The idea is totally ridiculous. Felicity and John are just friends. Close friends, sure, but still nothing more than that. At least, that's what she's always thought. And then Sara put the idea of something more in her head and she hasn't been able to get it out of her mind.
It's not like she can deny how close they've gotten since he basically started living with her.
It struck her most forcefully one night as they made dinner. John was a surprisingly adept cook and glad to do all the work, but she had eventually felt bad about her only contribution being washing the dishes after when that mostly consisted of throwing them in the dishwasher.
They decided what to make (which wasn't so much a decision as their uncanny habit of always wanting the same thing), and then set to work. It was almost disturbingly domestic. They moved like a well-oiled machine, only occasionally exchanging a word or two about spices and quantities of ingredients but otherwise perfectly content to work in comfortable silence.
It's how they are around each other all the time: comfortable. Felicity has always thought of John as a calming, steady presence on their team. He's dependable, strong (physically and emotionally), with a sense of right that rivals hers. Their lives are so dangerous and unpredictable, but him just being there always reassures her that everything will be OK.
But is that the same as love? Or attraction even? She isn't sure.
She is, however, sure that she feels that way about Oliver. Despite his relationship with Sara, her own flirtation with Barry and only vague suggestions that Oliver could possibly reciprocate, her long-held crush on him is surprisingly, obnoxiously persistent. She has little hope that anything will ever happen between them, but it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface and making her wonder.
There are days she resents it, like with Barry. He was sweet and interested, if a little far, but she hadn't realized how nice it would be to have him until after his accident. She promised herself that she wouldn't miss her chance again if–no–when he woke up. But after her conversation with Sara, she can't help but wonder if she is repeating the same mistake with John—if her focus on her feelings for Oliver is blinding her to anything else.
The small thrill of excitement she feels when John finally agrees to move into the guest room upstairs from the living room couch makes her wonder even more. Still, she doesn't bother or, perhaps, avoids analyzing that feeling because there simply isn't the time. She can sort them out once they deal with Slade. At least that was the plan until Slade himself makes that impossible.
When they return to the lair one night and find him waiting for them, she barely has time to realize what's happening before Oliver grabs her and flings them both over the banister. She watches in terror as Slade catches Sara by the throat and throws her across the room, but nearly goes into a full-on panic when John charges at Slade and empties his clip to no avail. She wants to run to him then–stopped only by her fear–and barely notices Oliver's fight with Slade because she's so desperate to see if John is alright.
Once she turns the lights on again, she runs straight to him, telling herself later that she saw Sara stirring out of her periphery and had known she would check on Oliver.
"Are you OK?" she asks, cradling his head in her hand and helping him sit up.
"I'm fine," he grunts.
"What were you thinking?" she snaps, pushing him on the chest so hard that he almost falls back again. "You knew that wasn't going to work."
"Worth a try," he grumbles, looking surprised at her reaction. He tries to push himself up again and grimaces at the glass of the case Slade threw him through cutting into his hand. Felicity gives him a bashful look, stands and then reaches out her hand to help him up. He gives her a sidelong glance and then accepts.
It's as she watches him walk off to check on their partners that Felicity suddenly realizes that maybe her feelings for Oliver and John aren't so different. The knot still unraveling in her stomach is identical to the one she felt when Oliver was injured a few months back and they had to decide whether to let Barry into their world in order to save him. It's surprising and confusing and she doesn't understand why she wasn't as worried for Oliver too this time.
Felicity feels herself being different around John after that, but is helpless to stop herself. She's rambly and nervous in a way she's never been with him. She thinks it escapes his notice, but of course it doesn't. He knows her too well.
"You OK?" he asks as they drive to the Star Labs warehouse in downtown Starling City.
"What? Yeah, why?" she replies too quickly, turning to look straight ahead when she realizes she was staring at him. Sitting in the front seat was a bad idea.
"You've just been a little jumpy lately," he says, "since Slade showed up at the lair."
"I'm just worried someone's going to get hurt," she lies, thankful to have a legitimate-sounding excuse. "He could have killed us—though it's kind of scarier that he chose not to. And I can't even imagine what could've happened to Cisco and Caitlin if..." She stops there, shivering instead of completing the thought aloud. She freezes when she feels John's hand wrap around hers, hoping he doesn't feel the way her heartbeat picks up.
"But nothing did happen," he says firmly. "We're going to find a way to stop Slade," he reassures and then gives her hand one last squeeze before letting go.
She can't decide if she prefers it that way.
They don't get as much out of Caitlin and Cisco as they hoped. Instead, she gets to have her hopes of circumventing the Oliver-John question through Barry dashed and learns that someone named Iris is waiting for him to wake up too.
"That's just swell," she says a little bitterly. "Barry's in a coma and he's already moved on."
John gives her a small, encouraging smile, but his forehead also furrows in concern. The lines become deeper the quieter and more sullen she gets as they drive back to the lair until he finally speaks.
"So, you never met an Iris during all that time you spent in Central City?" he asks.
"Nope," she replies, shaking her head. "We must have missed each other during visiting hours. Would have saved me some train tickets if we had met," she adds under her breath. John gives her an encouraging smile and she sighs. "I guess he might have mentioned her once—though not by name. Just before the accident, he called me and said something about knowing what it's like to want somebody who doesn't want you back. Maybe that's not a problem for him anymore." She shrugs and then turns to stare out the window, resting her chin on her fist.
There's silence a moment as she swings between feeling sorry for herself and feeling stupid for feeling that way when there are worse things going on in their lives right now.
"I'm just so tired of falling for people who are still stuck on someone else," she grumbles. "How am I supposed to compete with history?"
"You'll find someone," John says softly, encouragingly. "You're amazing, Felicity, and when you finally find someone who's available and who you want back, he's gonna be one lucky bastard."
"Thanks," she says, blushing. She looks over at him and he gives her that small, sympathetic smile that always makes her feel better. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to be in love with John Diggle.
"You know," he says, turning his eyes back to the road, "I think you might already have an admirer in that other scientist. What's his name?"
"Cisco?" she asks a little incredulously.
"Yeah, him. You two seems to have fun flirting," he teases.
"That was to try to get information," she says, breathing a laugh.
"So what? That was the highlight of that kid's day," he jokes, smiling slyly at her.
"Stop it," she says, lightly slapping his arm. "I'm done with cute scientists in faraway cities," she says in mock haughtiness.
"Oh really?" John asks.
"Yep, I've gotta start looking closer to home," Felicity replies and manages to hide her surprise when she realizes she just might mean him.
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