I walked up to Billy's door nervously. I could smell the pack in the forest and flipped them the bird. Why did they have to follow me? I lightly knocked on the door and decided no one was home. As I turned to leave the door opened. Damn.

I turned around and saw Billy. I didn't look him in the eyes but just focused on his lips.

"Good morning, Lani. Do you want to come in?"

No, I thought to myself, but decided against it. I nodded and followed him inside.

"Lani, I'm sorry for not finding you sooner, for not knowing." Billy said before I cut him off by holding my hand up to stop him.

I pulled the letter I had struggled to write from my bum pocket. I traced over with my hands, hesitant to give it to him. I sighed and handed it to him without looking at him. I turned to leave and that's when I saw the pictures hanging on the wall. There was the Black family - Billy, Sara, Rebecca, Rachel, and Jacob - another was of the kids playing in the front yard, there was one with Charlie and a little girl, which was probably Bella. Then there she was, my mother. I had only seen one other picture of her and Mark had that one. He held onto it greedily, but one time he was so drunk I was able to grasp it out of his hand and see the one I had taken from this world. She looked happy, vibrant. As if she was full of life and ready to live it to the full. She was beautiful!

I was about to hurry up and leave when another set of pictures caught my eye. There I was sitting on the lawn holding a stuff wolf that Charlie had bought me, as Rebecca pulled Rachel's ponytail. I scoffed and looked at another one with me on Billy's shoulders, and one with me helping Sue in the kitchen as we both laughed. Billy rolled up to me and gently grasped my hand. Tears threatened my eyes as I remembered this once happy home. I looked at Billy and he held up a photo album for me.

"I've been waiting to give this to you." He said as he handed it to me and backed away so he could read my letter.

I clutched the album and left. I needed air and once again Emmett's face came into my mind. I wanted him to be there to hold me when I got home, but all I found was an empty studio. I plopped the album on my army bag and got some water. I eyed the album cautiously as if it were going to bite me and decided it was best to get it over with than leave it for later.

I sat down and opened the album. I gasped as I saw the picture on his wall of my mother stare back at me from the album. Tears fell as I turned the page and saw older pictures from when they were little to when they started to grow up. I saw wedding pictures of Mark and my mom. My fingers tracing over Mark's happy face. A face I had never known.

I opened my mouth as I tried to breathe and turned the page to see pictures from the summers I would visit. They had taken care of me when I was a baby, but Mark took me back at the age of three and would let them have me during summer. As I turned the page the theme changed yet again to the kids. How they grew up and Jacob's birth. The album's second to last page had a family photo of Billy, Rebecca, Rachel, and Jacob outside their house. I started to sob as I flipped back to the beginning to look through it again.

Uncle Billy,

There is so much I want to say but too much I'm scared to say. You are not the one that needs to apologize. I know you blame yourself, but don't. I also know Charlie feels guilty about what happened as well. I don't blame either of you, I blame Mark and I blame myself.

Charlie told me about the lengths everyone went to find me and I feel guilty for giving you the cold shoulder when you tried to get me to come home with you after Sara's death. The truth is that I had died as well. I look at you and all I think is that I killed your sister and now am possibly to blame for your wife's death. I know you don't think that, but Mark's embedded that mentality in my mind. I don't hate you, although it seems that I do. I hate the past that I can't restore.

I hate that I'm alive, but Nola, mom, is dead. I hate that Sara died in a car accident when she was on her way to come get me. I hate that I don't know how to be part of your family again. I can't be the girl you remember. Not only because it's impossible, since I can't hear and speak, but because I've changed. I see the world for what it really is, which is that it's a cruel one.

Horror and anticipation consume me at the thought of coming to your house because all I think is of the good summer memories I had but how I won't ever get that back. I hate the fact that all the memories still remind me of what I've taken from you. I know you and Charlie don't think of me as a monster but after being told that for years, it's been inculcated into my brain. Plus, no matter what you tell me I will always feel responsible for both of their deaths. Not only their deaths but for also ruining Rachel, Rebecca, and Jacob's lives.

I will admit that I use to blame you and everyone here for what happened to me. I was five years old and thought that maybe no one loved me as Mark had said. However, when you came that day in '96 after Sara's death, I made my choice. I didn't want to come home with you because that meant having to face everyone. I'd rather endure hell than have to face you or your family. I don't know if your kids despise me or not, but I always felt that they would be justified if they did.

This is all really hard for me. I've been raised in a world where I didn't deserve anything good and I believed it was true. I didn't deserve fun, happiness, or love but deserved pain, agony, and harsh reality. Now I've changed once again and have to deal with the repercussions from this transformation. It's a bit overwhelming and I'm used to dealing with things on my own now. I'm used to being alone, and sadly, I prefer it that way. I don't want to be the cause of anyone else's sadness or death.

For what it's worth, I've decided to stay for the meantime. I'm staying at Neil's studio, although I'm sure Charlie already phoned you about my whereabouts. He told me Neil's a good man, not that I was worried but I'm trying to get used to the fact that there are people who worry for me, especially Charlie. Uncle Billy, it's hard to all of a sudden have people around me who actually care. This is going to take time for me to get used to it for many different reasons. Maybe I won't ever get used to it, maybe it will only take some time, but for right now this is all I can give.

Lani

Billy sat looking out the window when he had finished. Letting the blame, hatred, and guilt wash away from him as tears fell from his eyes.