Note: I know I haven't been on in a very long time, sorry Tribbles. ( I'm calling you that now. 😄 )

This fic is an AU where Kirk actually died during Into Darkness. V sad. 😭

Sometimes God, or whoever you believe is the all powerful, throws things at you, horrible unimaginable things. It makes you sick, hurt, and angry. All feelings Spock had never felt before. They all rushed at him with unbarring and unforgivable force, it came so fast that he was knocked off his feet.

"James Kirk is dead."

He remembered pausing, and he forgot logic. All his thoughts rushed through out his head, it burned. It burned in all ways unimaginable, and he couldn't stop it. He felt numb.

He walked back to his apartment and looked the door. It was then, with the mirror covered and the lights off, that he cried. Tears slid down his cheeks, and his back shook.

His captain was gone. No more laughing face with sparkling blue eyes. No more jokes to be lightly tossed about. It was all gone.

It was then that Spock felt anger. It started deep inside him, and then worked it's way up to the top of his lungs. And then, like fire, it rushed from his mouth in a scream. The scream of tragedy, a scream of pain, a scream to end all others. And it came from his broken heart.

Why. It was all his fault. His best friend in the entire world, gone. Because he couldn't save him. McCoy closed his eyes, and put his face in his hands. He sobbed, blaming himself all the way.

"Bones." A nurse had come to tell him it was time to leave.

The doctor looked up, his eyes rimmed red. "Don't call me that."

"I'm sorry..I-I wasn't-" The poor nurse stuttered, her eyes wide.

"Leave me alone!" He barked at her. She left, and closed his office door behind her. He stared at the door, and then his face collapsed all over again. Tears poured out of eyes, and he shook with sobs.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry..."

Scotty got the news alright. He had heard it three hundred times already. That's why he sat so silently now, scotch in hand. He had been staring at the wall for a very long time. He kept repeating the conversation in his head, "I tried to stop him. I tried! I really did!" He saw himself telling his stricken crew. Too late. It was over now. The brave man called James Kirk was dead. And there was nothing Scotty could do.

Tears slid gently down Uhura's face as she stared at the sunset. She smiled a little as a happy memory crossed her mind. "If you don't tell me your name, I'm gonna have to make one up." He's such a flirt. Then she caught herself, was. He was such a flirt. New pain cut through her heart, and tears flew down her face. Her life would never ever be the same.

Chekov trembled under his covers. Every now and then, a tiny sob would be heard from the blue lump atop the bed. His captain was dead. He would never see the man who had been a father to him again. The brave soul had saved so many peoples lives, but lost his own. Chekov rubbed his eyes and sat up, hiccuping as he did so. He pulled out his art pad and pencils. He opened up to a clean page, so white and new. He began to sketch. A head, with messy blonde hair on top. Thick eye-brows, and cool blue eyes. A huge smile, with white glittering teeth. Chekov stared at the picture, and his eyes filled again. The salty tears fell onto the paper and the colors ran onto Chekovs fingers as he clutched it with dear life. Because his wonderful captain had lost his.

Sulu didn't want to believe it. No! Not his captain. Not the man who had saved lives, and jumped from a freakin shuttle with him. Jim Kirk couldn't dead. He pulled out his com and singled Kirk. Deep inside, he knew the man wouldn't answer, but he pushed that away.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. "Hey! James Kirk here! Sorry I can't answer right now, I'm probably busy or something. Call ya back later."

Sulu knew he wouldn't call back.

Although Carol didn't know Kirk for long, she was upset. How could such a brave man die? She tried her best to comfort those who knew him best, but it was really hard, because she couldn't find the right words to say. She lay awake that night and thought of him. Of his eyes, of his kind and powerful heart. He was gone, the universe had lost an important man, and she knew it to.

Spock Prime got the word that Jim Kirk had passed a few weeks after his death date. It made him think of his Jim, the Kirk he had worked under for so many long, adventurous, happy years. And he cried. He cried quietly, in his home on New Vulcan, all by himself. Because he had no one left to cry with.

note: Sorry for the major feels! I wrote this a loooonnngggg time ago.:/

Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed crying your eyes out!