The next few days were mellow. Billy gave me the space I needed, which allowed me to put my emotions in check. I hated that I cried so much these last few days. It made me feel like I was weak and vulnerable, which made me uncomfortable. Memories of what Mark would tell me flashed in my mind which made me even more determined to get my emotions in check. What made it worse was that this was only the tip of the iceberg.

The fact that I'm spellbound by Emmett is also unsettling. For many different reasons:

a) He's a vampire

2) He's an enemy

d) 1st time I've ever felt like this

I don't know how it's possible that I could have such strong feelings for a vampire that is my enemy (supposedly), from only that first encounter. It wasn't like anything death defying happened. Well, except for the fact that he could have turned me into wolf chow, but other than that there had been no contact. I don't believe in love in first sight, but is this proving me wrong? Why is the pull so strong? I've never been in love or liked anyone so all this is new. Is it even love?

As if that's not enough, my mind goes over reasons to keep thinking about him:

a) He's attractive, annoyingly so

2) He's fit

d) 1st time I've ever wanted to belong to someone and protect them with my life, not that he would need it

My mind keeps turning over other questions. Does he feel the same way? Yeah, right, we are talking about me, but how can I see him again? Should I try to see him again? So annoying! I'm trying to rein in my emotions, but Emmett is a wild card. He pops into my mind and I go crazy.

The only other chip in the day is that although Billy has given me space Sam doesn't seem to know how to take a hint. He keeps trying to get me in wolf form. I had phased before they could see me several days ago when I first arrived, so he says he needs to see my wolf form so if anything were to happen he would know it was me. Then he keeps trying to get me to participate in pack meetings when I already wrote him that I didn't need a family. His persistence is a bit unnerving.

As for Neil and his kids they leave me alone most of the time, except for the occasional invite to eat dinner with them, which usually happens at my place. I think he caught on that I wasn't interested to eat with them and forced it upon me by coming over. He's not too shabby and his kids are pretty comical, especially Takoda. Neil commissioned me to paint a picture for his auto shop, for which I was grateful. I could handle only so many interviews with people just staring and trying to think of a reason why they shouldn't hire you aside from the fact of being deaf. Also, it wasn't as if there were many jobs in La Push, although I could try somewhere off the Rez. I actually dallied more than need be on the mural for Neil's auto shop. I could have finished within a week but took my time.

"How long do you think you can avoid us? Or not transform?" Sam asked, as I sat on the table part of the picnic bench sketching the mural out.

I looked at Sam tiredly. Seriously, why won't he just let it go? I noticed he looked at someone behind me. I turned to see Neil who was walking toward us as he wiped the grease from his hands on a rag.

"Hey, Sam."

"Neil."

"I can't help but notice you and your gang coming by every day for the last several days. I also noticed that either you sit and wait, or try talking to wildcat, but, honestly, I find it damn unsettling." Neil looked at me and looked back at Sam. "I don't think I'm the only one either. If you have no business here then I suggest you leave and stop this harassment."

Sam looked like he wanted to rip Neil's head off for that comment. However, he was in good control of his wolf self and that look had only lasted a few seconds. Not long enough for Neil to notice anything unordinary.

"Hey, Sam isn't harassing anyone. It just turns out that Lani has some responsibilities to take care of. It doesn't concern you, Neil." Paul barked back angrily. "Plus, we're the ones protecting your ass." He had muttered under his breath so that Neil couldn't hear him, but I was able to read what he had said. Jared and Embry were trying to hold him back and calm down as Sam glared at him.

"Like hell it doesn't! You guys are loitering on my property and you are harassing one of my employees; now leave." Neil responded.

I watched Neil as he looked threateningly at Paul and then at Sam. If Sam and Paul weren't able to phase into wolves, hands down Neil would beat their asses. He was a good 6'4 and muscular. Big chest, eight pack underneath the uniform he was wearing, and his legs showed off every muscle that exists in the legs. He was in pretty good shape. I wonder why he's alone.

