Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof.

Chapter 12

When Severus apparated back to Spinner's End, he checked his wards before he sat on his couch to try to reign in his emotions. He could not let anything happen to Lily or her family. He would do anything to protect her, even if it meant going to prison himself.

"Dumbledore," he muttered. That's who he needed to go to and he needed to do it before tomorrow.

After he finally regained control of himself, Severus went to his writing desk. Once he steadied his shaking hand, he began to quill the Headmaster.

Professor Dumbledore,

I received your owl as soon as I arrived home this afternoon. The short notice change for the Potion Master's interview is fine. I will be ready by 7pm and will also bring samples of my work as you requested. I will meet you at the gates of Hogwarts.

Severus T. Snape

Severus tied the letter to his owl's leg and told him that it was a direct delivery and to fly with haste.

There, of course, was no change, but on the chance that his owl was intercepted, he wanted to make sure that it would seem to anyone reading it that he had a legitimate reason to be going to Hogwarts tonight, instead of tomorrow.

At 6:45, Severus grabbed his outer cloak, some potions to show the Headmaster, and then apparated toward the school.

At the gate, Albus Dumbledore was waiting for him. He was slightly relieved at this because it meant that he had received his letter. He was also nervous because he was unsure of what was about to happen, and he hated feeling unsure of anything. He started to wonder if he would even be believed, but he put on a passive face for the Headmaster and began to walk toward him.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Severus. I'm afraid that I have to take a trip tomorrow and I hoped that you could do your last interview tonight."

"It's not a problem at all, Headmaster." Severus was grateful that Dumbledore was playing along with him.

Together, they trekked up to his office. When they arrived, Albus offered him some tea, but he momentarily declined it. He wanted to get this over with.

"I suppose you are wondering why I sent you such a cryptic letter?" Severus asked as he attempted to get comfortable in one of the chairs in the office.

"Indeed I was, but I figured that you had a good reason." Albus leaned back in his own chair slightly, propping his hands up under his chin.

Severus took a deep breath to steady his nerves. "We are alone, right?"

Albus nodded, however, the use of those particular words were not lost on him.

"I have many things to tell you, but it may take a while."

"No one will interrupt us," Albus reassured.

Taking another steadying breath, Severus launched into how he became a Death Eater. He explained how he regretted it, how, when it was possible, he tried to mess up what plots he could without being discovered. He described his role in everything. He then took out a piece of parchment that listed every horrible deed he had ever done, everything he had ever witnessed, and every potion that he had ever made for the Dark Lord. He then proceeded to take a sample of each potion out of his robes.

After nearly two hours of talking himself hoarse, he looked up at Dumbledore, even though he was partially afraid of his gaze. He felt drained. He had not realized that he would feel as he did. Finding the Headmaster's blue eyes, he saw that they were studying him, but also that they did not hold judgement ... at least not yet.

"You still haven't told me why you're here or why you are confessing yourself to me, Severus."

Severus sighed. "The prophecy that I was forced to overhear, I had no choice but to relay what I had heard to the Dark Lord because Malfoy also heard the same thing. We only heard the first little bit before we were ... er ... discovered. It is for this reason that the Dark Lord believes it pertains to the Potters. He plans to go after their son." Severus' voice finally cracked. He berated himself for showing that sign of weakness.

"Ah, yes. You and Lily were close, were you not?"

Severus nodded.

"Why not ask your master to spare her for the child?" Albus' eyes flashed menacingly.

"In a manner of speaking, I did, but only because it was expected of me to do so. I had to tell him of our previous relationship before he found out on his own. I want Lily to be safe, but I also know it will devastate her if her son and her husband were killed as well. As much as I detested Potter growing up, I would never wish death upon him. Please hide them. Hide them all."

Albus gave him a searching look. "I believe you when you say those things. Now, what would you have me do with you?"

"If you promise to do your best to protect Lily and her family, you may do with me as you wish. I relinquish myself to your control ..." He let his voice trail off.

They were silent for quite some time. Severus finally picked up his tea because he needed something to help soothe his sore throat from where had he talked for so long. He also hoped that it would help calm his nerves. If he was allowed to return home, he would need to take one of his calming draughts.

Finally Albus spoke. "Since I believe you have been truthful with me, I must also be truthful with you. I have known for quite some time now that someone was working from the inside against Voldemort."

