A/N- I promised my friend who is a total Captain Swan shipper that I'd write this for her. She has no idea what to expect; so Lady Hook, this is totally for you. I 3 you! (don't be mad, even though SwanQueen is secretly canon!)

It was 10:30 at night on the Jolly Roger.

The door to the cabin slowly opened, revealing a blonde woman with a fearful look on her face.

It was bad enough she had been shoved in the predicament that had occurred just moments ago. But now to reveal it to her prying bunk-mate wasn't something she had been eager to do.

"Miss Swan, you're late. And you look as if you just woke up and realized your parents are really fairytale characters, oh wait..." A sly smile made its way to her lips, but when Regina realized the woman was seriously disturbed, she patted the side of the bunk next to her.

"Come here, Emma," the woman instructed, watching as the blonde slowly walked towards the cot, sitting on the empty space next to her son's other mother.

"Now, will you please tell me what has frightened you, dear? God, please don't tell me you walked in onthe fools again?!"

"No...It's worse...It's..."

"Was it that old fool? I know he gets lonely and misses his young, almost questionable gold-digger girlfriend who is really in love with the werewolf, but please tell me you didn't see something that would scar you and my ears for life?"

Emma shook her head and rest her head on Regina's shoulder.

The older woman was shocked by the abrupt action, but was sure that her son's blonde mother needed the comfort.

"Ok, so what was it?"

"It was Hook...He...He..."

"What? You caught him and Snow? I knew your mother was a wild woman in her teenage years, but I was sure she and Charming-"

"No! He...He kissed me!"

"Excuse me?"

The intensity of the words shook the Sheriff to the core and watched as the Evil Queen surged through the brunette. The woman stood up, gently pushing Emma off of her.

"Miss Swan, wait here."

Emma was conflicted; not knowing whether to follow the danger or to stay put where the safety remained.

"PIRATE!" The words echoed throughout the ship, and Hook turned around to see an enraged witch staring at him.

"Aye Lass, what's wrong now? Bunks not enough to accompany your..." he looked her up and down, licking his lips, "regal stature?"

"No, it's nothing to do with that, you incessant, vexatious excuse for a marauder. You. kissed. my. girlfriend."

"Say again? You mean to tell me that blonde lovely staying on my ship is...?"

"That's right, she's with me."

The laugh the Captain let out was enough to make Regina's eyes narrow into near slits; her hand igniting a fireball.

"Woah, lass. Aren't you supposed to be leading a "good life" as they say? Burn me into a crisp and we will never reach your boy. I'm sure Pan's out there, looking for him. You make your choice."

"I will only tell you this one time, so paint a perfect picture before that thing you call a brain does the unthinkable and decides to act upon those two-inch feelings you seem to be pursing."

"Two-inch...don't insult me, witch."

"How funny, you think I'm actually insulting you. Now pay attention. Those noises you hear every night? It's not the two idiots you're hearing. It's me and Miss Swan. Every. Single. Night. And by the way, Pirate? She's not always the one on top."

"You think it to be wise to give me all these little sultry details, Madame? Of course now that I know, I'll be in even more haste to grasp at what you deem a relationship."

"And that's what I was hoping for, dear."

Regina's sly smile came back, and she snapped her fingers.

"Going to curse me, are we? So what spell do you think would be pleasing to test me with?"

"Watch, dirty fool. Last night, Emma and I really did have a little fun on the expense of your sorry excuse for a sleeping quarter. And when she kissed me..."

Soon after, there was a crying protest. "Make it stop! Please!" Hook begged, his hands pressing tightly against his temples, and groaning in disgust.

"No. I think I'll let you suffer for a while until you finally get it through your appendage that Emma is mine, and mine alone."

Heels clattered against a wooden floorboard as a Queen made her exit, her victim right where they should be.

On the floor, learning their lesson.

When Regina returned to Emma, she noticed the blonde was soundly sleeping in her bunk.

After pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, she watched as the Sheriff stirred, yawning as she made an effort to sit up.

"Are you all right, my love?"

"I'm fine now...Regina...what did you do to him?"

"Oh...I put a little spell on him...A spell that will play dirty scenes of his "Crocodile" if he ever dares to even think about you."

"You are cruel, you know. He's taking us to find Henry."

"You weren't included in that package," the brunette scowled.

"I know. I love it when you get so jealous."

"Can it, Miss Swan, or I'll leave you to the floor."

With a soft chuckle, they both cuddled in the small cot, basking in the screams of the Captain as his torture lingered.