Prom Night III
She vomited on the floor.
Her vision was blurry, but there were no tears.
She didn't have any tears anymore.
The whole idea of crying seemed like a joke now.
Turn it off.
Maybe she should.
She cringed on the floor, dragging her hair through the blood and bile. She didn't care.
The pain was so overwhelming that she couldn't even think.
Then, suddenly, she was outside, still crouching on the ground. She didn't even remember getting there, but since no one else was around, she'd probably gotten here by herself.
It should have frightened her, but then again, nothing frightened her anymore. She was incapable of any emotion but pain.
Tyler. Bonnie.
It felt like someone had ripped out half of her and left her to bleed to death alone.
She was shaking heavily, but she got up on her knees.
With vacant eyes, vision still blurry she stared down at herself.
Her dress was ruined, ripped in places.
And there was blood, blood everywhere.
Her own blood on her left breast, soaking the fabric of the dress.
The blood from the blood bag she'd fed on earlier on her hair.
Klaus blood soaking her fingers. Tyler's blood on her hands.
Bonnie's blood, too.
She was in shock again, the pain having turned into a numb sensation. Watching herself from above.
She knew that she hadn't turned it off, this was a human reaction.
Strangely, she was glad.
She couldn't turn it off. She couldn't turn into Elena.
She had to stay strong. For Tyler, for Bonnie.
For once she was happy that the supernatural existed. She wasn't left with the uncertainty of death (she had never been sure of god). She knew that both somewhere Bonnie and Tyler still existed. They were watching. And if she died she would be where they were.
She was aware that this wouldn't last for long, soon enough the pain would catch up with her again.
She would use this moment of clarity.
She couldn't turn it off. She wouldn't.
'Because it's not like you.'
Shakily getting up on her legs she swore to herself that she wouldn't turn it off, never, no matter what was to come.
In the long run she would be able to cope.
She wouldn't spoil the memory of the people she loved by turning into a monster.
She watched herself take steps forward. She didn't even feel her legs.
She didn't know if she really moved that slowly or if she was seeing things in slow motion.
When she arrived around the corner and people started screaming and running around frantically, she realized it was the former.
Why were they screaming?
"Calm down everybody!"
A familiar voice. Her mother.
Suddenly Liz noticed her, her eyes widening. She ran towards her while everyone else scattered.
That's right. They were screaming because of her.
She was covered in blood after all.
Her mother grabbed her upper arms. She was almost hysteric, a look she hadn't seen on her face. Ever. "Caroline! Are you okay? What happened?!"
"Tyler and Bonnie are dead," she heard herself say.
Her mother pulled her into a hug but she didn't respond.
Instead she watched what was happening around her.
People were forming groups, some of them were crying. Yes, that must have been pretty traumatic, a dead body on the dance floor. She wasn't even being sarcastic.
They were innocent people, after all. Humans.
People that were supposed to be protected from all of this madness and misery.
She wondered what they knew about Bonnie and Tyler. Maybe their bodies had been found already.
Maybe Damon had taken care of Bonnie.
Her mother freed her from the embrace, holding her by her arms again.
"Caroline?"
Then she took her daughters hand and pulled her away from the commotion, back around the corner again. Liz was a woman of action, just like her daughter.
They were actually pretty similar. It was something she had known for a long time.
But it was now that she could appreciate it for the first time.
She never had been exactly motherly, but right now she was and she pulled her daughter into the building, towards the bathroom.
She probably thought that somewhere inside of her there was still some part that cared about her appearance. It would mean there was a part distinctively Caroline inside her.
Sadly, there wasn't.
Being rushed through the hall she saw a misplaced decoration. Immediately she halted and pulled her arm free, turning to fix it.
She could see the irony of all this. But she couldn't stop it.
"Jeez, what happened to you? You look like shit!"
Elena.
She saw herself turning her head towards her.
Her friend sauntered towards her.
"Did Silas bathe you in blood or what?"
"Elena, this is not the time!" Liz growled, trying to take hold of Caroline again.
She didn't move, even though her mother tried to drag her away. Instead she stared at Elena, her eyes vacant.
Elena, Bonnie, Caroline. Best friends, that's how it had always been. Now all that was left were the two of them.
"Bonnie's gone."
Elena nodded. "I know. I told you we should have turned her. Would have spared us the whole Silas-business."
Caroline stared at her.
This couldn't be Elena. Elena would break out in tears.
Wait, right, she had turned off her humanity.
"Tyler's gone, too." Her voice sounded hollow and emotionless, as if it wasn't she herself speaking.
Surprise spread on Elena's face.
"Well, that's news." Then she frowned. "Wait- why aren't you wailing on the ground?"
Suddenly, excitement appeared in her features. "You didn't turn it off, did you?"
She shook her head. "No."
"She's in shock. Now, if you excuse us, Elena. If this wasn't happening right now I would be locking you up for that horrendous crime you committed earlier." Liz tried to drag Caroline with her again, but failed.
"Shut up, Liz. I don't even know what makes you think you have any right to talk. You are a helpless, weak human. I could break your neck in less than a second."
Liz froze, realizing exactly what kind of danger she was in.
"You wouldn't do that to Caroline."
Elena laughed, placing her hands on her hips. "Is that so? I wouldn't be so sure if I were you."
She turned to Caroline again, a slightly angry expression on her face.
"Why haven't you turned it off yet?"
She wanted to answer but no words came out.
Elena took a step closer.
"You should turn it off, you know. It makes it all bearable."
She shook her head. "No."
Suddenly, Elena was almost snarling. "You think you're stronger than me, do you? You think you can survive this while I can't? You think you can make it through keeping your emotions?"
Her vision became blurry again.
"The perfect little princess Caroline, isn't that it? Excelling at everything, even at being a vampire. But deep down inside you're nothing but an insecure, neurotic little bitch!"
Elena grabbed her upper arms.
"You are not better than me. Turn it off!"
The screaming turned a switch in her – but it wasn't her humanity switch.
Suddenly, the pain crushed down on her again..
Tyler's heart in Klaus hand. The veins. Blood in Bonnie's eyes.
She chocked, feeling like vomiting again, but there was nothing left to throw up. Instead a curtain of tears was blurring her vision again.
"Turn it off!"
Liz was dragging at Elena's arm. "Let go of her!"
Caroline let out a strangled sob.
The screaming came down on her like a ton of bricks, assaulting her senses. She was reduced to absolute vulnerability.
Through the endless stream of water she could she a frantic, almost insane look on Elena's face. "Turn it off NOW!"
"No!"
Elena started shaking her. It almost felt good.
"Turn it off!"
She couldn't even shake her head. "NO!"
"LET GO OF HER!" Liz was violently yanking on Elena's arm now.
She was ignoring her.
"TURN IT OFF NOW!"
"NO! NO! No! No, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no…" Her knees gave in and Elena let go of her.
She collapsed on the floor, sobs wracking her body.
"No. I can't. No. No."
Elena looked down at her, a calculating glance in her eyes.
"Well," she said, annoyance in her voice. "I guess it's the hard way then."
A moment later a noise broke the silence.
Caroline's memory told her that it was the sound of a neck breaking.
Using energy she didn't have she pressed herself up on her arms.
Beside her lay the corpse of her mother, her neck twisted in a way that almost looked surreal to her. Human anatomy didn't work that way. A sense of déjà vue overcame her.
"How about now?" Elena asked.
Away from this place.
An instant later Caroline was out of the door, out of the building, out in the woods.
She didn't even know why.
She broke down to the ground again, starting to recite the words she'd heard Elena say, just weeks ago.
"I can't. I can't. Just STOP it. I can't."