Severus audibly groaned. "Lily ..."

At this Albus chuckled, the twinkle back in his eyes. "Yes. She told me, but she did not give me your name. However, I've suspected it was you for a while now. The first time you interviewed with me, I saw some good left in you, some light, as it were, in the midst of the dark storm that was raging around you. Why do you think I kept calling you back in here for interviews? It was to partially give you an opportunity to do what you just did. To confess to me."

"If you saw 'the good in me', as you put it, with only our first meeting, then why hasn't the Dark Lord killed me yet?" Severus asked, truly curious. "He does not tolerate traitors."

"Because Voldemort does not look for the good in anybody. It's one of his weaknesses."

Severus nodded then went back to his other train of thought. "You said partially. May I inquire as to what you meant by that?" He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.

Dumbledore chuckled. "I said partially because I really was interviewing you for the Potion Master's position."

"You knew that I had the Dark Mark, yet you were still interviewing me to actually hire me?" Severus had a hard time believing that.

"Yes. Your potion knowledge and skills ranks you among the top people in Britain, if not the nation. That is quite a feat for anyone, but more so for you because of your very young age. Especially considering you obtained your certification not to long after you turned seventeen, while you were still in school. I daresay that your knowledge is likely to be greater now than it was then."

Severus just stared at the Headmaster, unaware that his mouth was hanging open. He began to feel some color creep up the back of his neck but made sure that it went no further. He had never told anyone that he had sat for the exam during his final school year. Though, now that he thought on it, it really didn't surprise him that Dumbledore knew considering the Dark Lord also knew about it. That's why he was sought after to begin with. He suddenly realized that his mouth was open and hurriedly closed it while trying to look dignified again.

"Granted, had you not confessed yourself to me, you would not have gotten the job because I will not put the students in any more danger than these times currently dictate." Albus said sternly. "Now, I am going to give you the Potion Master's job, as you are more than qualified for it, but I do have some stipulations." Albus said very seriously, leaning forward in his chair.

Severus schooled the shock from his face.

"First off, you are to assume the role of a spy. Tell me of Voldemort's comings and goings, just like he wanted you to do to me. We will work out some things to disclose to him so that he will think you are truly in the know, therefore you will suffer less from his punishments. I assume that he will actually work along a similar path with you when you tell him that I want you to spy on him."

Severus choked on his tea.

However, before he could ask what in the name of Merlin Dumbledore was thinking of, it dawned on him what was implied. "I assume the only difference between the two spying jobs is that while I only disclose to him what you tell me, I will disclose all of his movings and thoughts to you without holding anything back."

Albus nodded at his understanding. "I'm sure you can think of your own creative ways to inform him of the reason I let you have the job." There was a certain twinkle in the Headmaster's blue eyes.

Severus nodded.

"Now, another condition is that if and when Voldemort falls, you will be placed on trial. However, if your service to me is faithful, and you have given me no reason to distrust you, the trial will remain discreet and I will do my best to shield you from Azkaban."

Severus nodded. "Thank you, Headmaster." A slight weight felt like it had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"I do have two other conditions. One is that if we are successful in keeping you out of Azkaban, I will require you to stay on to teach. Your potion skills alone would have me practically begging you to stay for this job. Now, I am aware that you are young for a teacher and might be unsure at first, but I remember you to be a quick study. If I did not think that you would be an excellent educator, I would not have even considered you for the job, let alone given it to you. I take the students learning very seriously."

Before Severus could even form a thought at what was just said to him, he realized that the Headmaster was speaking again.

"Now, before I give you my final stipulation, I would like to know where you learned to be such an accomplished Occlumens, as I'm sure that Voldemort does not teach his follower's to hide their thoughts from him, and also if you can perform legilimency as well?"

"My mother taught me a little more than the basics and once I started at Hogwarts, I honed my skills by reading every book about it that I could get my hands on. And yes, I can perform legilimency as well."

"I'm impressed, Severus. That is not a well known branch of magic and I can count on two hands how many people are truly successful at it, especially to the extent in which you are.

"Anyway, the reason I asked is because my final condition is that you lower your occlumency shields around me. Not necessarily at all times and not all the way, but I've seen that you hide your emotions behind your shield, and while I understand why you do it, I would prefer that you did not do so in my presence.

