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Alia woke up Carol up the next morning. "Wake up, it's Christmas". Alia had slept last night in a trundle bed that had been pulled out from under the four poster that Carol and Daryl had slept on. Carol rolled out of bed and dressed quickly. Alia had already dressed herself and they went downstairs to the kitchen to find Grandma Lydia bustling around with a bowl full of batter

Grandma Lydia smiled at them, "There's two of my three girls. Daryl and Morgan are outside working on some chores. Are pancakes alright for breakfast?" Alia nodded and Carol said, "That sounds wonderful, Grandma."

Lydia McAllister looked at Alia and saw a scared little girl and said, "I think I need some more eggs. Do you think you can help me get some more eggs from the chicken coop?" By the time they got back Alia and Grandma Lydia were happily discussing how to take care of chickens and Alia was asking a million question. Daryl and Morgan came in cold from working outdoors. They were working on a project for Grandma that was to be her belated Christmas present since it was going to take a while to finish.

After everything was cleaned up they went to the living room and opened presents. Lydia had to laugh at Daryl getting Alia a microscope and a doctor's kit. Carol had given the child a laptop (with a solar charger) with games and its own encyclopedia. They were odd presents for a five year old but Alia seemed delighted with them.

Afterward Morgan and Daryl went back to their project and the women walked around the hill to Emily and Brian's farm. They had a good sized brick house with an impressive barn. There was a strong fence around the house and barn. John ran out to open the gate and usher them inside. Emily and Tempy were working on Christmas dinner and they had already invited everyone at Mountain Top Farm to eat with them. Arya and John captured Alia to go see the horses with them. To Alia the horses were mythical creatures. She had seen photographs in books but they didn't seem quite real. John saddled a horse and let her ride with him around the meadow.

Emily put all the women to work and they managed to get Christmas dinner on the makeshift tables. Brian gave the blessing over the food and they all dug into ham, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Dessert was chocolate cake and homemade ice cream. The whole event seemed surreal to Carol; yesterday she been running up a hill with Alia praying that they would make it to the rock before the walkers got them. Today she and Alia were eating dinner surrounded by smiling faces. Suddenly there were too many people in this room and she felt herself shut down.

Daryl turned to smile at Carol and saw how pale she had become. Dinner was almost over and he asked Michonne to look after Alia while he and Carol too a walk. Michonne had glanced at Carol and nodded. They slipped away quietly when dessert was being served.

Carol was glad to leave the crowded house and get into the fresh air. Daryl took her hand as they walked. "Anything wrong?" He kept his tone quiet and she tightened her grip on his hand. "Talk to me, Carol."

Carol's pale cheeks flushed a little, "Sounds stupid when I say it."

"Just talk to me." Daryl knew that Carol had been through hell since the flu hit the prison. She had talked to him a few times but he hadn't pressed her too hard because she usually became upset when she talked about it. Maybe she needed to talk about it and he had been too busy with everything else to see that. "I can handle stupid all day long".

Carol smiled at him. They were getting closer to their new farm and she could see the big barn and the houses ahead of them. There was smoke coming from two houses now and she could see how different the place looked in just a few days.

Daryl had the keys to the house that they had chosen. He opened the door, "I'll carry you over the threshold when we get ready to move in". He stepped aside and held the door for her. Carol moved toward the kitchen. The cabinets and appliances had been in the barn and Brian's friends had moved everything in and the cabinets were installed and the appliances moved in. The cooking stove was propane and the house was heated with wood. The solar panels provided enough electricity for the lights and refrigerator. Carol exclaimed over the kitchen and checked out the bathrooms.

Daryl watched her for a bit. She was a little too excited. She was deflecting again. Pretending that she was excited over water saving commodes was a dead giveaway. He waited until she came back to the kitchen and he picked her up and sat her on the counter, "Talk to me".

Her giddy mood disappeared and her expressive eyes filled with tears, "Yesterday Michonne and I were fighting to keep those girls alive. It just brought back losing Sophia and then Mika and Lizzie. We made it through yesterday, but I am afraid that I'll fail next time."

Daryl kissed her hands, "We do what we have to, you know that. There ain't no guarantees of safety anywhere. Go ahead and cry. Holding that shit in doesn't help." Daryl picked her up and carried her to chair and set down with her in his lap, "Talk to me".