"Let's go. We didn't mean any harm." Sam says tiredly, but as he looked at me I could see he was battling with the wolf that wanted to come out.

We watch as they head off toward the beach. Neil still with his hands crossed across his chest.

"Lani, huh? So, the wildcat does have a name."

Lani:
Of course I do moron.

"Wildcat fits better." Neil said with a smirk. He rumpled my hair and although I glared at him I wasn't really mad.

That night the lights flickered and I staggered to the door to find Leah. I shut the door in her face and went back to the sketch I was working on. The lights flickered until the door burst opened. I turned the page and wrote.

Lani:
You're fixing that.

Leah sat in front of me as I glared. "You're not the only one that hates this life." I went back to sketching. Leah put her head in front of the paper. "Do you mind?"

Lani:
Do you?

"I don't get it, how do you not transform? Aren't we getting on your nerves? So why aren't you getting mad enough to change into wolf form?"

Lani:
You guys are the ones wasting your time.
Plus, this is where not being able to hear comes in handy.
I can't imagine having to hear your voices.

"Smart ass." Leah said with a smirk. "What happened? I remember when Billy came back from trying to get you. Why didn't you want to come back with him?" Leah sighed when I didn't write anything but instead continued drawing. "He told us you were deaf but all your grandparents told him when he went to get you was that it was your fault."

I looked down and smiled. Of course, becoming deaf at the age of five was my fault. It didn't surprise me that they protected their son, who in their eyes could do no evil, all except for marrying my mother, that is. They were against the marriage since the beginning. When she died Mark changed for the worse and he hated me. They wouldn't help matters; when they'd visit I turned into the rag girl that had to do everything and remain out of sight for as long as I could.

I was completely transfixed in the past that I forgot Leah was there. She looked at me exasperatedly and pulled down on my sketch as I looked in her eyes, trying to keep her from seeing who I was drawing.

"What's your problem? What did I do to offend you? We used to play together, I mean I get your mad at Sam and the whole wolf thing, but why are you mad at me?"

Lani:
Who said I'm mad? I like the fact that I'm a wolf.
I think it's a powerful feeling.
I don't get mad easily and although I may be newer to
this transformation than you guys,
I had to deal with it on my own in Seattle.
I had to learn how to control it.

"Can you at least keep watch with me tonight?" I raised my eyebrow. "You're not the only that gets annoyed with the pack." Leah looked down and stared at the sketch pad. "Why are you drawing that leech?"

Lani:
I'm not annoyed; I simply think they are wasting
their time and I'm drawing this person because I felt like it.

Leah looked at me incredulously before letting go of the sketch pad.

"You know he's a bloodsucker?" Leah said, as she watched me. "I wish we could just hurry up and kill them."

Before Leah knew what happened I had transformed and pounced on her snarling. As I pinned her down she looked at me shocked. I don't know what was happening but the thought of Emmett dying made my blood curl. The fact that it could be brought by those who shifted into wolves made me angrier than ever with them. I watched as her shoulder popped out of place due to my weight but stayed there as I read her lips.

"It would be better if they died. Why do you think this has happened to us?"

I snarled baring my teeth at her. Drool fell onto her face. It took everything I had to not rip her head off.

"Sam would still be with me if he hadn't changed!" Leah yelled as she grabbed at my paw trying to ease it from her shoulder. Tears began falling from her eyes. "We would be normal and he would be in love with me, not her!" Leah sobbed as she gave up trying to move under my weight. "This has brought nothing but torture to me. I hate it, dad died, Sam left me, and now everything I wanted is fucking gone, unattainable. Forget the fact that I wanted to get married and have kids. All the elders tell me is that 'it's an honor to be a warrior.' However, the truth of the matter is that I don't want any of this. All I wanted was Sam, to live our lives together. What did I do to deserve this hell?"

