Hi, guys!

Once again I have to apologize because it took me ages to upload. I'm really really busy and I'm also having some nasty personal problem. I hope you will forgive me! Don't worry, I may take a lot to upload but I'm going to finish this story. We have two more chapters, then it will be over.

I'll try to upload sooner next time! Thanks a lot to all the redears!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Ao no Exorcist or its characters!

The white corridor of the hospital was crowded by the comings and goings of doctors and nurses, who came out and entered the door of the operating room. Now and again someone approached them and whispered words that wanted to sound like encouragements, but the only thing that Rin was able to hear was his own voice mentally screaming all the heaviest and most colourful curses he knew. Seated next to him, Mephisto prattled as usual, although this time he was trying to be serious, but to the boy's ears those speeches remained always and only useless chatter, not worthy of attention. He had cut all the ties with the outside world half an hour before when, after running for all the way that separated him from the hospital, without taking a break, had arrived at his destination sweaty and breathless, with an uncomfortable feeling of nausea. The demon was waiting for him at the entrance and immediately led him to the operating room. Once there he had forced him to sit down and had explained as gently as possible that Yukio was under the knife and that he had suffered from nasty burns.

Yukio, surgery, burns. After those words he hadn't heard anything else. His body had collapsed in the chair and he hadn't even bothered to look at his interlocutor, almost oblivious of his presence. So it was true, he hadn't been wrong when he had suggested that the mission of his brother was about Satan. That was the only reason that could explain the type of injury that the idiot had suffered. He couldn't believe that his brother had gone to fight with their biological father without saying anything to him. The emotions had followed one another in flashes, dancing within him in a chaotic repetition and overlapping. Anger, despair, pain, then anger again, fear, frustration, hatred, anxiety. He couldn't control them, and those had changed faster and faster until they had been sucked in the void in which they themselves had dug him into. A complete apathy had spread over his body and mind, and he had felt as if his limbs and his soul had fallen asleep, becoming numb to everything. It was almost hard to believe.

His thoughts moved on with a maddening slowness, connecting little by little the various pieces of the puzzle. The feeling he had felt was for real the proximity of their father, who this time was threatening not only him but Yukio as well, his panic attacks were his twin's emotions, the visions and nightmares what the other had seen and experienced. It was all so simple. Yet he, like an idiot, hadn't been able to grasp it. That realisation didn't cause any motion within him, but the boy was not surprised. After all in that moment he didn't feel anything at all. The only thing he could do was keeping his gaze fixed on the door, waiting for someone to give him the news that could awake him from his stupor. And then, once again, there would have been chaos in his heart, perhaps a battle that would have consumed him. He could almost hear them, his own flames, lurking beneath the surface, ready to go wild together with his broken feelings.

He shot a brief glance to Mephisto, who had finally stopped talking and was now glaring at him slightly worried , as if he had grasped his last thought. Rin looked at him with a blank expression and then went back to stare at the wall in front of him. The demon was free to think whatever he wanted, he didn't care at all at the moment. He wished that the other left him. He needed to be alone, to be able to investigate further the odd situation. He was sitting on a chair waiting for Death. It wasn't so unfamiliar to him, but this time it wasn't his own end that was threatening to come, but it was someone else's. It had never happened to him before. The people he had seen dying had left him without warning, giving him the chance to deny the inevitable until the very end. But in that moment, in that corridor that smelled of meds and diseases, it was almost as if he sitting next that cloaked figure and witnessing all its terrible majesty and grandeur, so present in their lives and yet so mysterious and elusive. It was as if both him and Death herself were waiting for the same news. The difference was in the fact that She exactly how it would turn out, while he was lost in a sea of uncertainty, without a beacon or a star to show him the right way, helplessly carried by the tide.

The door of the operating room swung opened again, but this time a figure quite different from the usual doctors emerged, green hair a bit messy and clothes stained with blood. The boy felt Mephisto getting immediately up and approaching the newcomer, while he was still trying to put into focus the identity of the guy who had just appeared in the corridor. Wait a second. Green hair, strange hair cut, odd clothes. Amaimon! What the heck was that stupid troublemaker doing there?

