Chapter 18:
Normal Pov
During the First Day of classes- Second Year
"What've we got this afternoon?" Harry asked during lunch, his eyes on Juliunna Malfoy. The day before, she had smirked at him in the hallway, hearing about the flying car incident. He was gleeful, but now he was worried. What if she just didn't feel the need to talk to him so often, and got a new best friend? She hadn't looked at him at all this morning.
"Double Defense Against the Dark Arts, With Slytherin" said Hermione at once.
"Why, "demanded Ron, seizing her schedule, "have you outlined all Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"
Hermione snatched the schedule back, blushing furiously.
After they finished lunch and went outside into the overcast courtyard. Hermione sat down on a stone step and buried her nose in Voyages with Vampires again. Harry and Ron stood talking about Quidditch for several minutes before Harry became aware that he was being closely watched. Looking up, he saw the very small, mousy-haired boy he'd seen trying on the Sorting Hat last night staring at Harry as though transfixed. He was clutching what looked like an ordinary Muggle camera, and the moment Harry looked at him, he went bright red.
"All right, Harry? I'm -I'm Colin Creevey," he said breathlessly, taking a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor, too. D'you think - would it be all right if - can I have a picture?" he said, raising the camera hopefully.
"A picture?" Harry repeated blankly.
"So I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly, edging further forward. "I know all about you. Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead," (his eyes raked Harry's hairline)
"-! And a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures will move." Colin drew a great shuddering breath of excitement and said, "It's amazing here, isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either. So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you" - he looked imploringly at Harry - "Maybe your friend could take it and I could stand next to you? And then, could you sign it?"
"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos, Potter?"
Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around the courtyard. He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as he always was at Hogwarts, by his large and thuggish cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.
"Everyone line up!" Malfoy roared to the crowd. "Harry Potter's giving out signed photos!"
"No, I'm not," said Harry angrily, his fists clenching. "Shut up, Malfoy."
Juliunna Malfoy, whom had been lured over by her brothers shout, turned to Draco, annoyed. "Draco, Harry isn't given out signed photos. He's not thick…" She drifted off when she looked to Harry. Harry went bright red when he glanced over to Colin. Colin had his quill and camera out, and was frozen in mid air, trying to hand them to Harry.
"Oh." She said, crossing her arms.
"No. It's not what you think-!" Harry started, but was drowned out by Draco's childlike behavior.
Draco laughed, pointing at Harry. "Line up everyone! Juliunna, would you like to take a picture with him? Ooh, and then both of you sign it? It's the closet thing he's going to get to getting with you!" Draco laughed. Harry's jaw dropped, and he felt the need to go crawl under a rug and die there. Juliunna didn't say anything, but Harry didn't need her to speak to know that she was embarrassed at knowing him at the moment.
"You're just jealous," piped up Colin, whose entire body was about as thick as Crabbe's neck.
"Jealous?" Said Malfoy, who didn't need to shout anymore: half the courtyard was listening in. "Of what? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special."
Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.
"Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. "And you," He said, turning to Juliunna. She raised a disapproving eyebrow at him. "Just standing there. Are you Harry's friend or not? Say something to that stupid git standing next to you! Personally, I don't like you one bit, and I think its bad judgment on Harry's part to hang out with you. I think you and your whole family are bad blood. Just a bunch of idiots. Stupid slimy snakes!" Ron said, and Juliunna's jaw dropped. Crabbe stopped laughing and started rubbing his knuckles in a menacing way.
"Be careful, Weasley," sneered Malfoy, putting his hand on Juliunna's back in comfort. "You don't want to start any trouble or your Mummy'll have to come and take you away from school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice. "If you put another toe out of line' - "
A knot of Slytherin fifth-years nearby laughed loudly at this.
"Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter," Juliunna said, making Draco turn to her. "It'd be worth more than his family's whole house." She smirked. Draco laughed. "Good for you sis."
Ron whipped out his Spellotaped wand, the one that had been destroyed at the Whomping Willow, but Hermione shut Voyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!"
"What's all this, what's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding toward them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos?" Harry started to speak but he was cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry!" Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Harry saw Malfoy and his sister slide smirking back into the crowd. "Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you." Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell rang behind them, signaling the start of afternoon classes.
"Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd, and he set off back to the castle with Harry, who was wishing he knew a good Vanishing Spell, still clasped to his side.
"A word to the wise, Harry," said Lockhart paternally as they entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you back there with young Creevey - if he was photographing me, too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so much . . . ." Deaf to Harry's stammers, Lockhart swept him down a corridor lined with staring students and up a staircase.
"Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible - looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go, but" - he gave a little chortle - "I don't think you're quite there yet."
They had reached Lockhart's classroom and he let Harry go at last. Harry yanked his robes straight and headed for a seat at the very back of the class, where he busied himself with piling all seven of Lockhart's books in front of him, so that he could avoid looking at the real thing.
The rest of the class came clattering in, and Ron and Hermione sat down on either side of Harry.
