Coming Home

I was only meant to be gone for two weeks, not two months. There was no way I could have predicted what happened but I felt bad. The guilt gnawed away at me from the inside. I was nervous. What if they hated me? I was going home, but what if they didn't want me? I'd missed birthdays, dance performances, sports finals and who knows what else, just in my immediate family.

I looked out the window as we taxied into Melbourne. Sunset, it was beautiful. Just like the family I was so scared yet desperate to see. As I gazed down into the suburbs and tried to work out what was where, I quietly revisited the memory that led to me being seated in first class.

We'd been at the end of our pilgrimage, one day to go. I was walking up the Spanish Steps with Emily, Josh & Liam, when suddenly I was pushed back. Back down the Spanish steps. Of course, I don't actually remember that all too well, as I hit my head during the fall. But I remembered a familiar-looking young Italian boy, voices calling my name and then the hospital. There I woke up surrounded by as many of the 30 or so people in my group that they could fit in my room, as well as by a cast on a broken leg.

Back in Australia, I'd heard that my family was freaking out to say the least. There was no way I could come back with the group but by the time Dad got there they would have left. So instead, my Auntie Mich who's living in London came to Rome before taking me back to her place before the next school trip in a month. While in London, I had a second fall, again caused by a mysteriously familiar man and whilst the fall wasn't serious, it was bad enough to ensure that I was still on crutches at the end of my prolonged trip.

'C, what's wrong?' Molly asked breaking my trance and looking at me with concern across her face.

'Nothing Mol, you know just reacquainting myself.' I lied through my teeth. She knew.

'You're lying.'

'Am not'

'Then why are you crying?' She smirked commenting on the tears I hadn't even noticed.

'Huh? Ohhh, that. I'm just thinking you know, about everything that happened, you know, bit nervous about seeing everyone again... What if-' she cut me off.

'They'll be waiting right there. Andrew, Tasha, Adam, Bree & Chase. And, they actually probably can't wait to see you!'

'Nah, ABC will be in bed...'

'Doubt it!'

'But I missed...'

'Won't care.'

'It was only meant-'

'Yeah, and maybe they cared about that last week but not now when they know you're coming home.' She smiled as the engines came to a stop and the seatbelt sign clicked off before turning her attention to the practicalities. 'Maddie, can you gimme a hand with Clare's carry on?'

Half an hour later, we were about to walk out from customs, Molly wheeling my suitcase as well as hers (I'd convinced her and the others to let me carry my own backpack). I stopped and rested on my crutches for a few seconds. Who would be there? Mum or Dad? What would they say? A pinch brought me back from my thoughts,

'Dont even try to tell me 'you're tired' got it?' Maddie said, who'd obviously heard my earlier conversation.

'Yeah, I'm coming' I said, letting a little bit of the excitement sneak back onto my face.

Maddie pushed the door open for me, and I hobbled through behind her and Molly. As soon as we did we were met with the faces of many smiling parents, some already embracing their children. I turned myself to look for a parent, but before I spotted them I felt three bodies crash into mine from the side.

'Woah! Gotcha C.' Molly reached over the three hugging me to steady my balance, whilst whispering with a smirk on her face, 'Told you so.'

I smiled in return before turning my attention to the kids.

'Clare!' An excited Bree screamed. 'You're finally home! You made it this time!'

'Yeah, how's your leg?' Adam added, pulling away slightly from the public display of affection.

'Hello, I thought you three would be at home, asleep. My leg's getting better. It's a bit annoying that I can't walk without crutches, so carry anything or do anything normally really. But that's life. It's so great to see you guys again, like properly in person! Not through a screen!' I smiled down at them, taking in how they grown and the new bits of clothing they were wearing. Then noticing the tears, prickling at the back of Chase's eyes. 'Chasey, what's wrong?' I asked leaning down to the small six year old.

'Please don't go away again!' He said before burying his head into my side.

I was still stroking his back and trying to answer the 20 or so questions Bree had fired at me when Mum and Dad decided to come a bit closer.

'Calm down Bree. Now have any of you offered to help your sister and cousins with their bags' Dad asked looking knowingly at them. So while he and Tasha came over and gave me a hug, and Molly & Maddie decided they'd tell me that they knew we were giving them a lift, Adam & Bree quickly jumped into action. Adam went straight for my suitcase, while Bree got to their carry on. Maddie, who saw that Chase was only just pulling away from me, squatted down next to him and asked if he'd like to help with my carry on, which put a big smile across his face.

Dad ran ahead to drive the car closer so we got there pretty quickly, all things considered, and then somehow managed to load all of us and our stuff into the car. I was in the middle row with Chase falling asleep at my side and Adam on the other side of him. Bree climbed into the back row where she squished in next to the twins. While Mum & Dad took the front.

It was after eleven before we made it into the driveway. We'd dropped Molly, Maddie and all their luggage at their place. Chase had long ago fallen asleep, leaning into my side with my arm draped around his shoulders, and Bree wasn't too far off in the backseat. So as I hobbled out from my seat in the car, Adam carried Chase, and Dad carried Bree in while Mum grabbed my luggage.

Twenty minutes later, everyone else was asleep, or so I thought. I was shuffling around unpacking some of my suitcase while I still felt awake, thankyou jet lag, listening to the soundtrack of my favourite musical when I heard a small knock at the door.

'Come in, oh hey Adam! I thought you were asleep.' He shook his head and came over to where I'd sat down on the edge of my bed. As he sat down next to me, he looked like he was about to cry. 'Adee, what's wrong?' I said using his childhood nickname as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He turned into the hug and wrapped his arms around my waist.

'I'm scared Clare. I don't want to have to be the oldest. Will you really be okay?'

'Adam, of course I will! My leg's mending well and Auntie Mich, Uncle Paul, Cath & Fran took great care of me. I'm not going anywhere for a long time, and you'll always be my little brother.' I said ruffling his hair and looking down into his blue eyes, 'What else?'

'I, I, while I, while you were gone, I was, I had nightmares.'

'And did you tell Dad?' A small shake of his head. 'Mum? Anyone?' Another shake. 'Oh Adam! Did you want to tell me what they were about? You don't have to.'

'I, I have them every couple of nights or so. S-sometimes, I get taken away from everyone, or Bree or Chase because I failed them, or, or your leg doesn't get better or you never come back, because, because...'

I felt the sobs racking through his body as he buried his head further into my chest. We sat there like that for a few minutes, the only sounds his sobs and my attempts at soothing him.

'Do you remember what you, Bree and Chase used to do when you had a bad dream.' He nodded, ever so slightly. 'Good, which side of the bed would you like?'

'But I'm too old fo-'

'Nope. I'm not letting one of my baby brothers go through something like that again. You stay here, where big sis will protect you. Okay? And we talk more tomorrow?'

'Okay,'

'Come on. Jump in.' I smiled as I lifted up the covers for him to slide under. 'You know you can come in whenever you need to, don't you?'

'Yep' he responded letting out a long yawn.

'Good, now it's bed time little bro! Goodnight Adam, missed you heaps.'

'Goodnight Clare.' I reached over and stroked the hair out of his face, before moving down to his back ask he quickly fell asleep.