"They are done, Aniue" the green-haired demon announced with pointing the threshold he had just crossed. "It has been a really good fight, even though I haven't understood much of what they were doing. But I don't think they had done something so useful…"

"Amaimon, stop rambling and explain yourself" the headmaster ordered, a hue of irritation in his voice, shooting a worried glance towards Rin. At times his brother really couldn't speak properly. From what he had said someone could have thought that Yukio had died under the knife. But it couldn't be, because otherwise the expression on the other demon's face would have been different. Or at least he hoped so. "What did they say?"

"They have curse a little, speaking among them, and then have turned to me and told me to tell you that they have done everything possible, but that the Yukio's conditions were serious and that they don't know how it will end" Amaimon explained, chewing slowly one of his nails and turning to look at the half-demon as well. "He is in a coma and they can't tell if and when he will wake up. Our father had been pretty rough with…"

His elder brother shut him up with one hand before he could finish, exasperated. "Keep these inappropriate comments for you, Amaimon, we are not interested in hearing them. Go to see where they are taking him and stay there, I'll join you later. And, please, behave" he ordered filrmly. "Rin is already upset and I would rather not to see other flames for a while, thanks."

The other nodded whispering something to him quietly, then turned around and went back into the operating room. Mephisto let out another sigh and approached Rin, who had not moved from his position, helping him on his feet and taking him by the arm. "Come, come, you need some air. And especially an explanation."

The boy nodded and let the other drag him along the corridors towards the roof, feeling numb. He had heard what Amaimon had said, but those words had come to his ears in the form of unintelligible sounds, almost as if his mind had rejected them in order to remain unaware of the truth for another while. The cold air hit him as soon as they got out of the building and it succeeded in bringing him back to his senses. He broke free from the demon and slowly went to lean against the metal railing. The warmth of his fingers instantly disappear at contact with the chill material and the feeling of coldness that had been growing inside him seemed to expand, giving back a colour, even if a pale and sick one, to void he felt inside. He turned to face the other and, after taking a deep breath, he forced himself to ask in a faint voice: "What was Amaimon doing in the operating room ? The blood on his clothes was…Yukio's, wasn't it?"

The headmaster nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "I was a bit perplex because the group of exorcists that I had sent on the mission had to contact me early this morning, but I haven't received any news from them. Since, as you surely have already understood by yourself, our father was involved, and with him you can never know, I thought I'd prepare for the worst and I started organizing recovery team. As a precaution, I decided to send Amaimon first in the late morning to look for them. I needed to understand what had exactly happened before sending my men out. He found the group, or at least what was left of them, scattered around the woods where he had camped last night. There were pools of blood everywhere". He paused for a moment, approaching the boy who didn't took his eyes off from him, literally hanging from his lips. "It must have been a spectacular battle. I'm just sorry about having lost some valid exorcist. In the field where the last battle has taken place, everything was burnt. Amaimon has found your brother right in the middle of that black, passed out, covered in blood and ashes, clothes in pieces. And next to him there was the body that Satan had possessed, with two bullet placed in it with incredible accuracy. Every time I'm amazed by Yukio's firmness. Especially since he is just a kid. My Otouto said that for a moment, when he has lifted him up, he has opened his eyes. He called your name, asking if you were okay. Amaimon told him that you were fine and he passed out again. He had never woken up again after tha."

"Yukio…asked for me?" Rin stuttered, feeling the emotions overwhelming him, but he fought them back with impatience along with the tears that had come his eyes. "That idiot! He was kicking the bucket and got worried about me! Bloody idiot!"

"He was surely thinking about you when he has pulled the trigger, Rin. I told him that he shouldn't go, he wasn't ready to face our enemy yet. But he is so stubborn, you know it better than me how he is. He takes this battle as a personal matter and I can't blame him for that. After all he is Satan's son as much as we are. I thought that I had no right to stop him if he wanted to, even if I guess that not you hate me" the demon sighed, his eyes focusing on the maze of buildings in front of them. "But I won't feel guilty. I warned him, he knew the risks of the job."