"You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron. "You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."
When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own winking portrait on the front.
"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most- Charming-Smile Award - but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly. Juliunna sat up straight next to Draco. "Yes, yes of course." She drawled out boringly.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books -well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about, just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in -"
When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes - start - now!"
Harry looked down at his paper and read:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart 's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:
4. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.
"Tut, tut - hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogdeds Old Firewhisky!"
He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking with silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.
". . . but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions - good girl! In fact" - he flipped her paper over - "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"
Hermione raised a trembling hand.
"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so-! Miss Malfoy, why is your test blank?" Lockhart asked, smiling at Juliunna She glared straight at him.
"Excuse me, Professor," She drawled out, standing up straight. "But doesn't Hogwarts set a curriculum? You shouldn't be allowed to give out tests about yourself. Its not cool, and nowhere near professional. And also, I get the feeling that your books are far fetched and slightly fixed. They seem hard to believe." She drawled out, frowning at him. Next to Harry, Hermione frowned. "That girl is impossible." She groaned under her breath, rolling her eyes.
"She's got a point." Ron said, nodding at what Juliunna had said. And the other children were nodding to each other. "Yeah."
"Wait. Wait a minute." Lockhart said, holding his hands up to silence the class. "Now you listen to me little girl, I am a world renown wizard. I have saved many of mankind-!"
"I don't believe that you're a day under fifty." Juliunna said, smirking. The class interrupted into snickers. Hermione glared at the table. "She is such an idiot!"
"I have better marks then you Granger-!"
"Only because your father pays for them-!"
"With knowledge you ninny. And that's all me-!"
"Yeah, or your training bra-!"
"That is it!" Juliunna screamed, standing up. She took out her wand, and Hermione whipped hers out. But before either of them could do something, Lockhart stepped in.
"That's it. Miss Malfoy you have detention tonight. Do you hear me-!"
"What?! That's stupid!" Draco said, standing up. "The buck toothed beaver just insulted her. The pathetic, Muggleborne beaver, she's not just going to let that slide!."
"You too Mr. Malfoy. Anyone else in need of detention?" Lockhart said. Harry hesitated. Maybe if he stood up to Lockhart and got detention, he could smooth this all over and be friends with Juliunna again. "I… I think your thirty two." Harry said halfheartedly. Lockhart beamed at him, instead of being angry.
"Oh thank you Harry! I'm thirty four! Still young at heart, I see." Lockhart said, patting his hair.
"Your… Your hair is floppy." Harry stuttered, trying to insult him. Lockhart beamed. "Thank you! It takes so long to get the curls just right. Thank you so much." Lockhart said. "But enough about my hair people. On to business guys."
He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.
"Now - be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."
In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in his front row seat.
"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them."
As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.
"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies. "
Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.
"Yes?" He smiled at Seamus.
"Well, they're not - they're not very - dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.
"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"
Back in their seats, the Malfoy twins grumbled to each other angrily.
"Your going to get it, you filthy Muggleborne." Juliunna snarled, and Hermione turned around, sticking her tongue out at Juliunna.
"What the heck. I've already got detention." Malfoy said. Quicker then Hermione had turned around, Draco lifted his wand and flicked the tip in Hermione's face. "Ah!" She squealed. An itching sensation was then scratched onto her forehead. "What? What happened?" She snarled at Draco. Juliunna and Draco chuckled and turned to listen to Lockhart. The words, 'I am a filthy mudblood' were etched onto Hermione's forehead in Arial Font.
"You're my hero. I'm proud to call you my brother." Juliunna said. "And vice versa." Draco said, and they both hugged each other, snickering at the same time.
The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.
"Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.
It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air. Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up-ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the class was sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling.
"Draco help!" Juliunna screamed as a crowd of them started pulling her hair. Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle started to swat the pixies around her hair with a thick book.
"Come on now - round them up, round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouted.
He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed,
"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized his wand and threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a second later as the chandelier gave way.
"Enough is enough, Lockhart!" Juliunna snapped. She stood up and pointed her wand in the air. "Immobilous!" She shouted, and the pixies and Neville were frozen in air, slowly moving inches per ten minutes. "Now round them up." She shouted to the class. Neville landed softly on Lockhart's desk, and the class moved forward to round them up. "Never mind. I got this." She said. She waved her wand and every pixie flew roughly back into their cage. With another wave, the door was shut and locked tightly.
The Slytherins surrounded Juliunna, clapping her on the back excitedly. "Yay!"
"Yeah way to go Malfoy."
"How'd you know to do that? That's amazing." Crabbe said, smiling at her as he clapped her on the back. Juliunna Malfoy nearly crumpled under the pressure of Crabbe's enormous gorilla hand on her small and thin back.
The bell rang and when the class started to follow out, Juliunna and Draco stopped at the door to hear the trio's talking.
"Hermione-! Hermione what's on your face?!" Ron snapped out of outrage. Juliunna and Draco Malfoy giggled, running out the class door.