A/N: I'm on fire with this story! :D

Enjoy!

Warnings: Self harm and mentions of experimentation on humans! :O

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games! Damn it!

Chapter Fourteen

A baby. A baby. A baby.

Katniss could not have a baby.

It was the one rule she had. Do not, under any circumstances, get pregnant. Katniss knew that she couldn't have kids because she didn't want to bring a baby into such a broken world. What if the baby was a boy? She wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of being responisble for creating another soul to be tortured into the submission of slavery. And having a girl probably wouldn't be any better since she'd be forced to raise her daughter on the basis that men deserve what they're getting.

That was something Katniss wasn't capable of.

But . . . if she didn't . . . they'd send Peeta back to the compound. Katniss didn't care if they sent her to the Capitol to die alone and scared in a cell but she did not want Jackson and Harper returning to take Peeta back to the Compound. She didn't want Peeta to suffer any more than he already has.

Which meant that she had to get herself pregnant.

Katniss came to the decision to go to Johanna Mason when she realized she had honestly no idea how she was going to go about getting pregnant. Of course, she obviously knew how sex worked from lessons at school but how she was going to do it herself was beyond her.

"So the stupid one returns," Johanna mused as Katniss took a seat in her living room. "What can I do for you Kat?"

Katniss swallowed the lump in her throat. "I want to have a baby." Johanna choked on her tea and stared at Katniss in shock.

"You're kidding right?" she asked. Her eyes widened when she saw the serious look on Katniss' face. "Well, shit. So why did you come to me then?"

"I don't know how to do it," Katniss said.

"You don't know how to get pregnant?" Johanna asked slowly.

"No, I understand the dynamics but . . . I don't know how to get the . . . slave . . . to comply with my demands," Katniss answered, internally wincing. Johanna regarded her curiously.

"You've changed a lot," she said. "Last time I saw you you were a blundering child and now you're asking me to tell you how to get your slave to fuck you?" Katniss didn't like the vulgar use of the word but she just nodded, deciding it was best just to ignore it.

Johanna leant forward on the couch, bracing her elbows on her knees, and grinned. "Well you're lucky," she said. "Shouldn't be too difficult. From what I've heard of your slave's past he's pretty used to getting fucked without much reason. Most likely he'll just let you do what you want. I mean, it's the way he should be trained."

Katniss tilted her head. "What do you know of the slave's past? No one seems to trust me with the information . . . not even him."

Johanna cocked her head and pursed her lips. "What do you want to know?"

"How much do you know?"

"Enough." Johanna put her tea cup down on the coffee table. "Effie has informed me of things the trainers had told her. Which is both a little and a lot."

"Do you know why his mother sent him back to the compound?" Katniss asked, avidly curious. She had to admit that she'd be lying if she said she wasn't curious about Peeta's past.

Johanna frowned. "Why is that relevant?"

"I don't know," Katniss replied. "You tell me." Johanna eyed her suspiciously, sizing her up and wondering what her motives were for demanding one minute for sex advice and asking about her slave's past the next.

"Brunt bread," she finally stated. "The boy brunt bread."

Katniss' heart soared and sank at the same time. It soared from the sheer joy of knowing that her hunch had been correct and that it had, indeed, been Peeta who'd thrown her the brunt bread all those years ago but sank because realization finally dawned on her that it was her fault that he'd been sent back to the compound. Because she'd decided to die under his apple tree and he decided that he couldn't let that happen. It was her fault.

"You be careful now," Johanna said.

"What?" Katniss frowned.

"That boy isn't right in the head," Johanna replied.

"What makes you say that?" Katniss asked almost defensively.

"He's hijacked," Johanna stated. "What else could there possibly be to say?"

"What's 'hijacked'?"

Johanna sighed and leant back on the couch, folding her arms. "It's a disease that affects the brain. It's not hereditary and you can't catch it. You're just . . . born with it."

"What does it do?" Katniss asked. "I mean, to the brain?"

"Depends on how mixed up you are. It brings memories to the forefront of your mind that normal people would have kept locked away. It makes you live in those memories at random times. Everything else shuts down and you get locked in your mind, struggling through the battle of your own head," Johanna explained. "When a slave is born with hijack it normally dissipates as they get older but, in your slave's case, it's only gotten worse."

"Why?" Katniss frowned.

"Nobody knows," Johanna shrugged. "The only way having hijack can worsen is if they're exposed to a high dosage of tracker jacker venom."

Katniss fingered the material on the leather seat she sat on, her eyebrows burrowing in confusion. "You mean the sting of those wasps?"

"They're not wasps," Johanna sighed. "They're tracker jackers. And yes, that's what tracker jacker venom is."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You want to have a baby, correct?" Johanna asked. Katniss sighed and nodded minutely. "Intercourse with that boy could stir something. I don't give out warnings to just anyone girl but I'm deadly serious when I say that you need to watch yourself."

