Author's note: I do not own Pokemon or the characters. Do listen to Keira Knightley or Adam Levine's version of Lost Stars while reading this.
It's beautiful, and it'll definitely give you a feel of the atmosphere of this chapter
Gary hesitated at the open door of Ash's bedroom. Well, it was Ash's bedroom, temporarily.
There was music drifting out from it.
/Please, don't see just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies
Please, see me, reaching out for someone I can't see/
He was sitting on the windowsill, face turned away, overlooking the fields beyond.
Slowly, Gary walked towards him and sat down on a chair quietly. There was a pensive mood in the air and everything was caught in it. Something's strange. He didn't know what to do.
The sunlight glinted off his jet-black hair, turning it slightly blue. Gary could only see the side of his face. The light made his skin soft, falling on his graceful cheekbones and highlighting the contours of his mouth. It was slightly pulled downwards, and the thick fringe of eyelashes threw a shadow across his eyes.
/And God, tell us the reason
Youth is wasted on the young
Are we all
Lost stars
Trying to light up the dark?/
He didn't want to break this spell. There was something precious about this moment. It was that feeling of something otherworldly, a glimpse into a beautiful soul. And in that moment, he felt like he understood. There was a longing, a feeling of deep-felt regrets.
/Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans sometimes are just a one-night stand
I'll be damned;
Cupid's demanding back his arrow
So let's get drunk on our tears/
He wanted to weep. He wanted to dance. Here was something that belonged to him.
Deep chocolate eyes shifted away from the window. Eyebrows lifted in surprise.
Gary stared. But there must be something in his expression, because Ash didn't snap at him.
He let the music play on.
And then - it didn't take long - "Gary, I'm so god-damned lonely."
It was a impulsive confession; it was torn away from him and completely unintended. But Ash was like that. What he felt he always expressed. And his statement was full of naked vulnerability.
"What do you want me to do about it? Give you a hug?" Some of the old snideness had slipped into his voice. He couldn't help it; it was natural for him.
The brown eyes looked away. He seemed like a boy all of a sudden.
Gary didn't know why he was saying it, but he opened his mouth and shaped his words softly. "Sometimes... I feel the same way. Sometimes when work can't bring me away and make me forget, I get this feeling."
Brown eyes fixate on him. Ash started to speak, in fits and starts.
"I thought being a master would give me all I wanted. But then when the excitement died down I felt so empty. I had nothing to work for. You know? I can't - I just can't live feeling this way. I need something more. I want it. Maybe love, I don't know. Something's gotta be there."
The gaze on Gary intensified. There was a shadow in them that wasn't there in the 10 year-old Ash. Somehow, life had made them strange. The brown eyes, once open and welcoming, had morphed. Life had taught them lessons of pain and trust. And he'd learn how to hide. The once simple boy had become something deeper.
"And t-then, when I thought of searching for that something else - I thought of you."
"What?" Gary croaked.
"Yeah well... maybe you've never realised it, but you've always been a central focus in my life. I went to Sinnoh because of you. I cheered up because of you. I worked hard because of you." There was a short bark of laughter. "Well, not exactly, but our rivalry was always the spark that drove me to work harder. And when it all ended - I thought of you. From my childhood up till now - you've always been on my mind, some point or other. It started with you, and somehow it all comes back to you, no matter how many roads I take. They all lead back to you."
He's not making sense. "So... when you say you're searching for something... what is... it?"
"You."
"So Gary equals love?"
"Gary equals love." He echoed the statement, chuckling darkly. Suddenly he stood up, his silhouette dark against the sun pouring from the window, and moved towards Gary. He was tall. Maybe taller than Gary. Somehow, somewhere, the little boy Gary had always taunted, the little boy that had always seemed further behind him in terms of abilities and attributes - had surpassed him.
Ash held his shoulders in a vice-like grip, against the chair.
Gary feels his masculinity is threatened. "What the hell are you doing?"
He didn't answer, but drew closer to him. Gary, seeing what he's about to do, turned his face away pointedly such that his cheek was facing Ash.
And staring angrily at a spot on the floor, eyes flaming with anger and hurt from all those years ago he said, "Do you remember what you said to me before? All those years ago? You said gays were disgusting. And look at what the hell you're doing now."
"My mother's homophobic." Ash said quietly.
"So? Do you know what you did to me? Even until now I can't face the fact that I'm-"
"You're?"
"Fucking GAY!"
Where his hands touched, he burned. And other places, too.
"Yeah I suspected as much. Thinking back, you did lots of strange things when we were children."
"You scarred me."
"I'm sorry." One hand loosened, letting his arm escape. It sank into his hair though, making Gary's heart freeze.
"So what's the fucking deal with you?!" He managed to yell out.
"I'm gay...? Like isn't that obvious. I'd think you would manage to figure it out, since you've always claimed to be so damn smart."
"Well, just because we're both gay it doesn't mean you can push me around like I'm your fucking bitch. And it sure as hell doesn't mean I like you."
"You sure about that?" A corner of Ash's mouth twitched up.
Fuck him, Gary thought. All those years of hurt and pain, and now this.
He lost his mind.
Moving as fast as his Umbreon doing a critical hit, he struggled out of Ash's grip and pinned him on the floor, both of his hands grabbing Ash's wrists and pushing them above the black-haired man's head.
And he straddled him.
Ash was positively enjoying it, though.
Gary was glancing at him with narrowed eyes. Then he lowered his head until his lips were a hair breadth's away from Ash's. His heart was palpitating. The world slowed down, as every fibre of his entire being focused on the man before him. Ash Ketchum. Him.
/Who are we?
Just a speck of dust within the galaxy/
The molten brown eyes were staring at him, pools of honey and cinnamon reflecting back his own two green eyes. His breath was on his face. It smelt like strawberries and milk and coffee. For a while, both of them did nothing. It was a moment of eternity, holding possibilities of so many things. He drank in the masculinity of his features, the strength of his jawline, the sharpness of his cheekbones. His face was freckled slightly up close, and he could see transparent traceries of veins under the slightly tanned skin. Ash's lips were quivering slightly, and he could tell he was afraid, even though there were no other signs.
Then he gave in. He let his lips sink and melt into his. At first he couldn't do anything else - he was lost in the sensation and feeling of something he'd fantasize about for so long. His nose was brushing his cheek. He could feel the thumping of a drum beneath him. He could feel his own heart. And everything was absolutely quiet yet overwhelmingly loud.
/I thought I'd saw you out there crying
I'd thought I'd heard you call my name/
He moved his lips gently, kissing him. It was like silk over silk. And he could feel him responding, the muscles in his lips kissing him back. So soft, so soft.
/Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears/
He jerked involuntarily, lost in the pleasure in the moment and the pain of the past. And suddenly, all self-control was gone. Lips hungry, hands feverish and desperate - he wanted to tear their clothes off.
/Are we all
Lost stars
Trying to light up the dark?/