A little over a half hour later Sam finally calmed down enough to think straight. Terror was beginning to set in. Daniel now knew and she hoped he hadn't yet had time to tell anyone else. She got out of bed and walked into the living room.

Daniel sat up when he saw her and waved her over. She sat down beside him and neither said anything for a few moments.

"Do you feel better?" "I'm sorry I yelled." They spoke simultaneously.

They laughed at their interrupting each other.

"It's okay, Sam. Really."

She nodded. "Please don't tell anyone else."

"They're you're friends. They'd want to know," Daniel argued.

"I don't want anyone to know. It's too embarrassing," she pleaded.

"Have you told anyone else?" he asked.

"General Hammond."

Daniel nodded. "I wish you had told me sooner," he told her.

"I couldn't."

"Because it's 'embarrassing'?" he questioned.

She sat back on the couch and pulled her legs underneath her, sensing Daniel was going to have a lot of questions.

She nodded to his question. "I was so stupid."

"What happened? If you want to tell me," Daniel added.

Sam searched his face but found only sincerity. She was still embarrassed but maybe it would help to get it off her chest.

"I went out to a bar. I took a guy home I'd met that night and we… had sex," she said awkwardly.

Daniel was a little surprised but tried not to let it show on his face. "It wasn't…" Daniel tried to think of a way to phrase this in the least awkward way. "Safe?"

"Condom broke," Sam grumbled.

That was some bad luck Daniel mused. "Oh, Sam," he sighed.

She took that as a sign of disapproval. "I know it was stupid, Daniel. Trust me, I know that now." Her voice cracked a little and she bit her lip.

"I'm not judging you, Sam. I'm just so sorry," Daniel reassured her. "I'm worried about you. And scared."

"I'm scared too."

They both sat on that for a while before Daniel finally broke the silence.

"You're not stupid, Sam."

"I am!" she insisted. "I should have known better. But I was just so… bored with life. All I did was work and I was just feeling stuck in a rut, I guess. The irony is now I miss my work. I miss being on the team."

"We miss you, too, Sam. But we're here for you. We haven't been around and I'm sorry. We just didn't know what to do. But, listen," he continued, grabbing her hand and making sure he had her attention. "You're not stupid. And you're not a whore or a terrible person or anything else. People make mistakes and things happen."

Sam nodded but she didn't really believe him. She sure felt like a dunce and unworthy and every other negative thing she could think about herself.

"Thanks, Daniel," she said instead.

He let it go for now, sensing she needed time to come to terms with her choices. He would too if he found out he had an incurable, possibly deadly disease.

Wait a minute. "Sam," he mused aloud. "Have you thought about the healing device?"

She froze. She hadn't actually. It sounded unbelievable but that thought hadn't even crossed her mind. She'd been so distraught and ashamed that she hadn't even thought of a way out. Not that she deserved one.

Still, hope blossomed in her chest for a glorious moment before it fizzled out.

"I haven't had great luck with it in the past," she recalled. "I doubt it would work."

"Have you tried?" Daniel insisted.

"No," she admitted. "But I don't think I can do it. I'm not sure it would even work on an infection like this."

"Nirrti was able to cure Cassandra."

"Yeah, but she had other tools to work with. And she was a Goa'uld. I've never had that kind of luck with it."

"Don't you think it's worth a try?" he gently persisted.

"Maybe," she said. In truth, she didn't feel worthy. So many people had contracted this illness and it didn't seem fair that she would get to be cured and they wouldn't solely because she had access to alien technology. If she could even be cured at all. She really wasn't sure she would be able to do it.

"I think you should! We can try tomorrow," Daniel said.

"I don't want anyone to know what I'm trying to do," Sam argued, but she was losing the fight against herself. She wanted to try.

"We won't tell them. You have access to it. If someone asks just say you're studying it or something."

It wasn't a bad idea. She tried to tell herself it wouldn't work. Hope was a dangerous thing to have and she wasn't sure she'd be able to take the disappointment.

Still, she agreed. Tomorrow they would try to use the healing device. In the meantime, Daniel stayed with her and had dinner. It was nice to have the company and she really felt a little better for telling Daniel. He seemed to not judge her and it was nice to finally let someone in. He even agreed to not tell anyone without her permission.

Maybe this would turn out okay after all.

SG1

No one spotted her taking the healing device from where it was stored. Daniel insisted on being with her when she tried to use it and so the two of them were hiding in one of the empty labs on another level. There were many rooms on the base that did not have security cameras simply because there were too many of them. More than twenty floors meant that security would never be able to monitor all the feeds.

