If dinner was any kind of weird, then the hotel situation was just plain awkward. After driving around for what seemed like forever the boys finally found a cheap motel located conveniently across from another 24 hour diner; Lincoln seemed full of them. The sign had a few letters unlit and sure the carpeting rolled up at the walls and the whole thing smelled like fish, but to Dean it was home. All angel-searching and no sleep really takes it out of a guy, and this place held the promise of sleep.

After an awkward discussion with a creepy and socially awkward teen working the service desk about sleeping arrangements, they learned there were no rooms with three beds and that they would have to settle for a room of two, and a single.

"Right, so Cas gets his own room and we'll take the one next door." Dean decided in the elevator, his yawn almost making the sentence unintelligible; all he could think about was sleep.

"Yeah and if you need anything you can just come see us ok?" Sam's concerned look made Dean think he should have thought of offering. He smiled apologetically at Cas.

"Well," Cas groaned, clearly uncomfortable. "I do not actually need to go to sleep tonight."

"What? Of course you do, you're no angel man, you need some shut eye." But Dean could tell it wouldn't be any good; Cas was still as unflinching in his decision making as ever, regardless of his newfound humanity. "What's wrong?"

"Well, when I fell I took refuge with a family a little ways from here...and I wasn't at my best in the beginning."

"Yeah, so?"

"So I might have mentioned your names to them, that's all. And I did so in public, so..."

"So there's a chance some unfavorable company might know we're in town, is that it?" Dean charged ahead out of the elevator before turning to face Castiel. "Dammit Cas you know how dangerous that is; why would you just throw our names around for any demon to hear but not call us, your family?"

Cas looked down, eyes fixed on a single wrinkle in the gaudy auburn carpeting. "I did not mean to. I apologize."

"Right, ok. It's alright we'll just head out tomorrow, ok?" Sam's gaze flashing between them, unfazed by Cas' mistake for his contentedness of having the three of them safe for now.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow Cas." Dean unlocked the door, and went straight to the bed.

After about three hours, Dean decided sleeping was impossible. He hadn't felt so tired in a long time, but he couldn't stop thinking about Cas. Finding him hadn't taken the place of his obsessive search, and his mistake troubled Dean more than he thought was reasonable. So Cas made a mistake, fine, they can handle themselves. But the fact that he spoke of Dean and Sam to utter strangers and neglected to reach out to them... it seemed so wrong.

Then there was the look in Cas' eyes—the shining blue had taken on a dullness like Dean had never seen even in Purgatory. Maybe losing his angel mojo accounted for the lack of color, but they still looked far more sunken and tired than Jimmy Novak had looked.

Dean sat up. He should probably check on Cas; show him that he was thinking about him, though secretly because Dean was worked up and needed to calm down. Maybe seeing Cas and talking to him would be enough to calm him down enough for sleep. If not, there's always beer.

Careful not to wake Sammy, who slept peacefully across from him, Dean opened the door and stared down to see Castiel, leaned against the wall asleep. Tired little guy, Dean thought, taking his place next to him.

"We bought you a room you know."

"Hmm?" Cas rubbed his eyes and straightened up quickly, surprised.

"Wouldn't you rather sleep in a bed then on some curly, probably diseased carpeting?"

"Sorry, I didn't know I had fallen asleep."

"You're only human." Cas winced and looked down at his feet. "Sorry."

Cas sighed. "It's not an insult I suppose. All is forgiven."

"So why are you here again?" Dean now feeling himself relax against the peeling wallpaper. It was kind of comfy after all; no wonder Cas had fallen asleep here.

"I am here because I have a weird feeling, Dean. Like I could not go to sleep; I knew I wouldn't be able to, and I think it would be wrong if I did, so I came out here and waited. Do you know what this could mean?"

Dean sighed. "That's guilt Cas. You're feeling guilty."

Castiel began rubbing his hands together, obviously cold without his beloved trench coat. "For speaking of you to others, and perhaps for not trying to find you myself." Cas looked at Dean now, Dean seeing again the sunken eyes, looked away quickly.

"Yeah why didn't you call Sam or me?"

"I was embarrassed, Dean."

Dean put his head back, anger surfacing to replace his exhaustion. "Embarrassed? Really Cas? We went through hell—through Purgatory, together. We loved you like family and looked everywhere for you and you don't reach back because of embarrassment?" Dean's voice raised, forgetting the silent motel around him. This shell of a person beside him didn't feel like Cas, it was weak, and not because of the lack of angelic-ness; because of the lack of self respect.

"Dean...ever since I got here, as a...human..." Cas weighted the word as if we wished to avoid using it. "I have been feeling everything, as if for the first time. My vessel Jimmy was always...unsentimental you could say; it was easy to overlook his emotional responses. Though I'm learning that humans experience things more...complex than the black and white of the angel world." Cas was still focused on his hands, rubbing heat into them and avoiding eye contact.

"Well, yeah maybe it is. I never really considered that." This was certainly not something Dean wanted to discuss; he mostly avoided such discussions, with Bobby in his youth and with Sam every day. But Cas looked so lost... "I guess you do take some things to heart... especially if it ended badly or whatever. I think you remember a lot but you only really feel good or bad about stuff."

Cas' gaze flashed upwards, curious. "What about you Dean?"

Dean knew he would ask that; Cas always wanted to know his stance, his view on something, but there were some things, Dean thought, that you can't share even with Cas. Dean had seen death a million different ways happen to total strangers, his own family and even to him. Sometimes his efforts were enough, but frequently they weren't. The pain you feel during and after turn the previous happiness rotten too until you look back and you've nothing to smile about anymore. Memories are only happy if those you shared them with are still around to reminisce with you.

"I'm fine." He clears his throat. "So, listen, you need to go to bed Cas. Who knows where we'll be tomorrow, and you look like you could use some beauty sleep."

Cas responded wordlessly, taking notice of Dean's now solemn expression, and let Dean help him up and open the door to his room. Once inside however, the emptiness of the space combined with a shrunken Castiel with no luggage to his name only made the guy more aware of his isolation. Dean noticed all of this from Cas' hesitation, but said nothing, still shaken from their previous discussion.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I am thankful for the room you and Sam have given me, but I think I'm feeling something akin to loneliness?" He spoke the sentence like a question and upon asking it Dean responded inwardly with the realization that he was feeling lonely himself.

"Yeah, well you're probably just tired. Knock if you need anything." Dean closed the door as quickly as he could manage without slamming it; the sight of a lonely Cas would do nothing to help him sleep, but the implications of staying were too great. He leaned against the door for some time before returning to the room he shared with Sam. He thought of Ellen, Jo, Bobby, his father, Sam, his mother and even Adam. Of everyone who was now a sadness when he thought of their face. He had to stop getting so attached, so invested, especially with a human and easily targeted Cas.

And that's how Dean Winchester went to bed thinking of Schrodinger's cat, and how maybe if he left it alone its state wouldn't matter, and he could have it just as he imagined it.