Carol sniffled and Daryl brought out a rumpled none too clean looking red rag and handed it to her. "It's Christmas and I should have helped to clean up after dinner," she said.

"Talk to me". Daryl rubbed her back and she kissed him sweetly and then more deeply. "Don't start shit with me just so you don't have to talk about what is bothering you".

Carol sighed and pulled herself away from him, "I just looked around that table and wanted Sophia to be sitting beside of Grandma Lydia. I wanted Mika and Lizzie to be sitting there eating cake and ice cream with Alia. I feel like the world is always spinning around me and the only person who stays with me is you."

Daryl nodded, "We have been on the move a long time and maybe this place won't be our last stop, but you are my guiding star. This world is like the nighttime sky. It's real pretty but it just keeps moving along. The North Star is a guiding star; you can use it to find your way because it always points north." He rubbed his face and then said, "I was lost without Merle. I stayed with our group just because I didn't know what else to do. I watched you and Sophia all the time. I told myself it was because you didn't have a man to fight for you. I wanted to be your man even then, and I wanted Sophia to be mine. I saw myself with you and Sophia being a family. I wanted that but I didn't know how to make it happen. Then, Sophia got lost in the woods and I thought that I was going to find her. Bring her to you and then make it alright again. I was so sure that I would find her alive. When she came out of the barn I knew it was all a damn fantasy and I should never let myself dream again. It hurt too much when you wake up and it is just a picture and never real."

Carol remembered the withdrawn and angry man who had moved his camp away from the others at the farm. He had changed after finding Sophia. There had been a connection between them when he searched for Sophia and it was a long time before they became that close again. "I started getting tougher after she died. She's dead because I was too weak to go after her. I learned how to use a weapon to protect myself. I made myself strong but in the end I couldn't save them. I love Alia so much but having her as a daughter has opened up old wounds. The fear and the guilt is back to haunt me."

Daryl said, "Alia opened up the wounds because they never healed right. We are draining out rotten parts of us that we want to keep hidden. I didn't look for you when the prison fell because deep inside I thought that I had failed again. I wouldn't be able to find you because you were already gone. Nothing else mattered after that."

Carol thought about her wounds. She had hidden her pain away after Sophia died. She had grieved her in private, but maybe she forgive herself for not being strong enough. She couldn't change it. She had tried to be stronger with Mika and Lizzie, but in the end she couldn't change their fates. It worked out the way it was always going to go. What more could she have done?

Carol thought about Alia. She wasn't Sophia, or Mika, or Lizzie. She was at almost six her own person. An incredibly smart child with a child's wonder at the universe. Affectionate and sweet and occasionally obstinate and stubborn. Special. Alia was special.

"Everything we do matters. We found each other alive and we both took a leap of faith that we could forgive ourselves enough to allow ourselves to be happy. We were rewarded for that by Alia choosing us. She did you know. That little girl chose you to be her daddy. She picked me to be her mother. I am happy with you and her as my family." Carol kissed Daryl and stood up.

Daryl watched her. "Tell me about yesterday? Not just what happened but how you felt when it was going on. You blamed me for being there and you can say it."

Carol stood at the front windows and looked out at the mountains. "I was restless and jumpy the whole day after you left. Alia was too and she told us that she wanted to go. We all jumped in and loaded everything. I was impatient and irritated with you and Morgan. We decided to take a walk and Michonne and I had the girls. Eugene was chomping at the bit to go and so were Tara and Rosita. I guess it was some sort of premonition. We were at the gate and I turned and saw a herd coming at us. I don't know how they got in the back way but we hadn't been checking those fences every day since we started to pack up either. Michonne started for the Suburban and told me to wait by the gate. I opened the gate so that Eugene and the girls could leave and I saw Michonne almost surrounded by walkers. I thought she was going to die. I had Judith and Alia and I thought that I couldn't save them and I would have to watch her die. I promised myself that I would save a bullet for her so that she wouldn't turn."