She held the device in her hand. Daniel sat in front of her on a flimsy foldable table and was looking at her expectantly.

"Uh, whatcha waiting for?" he asked.

She was trying to gather her nerve. She'd thought about this for a long while after Daniel left the night before. She so wanted this to work but maintained her skepticism so that she wouldn't be too disappointed if it did not.

"Alright," Sam said. She held the device towards herself and closed her eyes to concentrate. The device lit up and she focused all of her energy on the device.

A minute later Daniel watched as she put the device down and sighed.

"It didn't work," she told him, unnecessarily.

"How do you know? Maybe you need to wait a while," he suggested.

"I just know. I could… feel it. It's hard to explain." She tried not to look too bummed but she was.

"Try it again," he insisted.

"Daniel, it's not going to work," she argued.

"Maybe not," he admitted. "But it won't hurt to try."

She scowled at him. Didn't he realize how hard he was making this? She could only handle so much hope being ripped from her. But he was only trying to help, and it couldn't hurt to try again so she held the device up and focused.

Several tries and forty five minutes later, Daniel finally conceded defeat.

"I just can't do it. And there's a lot we still don't know about these devices," Sam explained. "It might not be designed to do what we're trying to get it to do."

"Maybe the Tok'ra could help," Daniel suggested.

"No," Sam immediately responded. "Absolutely not."

"Sam, if they could help-"

"No," she firmly insisted. "We are not calling off world allies for something like this."

Daniel made to argue again but she cut him off. "Daniel, I'm going to be fine," she told him. "Really. I'm responding to the medications and my viral load is undetectable." That had been a small victory.

"You're skin and bones," he argued.

"That's not from the HIV," she admitted. "I just… haven't been eating. I'll do better."

He looked doubtful. After her secrecy as of late he wasn't sure when to believe her. "Promise?"

"I promise," she told him sincerely. "It helps, having someone else know," she smiled at him. Before he could say what she knew he was thinking she added, "but I'm not ready for anyone else to know."

"They're worried. What am I supposed to say?" He hated being in this position. He knew Jack and Teal'c were still extremely worried and he was a bit himself. But he couldn't betray her confidence.

"I don't know. Just say we talked about what's going on and that it's fine."

She waited for him to agree. After all, it really was the truth although she was sure the colonel would die from curiosity.

"I'm going to go put the device back. I'll see you later."

"I'll see you for lunch!" Daniel called out behind her.

"Alright!" she called back. For the first time in a while she was feeling up to it. The device hadn't worked, but maybe she didn't need it to. Daniel's support was bolstering her resolve and she really felt she would be okay.

SG1

"Daniel!" Jack caught him in the hallway.

"Jack." Daniel already looked guilty but he didn't do anything wrong. He just knew where this was headed and he didn't like that he was now "in" on the secret if it meant keeping it from the others.

"So…?" Jack wondered.

"So what?"

"Daniel!" Jack snapped. "Did you go over to Carter's last night?"

"Yes," Daniel hedged.

"So what happened?" he demanded.

"I talked to her," Daniel admitted. "She opened up to me about what's going on."

"That's great!" Jack enthused. "Okay, so what is it?"

"I… promised I wouldn't say." Daniel began to walk faster down the corridor.

"You what now? For crying out loud, Daniel, this is nuts! Tell me!"

"Jack, I can't. It's something Sam needs to tell you."

Jack sighed. "Fine, I'll talk to her myself."

"Just…" Daniel paused, trying to think of a delicate way to put this, "tread lightly. I'll talk to her, try to convince her to talk to you. She's really upset and it's really personal."

Jack frowned. "I can be sensitive."

Daniel gave him a doubtful look and they stared at each other for a moment.

"Bye, Jack," Daniel concluded before they diverted at the next hallway.

SG1

The next day Daniel tried to soften Sam up to the idea of telling Jack and Teal'c but she insisted she wasn't ready. Jack, however, was like a bloodhound on a trail. He spent a good deal of his time scrutinizing Carter before she eventually shooed him out of her lab.

He did manage to catch her as she left the base that night. Actually, he waited until he knew she was leaving and then left at the same time.

"Carter!" he called, jogging a bit through the parking lot to catch up.

She heard her name and turned back before waiting obediently. "Hi, sir."

Now that he had her attention he wasn't sure how to begin. "So, uh, it's been a while since I've seen you."

"You saw me earlier, sir."

"Right," he nodded. "I mean… it's been a while since we talked."