"What would happen if it did? Stir something, I mean?" Katniss asked.

"Depends on the memory it beings forward. Judging by the way that clingly woman Jackson gets on sometimes I'd say that forcing yourself completely onto the slave might bring something awful forward. Throw him back into a memory he'd react violently to," Johanna explained.

"I thought you supported this sort of thing," Katniss frowned. "'If it turns you on, jump it's bones'? Isn't that your motto or something?"

"No, my motto is 'don't let it pass, grab it's ass'," Johanna replied. "But that's beside the point. Sure, I support Coin and the way she runs the country but I don't like to see a perfectly innocent-if a little naive-girl injured or even worse killed because of a silly disorder her slave has." She looked at Katniss seriously. "Be careful."

~xXx~

It was the muttering she heard first. As Katniss approached the basement doors, she heard frantic muttering behind it. Effie was in the living room, painting her nails, so Peeta was the only one behind those doors. Talking to himself.

Katniss hadn't thought to go and see him after Jackson and Harper left. She had just went straight to Johanna's house to seek help on what she should do to get pregnant. Now that she knew about Peeta's mental stability, maybe this hadn't of been the best decision she'd ever made.

She grabbed the door handle and pulled the basement doors open, quickly hurrying down into basement. She shut the doors behind her and quickly switched the light on. The muttering was clearer now and her eyes scanned the room quickly to try to locate Peeta.

"Peeta?" Katniss called softly. "Peeta! Where are you?"

"Not real," a voice whispered

"What?" Katniss frowned, looking around.

"It's not real." The voice continued to repeat this over and over again, as if saying some ancient mantra to assure themself of something. Katniss' eyes continued to scan the area until they landed on a small figure hunched over in the corner

"Peeta?" Katniss asked. "Is that you?"

"Not real," the figure continued to say. They were starting to sound a bit manic and Katniss began to worry. She approached the person in the corner and as she did so it became clearer that the person was, indeed, Peeta.

His eyes were wide and frantically darted everywhere around the room as if staring at unseen things that weren't really there. The three long nail scratches on his cheek were scabbing over with long streaks of blood dried into his skin. There was also similar stratches along his arms only these ones seemed to have been self inflicted as both his hands clawed at his arms even now as Katniss watched him.

"Peeta? What's wrong?" she knelt down in front of him and tried to pull his hands off of himself.

"Not real. Not real." Peeta wasn't even looking at her, as if she wasn't even there. "Not real."

"Hey!" Katniss said, snapping her fingers in front of his eyes. He didn't even blink. Katniss took his face into her hands and forced him to look at her. "What's wrong? What's happened?" His eyeballs were blown into golfballs and Katniss could barely see the bright blue she had grown so fond of. What was wrong?

"Everything else shuts down and you get locked in your mind, struggling through the battle of your own head."

"Are you going through the hijacking thingy?" she asked. "Has Jackson and Harper brought memories back?"

"Not real," Peeta repeated. His eyes locked on her and his face melted into an expression of panic. He pushed himself backwards away from her and pressed his back against the wall. "Not now Jackson, please," he begged. "I've done everything you asked, can't you give me at some time to at least get some rest?"

"What? Peeta, Jackson's gone. She left like an hour ago with Harper," Katniss said. She reached forward to touch him but he slapped her hands away, cowering futher into the wall as if she was attempting to hurt him.

"Please Jackson, I'm exhausted. I'm going to pass out if you do any more," Peeta replied, covering his face with his hands.

Katniss panicked. He thought she was Jackson. She didn't know how to deal with this. Effie bought him, maybe she was informed on how to fix hijack episodes when she chose him. "Peeta, listen to me, I'm going to get Effie. I think she knows how to-"

"No!" Peeta lurched forward and grabbed her by her shoulders. Katniss gasped as his nails dug into his skin and recoiled when she saw his wide, terrified eyes. "Don't give me the venom! Please don't! I promise I'll behave!"

"I'm just getting Effie Peeta, I promise." Katniss tried to sound soothing but she was getting scared. What was she going to do?!

"I'll do whatever you want Jackson, I swear!" Never mind Katniss being scared, Peeta looked petrified of whatever he thought Katniss-or, in his head, Jackson-was saying.

Katniss took Peeta's face into her hands again and moved so that their noses were inches from each other. "Peeta, listen to me. Are you listening? It's Katniss. Not Jackson. I need you to listen to my voice and try to get out. Come back to me, please."

Peeta twitched, recognising her momentarily. Katniss didn't want him to slip back into the hijacked mode so she yanked his face forward and pressed her lips against his. It wasn't like when she hit him and kissed him to make herself feel better about it. It was different. As soon as her lips touched Peeta's, she felt him come back. She actually felt him return to her.

And he kissed her back.