The half-demon fought the urge to jump on him and cut his throat. How could he say those things and remain so calm?! His brother had almost got killed in that fucking mission because he had decided to let him go despite everything and now that madman was simply washing his hands of it?! He wanted to kill him. He took another deep breath, trying to regain his self-control. He couldn't let his anger control him, it was too vulnerable in that moment. He swallowed all the insults that had come to his lips. "How is he now? What did the doctors say?" he asked instead, his voice trembling. He had to concentrate on Yukio, he would have kicked the principal's sorry ass later. And Amaimon's too.

"He is in a coma, unfortunately. Honestly, it's a miracle that he is quite unharmed, since he had literally been burnt alive. The thing is that his body has been forced to endure an extreme effort. That why he hasn't woken up" said Mephisto . "Obviously humans think like humans and in these situations they always say they don't know if the patient will wakes up and so, but, as I said, the human parameters are not suitable for people like us."

"But Yukio is human, dammit! Physically speaking at least!" Rin exploded, exasperated by the other's calm tone. He was sick of that nonsense. He wanted to see his twin. "It was because he wasn't physically strong enough that he hasn't inherited the Satan's flames, he himself explained it to me! How can you say that he can't be treated like a human being?"

"You are reasoning like them, I knew it. It seems that your appearance hasn't taught you anything about how the demons work. But it doesn't surprise me" A smirk appeared on the headmaster's face. "It's not only about physical bodies. And then, moreover, your brother is no longer weak as he was when you were children, the years of training have made him much stronger. You must have noticed. Shall I tell you how much has he changed? Good. Let's say that, if you were to decide now who you would take the our father's inheritance, well, maybe it wouldn't be you ~"

Rin held to hold back a surprised exclamation, but he recovered immediately with a gesture of irritation. His speaker was talking nonsense again. And he sounded as if he was teasing him. "But this is not the case, so get quickly to the point. My patience is running short" he growled menacingly. "And I want to see Yukio."

"What I'm trying to tell you is that your brother's life is not in danger. If Satan had wanted to kill him, he would have done it immediately, but apparently he wanted him alive for some obscure reason. Maybe he was testing how strong he has become, I don't know. Anyway, this is not the point. Those flames also belong to your brother, Rin, and it doesn't matter if he can't catch fire as you do, try not to forget that this ~" . Mephisto turned and walked toward the door. "By the way, you cannot see him now, you have to wait until tomorrow morning or maybe even later. If you want my advice, it is best if you don't come and see him until he wakes up. It would only hurt you. So you really should wait. It might take a few days, a week, but not much longer. Trust me and don't listen to what the doctors say". He opened the glass door turning to face him again. "Go home, Rin, and let it all out as you please, but try to avoid making a mass if it's possible. I'm already far too busy with your brother, it would be very annoying having to run after you, too ~. Amaimon and I will take care of Yukio, even if you may not find this reassuring. I'll call you as soon as there is some news. Will you do as I told you?"

The boy looked at him incredulously. Did he really expect him to go away submissive as a trained pet? To go home calmly as if nothing had happened and he was fine? The only thing he wanted now was to destroy the world to take out what he was feeling. He wanted to go to Hell and kick the bastard who had hurt his brother so much. He wanted to exterminate him and all his demons, those disgusting creatures that had ruined so many lives, and hit over their dead bodies over and over until the ground had been soaked their filthy blood. However, when he tried to find within himself the anger to yell at those things in the other's face, he found only a weary resignation.

"I will". The words came out almost against his will, the only ones that his mouth seemed to be able to say. After all Mephisto was right. Even if he had started to take his fury out on everything his hands could reach nothing would have changed. Maybe it would have even made things worse than they were.

