Ever since Baba had left the previous afternoon, Dumbledore had been racking his brain for a way to have the old hag join the war effort. He'd wanted to track her, to find out about anything that would make her vulnerable, but she literally banished from his office the moment they agreed to a signing. Someone powerful enough to surpass the Hogwarts wards was a scary though indeed. Even worse was that he hadn't even been able to sense it. Generally, powerful wizards could not hide their presence from other powerful wizards. They could sniff each other out through any disguise. The fact that she was able to do this to him was very frightening indeed.

The bigger problem was getting her assistance in the fight against Voldemort. He had some hope in his heart that she would help out of goodwill, but he knew the reality was that she'd ask for an even more ridiculous sum of money on top of what she was already going to receive.

Before he was able to give it any further thought, there was a knock at his door. He could already guess what it was going to be about.

"Come in."

His Deputy Headmistress opened the door, a bit more confused than the frustration and anger Albus had been expecting. Minerva had been cheering for the death of the Divination position, Albus had expected her to show at least a bit of contempt for the new teacher.

"Your new professor is here with her…assistant." Dumbledore nodded and she fully opened the door.

Baba came into view just as she had been yesterday, riding her crystal ball and with a plain black robe and hat. Trailing behind her was the reason for Minerva's confusion: a rather handsome young man with striking lavender hair. He had on muggle attire, a black t-shirt, dark pants and yellow boots to match a yellow belt.

"Ah, greetings Professor Baba. You didn't tell me you required an assistant for your course."

Baba gave one of those smirks that had become very irritating rather quickly. "Yes well, I forgot to mention him. He's my personal assistant."

The young man looked like he wished to be anywhere else but here. Begrudgingly he offered the Headmaster a curt nod.

"Trunks." he said in a stiff tone.

"Trunks, that's an unusual name." Dumbledore noted

"And yours isn't?" he asked with a derisive sneer. Dumbledore simply forced a smile and continued on.

"Well this is rather unexpected so I'm afraid you will have to wait until I find appropriate lodging for you, unless you'd rather share?" he said with a twinkle in his eye. He took some satisfaction from the look of disgust that crossed the man's face along with the horrendous blush that adorned Baba's.

"Oh well that wouldn't be very becoming of a lady like myself now would it?" she gave Trunks a glance over her shoulder to see him fighting to keep his lunch in.

"I'll wait for the room." the saiyan said with not so thinly veiled disgust.

Dumbledore nodded, happy to have gotten one over them, as juvenile as it was.

Well, let's get down to brass cauldrons." Dumbledore said, pulling the contracts out and making sure that Minerva didn't notice the second one.

Baba stretched her hand out and the contracts floated into her grasp, eliciting a gasp from McGonagall and a raised eyebrow from Dumbledore. While the old hag was reading, the deputy headmistress gave her boss an incredulous look at the display of wandless magic.

Baba read each contract thoroughly, going as far as to stick the papers to her nose and smelling them deeply. After giving the parchment a few licks she nodded in approval and took the blood quill, signing both contracts with an overly dramatic flourish.

"I'm sure this is the start of a wonderful partnership, Headmaster."

Dumbledore gulped. No statement had ever sounded so ominous.

"Well then, how about we all go down to the Great Hall for a nice-"

Dumbledore was interrupted by an out of breath Filch, who was sweating buckets and looked like he'd ran from the other side of the castle.

"What is it, Argus?" McGonagall asked the unpleasant man.

"Headmaster..." he wheezed, "Binns has passed on!"

"What?" he'd ask if this was a joke if Filch wasn't the man who's only joy in life was seeing children suffer.

Baba tried to keep her whistling as low as possible.

"He said he was finally at peace with his life and was ready to shuffle off this mortal coil. And then he just… disappeared"

"This can't be!" Minerva said with her hands on her head "How are we going to find a History professor in less than a week?"

Albus was wiping his glasses, his mind racing at this new, ridiculous development. Binns passing on? The man who in life had cared more about lecturing than his own well-being? It just didn't add up.

