears stream from my eyes. And as I did so, he brushed them gently with his fingers, kissing my eyes again and again for every drop that fell.
"And then, I asked a for it
So that I can become, so I may become a kind person rather than a strong person
So that I understand what "importance" is"
He kissed my lips once again, to which I responded with a gentle movement.
"So, by the way, as for the flavor of the tears choose a flavor you like
They're sour, salty, hot, sweet, choose any one you like
Which one do you want?"
I could not help but chuckle at that part. I thought that choosing the 'sweet' one would feel nice. Then they wouldn't go to waste. The angel was able to read my mind, and he chuckled amidst the song. Again, he kissed my eyes.
"Has everything been granted the way you hoped?
So show me your face that is always crying
Well, show me proudly"
At this point I have opened my eyes. I stared straight into those celestial eyes that I fell in love with the very first time I met him.
And he did the same. He just gazed at me.
We knew.
It would be the last time.
"I love you…I love you…I love you…" I said those three words over and over again as he sang. My hands shook as I finally gave up on fighting my tears.
I wasn't the only one.
Kageyama Tobio was crying.
Hugging me as tight as he could as he whispered those words I have been waiting for.
He said them over and over again. And much to my surprise, they were sweeter than any song that I've heard.
Even more than the song he was singing.
After a couple of seconds, he let go. With all the love in his eyes, he sang the last verse of the song.
"Thank you very much
Sorry to have troubled you with so much…"
I shook my head as I clasped his hands, himself lacing his fingers around mine.
May I ask just one last thing?
Have we met somewhere before?"
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick—
Tock.
The last sensation that I felt was that of a gentle kiss. And the sound of three words.
What met me was the gentle rush of the wind as soon as I opened my eyes.
The ceiling. The cold white walls. The flower on the vase. The bed. The windows. The curtains.
It was strange, but I felt like I've been here before. What was more strange was the wet feeling all over my face. When I touched it, I raised my eyebrows.
It seemed like I have just cried. But what for, I had no idea.
"Weird…" I whispered to myself. That was then that I noticed the window. It was open.
As if someone had just made an exit through it. I was about to close it when something caught my eye.
It was a book.
Wait.
"This book was ours!" I exclaimed. True enough, it was that book which I had always ignored in my room. I was never a fan of reading. Still, it was as if my hands were moving on their own. I flipped the pages, and out fell a paper.
"Eh?"
I picked the object, and that was when I saw the note scribbled on it.
"To Hinata Shouyou…" I read aloud.
Fly high.
I smiled despite having no idea who on earth wrote it. It was only a small message, but it gave me the strength to practice more to achieve my dream.
That of becoming an ace volleyball player. I opened the book once again to return the note, when another object fell.
It was a black feather.