"You're human and humans show emotion, and letting some emotion out, even if it is just a little, is better than keeping it shoved in the back of your head. It will make you crazy."

Severus nodded again. "I agree as long as you do your best to protect Lily and her family." Truthfully, he was wary about the final condition and he knew that it would not be easy. However, he would try, if only to protect Lily. So, he lowered his shields some. Then before he knew why he said it, he looked at the Headmaster and asked, "Would you like to see some of my memories to prove my loyalty to you?"

Severus scowled after the question came out.

Albus nodded, surprised at the offer. They both watched as memory after memory flooded by, both good and bad.

An hour later, with a couple of breaks in between, he was told to replace some of his shields. Enough had been seen by the Headmaster to know that Severus was indeed telling the truth and that he was truly repentant. Actually, he knew that before he entered his mind, but since the choice was given, he was curious as to what he would find.

"You really love her don't you?" Albus asked, as if he was merely inquiring about the weather forecast for the next day.

He glowered at the Headmaster. "Yes. I do. And I would do anything to protect her."

"Why did you not get married to her?" Albus didn't seem perturbed by the look that he was getting, which was odd, because even Voldemort would have scampered at that look. Instead, he waited patiently for an answer. Only afterwards would he understand why that look was given to him.

Realizing that the Headmaster would not let up, he sighed and responded with the truth. "We had an incident toward the middle of our 7th year. She never forgave me that night, no matter how much I begged. I actually threatened to sleep in front of the Fat Lady's portrait, and would have if McGonagall hadn't caught me outside of it. I then went off on my own, as I told you previously, and was Marked.

"A month or so after that, Lucius took me on my first raid. To say that I was horrified at what I saw would be an understatement. Lucius just had me watch at the first muggle house we went to. The Death Eater's swarmed the family before they had even moved. I had to watch as they tortured them. Yet, torture was the kindest thing that several of the Dark Lord's follower's did. You saw the memory ... "

Severus' voice went cold but he still continued talking.

"At the next house, Lucius told me that it would only be myself, him, and one other. The Dark Lord was also to arrive, but I didn't know it at the time. So we entered the house. I quickly sent three silent stunning spells towards the family before Lucius got to them. It was then that I felt the Dark Lord's presence, even though I could not see him. Knowing that there was no way out, I sent thoughts of pleasure and joy above my occlumency shields as well as plastered a look of sadistic happiness on my face, even though I had my mask on."

Albus noticed that Severus had a distant look in his eyes.

"I had no choice but to torture the muggles. I could have ran, but it was pointless as I knew that they would still be harmed and then I would be hunted down and killed as well. Lucius was thrilled to see my reaction as was the Dark Lord. I later found out that he did not believe that I would torture them, so that is why he went to watch. Afterwards, my 'breaking in party' was declared a triumphant success. At home, I was physically ill for at least 12 hours because of what I had done."

Albus nodded because he had seen the memory in which Severus alluded to. Then to his surprise and slight worry, a small smirk briefed his face. "To this day, the Dark Lord still does not know that I've yet to rape anyone, nor that I've never uttered the Killing Curse. I think that is the only thing that has kept me semi sane throughout this war. I know that my luck won't always hold out, but for now, I pray that it does."

Albus prayed that it would as well.

Bringing himself out of whatever state he was in, he shook his head, then continued. His voice took on an icy edge again.

"Anyway, the Auror's started arriving, but as it seemed to be my fate, my mask fell and Potter, who was still in training, saw me, but the other's did not. As you know, it takes two to officially make an ID. He went straight to Lily's house that night and told her, but she refused to believe it. Eventually, she did start to acknowledge it because every chance he got, he made sure to remind her of it. There was such an incredible amount of pain in her eyes." The last line was whispered.

After he realized he said that aloud, Severus desperately hoped that he would not have to explain how he knew that.

"We have talked since then, as you know, and she told me that she regretted not accepting my apology. I told her of my many regrets as well. Now the only thing that is keeping us apart, other than Potter of course, (he sneered out of habit) is the fact that I do not want her to become a Death Eater's wife. She deserves better than that. She deserves happiness. She deserves all the thing's that I cannot possibly give her. She deserves the world.