In their state of panic, the headmaster and his deputy didn't notice the whistling until Baba ramped it up from barely perceptible to extremely obnoxious. The room stood in silence for some moments, everyone waiting for her to stop, until her whistling became even shriller.

Red faced, Minerva gave the tiny old hag her most murderous glare, "Could you stop that?!"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Baba grinned "It's just, I couldn't help but overhear that you're short one history professor."

"And?" the transfiguration professor was getting more irritated by the second.

"I just happen to have a candidate that would be perfect for the jobs."

McGonagall's eyes almost popped out of her head. Without warning she whipped out her want and cast a blasting hex at Baba.

"EEEEEEK!" Baba screamed at the top of her lungs. She fell off her crystal ball and the curse sailed over her, colliding with some of Dumbledore's trinkets and blasting them to kingdom come.

"MINERVA, STOP!" Albus boomed. Minerva stopped in her tracks, another curse on the tip of her tongue.

"Albus, she clearly orchestrated the whole thing! It's glaringly obvious!" she spat with fire in her voice.

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" Baba screamed from behind her crystal ball.

McGonagall's knuckles where turning chalk white from the deathgrip she had on her wand. Trunks observed the whole scene with some amusement.

Albus was going to hate himself for what he was about to say, but he had no other choice "Can you bring him in for an interview?" he asked, defeat coloring his tone.

McGonagall's head snapped, her outrage now focused on the headmaster "Albus, surely you couldn't-"

"Minerva, we'll discuss it later, but you have to understand, even if you suspect Professor Baba of foul play-" he shot the short witch a pointed look, making it clear that there was no doubt in his mind that she'd been involved "-we're a week away from start of term, we have to give this 'candidate' a shot."

Baba stuck her tongue out at Minerva, who looked like she would actually murder her if given the chance. Baba tapped her crystal ball once and spoke, "All right then, come on in for your interview."

Without any warning, without even a customary *pop* of apparition, a man materialized in Dumbledore's office.

Minerva and Filch jumped back in shock. The squib knocked himself back far enough that he fell down the stairs of Dumbledore's office, not that anyone noticed.

Dumbledore's brain was going haywire, for this woman and her associate to be able to apparate into HIS office at will, it was mind boggling.

Baba's eyebrows furrowed, "You idiot, what the hell are you wearing?"

The warrior shifted around, looking at his attire. "What? I looked up how British people dressed." Trunks laughed at Vegito's explanation.

Vegito was wearing a tweed suit, a very well fitting, stylish, dark brown tweed suit. He looked like Sherlock Holmes or a really old high school English teacher. "Besides, Trunks doesn't look like a wizard either." the saiyan pointed out.

Before Baba could yell at him some more, Dumbledore spoke up. "Are you my job candidate?"

"Yes I am!" Vegito affirmed with gusto.

"And what is your name?" McGonagall asked, looking disapproving of his bizarre attire and general appearance.

"I'm Vegito." the saiyan tipped his top hat to the deputy.

"What experience do you have teaching magical history, mister Vegito?"

Vegito froze, the old bitch hadn't told him what exactly he'd be teaching, so he wasn't ready to give an answer. "A Lot?" he offered shakily.

The headmaster felt a headache coming on. "Professor Baba, can you ensure that this man will not cause any terrible calamities while at my school?"

"I can." Baba crossed her fingers behind her back.

"You're hired." Dumbledore said bluntly.

"But Albus!" Minerva blurted out, she couldn't believe that Albus would allow this incompetent man to teach children.

"Its History of Magic, Minerva, not like anyone was getting educated before." Albus rubbed his temple, "Just show them to the Great Hall."

"But-"

"Now!" he snapped.

The headmaster's office emptied silently. Dumbledore opened up one of his drawers and pulled out a bottle of firewhisky. Why didn't I join Gellert when I had the chance?

...

The great hall was massive, big enough to fit a few of the student's houses and then some. The lack of house tables made it seem even larger as the group of four walked over to the staff table. Said table was mostly empty, as most of the teachers took breaks after completing their lesson plan and only returned on September first. The only staff members at the castle were Professor Slughorn, Hagrid and Professor Sprout (who came and went every afternoon to check on the greenhouses).