I stepped off of her but didn't phase.

"That hurt!" She said as she tried to control the tears. "Plus, why do you care if we kill them or not? It's not like you know them." She turned her head to the side wincing in pain. "Damn, they're the enemies not us." Her eyes widened as she looked back at the sketch. Grabbing it she flipped through it.

All I am right now is thankful that I'm still in wolf form because if I weren't she would see my blushing face. Yup, she put it together. She looked at me with a questioning look,

"Hell no; did you…did you imprint? On a VAMPIRE!?"

I snarled at her mainly because I had no idea of what an imprint was. I picked up my army bag with my fangs and walked outside behind the studio. I shifted back and quickly got dressed. When I walked back inside Leah was moving her once dislocated arm around making sure she had popped it in right. I sat down as we glared at one another.

Lani:
What's imprinting?

Leah glared at me, and then broke into a smile. She told me everything about her relationship with Sam and what happened with Emily.

"I have to see them all the time together. It makes me sick! When we transform we see the thoughts that the others see but only when we're in wolf form. Now I am linked to his thoughts, I saw how he saw Emily, and she's an angel in his eyes." Leah looked away for a second as tears fell again from her eyes. "That's what makes it worse. I already have to deal with the love of my life leaving me, going for my cousin who I thought of as a sister, but now I have to see all of it. I don't even know if before the imprint if Sam ever thought of me as he does of Emily. He's feelings are intense." Leah dried her tear stricken face with the back of her hand. "So, as if your life isn't difficult already, you had to imprint on him?" Leah said scoffing.

Lani:
I only saw him one time.

"Apparently that's all it takes." Leah said looking bitter. "That's gross, though. Sam's going to be pissed." At this thought Leah smiled, liking the idea of seeing Sam lose his cool.

Lani:
I do not like the thought of anyone entering my thoughts.

"I forgot you haven't phased with us so you wouldn't know. It really is the pits. The guys can't stand me because I am filled with so much hatred. Not only that but even if we try to keep things private, it still seeps through. None of us have mastered how to keep things from being seen."

I looked down when she had finished. I ran a hand through my hair and exhaled. This was going to be a rough couple of days.

Lani:
So they will see what happened here.
We're going to have it pretty rough these next few days.

"Pssshhhh. It will be fun." Leah said with a bitter smile. No doubt she's thinking of how fun it will be when Sam finds out. "Now that we've bonded." Leah said giving me a sarcastic look. "Will you please be a lookout with me tonight?" She asked. "Please?" She asked.

I followed Leah into the woods. I turned as she stripped out of her clothes and transformed. She sat waiting; I wrote something down and showed it to the wolf.

Lani:
I didn't say I would transform.

The wolf got agitated and shifted back. "What the hell? What do you mean you're not going to transform, how are we going to keep watch."

Lani:
By keeping our eyes opened.

"You won't even be able to keep up." She shifted back and sprinted away.

Did she really think that I would be more willing to shift when I now knew that the others could hear my thoughts? Plus, I found it damn right unsettling how everyone in the pack seemed to want to see me phase. I couldn't help feeling as if they had a hidden agenda or reason in wanting me to transform. I walked after her. I didn't need to transform to smell which way she went. After a while I turned and headed back to the studio. Leah jumped out in front of me. Her teeth bore at me.

Lani:
Leah, what are you doing? Is this to get back at me?

She didn't answer instead she jumped in the air toward me and tackled me down. She bit into my shoulder as I struggled to fight her off. I hit her in the eye, which loosened her grip and I wriggled free. She snapped at my leg but I kicked her before she could make contact. She ran in front of me and waited for me to make a move. I was used to waiting so I waited for her patience to run out, which didn't take long. She ran down the clearing between me and her and jumped. I shifted; grabbing her shoulder in my teeth I swung her toward a tree.

Suddenly there wasn't just the two of us anymore. I was surrounded by the wolf pack.