-Chapter 7-

Suicide…

Enjolras looked down on the sleeping girl, who was curled up on his lap. When they had entered his flat she was sleeping soundly and he didn't have the heart to wake her up. So he had just sat down on his sofa with her in his arms. He knew that Joly would have probably killed him for not changing into dry clothes, but he didn't feel cold. He felt comfortable with her save in his arms…

Èponine's head rested against his chest and he felt her breath slightly tickling the skin of his throat. She looked so peacefully and Enjolras always had to remember himself that sleep was probably the only peaceful thing she had experienced in her life.

He couldn't deny that he himself had thought of suicide once or twice shortly after his friends had sacrificed their lives back at the barricade. The pressure of their deaths' weight had sometimes been too much, but he could have never killed himself. He saw life as a gift, which he didn't want to waste. He wanted to prove his friends that they didn't die for nothing.

But for Èponine life wasn't a gift. She had been disappointed in every way: family, love, education, wealth… Pain was her never sleeping attender. And now with Gavroche dead, life was even less worth living, because every night he returned in her dreams and died again and again.

But this night it was different. Her sleep was soft and free of nightmares.

Enjolras unconsciously brushed his fingers over her hair, which was still a bit wet. It felt soft under his touch and he felt the urge to run his fingers through her long curls. Resisting the urge he leaned back and wondered why he suddenly felt so strange. It was an odd kind of happiness that spread through his body and filled every part of him. He had never been that close to a woman and against his will he had to admit that it aroused a strange feeling of desire deep inside of him. Something he had never experienced before made its way to his heart's surface.

. . . .

Èponine felt the sun warming her body and leaned closer to the person holding her. Sleep was still dulling her mind and it needed some time until realisation kicked in. Who should hold her? She didn't have anyone…

She blinked through the sunlight and her eyes widened when she saw his soundly sleeping body. Handsome features, blonde, wavy curls and even asleep he radiated an aura of pride and confidence. The second Èponine realised what was going on she shrieked away almost falling to the ground.

Enjolras tensed and opened his eyes. He realised the situation within a second and stood up trying to help her steady herself, but she pushed him away.

"What… What happened? Why am I…" she tried to verbalise the situation but failed with distinction. She had totally no idea how she ended up at his flat and more important in his arms sleeping!

"I caught you yesterday night when you were trying to take your life" his words were unadorned and hit her with a painful force. Memories from last night reached the surface of her mind and she directly felt hurt and embarrassed. He had seen her in her weakest moment, what was he thinking of her now?

She turned around not able to face him anymore. She needed time, space and a place to think. Why had he saved her? Was she actually happy that he had saved her?

"Mademoiselle?" he started but an angry snort from Èponine silenced him.

"When will you finally stop this?" she snapped, still embarrassed. She turned to face him and saw a trace of incomprehension flashing up in his cold eyes.

"Stop what?" he asked observing her attentively.

"Calling me Mademoiselle. You know as well as I that I'm no Mademoiselle and that living an illusion won't help on". Her voice was angry but Enjolras noticed that it was also signed by grief.

"Maybe you should stop thinking so little of yourself! And by the way, in my opinion Mademoiselle is not a title for a higher social class, but rather a form of address that applies to every woman".

His words caught her off guard and she didn't know what to say. A discussion with Enjolras about equality was totally not what she needed right now. She wasn't spoiling for a fight with him and after last night's incident he probably believed her to be a lunatic.

"Whatever…" she murmured nearly not audible and turned around to leave the flat, but when she was about to open the door she felt a hand on her shoulder turning her around.

Enjolras had stepped towards her and was facing her now with an expression she couldn't define. She felt her back hitting the door and saw that she was trapped in between his arms, which were leaning against the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" he said and there was something in his eyes that daunted her. The uncomfortable feeling of being trapped crawled up her stomach. On the streets she had learned that she must never let herself be trapped with her back against a wall. It lowered the chance of escaping and with it the probability of survival.