"Hello there!" Slughorn waved over the new professor. Even if she was just the Divination teacher, it didn't mean he couldn't be friendly, you never knew when a person could become useful.

Baba floated over to the corpulent professor, giving him a penetrating gaze. Slughorn pulled back uncomfortably as Baba floated over the staff table and right into his personal space. The ugly old imp assessed him as the Slytherin head tried to inch back without visually doing so.

There was an awkward silence as everyone watched this weird display. Trunks and Vegito ignored all this and plopped down on two of the chairs next to Hagrid, piling food onto their plate. Finally Baba found what she was looking for and pulled away from the professor.

"Let me guess, you're Trovus Slughorn's boy, aren't you?"

"You knew my father?" Slughorn asked incredulously.

"Of course, Trovus was a regular at the whorehouse I used to run." Slughorn blanched and the rest of the staff stared at the new teacher in shock.

Vegito couldn't help but snort into his food, trying not to choke as he laughed as silently as possible. Trunks shook his head while he shoved meat and bread into his mouth. He couldn't say the food was particularly great, but the plates kept refilling, and that was heaven.

Hagrid jumped, noticing the two men sitting next to him for the first time. "Who the ruddy hell are you?"

Trunks stretched his hand out to the groundskeeper. "I'm Trunks, Professor Baba's handler" Baba frowned at his substitution of assistant for handler, she'd need to have a talk with him when they were in his quarters.

"I never heard of professors needing handlers before." Hagrid didn't even know what a handler was. Baba rushed over to them on her ball, leaving a red Slughorn alone to be consoled by Sprout.

"He's my assistant dear, he helps me teach my class, carriers around my equipment and so on." Baba glared at Trunks. Hagrid scratched his beard "Oh well umm… I guess it makes sense."

"An you?" Hagrid asked Vegito.

"History teacher." the saiyan threw out, "Old one died or something." he added when Hagrid gave him a confused look.

Pomona was more interested in the new Divinations professor. "What exactly are your credentials, Professor…?" Sprout trailed off, realizing she didn't even know the new teacher's name.

"Baba, Fortuneteller Baba." Baba sent the dumpy professor a superior look "I've been giving out fortunes since before you decided to stop bathing, dear."

Both Trunks and Vegito chortled at this one and Sprout stood up from her chair indignantly. The Herbology mistress was going to give the tiny old bat a piece of her mind when Slughorn burst from his chair.

"FORTUNETELLER BABA! Oh my!" The potions master shuffled towards Baba and kissed her hand. Baba swiped it away "I appreciate the gesture, but your whiskers are revolting."

Slughorn twirled his mustache, "Yes, yes, forgive me, fortuneteller." Sprout and Hagrid looked perplexed at the man's demeanor, neither of them having heard of the old lady.

"Why are you groveling to this shriveled old bat, Horace?" Baba glared at Sprout, who stuck her tongue out in defiance. "Why Pomona, fortuneteller Baba was the most famous seer in the world. She'd offer fortunes to Lords for the highest of prices." Horace had only heard of her through his parents, but the stories were magical, "She disappeared over eighty years ago." Sprout glanced at the old bat and nodded, she definitely looked old enough.

Baba stuck her tongue out at Sprout "I hope you understand now that I am above your station, you dumpy little woman."

"RARRGH!" This proved to be too much for professor Sprout, she leapt from her chair and brandished her wand, not hesitating to throw curses at the fortuneteller.

Baba's eyes widened in terror as she barely dodged spell after spell, almost losing her balance and falling off her crystal ball on some occasions.

"Diffindo! Confrigo! Bombarda!"

"BODYGUARD, WHY AREN'T YOU DOING YOUR JOB?!" Baba screamed at the amused Trunks before she fell off her crystal ball. Trunks shrugged "I don't see any danger here, besides I'm your assistant, not your bodyguard."

"Pomona that is quite enough!" Dumbledore's authoritative voice froze Sprout in her tracks. The Herbology professor received a look from the newly arrived headmaster and she sat down in only slight shame.

