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Chapter 14 :
For the first time since the accident, Kurt woke up the next day feeling light and happy. Not happy, exactly. Just – calm. He didn't need a moment to take in his surroundings, his eyes were already expecting to see the blinds he'd let down over the windows before he went to bed last night. It had been in anticipation of blocking the sunlight so he could sleep in longer but it had been of no use – judging by the time on his bedside alarm clock, it was just past dawn.
Kurt stretched before turning on his side to face the empty side of the bed. He wondered what it felt like to wake up in the mornings with Sebastian sleeping next to him, whether Sebastian had any annoying sleeping habits like hogging the blankets or snoring or talking in his sleep. Did he still find them endearing or were they already at the point where snoring would result in a smack to the face with a pillow accompanied by 'shut up, I'm trying to sleep'.
Marriage had always been something Kurt thought about even when it was never a possibility for him growing up in Ohio. It had been a glamorous, idealized version of events more than anything. The rings, the suits, the cake. He'd dreamed of what song he would dance to with his husband for the first time and where they would go on their honeymoon.
This part of married life, the realistic part, was something he hadn't given much thought to. He hadn't had the chance to digest the idea of being married and all that it would entail. Instead, he'd found himself thrust headfirst into all of it.
Sebastian was – he was not the husband Kurt had dreamed of - but last night had changed the way Kurt looked at things. He wasn't ready to jump into their relationship with everything he had yet, but he was willing to make a conscious effort to recognize, if not remember, the reasons he had fallen in love with him. It wasn't going to be a situation he resigned himself to anymore, he was going to make it a choice – something he wanted - because the truth was, after last night, he did want this.
Things weren't any less confusing for him, but there had been a moment, several moments in fact when he had felt at peace with everything and it had been because of Sebastian. He made things feel less like a burden. Burt, Blaine, Rachel, Finn - everyone he had talked to since waking up had promised to be there for him whenever he needed them. Kurt was grateful and he knew their concern came from a place of caring but there was something different about Sebastian.
Even with all the crap Kurt had given him, with all the complications of their situation, there was an underlying promise of we're in this together. Something deeper than what he had with everyone else, even his dad. Sebastian was his - as crazy, as scary, as absurd as that was – Sebastian was his. They were in this together and it wasn't just because they were married. It was because they loved each other, a love strong enough that Kurt could recognize the strength of it without any memory of how they reached that point.
Sebastian had been right, Kurt hadn't been trying. He hadn't felt comfortable enough to try and think about their relationship, he'd been too fixated on everything else. Now that he was beginning to understand bits and pieces, he wanted to try. Letting go of the past had been the first step, it was time to step into the present and take control of his life as it was instead of hanging onto the fragments he remembered.
Sleep feeling like a lost cause, Kurt rolled out of bed straight into the bathroom. He would need to shave soon and their tub was begging for him to try it out but Kurt felt too lazy to do anything other than brush his teeth at the moment.
Sebastian was fast asleep when Kurt walked into the lounge. Kurt noted with a certain level of relief that he wasn't snoring. He was, however, falling off the sofa.
So, he took up a lot of space while sleeping. Great.
Kurt poured himself some juice and searched around in the cupboards for some cereal. Once again, he felt the urge to cook something but he didn't want to wake Sebastian by the clatter of pots and pans so he stuck to a simple breakfast.
He had brought his planner outside with him and he flipped through the pages as he ate. The dates prior to his accident were filled with notes and appointments. Kurt read through them with interest – the name Van came up more than once; Tell Van to return samples, Have Van call in Mrs. Trevor , Ask Van if she'll cover with app. with David K. at 2. From the looks of it, Kurt guessed she was his assistant.
I have an assistant. Wow
Most of the recent pages were not as inked down. The upcoming Saturday had been crossed out completely; the words GO ON A DATE WITH MY FUCKING HUSBAND written in large, block letters across it. Kurt stared at them for a long time before he shut his planner and pushed it away.
Yeah, not ready to throw himself into the relationship yet.
"Hey," Kurt looked up to find his dad smiling at him. "Watchya doing?"
"Nothing, just going through stuff." Kurt said. "Do you want breakfast?"
"I just want coffee," Burt said, wandering over to the coffee maker. His gaze fell on Sebastian and he sighed. "I feel so bad about him sleeping out here."
Kurt looked over his shoulder at the sofa at Sebastian's sleeping form. "I'm not ready to sleep with him yet," he said, cringing when he realized the implications of the statement.
Burt didn't seem to catch any underlying meaning because all he said was, "I'm not saying you should. I'm saying I feel bad for taking up what could have been his bedroom in this situation."
"I'm sure he doesn't mind, dad." Kurt said.
"Yeah but, do I really need to be here?"
"Of course you do," Kurt said immediately.
"Look kid, if you need me, I'll stay. But I think what you need is some time alone with him." he looked at Sebastian pointedly before looking back at Kurt who had now started worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. "I feel like I'm in your way."
"You're not," Kurt said.
Sebastian stirred awake behind them and the conversation came to a halt as both Kurt and Burt turned to watch him roll off the sofa onto the floor with a muffled, "Oooph,"
"Yup." Burt said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I think I'll check into a hotel tonight."
"What are you doing?" Sebastian asked when he came out of the shower a while later and saw Kurt going through the kitchen cupboards again.
"Looking for ingredients," Kurt said. "I'm making lunch today."
"Why?"
"Because I have this urge to cook," Kurt said, pulling out a packet of egg noodles. "Get some semblance of normalcy back in my life." Sebastian shrugged and reached for the cereal box Kurt had left on the counter. Kurt caught a whiff of his body wash and he couldn't stop himself from inhaling deeply. He was glad Sebastian got distracted by the sight of Kurt's planner to notice. "Yeah, I was going through that earlier." Kurt said when he saw the frown on his face.
"Did it jog your memory on anything?" Sebastian asked but his voice wasn't hopeful.
"Nope."
"Big surprise."
Kurt shrugged and turned back to the ingredients he had taken out. There was a sudden tension in his shoulders that hadn't been present before Sebastian came out. He couldn't concentrate on the task at hand when he was constantly reminded of last night and how he had let himself be more vulnerable in front of Sebastian than he ever had before.
"You know what," he said, putting the packet of noodles back inside the cupboard. "Let's just order something."
Sebastian continued to chew his cereal, frowning. "What happened to gaining some semblance of normalcy?" he asked.
"I have questions," Kurt said, leaning over the counter. "And you're going to answer them."
See You Soon !
-J