Determined to stand her ground she straightened up to her full size. "I don't think my plans are your business, Monsieur!"

Enjolras clenched his jaw. By now he had realised, that something about her was inviolable and it shielded her from the world, leaving her left alone with her feelings. "I'd call it my business, because I have saved your life two times over the past two days and I don't want my efforts on protecting you to be all in vain."

Èponine didn't know where to look but she decided that avoiding his stern gaze would make it seem as if she admitted weakness. "Don't let protection turn into possession, Monsieur".

A small smile played on his lips but it had faded as fast as it had appeared. The distance between their heads had withered until it would have only taken some inches for their skins to touch.

"And how do I know that you won't just run of and throw yourself from the next bridge?" his breath tickled on the skin of her cheek sending shivers down her spine. She caught her breath feeling her heart beat faster at the lack of distance between them. Maybe it had been a mistake to look him in the eye, because those blue, nearly grey eyes were now captivating her. Some seconds passed and she realised that his face was no more signed by anger, arrogance, insensibility, mistrust or any of the other emotions, which she was used seeing on his face. Right now he looked as though he was calculating something, not sure what to do or if he should do whatever was going through his mind.

"I guess you just have to trust me… As much as I have to trust you to remain silent about last night. I wouldn't want the others to worry about me." Èponine mentally slapped herself for letting him distract her from thinking clearly.

Enjolras let out a sarcastic and small laugh. "What is this Èponine? An extortion? A contract? You live as long as I stay silent? Do you really care so little about your life that you are willing to give me full charge and control about it?"

"You don't understand! My pride, my independency, my reputation, my free will… Those were the only things I have been able to depend on in my life, because those are the only things I have had control about. So if you look at it closely, I don't give up control about my life because I have never had control about it! So actually it is me, who should feel trapped now, because my reputation is at stake now and one single word of you could take it away from me forever!" Èponine didn't know why she gave him such insight knowledge about her way of thinking, her way of living, and her way of feeling. Maybe because he had already seen too much?

"Significant words for a woman, who acts as if she had nothing left to live and fight for…" Enjolras aspirated. His voice nothing more than a breeze; a chill breath caressing her skin. "I guess that's something we both have in common. We are both willing to die for our free will and independency."

Although Èponine was stunned by his behaviour, she couldn't help but chuckle ironically at his words. "Yes, the only difference between us is that I never chose to make life a minor priority. You willingly chose to start building barricades and die while defending them. So who of us is rather suicidal?"

"It would be a shame to steal your independency from you, Mademoiselle. And that also goes for your sharp tongue." He paused a view seconds staying that close to her. Èponine realised that his eyes were no more locked on hers but rather on her lips. She could see his brain working behind his proud eyes as though he was fighting a fight with himself, not sure which side of him would win. He drew closer and she was about to protest but something inside her told her to relax. That man in front of her was Enjolras, it was doubtful that his intentions were the ones she thought them to be. You spend too much time on the streets Èponine, she told herself, a man of Enjolras' status would never look at you this way. Marius is the living proof!

Then he suddenly let go of her and turned around. Messing his hair up even more by running his fingers through the blond curls he avoided her gaze. After some seconds filled with uncomfortable silence Èponine cleared her throat.

"I think I should leave now." She said. She turned around and opened the door, not daring to look him in the eye. Her mind was nearly exploding at the attempt of defining what just happened. Or better: nearly happened.

"Èponine…" his voice was stern again "Stay away from bridges. I mean it…".

Èponine didn't turn around neither did she answer him. She knew that it was a big step for him to let her go. He loved to control situations, to fix things… And now he had just given up charge about this situation.

She smiled to herself. Maybe he had learned that he couldn't fix her, maybe he had learned to trust her; Èponine didn't know. All she knew was that she trusted him, which was something she rarely did…

Hello guys,

Sorry for the long wait, but the last weeks have been pretty stressful. I'm not proud of this chapter…

I hope you enjoy reading anyway!