"Now I hope all of you can get along better. Professor Baba, you have colleagues now, you need to show a certain level of camaraderie with them and that begins by respecting and…" Dumbledore stopped when he saw that Baba was mimicking his speech like a five year old child. God, the war with Voldemort would need to end soon, he couldn't imagine putting up with this woman for a full school year without strangling her.

It took a few seconds of Dumbledore's silence before Baba realized he'd stopped. She looked around and gave a slight blush "forgive me headmaster, you may continue."

Dumbledore let out an almost imperceptible sigh, "Why don't you all get acquainted with your quarters?"

...

September first, the day students would be arriving at Hogwarts. It was always a big day at the castle, the preparations for housing hundreds of teenagers were complete (the preparations consisted of letting the house elves take care of it). Lesson plans were finalized, Filch had finished alphabetizing the previous year's contraband, Hagrid had told all the acromantula and poisonous vampire deer that they couldn't come along to his cabin until next summer.

And on this day the rest of the Hogwarts teaching staff was returning to the school. The professors didn't have to arrive at the same time, but they did have to all be there in time for a lunch staff meeting where they'd discuss the coming school year.

Professor Kettleburn arrived first, making a beeline towards the forbidden forest to see how Hagrid had screwed with the creatures this time. He got there at eight in the morning, his two peg legs slowed him down considerably so he needed extra time to inspect the forest. At around ten came professors Sinistra, Vector and Quirrell. The former two arrived together because they were "good friends" and they shared a flat in the summer. The jumpy muggle studies professor arrived with them because he was petrified of being attacked while coming up the path of the school, so he always waited at the gate for somebody else that he could enter with. Professor Flitwick was dropped off by his band at half past ten, and finally the defense professor (whose name no one could remember) arrived at eleven.

It was at midday an hour later that all the professors crowded the great hall, waiting for the Headmaster. They were all catching up, talking about what they'd been up to in the summer break, the terrifying and bloody war the wizarding world was currently involved in, and the new Divinations teacher.

"Really Pomona, she can't be THAT much of a bitch." Flitwick spoke as they all stood in a gossip circle. The topic of their discussion had yet to come down for the meeting.

"Believe me Filius, she is. She's a horrible, unlikable ugly, poisonous woman!" McGonagall assured her colleague. Flitwick raised an eyebrow, McGonagall hated the Divinations course as much as anyone, but it wasn't like her to be so… outspoken about another teacher.

"What say you Horace?" Slughorn jumped at being asked the question. The usually boisterous potions master had been rather quiet when the other heads had gotten to talk about the new teacher.

Slughorn scratched the back of his head, "Oh I don't know Filius, the woman isn't that bad! I mean she's…she's…. I heard she's a very good seer!" He didn't sound very convincing, and the other professors immediately realized that Slughorn wouldn't talk bad about this woman because he probably wanted to curry some favor with her.

"What's this about two other new hires? I heard they were like her flunkies." Vector questioned.

McGonagall sighed "The History professor is…difficult." she shared a dark look with Pomona, "and I'm convinced that her assistant is no older than a 7th year. He is a typical teenager."

"Well come on now professer, the guys ain't so bad!" Hagrid quipped in, having come in from the grounds with twigs in his beard.

McGonagall shook her head, "You only say that because they go out drinking and adventuring with you Hagrid. Though I will admit Mr. Briefs seems like a sensible young man, the fact that he's in some way involved with that woman puts his judgment under questioning."

"Wait a minute, since when were professors allowed assistants?" Sinistra cut in with indignation.

Sprout shook her head, "We know how you feel Aurora, I sometimes think Albus is going batty with all the ridiculousness he allows surrounding that woman."

A voice was heard coming down the staircase, "Is that jealousy I hear? The bitter sounds of jealousy?"

In her usual dress, riding her crystal ball, Baba came down the staircase. "Trying to turn the staff against me early I see, but it won't work!"

McGonagall massaged her temple "Everyone, this is Professor Baba."

"Hello everyone, I'm sure you're mystified at being in the presence of fortuneteller Baba!"