The demon looked satisfied with his answer and disappeared inside, leaving him alone with his confused thoughts and emotions. Rin stood for a moment, feeling his legs giving out, unable to decide whether to let go or not. At the end he shook his head and forced him to stay calm. He had at least to get back to the dorm. Once there he would have been free to do whatever he would feel like doing. So, winning the last moment of hesitation and looking at the landscape one more time, he felt ready to leave the hospital.

The road back to the dormitory seemed endless. He felt the rush and the impatience growing at every step, while his body kept on getting heavier, crushed under the weight of fatigue and impotence, which didn't help him at all. His thoughts flew for a moment to the party where he had left her classmates, wondering if they had understood the reason behind his sudden leave. Not that he cared. He just needed to keep my mind busy. He noticed with a bit of irony that he almost missed the apprehension that foreboding which had haunted him had given him in two days. It made him anxious, it made him feeling ill, but it was better than that state of painful exhaustion that had sucked away his desire to fight.

Crossing the threshold of his dorm was a real relief. The boy dropped his jacket on the ground and went to straight to his bedroom, without even bothering to turn the light on. He groped for his bed, almost in frenzy, until his fingers touched the soft fabric of the sheets. At that point the little control he had left disappeared. Almost without realizing it he found himself on his knees, his face buried in blankets, while the bitter tears he had been holding until that moment rolled down on his cheeks with growing fury, in the vain attempt to wash away the mixed emotions that enveloped him. Why, why those things had to happen always and only to him? Why had he to be surrounded by a bunch of idiots who almost seemed to have fun in putting their lives on the line every time they had the chance, just to protect him? Was it possible that they did not understand the guilt he felt for what they decided to risk? Had they ever wondered what he thought of their acts? His miserable life was not worth their sacrifices. He had repeated it millions of times, he had shouted it angrily and had whispered it with tears in his eyes, but they hadn't listened to him. And for this he had hated them, feeling guilty at the same time for it.

Rin clenched his fists and hit the blankets with force, lifting his face wet with tears. Yukio was the worst, even worse than Shiro under that point of view. He had clearly seen what had happened to their adoptive father, he had even blamed him, perhaps not so unfairly as he had tried to affirm, he had told him that he hated him for what had happened, and yet that big head had refused to abandon him to his fate. And this because obviously, even if his brother had been sincere when he said that he despised him, the love that the younger felt for him overcame all the resentment and led him to want only his good at any cost. And this wasn't fair. Yukio couldn't pay for a curse that was his and his alone. His twin had nothing to do with it. And the worst thing was that his brother seemed to be convinced of the opposite, claiming that it did concern them both in the same way. But he was the monster, not the young exorcist, nobody could argue that. Or maybe they could, maybe it was not so obvious since even Shiro and Mephisto appeared to agree with Yukio.

He buried his face in the now damp sheets again. It should have been him the one in that hospital bed, not Yukio. He was tempted to wish that he had gone and died in that mission, taking their biological father with him. After all it was the only way to bring serenity back in the life of people around him. Too much blood had been spilled, wasted for something that wasn't worth it and that would never be. The only way he had to redeem himself was to close the war once and for all and disappear. The idea glared at him hard. Maybe that was what he should do, go away, far away from everything and everyone, until he would be ready to face the final battle. Maybe he needed to run away from the protective wall that had been erected around him, and take the weight of responsibility on his shoulders, without intermediaries. Yet he couldn't, he wasn't brave enough, he wasn't strong enough. He couldn't live without those people. And his weakness disgusted him because he was the cause of their pain.

He suddenly felt something warm against her legs. The boy lowered his stare and his blue eyes met Kuro's yellow ones. The latter's look was filled with sadness and understanding.

'Rin, I'm sorry' the demon cat whispered. He had guessed what had happened as Rin had entered the house, but he had chose to give his friend some time to recover. But seeing that the situation hadn't improved, in the end he had decided to approach him to offer his support.

The half-demon bent over and hugged him tightly, instinctively looking for some comfort in his warm body. "Kuro! Why, dammit, why? I can't even…Yukio , do not…" he sobbed desperate. "I can't lose him too! I can't live without that idiot!"

