Okay, so this was originally going to be much longer, but I realized it would end up being a literal BEAST of a chapter, so I split it up. Also, sorry for the "preachy" tone of this chapter. Hopefully others won't read it as such, but it kinda bugs me. But if I take it out then…meh. Whatev. GET TO READING!
"Are you ever going to tell me how you manage to slip past all of our security measures, my sweet?" He didn't need to open his eyes to know that she was seated right in front of him; she'd stolen into his room several moments ago while he was meditating…well, trying to. His mind still swirled with thoughts of her, of the long-hidden memories she'd revealed to him, of the way her voice had become something reverent as she recalled the tutelage of her Master. Never had he expected the feared assassin to have such a gentle side. It was beautiful. "Come to bid me farewell before I don the mantle of a general again?" No sarcastic reply, no half-hearted insult to his pride. Even her Force signature was uncharacteristically calm. "Asajj?"
Obi-Wan started to open his eyes but found himself in darkness again when her hands covered them. Before he could ask what she was doing her voice drifted through the silence. "I'm ready to tell you about Master Narec…how he died." Her words were steady, her tone soft and even. The time had come for her to relive her agony in order to release it back into the Force and finally have peace. "But…just do me a favor: don't open your eyes. Okay?" She waited until he nodded before removing her hands. She couldn't bring herself to share that old pain with him and see the compassion and sympathy that was sure to be shining from those eyes. One deep breath before the plunge…
She told him about their final fight with Rattataki warlords and their Weequay mercenaries, how perfectly and seamlessly they moved together, lightsabers flashing in deadly harmony against blasterfire and metal blades that sought to cut them down. But they were bonded through the Force, teacher and student, and could sense their opponents' moves even before they did. They were Jedi and they were unstoppable…
Until a Weequay found an opening and used it. Narec's face when the blaster bolt caught him in the back had been seared into her brain to haunt her until her dying day. Asajj had rushed to his side, all thought of her own fight gone. She had begged him not to die, not to leave her alone like everyone else in her life. He had tried to say something, reaching out for her, but he never got a single word out. She had watched the light fade from his kind eyes and the strength ebb from his body. It was then that she had known true pain. She'd had no time to grieve for her beloved Master, the only father she had ever known. The rage had consumed her so quickly and with such ferocity that all that remained was the knowledge of how to kill.
"I turned my back on everything my Master taught me about the Light Side of the Force. He never had time to teach me how to let go of pain like that." Her voice broke ever so slightly, the sound heartwrenching. But Obi-Wan kept his promise and didn't open his eyes. Instead he reached out to her through the force in an effort to soothe her; he was hurt when she suddenly pushed him back and threw up her walls again. "I appreciate the thought, Kenobi," she said with gentle firmness, "but I don't need to be comforted. Just let me finish this before I lose my nerve. And keep your eyes shut.
"When I lost myself to the Dark Side, I was able to forget my hurt, at least for a little while. When I was busy doing Dooku's bidding or…killing any Jedi I came across, I was able to put aside Narec's death so I wouldn't have to…" She couldn't continue. She turned her head and wiped away the stinging tears that had started to fall.
Obi-Wan finished the thought for her. "So you wouldn't have to face that heartache, because to face it would be to either blame yourself, which you still do, or accept it and move on, which was unacceptable."
She nodded even though he couldn't see it. She looked down at her hands as if the blood of a lifetime of violence, death, and torture was dripping from her fingers. "Yes," she whispered finally. "As terrible and selfish as it was, I couldn't bring myself to let it go. I felt like it would have been a disservice to his memory if I did. And I would have lost the only power I'd ever had over my own life."
Obi-Wan's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"I tried so hard to live in the Light and all it had gotten me was a string of dead loved ones and abandonment. It was only through the Dark Side that I ever felt like my life was my own again, that I had some semblance of control."
"That is the great lie of the Dark Side, Asajj. It seduces and tempts with false promises, but never grants real control over our destinies." He reached out a hand for hers; she didn't take it.
"Not all of us are gifted with clear sight at a young age, Kenobi," she snapped. "The Force isn't as generous to some."
Obi-Wan refrained from further lecturing her about how the plans of the Force were not always apparent. That wasn't what she needed right now. "Asajj, you have changed so much since we last met on Boz Pity. You're no longer a slave to the Dark Side. You need only to ask for forgiveness and it is yours."
A harsh chuckle escaped her lips. "Thanks for the morale boost, Kenobi. I don't think you're the only one who gets to make that decision, though."
"I'm not talking about the Council, my dear. Can I open my eyes now?"
"No. Then what are you talking about?"
He mentally sighed but explained: "The Force is more forgiving than you think, Asajj; as well as your Master."
She snorted. "After everything I've done, you really think he would forgive my sins so easily?"
"Why not? I did." He felt her go tense, her anger replaced with stunned silence. "I forgave you everything long ago. When you let go of your rage and pain on Boz Pity, the force embraced you once again. And from what you've told me of him, I've no doubt that Master Narec would be proud of you for that."
Asajj could only stare at him. Thinking back on it now, she'd done Narec a great disservice in more ways than one. She'd fallen to the Dark Side out of grief, but remained in its sway out of fear. It was illogical, but she'd thought that as long as she fed her anger she wouldn't have to think about how disappointed Master Narec would have been in her. Just as when she was a child she'd given no thought to her future, no thought for the repercussions of her actions. As long as her mind and hands stayed busy the future didn't exist. She didn't have to think about the shame her Master surely felt towards her.
But now Obi-Wan had cleared that haze and seen the truth that she had denied all those years: although she had forsaken the Jedi tenets of compassion, understanding, and forgiveness, Narec never did, and he never would. Death would not have changed who he was or what he believed. She just didn't want to believe that after all she'd done that he would forgive her anything. Remembering his kindness and faith now, she realized how right Obi-Wan was…and was ashamed.
The Jedi whispered her name after several moments of silence. She was looking at her hands again; this time she didn't see the blood. Hardened from incessant training and conflict they were, but clean (relatively). She smiled. "I still think you're full of it, Ken- Obi-Wan. But somehow you always manage to know just what to say."
One side of his mouth turned up in his trademark smirk. "I consider it a gift, my dear."
Asajj looked up at him and felt a tingling in her chest. This man, her once-enemy, was so patient with her and so sure of his conviction. She found herself studying his face more intently than ever, lingering on the curve of his mouth. Realizing the direction her thoughts were turning, she stood and went to the small window, hoping the bright lights of Coruscant nightlife would distract her.
Obi-Wan felt the change in her Force signature, her calm now washing over him. He took a chance and cracked open one eye. In that instant his breath decided to abandon him and he was left staring at his guest in open awe. It was like she had transformed; no longer did hardened grief and hair-trigger rage dominate her being. The pain was still there and would be for some time, but she was well on her way to making peace with it. What he could see of her face was smooth and untroubled. Her body language echoed that from the relaxed slope of her shoulders, bare skin shimmering in the artificial light, down to the curves of her legs. She practically glowed, both in the mundane world and through the Force itself.
His observation prompted a thought, fleeting and simple at first, then rooting itself in his brain, whispering across his subconscious over and over again until he words tumbled from his lips: "You are a beautiful woman, Asajj."