"I suppose so," she agreed. She had a feeling he'd spoken to Daniel but the unsure and curious look on his face told her he hadn't learned anything.

"Yeah, so, want to have some dinner? Grab a beer? Catch up?" he asked before he mentally cringed.

Her heart skipped a beat before she realized he probably just wanted to interrogate her, not "have dinner" in the sense that she wished.

It actually had been a while since they had spent much time together alone. Usually he was off world with the rest of the team or she was avoiding them. Other times they would all have lunch together, sometimes even with Capaldi, though it was rarely just the two of them.

She was actually feeling up to it. Daniel's positive response, like General Hammond's, had left her spirits high. She was by no means "better" but for the first time she felt maybe her life wasn't over.

"Alright, sir, that would be nice."

Jack sighed a breath of relief before they decided that they would head to hers for dinner. If one of them had to drive home after a beer, he would rather it be him and his larger frame.

SG1

He continued to scrutinize her over dinner. Instead of being irritating, she almost found it amusing. She let him stare at her all he wanted just to see how long it would take him before he said something.

They made it all the way through dinner before he finally broached the subject.

"So, Carter…" he started. She glanced up at him and could practically see him trying to think of what to say. "Daniel says you talked to him."

"I did," she confirmed.

He frowned. "So, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"I… I'm not ready to tell you," she told him.

"You told Daniel," he pointed out.

"That's different." She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.

"How?" he said, a little offended.

She picked up on his tone and put her arms in her lap to a less hostile position. "Daniel's just so… Daniel," she tried to explain. "He just listens and nods. And he caught me at a bad time," she added.

Jack could see where she was coming from but persisted. "You could tell me anything, Sam." She continued to look doubtful so he went on, "I'm just worried about you."

"I know, sir," she nodded. "I'll be okay," she promised.

But he'd been down this road before and wasn't sure that he trusted her. At least, he didn't trust her with her own wellbeing.

"It hasn't seemed that way so far," he argued, trying his very best to remember Daniel's advice and to remain calm.

She didn't really have a defense to that. She leaned forward and put her head on her hand, elbow on the table.

"I know," she admitted. "But I really am okay now. And Daniel knows what's going on." She could see he was about to interrupt and rushed on, "And I will tell you guys, just not yet."

He wasn't really happy with that. He already felt like he should have forced her to talk sooner but he also didn't want to make her talk when she wasn't ready. He wasn't sure what to do but he figured he could continue to keep an eye on her and pester Daniel if necessary. She did seem happier; the sparkle was back in her eyes for the first time in a long time.

"Alright," he conceded. "But my door's always open."

"Thank you, sir." She got up to get them beers, feeling like maybe this wasn't the end of the world.

SG1

A week later Sam finally gave in when it came to getting "the five" of them together. That Friday night Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, Jack, and Audra were having a pizza night at Jack's house. Sam was still a little uncomfortable around the newest SG1 member but she couldn't avoid her. She didn't even want to anymore since they had been spending time in the lab but she also didn't really know how to act around her. Audra always (correctly) deferred to Sam because of her rank but at the same time Sam felt like Audra considered Sam the "real" fourth member of SG1. Part of Sam was glad about that and part of her knew that that wasn't fair to Capaldi.

"Here you go, ma'am," Capaldi said as she sat Sam's diet soda in front of her. They were all sitting in the living room on various pieces of furniture. Teal'c was in a recliner in the corner and the colonel was in the other chair to the side. Daniel sat on the floor using the coffee table as a dining table and Audra and Sam took up residence on the couch.

"You don't have to call me that," Sam told her. "Sam is fine when we're off duty."

"Okay," Audra agreed, taking her place next to Sam and beginning to devour her slice of pizza.

"I tell you that all the time, Carter," Jack said.

He did, but she'd always insisted on calling him by rank. It helped to keep them professional even when they were relaxing. Relaxing around him was dangerous.

"You call me Carter," she pointed out. He'd called her Sam in the beginning, she remembered. Then he stopped almost entirely, probably for the same reasoning she had.

"Fine, Sam," he stressed.

She paused. There really was no reason to keep up the formalities. She wasn't in his chain of command anymore.

"Fine, Jack," she parroted, noting his surprised look. It felt weird to call him by name but at the same time it was nice. They'd been following protocol for so long, though, that it would be hard to remember.

Daniel was studiously not looking at them but she suspected he was trying not to smile. Audra looked confused, not recognizing the significance of the exchange.

"Well alright then," Jack said. "What are we gonna watch?"

Sam tried her best to keep her smile hidden but she continued to grin against her will.