The creature rubbed his head slowly against his friend's chest, trying to sooth his pain. 'is he that bad?' he asked in a gentle tone . 'What did the doctors say?'

"He is…in the hospital. In coma. It was Satan, Kuro, that bastard ! I knew it, I felt that there was something that…that…" Rin gasped, shaking his head. "Mephisto is there with him, he prevented me from seeing him, he says…he said that Yukio will wake up soon, but how the hell can he know! He spoke only nonsense…He said that Yukio is a demon, but fuck, he is not it ! I…I don't understand! I just know that my brother is locked up in a shitty place, with his head somewhere else…What if…What if Satan had taken him as he always try to with me?!". The panic came over him, cutting off even more his already short breath . "I must do something! I…I…"

'Rin , calm down. If it was really as you say you would have noticed and you know it too' Kuro interrupted gently but firmly. 'So don't panic about that, it doesn't help your state of mind'. He waited for the other to nod and then said: 'I don't see why you shouldn't trust what Mephisto says. He can be a bit crazy sometimes, but if there is somebody who always knows what's going on that's him. If he says that Yukio will wake up, then it means that he will. About the other matter, we need to know exactly what he meant by saying that your brother is a demon. But right now it doesn't matter. We'll leave it for later.'

"You…You're right, Kuro . I'm exaggerating now. But I'm so upset! I don't think I've ever felt so bad in my life!" Rin moaned, clenching his fists frustrated. "These things always happen because of me! Even when I avoid getting in troubles someone always gets hurt!"

'If you don't stop blaming yourself for something you haven't done you would never feel better. Rin, it's not your fault. Yukio knew what he was going to face, but he chose to go anyway. He is furious with Satan as much as you are. The bastard ruined the lives of you both, don't forget it' the cat scolded. Then he his tone softened: 'Yukio would never want you to feel so guilty, and Shiro would have never wanted that either. The people who care about you just want you to stay serene and to help you to fulfil your goal. But you cannot do it all alone, Rin, face it. Let us help you. I understand how you feel, but your friends willingly make those sacrifices and then they are also fighting for their own lives, since Satan is a threat for many people here in Assiah.'

"But I do not want them to do it!" the half-demon retorted. "I don't want them to be in danger!'

The creature sighed, exasperated by his friend's stubbornness. 'You can't force them to stop. It would be unfair. But it's useless to discuss this right now. You tired and still shock, and above all you are even less objective than usual'. He broke free from the hug and jumped on the bed . 'Come on, undress and try to get some sleep. We'll talk again tomorrow morning. If you want I'll go to talk to Mephisto and see if I can make him something reasonable out of his useless chatter. But you are my priority now, and you need to rest.'

"I'm not sure if I can sleep" Rin wearily sighed, while getting up and starting to undress. "But I guess I should try. I'm dead tired, you're right". He wiped his face on his sleeve. "God, look at me. I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

'No, you're just really worried about someone you care about' Kuro answered shaking his head and giving him a smile. 'And this proves that you're anything but a monster.'

He had to force himself to smile back, but he was feeling truly grateful. He didn't know what he would have done without the cat demon. He finished putting on his pyjamas and let himself fall on the bed, curling up on his side. "You'll stay here with me until I wake up? I'm afraid of the nightmares I could have. And I don't want to be alone" he muttered reaching out for the creature.

'Sure, Rin. But stop thinking now, close your eyes. I will watch over you' the reassuring answer was. 'Don't worry, everything will be fine soon.'

"I hope so" the boy said not really persuaded, closing his eyes, hands gripping at the covers. He tried to focus on Kuro's warm fur and on his regular breathing to chase away all the emotions that still haunted him. He just wished for the oblivion of sleep, even if it was a temporary relief, he needed it too much. He had realized that he was more tired than he had expected. The stress of those two days and the turmoil of the last few hours had fallen on him with their weight, wearing him out. The darkness enveloped him quickly, dragging him away in its disturbing uniformity, but blessing him with dreamless night.