"She does not deserve to have to live her life in fear over whether her husband's master might summon her to him to make her join his cause or make her pledge her children over to him. She does not deserve to worry about what her husband is out doing on raid nights, even if he would prefer to be with her. She does not deserve to have to live her life in constant fear, which is how it would be if I were to outright desert the Dark Lord, which I would not hesitate in doing if we were indeed married. No one deserves that, her least of all ..." He trailed off as if in thought.

Albus watched him for a few minutes while he reminisced. He could see the regret in Severus' eyes over some of his past choices. Anyone would be able to see that he really did love Lily and the kind of love that the Headmaster currently saw in his young, yet old eyes was a rare form. It was true love. He had only ever seen or even encountered that kind of love a few times in his past, and it was wonderful to see that Severus could indeed love after all that he had been made to witness and participate in. There was, indeed, a lot of hope for the 20 year old man sitting in front of his desk, even if Severus himself did not realize it.

Albus knew that Severus would be angry with the amount of emotion he was showing, so he cleared his throat lightly to bring him back to the present. He watched as he straightened himself up in the chair.

"Thank you for telling me that. I now know that it was not an easy thing to do." In all honesty, he had not expected such an elaborate answer to his question, but was glad to see that Severus felt secure enough to tell him what he did.

Severus nodded. It was then that he realized how little of his occlumency shield was up. Yes, he had agreed to take it down, but had only planned on doing so a little at a time. He also realized that he must have, yet again, shown quite a bit of emotion. This did not sit very well with him. But, before he could even begin to figure out what emotion he had shown, the Headmaster had started to speak again.

"Now, did Voldemort mention any other possibilities for the prophecy or were the Potter's the only one?"

"The Potter's were the only one he mentioned. He said that since the child was half-blood, he would be harder to persuade to his cause." Severus replied while picking up another cup of tea in an attempt to re-settle his nerves.

Albus nodded.

Severus saw that the Headmaster had a knowing look in his eye, but did not comment on it.

"All right. I'll talk with the Potter's tomorrow. I imagine they will be safe for the current time until Voldemort prepares himself properly. He never did like to do anything half-way."

The two men sat and talked strategy well until the morning hours. At one point in the conversation, Albus realized that he was being stared at.

"How do you know that you can trust me?"

Albus smiled at the question and actually looked quite pleased to hear it. "I believe in second chances. When I give those second chances, they come with complete trust. After all, one can not hope to build a relationship around dis-trust."

Severus stared at him for a moment. "How do you know that I'm not just acting the part that the Dark Lord bid me to do?"

Albus smiled again. "Your questions for one thing give that away, but I have seen your heart Severus, even though you did not wish me to. I can see how you feel about Lily through your eyes. When I was in your mind, I could see it there too. Then earlier, you opened your heart up and I also saw it there. Love is not something that can be acted in all three places at once. Not with the kind of love that I saw."

Severus' pale cheeks tinged pink.

"You trust me, do you not?"

Severus nodded. "I always have, even during school."

"That is why you let yourself open up to me like you have tonight. After you confessed to me, I suppose, you could say, that it was your subconscious's way of telling you that it was alright to do so in my presence. More importantly, it was your choices that let me trust you, not just your love for Lily."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "How can you say that? I have made some very bad choices in my life." His gaze fell to the floor.

"Yes, you have, but you have also made some very good ones as well. Among the choices that were presented to you, you made the decision to do what was right instead of what was easy many, many times. When you did choose what was easy, do you not regret those moments more?"

Severus thought back from early in his childhood until the present and saw that Albus was, once again, right. "I understand," he heard himself say.

"And now you know why I trust you?"

"I do, and so much more."

Albus beamed. He was pleased he had gotten his point across so effectively because now there was a look of understanding, and to a lesser extent, peace on Severus' face that was not present an hour ago.

Before Severus left, Albus gave him an official letter welcoming him to the staff. Severus was proud of himself for all that was accomplished this past night. And what was more, he knew that Dumbledore was proud of him as well, and that was an amazing feeling.

As he used the floo network to arrive back to his house, he was shocked to realize that he did not even need to use the calming draught that he had thought of earlier. While he readied himself for bed, he knew that he had a lot in his life to atone for, but he felt that for once, he was finally headed in the right direction.

A/N: 7/29/11 - Edited words and such ...