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Chapter 12

Sebastian didn't remember going back downstairs. He didn't answer when Burt asked him if something was wrong, just walked past him into the bedroom where everything had been so perfect just a few minutes ago and shut the door. The image of Kurt and Blaine seemed to be burned into the back of his eyelids, every time he so much as blinked, he was treated to the sight of them kissing with a passion he hadn't seen between them in years.

It wasn't like Sebastian hadn't anticipated Kurt's feelings towards Blaine, he just hadn't expected them to lead anywhere because he had never thought Blaine would let them. He didn't know whether he was more hurt or angry. Probably a wild mixture of both.

The door opened and Blaine walked in, looking surprised when he saw Sebastian standing in the middle of the room. "Oh hey – we were wondering where you were." he said, but Sebastian noticed how he was avoiding his gaze.

"Where's Kurt?" Sebastian asked, his voice surprisingly calm.

"He's still on the roof. I guess he wanted to look at the view a bit longer."

"Really?" Sebastian said in a flat voice.

"Yeah," Blaine gave him a small smile and rubbed the back of his neck. Sebastian wondered if he knew how the guilt was seeping through every moment of his body. His eyes kept flickering from Sebastian to the windows before he finally said, "Listen Sebastian, I think I'm going to stay away for a bit."

"Stay away?"

"I think it's best for all of us."

"Did something happen?" Sebastian asked.

"No, no. Nothing happened." Blaine said quickly.

"Why don't you say that again, Blaine?" Sebastian said, his voice dangerously calm. "With a little more conviction this time."

Blaine looked at Sebastian with panicked eyes. "I don't - What?"

"I'll tell you what," Sebastian said, stepping closer to him. "I just saw you kissing my husband not two minutes ago." Blaine's expression froze and Sebastian felt a tinge of satisfaction at how the color drained from his face. "And instead of dealing with how big of a dick you are to do that to me and to Kurt, you're just going to run away."

"It's not like that -"

"Isn't it?" Sebastian said, his anger rising to the surface now. "What's it like then Blaine? Because from what it looked like, you were definitely kissing my husband on that roof knowing full well how he feels about you and how having you kiss him is the last thing he needs right now!"

"Sebastian -"

"You're my best friend, you asshole!" Sebastian shouted, not bothering to keep his voice low. "What the fuck were you thinking? How could you possibly have justified doing something like that?"

"Kurt said -"

"Kurt is stuck ten years in the past. You're not!"

Blaine opened and closed his mouth but decided against saying anything. Sebastian fought the urge to hit him, balled his hands into fists at his side instead and breathed through his nose in an attempt to calm himself.

"Get out," he said finally.

Blaine blinked. "What?"

"I said get out. You're right, it's best if you stay away for a while. It's bad enough that Kurt hates me right now, I don't need you making things worse than they already are."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, rubbing his face with his hand. "I really am."

Sebastian didn't say anything, just clenched his jaw and waited for Blaine to leave. Blaine looked at him with a desperate expression on his face as if he was searching for the right words to fix everything but then he just nodded, looking as broken as Sebastian felt when he left.

Dinner was tense. Burt kept looking at Sebastian with a questioning frown but he didn't press for any details even though he was bound to have heard bits of his argument with Blaine. Instead, he kept up a steady stream of conversation with Kurt, talking about meaningless things which Kurt only replied to in monosyllables. For the first time, Sebastian wished Burt hadn't been there; he knew he was only trying to help but Sebastian didn't need anyone's help right now. What he needed was time alone with Kurt so they could both figure this out without anyone's misguided attempts at helping them.

His frustration with him faded away when Burt got up and declared he was going to bed early. Sebastian waited until the bedroom door had shut behind him before he finally turned his gaze to Kurt. He hadn't asked where Blaine had gone nor had he said one word to Sebastian throughout the evening. He chewed his food in silence, sniffing occasionally in a way that made Sebastian think he was fighting tears.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Kurt shrugged.

"Kurt?"

"I'm done," Kurt said, dropping the rest of his burger onto his plate. "I can't eat anymore. It feels like I'm stuffing cotton in my mouth."

"Do you want a drink?"

"I think I'm going to go to bed." Kurt said, pushing back his chair and standing up.

"Wait," Sebastian said and Kurt sighed, turning to look at him impatiently. Sebastian stood up, careful not to step into Kurt's comfort zone, knowing he would close off even further. "Don't go to bed yet."

"I'm tired."

"You spent the whole day sleeping!" Sebastian backtracked when he saw the way Kurt's eyes narrowed. "Can we just – I don't know, talk?"

"Why?" Kurt asked as if the idea was ridiculous.

"Do we need a reason?" Sebastian said, trying his best to hide his desperation. "I just want to talk."

Kurt looked at him closely for a moment and Sebastian felt hopeful that he would nod and sit back down but Kurt just shook his head and said, "I'm really not in the mood right now."

Sebastian stood looking after him for a long time, his mind swimming and his stomach clenching painfully before he found himself walking down the hall towards his bedroom, a new determination in his step. He didn't knock, just opened the door and walked in. Kurt looked up in alarm from where he was sitting on the bed and wiped his face hastily before he glared at him, "What?"

"Are you even trying?" Sebastian said, closing the door behind him and crossing his arms.

"I don't know what you're talking about. What are you doing in my room?"

"This is our room."

Kurt huffed. "Sebastian, just leave me alone."

"I don't think you are," Sebastian continued, ignoring him. "I don't think you care about us enough to try and make this work."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kurt said, standing up.

"It means I'm your husband and you couldn't care less about me or how I feel in about all of this."

"See this is exactly what I was talking about," Kurt said, shaking his head. "I feel like I'm obligated to love you just because you're my husband and you make it so difficult to try and -"

"That's just it, though!" Sebastian said, his body practically shaking. "You aren't trying. You're not making the slightest effort to remember anything."

"I didn't know there was a rulebook of how to go about regaining your memory." Kurt snapped.

"You don't need a rulebook to tell you that you don't go around kissing your ex boyfriends when you're married, Kurt!"

Kurt froze, much like Blaine had. "He told you?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"I saw you both," Sebastian said. "Do you have any idea how I felt when I -"

"Do you have any idea how I feel?!" Kurt said, cutting him off. His posture was defensive, tears gathering in his eyes. "So much has changed and I've barely had time to process it. It's not as easy as pushing a button, Sebastian. My memory isn't going to return just because I tried to remember something." He put his hands to his temples and massaged them in slow circles, letting out a deep breath. "Everything is just so damn confusing for me right now," he said, looking back up at Sebastian with wet eyes. "I know I promised to try and make this work but – it's not working. I'm sorry. The truth is that I don't love you. I can't love you. I just can't. And wearing some stupid, expensive rings isn't going to change that."

Sebastian's body didn't give him any warning. The tears sprung to his eyes and started streaming down his cheeks before he had a chance to do anything about them. Kurt seemed to realize what he'd said and his face changed; his lips parted and the crease in his eyebrow disappeared, replaced instead by guilt carved into every inch of his features. "Sebastian, I didn't -"

"You were right before," Sebastian said through his tears. "You're not my husband. You're not my Kurt."

Kurt's eyes flared with anger and he took a step forward, the words falling from his lips almost like a reflex. "I am your Kurt."

There was a stunned pause after that where they both stared at each other and Sebastian felt his heart skip a few beats in succession. The sheer force with which Kurt had said the words sent a shiver through him and it took all his self control to remain standing where he was and not reach out and grab Kurt.

See You Soon !

SabrinaJ