Carol stopped for a minute and took a deep breath. "Michonne got away and took Judith. I didn't think about you or anything but moving as fast as I could toward Indian Rock. We were high enough so that the walkers couldn't touch the children and Michonne and I took turns killing walkers and tending the children. We killed enough so that Michonne could slip away to get the Suburban. I kept thinking that you would show up but I didn't blame you. This was something that Michonne and I had to do by ourselves. Michonne drove up wearing a bra and panties and her boots. She smelled like holy hell because she had smeared herself with walker guts. We got the children into the vehicle and I left a sign at the bottom of the hill."

Daryl said, "You can be angry with me." He knew that Carol had problems expressing anger and that she bottled it up too much. Lessons learned with Ed took a very long time to unlearn.

"I was too busy trying to keep everyone alive to think about you very much. I was angry at those walkers who were trying to kill us all. Were you angry at me for not staying in the house?" Carol believed that they would have been killed there if they hadn't gotten out of the house.

"No, the walkers might have clumped up around that house if you were inside. The vehicles were gone, but when we saw Michonne's clothes." He stopped for a minute and shook his head, "We drove up to Indian Rock and I saw the walkers and knew you had gone that way. The sign told us that you had made it off the hill. I just wanted to find you." He got off the chair and stood beside her. "Gotta have my guiding star".

Carol leaned on him for a few minutes and then pulled herself away, "How much more needs to be done here before we move in?" She wandered back to their room and Daryl followed. "We need a bed." The house had closets and built in shelves, but it needed a bed and a dresser or two.

Daryl smirked, "Morgan and I are going on a run tomorrow morning. We'll let you go and Michonne ride along if you promise to let us try those beds out when we get set up tomorrow."

Carol ignored the sexual invitation and concentrated on the original topic, "We need a bed, mattress, and two dressers. Alia needs a bed and a dresser. And a desk too."

"Well, that's a hellava thing. New rule, no fun, no run." He folded his arm and looked at her.

"No fun, no run? We could keep on living with Grandma Lydia with Alia sleeping on a trundle bed beside us." Carol moved closer to him and traced her finger down his cargo pants' zipper. "I never said that I was against fun you know." She moved her finger up the zipper even more slowly. "You drive a hard bargain, Daryl." Carol brushed past him and went into the kitchen.

He followed her and pulled her to him with his back to the stone counter and kissed her hungrily. He ground his erection into her and felt her push back. "I may be hard but I try to give as much as I get in any deal." He kissed her again and put his hands under her coat to squeeze her breasts and pull at her nipples. He slid down her until he was on his knees in front of her and he opened her pants and buried his face in her slit. She tugged at his hair and he explored her with his tongue. She wasn't really ready for sex so he slowed his expectations down. She moaned a bit when he stopped exploring and settle his lips and tongue around her clit.

"Daryl, Abe is coming in the house." Carol whispered frantically. Daryl pulled back and considered his options. He decided to stay where he was.

"Carol, where is Daryl? I saw you two walk this way and I want him to look at my truck it is making a funny noise".

Carol cleared her throat. "We were checking out the house and Daryl said something about going down the hill in front of the house. He thought he saw something move in those rhododendron bushes down there. The man is always looking for something to eat".

Daryl caught all of her sexual innuendo and could only hope that Abe didn't. Carol was holding onto the counter with both hands and he felt her jump when he put his tongue back inside her.

"Well, I didn't see him outside but I'll catch him tomorrow. Are you waiting here for him? I can walk you back to your grandmother's if you want to go now"?"

Carol said, "Oh, I am doing fine here. Daryl will come along in just a few minutes but I'll tell him about the truck." Daryl knew she was getting closer because her voice had a little squeak in it.

"Don't bother, I'll check with him tomorrow." Abe left and Carol bent over the counter and let herself go. She slid down the counter to lie beside of Daryl. The floor was a tile that looked wood but was cold without any heat in the house. "Daryl is still waiting to come along," he said and Carol laughed and gathered him in her arms.

They got back to Grandma Lydia's in time to help her make a simple supper out of sandwiches and some canned soup. Morgan and Michonne had worked on the project and it was finished. Morgan had created a hot water tank that used wood and Lydia could have all the hot water that she could use.

It was a quiet evening sitting around the fire and telling stories and making plans. They went to bed early because they wanted an early start to pick up the furniture tomorrow. There hadn't been any snow for a couple of weeks and no one knew how long that would last.