"Oh kami, why are you like this?" Came a voice from behind her. Trunks and Vegito walked in, Vegito wearing the same 19th century attire as before and Trunks being marginally more formal than before with a polo shirt. They each prominently displayed their wands (that were actually just sticks). The two smiled at the staff.

"Hey there everybody, I'm your new History teacher, Vegito" he waved.

"I'm Trunks, her assistant or whatever." having finished his introductions, the two men headed over to Hagrid.

"So Hagrid, up for some spider wrestling in the forest tonight?"

"WHAT?-"

"Everyone, if you could please sit down" Dumbledore had arrived. The professors stood frozen for a second before they started shuffling to take their seats at the staff table. There was much scraping of chairs and sitting of butts. Finally, everyone had settled in.

Dumbledore looked at them over his half-moon glasses "Before we begin; Mr Briefs, while you will be at the staff table later tonight you do not need to be in this meeting if you don't-"

"See you chumps later." Trunks jumped from his chair and walked off to god knows where. Everyone stared at his retreating back until he was out of sight.

"No fair!" Vegito whined, why could his half-son leave this stupid meeting but he couldn't?

Someone coughed. Dumbledore cleared his throat "Yes well, we have many important and serious topics to discuss, but first I would like to introduce our new staff members. First, our new Defense expert, professor… ehm, um…" Dumbledore stared at the embarrassed Defense professor hard before chuckling "I'm sorry my good fellow, I seem to have forgotten your name."

"It's quite alright Headmaster, my name is-"

When this Boy Meets World

Boy Meeets World

Walking down this road

That We Call Liiife

All heads shot off into the direction of Baba, who looked nonplussed before she giggled and pulled out her crystal ball, which was currently showing images of a muggle high school. "I forgot, my show is on."

Baba hopped up on her crystal ball and looked over to the headmaster apologetically, "You understand that this is urgent, Topanga just broke up with Cory and they're both very vulnerable. I don't really need to be in on this meeting anyways, I already saw it on this." she patted her crystal ball. She frowned over at Flitwick, "I don't get why you of all people would make fun of my height, you little midget elf!" she huffed and immediately left the hall, heading to her quarters.

Slughorn leaned over to McGonagall and whispered "I told you she was good."

It was going to be a terrible year, she could just tell.

...

The Hogwarts Express was buzzing with excitement. Despite the war that was raging on outside and the many students that had lost family members, they were still teenagers at school. Howarts was the safest place in the British Isles, so many of the students, especially the younger ones, decided to leave their worries at the door and focus on enjoying the school year. For many students this would be their last year; their last year before they were thrown into the front line of a bloody magical war, or their last year before they fled the country. No group of students felt more emotional about their final year than the 7th year Gryffindors.

Peter Pettigrew was one of those Gryffindors. "Hey guys, ready for a kickass year? We are so going to prank the school! Eh? Eh?"

The other three marauders stared at their friend in disbelief, "Seriously Peter?" Sirius got up in his face "James' parents DIED, Remus was attacked by other werewolves and I've been disowned, and all you can think about is pranks?!"

Peter whimpered, "I'm sorry I just… you guys said last year I needed to be more… I mean." Remus got in the middle of the two boys and pulled Sirius back. "There, there Padfoot, I'm sure Peter didn't mean to be an idiot, he just is."

James rolled his eyes at all of this, "Hey Padfoot, you know what would be funny? What If we led the firsties down into the dungeons after the feast and then ditched them there?" Sirius and Remus laughed, "Ha, that would be fantastic Prongs!"

"But, but…" Peter quivered.

"That's enough Wormtail." James cut him off, "Just be quiet."

The engine came to a halt, signaling that the Hogwarts express had reached Hogsmeade station. Soon the students were shuffling off the train.

"So prongs, who was Head Girl again?" Sirius asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Lilyflower!" James got stars in his eyes. "She told me she'd never allow me within five feet of her, but I know I can chip away at that," he said confidently.

Remus whistled, "Five feet, that's farther than last year."

