I cannot let her die.
I cannot kill her.
This has never happened before, I harm all the people I love, it is what makes me who I am. I cannot. I cannot let her die.
I have broken my own rules.
This is not supposed to be happening. If I let her be my weakness I will fall.
Yet I cannot imagine a world without her in it. If I killed her I'd never live a happy day again. No, finding her and then losing her, that would be too cruel.
But this is not who I am. I am not merciful.
I cannot let her live.
But I have to, I am a selfish man, my own needs are priority above all. I need her to be alive.
She is the one exception that I hoped I'd never find. In fact, I didn't believe this to be possible.
Oh, I am foolish, so foolish to let her live.
But I did, I always will.
She needs to be protected, she needs to be well. She cannot suffer like this.
I have never hated myself as much as I did today.
This is not even an option.
I let the boy win, that bloody little scoundrel, that teenager that thinks he can threaten me, Kill. Me.
I let him win.
Because of her.
Saved.
I am not in need of salvation. I am not in need of anything.
I am a monster. I relish in being a monster. I don't need her.
And yet I do and she is not even mine.
And I have destroyed every bit of progress I had made. Only to fail.
Only to let her live, despite myself.
I need to control my temper, if I harm her again I will not be able to take it.
This is the last thing I need. In this town. With these people. Ever.
I have burned this bridge, as I always do and now there is no way back.
She suffered because of me.
She was ready to die.
Twice.
I cannot lose her.