It was everything a kiss shouldn't be. Soft, gentle, comforting. Well, when it's said it was everything it shouldn't be, the kiss was everything that kisses shared between slave and owner shouldn't be. Normal kisses were meant to devour, to take what's given with greed. To treat the slave like an never ending supply of water and you haven't drank in weeks.

Peeta pulled away first and Katniss wasn't sure whether she was disappointed about this or not. She was immediately back on him though, palming his face and brushing his hair back to get a full look at his face. "You're fine now, right? You're okay, you're back?" she kept asking over and over again, barely giving him a chance to respond.

"Katniss," Peeta said, trying to grab her hands that where checking him over everywhere. She didn't stop though. "Katniss-"

"Your arms!" Katniss exclaimed. She grabbed his arm and examined the stratches that tore their way up to his biceps. "How did you manage that? You're bleeding!"

"Katniss-"

"Oh my god I need to get bandages or something!" Katniss declared, jumping off the ground and turning to run to the kitchen. Peeta grabbed her wrist and yanked her back to the floor. She looked at him, startled.

"Katniss, I'm fine," he said, lightly slapping her hands away when she tried to check over his arms again. He examined her like she did him, his face etched with concern. "I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked quietly.

"No," Katniss replied. Not seeming to believe her, Peeta checked her over again. "Peeta, honestly, you didn't hurt me. I should be the one worrying about you! What was that? I was worried! You kept calling me Jackson. Kept thinking I was Jackson."

"It's nothing," Peeta replied, his gaze dropping to the floor. Katniss didn't believe it for a second.

"Was it the hijack?" she asked. "I know what it does Peeta and I want to help."

"You can't help," Peeta replied sadly. "I'm sorry for what happened. You weren't supposed to see that."

"How far would it have went though? If I hadn't of came in? You were self harming yourself Peeta!" Katniss exclaimed.

"Sometimes pain keeps me grounded," Peeta stated, examaining his arms which were still bleeding. "Helps me come back."

"But it didn't," Katniss said softly. She took her jacket off and tried to use the cotton to wipe away some of the blood. Peeta pulled his arm away and looked at her jacket curiously. "Don't worry. It's old." He sighed and reluctantly let her dab at the blood. "What brought you back, if the hurting didn't?"

"I heard . . . your voice . . . instead of hers for a moment," Peeta explained. "And when you kissed me . . . it was too gentle to be her as well. It was you who brought me back."

Katniss smiled at the thought. Then frowned. "You said something. When I said I was going to get Effie. You said 'don't give me the venom'. What did you mean by that?"

Peeta shifted uncomfortably where he sat. He didn't look her in the eye anymore and that worried Katniss. She tapped his chin up and took his hands.

"Please tell me, I want to try to help," she said.

Staring still at their clasped hands, Peeta sucked in a shaky breath and exhaled. "Jackson's sector in the compound . . . it wasn't just for learning how to be desirable or how to pleasure a woman. That's what Jackson has most people thinking it's for."

"Then what is it?"

"Jackson's a scientist. She experiments on disobident slaves to examine their thoughts patterns and develop a compliance serum that works on the brain to make said slave well behaved and happy to serve."

"She experiments on slaves?" Katniss was horrified. She knew there was something evil about the blonde woman but . . . this? Her eyes widened in realization at what Peeta was talking about. "Did she experiment on you?"

Peeta nodded. "She'd been looking for a challenge and someone born with hijack was just what she needed. She tested how bad the disease was for me when I first arrived and then kept giving me doses of Tracker Jacker venom to make it worse. Eventually it came to the point where she'd just give it to me if I didn't do what she asked or didn't behave. According to some of the other people she'd worked on who'd been at the compound long before I even arrived said that she used to favour and groom Finnick Odair before he was bought into the D4 escort business and just wanted someone else to pet. I guess I was just a sitting duck . . . being perfect for her stupid experiments and all."

"Is it even legal to experiment on human beings?" Katniss asked.

"Katniss once you're taken into the compound you're stripped of your rights. Well, not that we started off with any rights at the begninng but that's besides the point. The trainers and peacekeepers, law abiders and scientists, can all do what they wish with us."

"How many of these episodes have you had since Effie bought you?"

Peeta looked up at the ceiling. "A couple," he said.

"And you suffered them alone?" Katniss asked.

"The midges have been nice company," Peeta replied. "I even made friends with a rat."

"That makes it final then. I'm moving down here," Katniss concluded. "I'll tell Effie I'm down here to ravage your brains out or something. Who knows what you'll do to yourself next time."

"Katniss, you don't have to-"

Katniss yanked on their hands so that their faces were inches from each other's. "I want to," she insisted. "We're in this together."

"Together?"

"Together," Katniss confirmed. "You'll let me stay, won't you?"

Peeta smiled. So genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness. "Always."

A/N: So, does anyone hate Jackson yet?

Please R&R! :D