This chapter is a little shorter than I thought it would be, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway. The remaining few chapters of this fic are not going to follow the divisions of the last three episodes of the season and this one covers only about half of "City of Blood."
She can't mean him. John knows Felicity must mean Oliver or generally or anything else. He knows it. But there's something about the way she looks at him after that makes him wonder if she could really be interested.
He's spent a lot of his time recently wondering if she could. Ever since Oliver, Captain Oblivious, asked him if something were going on between them. There wasn't of course, though he'll admit he can understand how Oliver–well, Sara via Oliver really–could confuse the situation. Their relationship is platonic, but there are moments when it feels very much like when he and Layla lived together during their marriage—except without the tension. It's easy, comfortable, and it's left him more than a little confused.
It's not as if he's totally averse to the idea. Felicity is certainly beautiful and he's thought more and more about that night in his apartment while Oliver was in Lian Yu in recent days, but it's more than that. There's a level of understanding between them that he can't remember sharing with anyone else before. They're on the same wavelength, one that's different even from Oliver or Sara or Roy. Despite how different their pasts are, they agree about how Oliver should go about saving Starling City, about what's right.
Not that there aren't differences too.
There's the age gap for one. It's a little closer to a decade than he likes. He's on the road to middle age while she's still barely out of her youth. Though he will admit she seems much more mature than her years. Oliver may be her senior, but he seems younger. He can't imagine Felicity shirking responsibilities as often as their vigilante leader does.
Though John knows the real reason he's hesitant.
Felicity has feelings for Oliver, plain and simple. And as time has gone on, John has wondered if they aren't on an inevitable march toward each other. Flirtation has always been an element of their interactions, but something else has developed—an understanding, a deeper connection that John hasn't seen Oliver form with anyone else. Not even with Sara. With her gone, he wonders if it's not just a matter of time between them.
He only becomes more convinced of that eventuality watching Felicity's reaction to Moira's death.
"I don't even know why I'm crying," she says at the wake, sniffling into the handkerchief he's just handed her. "I didn't even like Moira," she adds and he can't help but smile to himself as she rambles a bit, rightfully calling Moira "diabolical."
"You're not crying for her, Felicity, you're crying for Oliver," he assures her. She seems surprised by that truth and the realization seems to make her more desperate to find Oliver but, for once, there seem to be limits to what even she can do. And the fact that she can't find a trace of Sara either doesn't help her mindset.
"Digg, people don't just disappear like this unless..." she says.
"Don't go there, Felicity," he says firmly.
"What if she is..." she starts, "what if Oliver is..." she continues, unable to complete that thought either. "Maybe the reason we can't find him—"
"He's alive, Felicity," he cuts her off. But he can't be sure and he's beginning to have doubts too.
John had sworn not to have anything more to do with ARGUS after his last encounter, but desperate times call for desperate measures. At least Felicity's excitement over the tech softens the sting of Amanda Waller's smug superiority when they come to her asking for information on Oliver's whereabouts. They're both caught off guard when she tell them that Oliver has been hiding at a second lair they've never heard about.
"How long do you think he's had it?" Felicity asks as they drive to its location.
"Probably since the beginning," he guesses. She nods and then frowns into space a moment before speaking again.
"Why did he never tell us about it though?" she asks softly, turning to him with a sort of hurt expression.
"I don't know," he admits, wishing he had a better answer for her. She sighs and brings her hand to her face, pushing up her glasses to rub her eyes.
"Every time I think I know where we stand with him, something happens and I realize we don't know anything," she says, sounding defeated. She leans back in her seat, looking miserable, and John takes one hand off the steering wheel to gently wrap it around hers a moment.
"It's not because he doesn't trust us," he assures her. "Oliver went through something horrible those five years. And I think he's still got a lot of guilt about what happened during them. We just have to give him time." Felicity smiles at him and lightly squeezes his hand and John realizes how nice it feels, wondering how nice it would be to be able to reach out and do this any time.
He gets to experience that same feeling a little later as he reaches out to help Felicity down the stairs at the secret lair and she jokingly mutters, "my knight in shining armor,"in gratitude.
They find Oliver there, as Waller said they would and John isn't surprised to see him sitting off in a corner, almost curled up and staring off into space. He seems slightly hostile that they've found him at first, but relents after a moment.
"I left for the cemetery," he says, pausing a moment, "but I ended up here."
"And here is?" Felicity asks.
"Here was a secondary facility in case the foundry was compromised," he replies and John turns to give Felicity a pointed look. "But it became somewhere that I could just go and...be alone." He pauses a moment before speaking again. "She's dead because of me," he a says and then struggles to stand, looking at them for the first time since they walked in. "Five years ago, I could have cured Slade and that would have prevented all of now, all the people left that I care about, we are all in his crosshairs. It ends tonight."
"How?" Felicity asks.
"I turn myself over to Slade," Oliver replies, picking up his jacket off the ground. "I end this vendetta."
"Oliver, you think this ends with you turning yourself over to Slade?" John asks incredulously, stepping toward him.
"Yes, I do. After she was gone, he told me that one more person had to die and then it would end," he struggles to say and John doesn't think he's ever seen Oliver this hopeless. "This ends, for Slade, when he kills me."
"I don't accept that," Felicity cuts in, blocking Oliver's way to the door. "And you shouldn't either. You can't just accept things, Oliver," she says, emotion filling her tone. "If I'd accepted my life, I would be a cocktail waitress in Vegas like my mother and I never would have gone to college and I never would have moved a thousand miles away to work at Queen Consolidated and I never would have believed some crazy guy in a hood when he told me I could be more than just some IT girl." She grips his hand a moment in hers and stares at him pleadingly. "Please don't do this," she says. He sighs and shifts on his feet before speaking.
"Felicity," he says softly, "someone once told me that the essence of heroism is to die so that others can live."
"It's not that simple, Oliver," John argues.
"Yes, it is," Oliver cuts him off. "Slade's whole plan was to take everything from me. He did. He wins." He pauses a second, looking resigned. "All that's left is for me to do is die," he finishes and then steps around Felicity.
"No, there has to be another way," she says desperately. Oliver turns to her, but instead of saying anything, he studies her face a moment. And for a second, John thinks that just might stop him, that seeing her so sad will change his mind. But then, he sighs, says, "there isn't," and turns away, not letting go of her hand until he's walked too far away.
And as selfish as the thought is, John can't help but think that if Oliver does survive this, he would never be able to compete with the connection between Oliver and Felicity. Whatever is between them needs to play out. Otherwise, he will always wonder if she settled for him.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any and all feedback.