'Yeah, but it's still closer than the year before." Sirius assured, not wanting his mate to be discouraged, "Besides, if she's not up to it by the end of the year you could always just use other means, if you know what I mean." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and the others laughed.

Peter chuckled, "Yeah, you could slip her a love potion." the other three boys stared at him in disbelief. "Peter what the hell?! You want me to date rape the woman I love? Because that's what love potions are Peter, RAPE!" Peter cowered at James words.

"But, Sirius-"

"BAD Peter, Bad bad Peter." he was swatted on the head by both Remus and Sirius, then James jumped in and the three of them began disciplining Peter.

"Merlin, you boys are so immature." The Marauders turned to see Head Girl Lily Evans, who had been walking by on her way to a carriage. "I don't get why you hang out with them Remus, you're too nice to be caught up with these buffoons."

"Hey now Lils, I'm not immature!" James begged, "My parents are dead! When have you heard of an immature person with dead parents?"

Lily stared at him in shocked disbelief "I don't… Potter…. I don't know whether to feel pity or… yes, I definitely feel pity."

"Does pity get me a date?" James wriggled his eyebrows like he'd seen Sirius do earlier.

"Just keep away from me Potter." Lily left quickly for an almost full carriage, harrying the third years inside to close the doors.

Sirius put his arm around a sad James, "Don't worry Prongs, I'm a hundred percent sure you'll get her this year."

James sighed, "I hope you're right Padfoot, otherwise I'll have to put her under the Imperious or something."

"Hahahahahahaha, oh Prongs you dog," Remus patted James in the back while Peter seethed inside.

Later that night

"Welcome students, to another wonderful year at Hogwarts!" Dumbledore spread his arms out wide. His eyes searched the crowd to see if Frank Longbottom was still alive. Relief washed over him when he saw the boy with his girlfriend at the head of Gryffindor table, he'd need to swindle some money from that boy soon.

"I'd like you all to meet our new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, professor…" Dumbledore trailed off, racking his brain for the man's name. The Professor was about to stand up and offer it himself when Dumbledore Spoke, "Oh I'm sure he'll tell you when you get to class. Anyways, we also have a new Divination teacher, please welcome Professor Baba!"

Baba had her crystal ball float her higher so she could be seen by everyone. The students clapped sparingly, making her frown and teasing a smile from most of the staff table.

"I must sadly inform you all that Professor Binns has passed on to the next great adventure." a cheer erupted in the hall, which Dumbledore waited out "I am proud to announce our new History teacher, Professor Vegito, and next to him is professor Baba's assistant, Mr. Trunks Briefs."

The male population gave them the same reaction as they did Baba, but the female students were a lot more enthusiastic about the new hires.

"Oh my god, they're so hot!"

"I've never seen people dressed like that, they must be fashion models from the continent!"

"I really don't know much history, can he give me special tutoring?"

"Why did I drop Divination?"

Lily Evans was among the girls fawning over the new staff members, specifically the assistant teacher. Being involved in divination didn't reflect kindly on him, but he was a mysterious looking handsome guy with really fantastic hair, she could give him the benefit of a doubt.

"Lily, are you fawning over this trogledike?" James asked aghast. Remus face palmed at the abuse of language.

Lily glared at James, "its troglodyte, you troglodyte. Seriously, how are you even Head Boy?"

Remus came to his friends' defense, "It is a magic school Lily, not a grammar school."

"You know what I mean Remus." Lily scoffed.

A girl across the table from Lily waved her hands to get the redhead's attention. Lily looked over questioningly, "What is it, Silvia?"

"Who are you going to give your Divination spot to?'

"What?" the attention of other female 7th years was piqued, even some from the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables turned their heads in their direction.

Lily's face reddened at all the focus, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You said on the train that you were going to have McGonagall drop you from Divination because it was stupid." Lily shook her head, "I never said that Silvia."

"Bu-"

"I NEVER SAID THAT, OK!?" Lily sent the other girl her best glare

"Ahem."

Lily turned her head to see that the entire school was staring at her. She blushed even darker than before and put her head down.

Dumbledore waited for enough awkward silence to build up before finally breaking it "Dig in!"