Chapter Five

T'gellan eyed the flight of stairs then proceeded down carefully with the weight in his arms. He tried to keep his pace steady but by the time he was to the landing in the bowl he was starting to puff and his legs were shaky.

"Can you put me down? I should walk."

T'gellan replied, "You couldn't have said that at the top of those stairs, Mirrim?", as he set her on her feet.

She chuckled, "It's what made me think I should walk; I didn't want to break your concentration and we tumble."

Hand in hand they ambled towards Monarth. He was facing them. He brought his great head to be level with Mirrim's face. She reached above one jeweled eye and gently rubbed the brow ridge. T'gellan towed her into the darkness to mount. He ran one hand along his dragon's neck until he felt the slope of his shoulder. "Step up" he said as he lifted Mirrim by the waist. With familiar ease she grabbed hold of the last neck ridge and hoisted herself behind it. T'gellan pulled up behind her and held her close. "Lean forward into Monarth's neck", he pause to mentally speak to his dragon, "Hang on."

Monarth's downs sweeps and glide were so fluid T'gellan was surprised they were at the mouth of his weyr. But then it could have been that he was holding the object of his desire to so close to his chest. He slid down and she slid into him, stepping away for a moment to look across the lip of the darkened bowl.

"I had no idea your weyr was so high up."

He stepped behind her rubbing his hands up and down the length of her arms. He felt her stiffen as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"I agreed to come; I'm not the sort to back out."

They were silent. This was not how he envisioned this moment. As he felt the awkwardness of their silence grow, he let go of all but her hand and led her into his weyr. Monarth was already curled upon himself in his stony couch with his eyes closed. He sighed contentedly as they passed into the sleeping quarters. It was pitch-dark. He fumbled by the sconce to unsheild a glow. It bathed the room in a golden hue. His bed suddenly looked massive. She pulled her hand free then sat close to the head of his bed. Eyes cast down; Mirrim twined her fingers in her lap. T'gellan sat next to her. She stiffly leaned into him.

"I meant what I said, Mirrim," he said after a pause. Putting an arm around her, he continued, "You've had a rough few sevendays. Tonight's for you. Relax."

She leaned back against the bed as he bent over her but he could tell she was still holding herself tightly. He leaned into her neck nuzzling her ear as his hand caressed her torso. "You won't hurt me, T'gellan." She whispered.

He pulled back, confused. "Of course I won't".

"No I mean it won't hurt, I'm …." She sighed, "I understand what I'm supposed to do when a dragonman takes me to his weyr, and … and I am thankful that it's you."

T'gellan stiffened, "Eh?" He stared across his room not focusing but trying to decipher Mirrim. He felt a mental shrug from Monarth. "You want her; she is with you."

"Some help you are," he thought back. "Is Mirrim fearful of me?"

"She fears but she has joy for us. She is with you; I sleep now."

He thought he had the sense of her and started grinning. "Oh, you mean I'm not your first. That's alright." Although, he was a bit disappointed.

Her brow was still furrowed and she twisted away. "The women in the lower caverns were talking to me," she said, "since I was new to Benden Weyr."

"Um, who?" he tried to say evenly. His expectations for this evening were evaporating.

"Well, Manora of course, and there was Sanra, Felena… and Willa." She turned to watch his face as she said the last name.

"Willa. Yes. She does like to teach." He cleared his throat. "What did they say?" He tried to sound casual, but so much for being the rider of a mighty bronze.

"Manora wanted me to know that dragonmen might be interested in me because I was a new to the Weyr. She wanted to be sure I, uh, that I …" She faltered, looked to him then quickly away.

T'gellan realized that he had taken her hand and was nodding his head stupidly. He shifted closer to her. "Manora is our headwoman. I am sure what she said …What did Willa tell you?"

"She wanted to know if I was familiar with… if I had been…" Mirrim paused, took a deep breath and blurted, "She said that if a dragonman did ask me to his weyr that I be honest enough to tell him if he would hurt me. Tell him if I was too young. Am I too young?"

"Willa, Sanra and Felena are women who are attached to men in my wing. I'm sure they spoke to you because they know I've taken an interest in you." T'gellan said. He had been certain that no other man in the Weyr had thought to have her in his bed. Something more bothered Mirrim, of that he was becoming aware. "They are only looking out for you and me."

"Brekke always told me that the women of a weyr couldn't expect attachments like a holder or crafter especially a bronze rider."

"But you're weyrbred."

"No. Not really. I came from The Farm Crafthall." She paused while he waited for her to continue. He nudged her gently. "Brekke took to fostering me when I was about nine turns. I lived at Southern with her until we were moved to High Reaches, then … here. Brekke was searched from the same hall, the Masterfarmcrafter's." She regarded him keenly. "You know the weyr folk told her that as a queen's rider she shouldn't foster a child."

"You were more her apprentice than daughter," he replied because he thought he should say something.

She leaned back into him. "I need to tell you this even though Brekke said I should never tell anyone. The reason she took me from the Crafthall and kept me was because I had been left to die."

T'gellan was astounded. He turned her to face him, "How could they do such a thing to a girl of nine turns?"

"I was… I had been …" Mirrim moved away a bit from him. She looked ready to cry. She breathed deeply a few times shaking her head then faced him. "One of the Masters would take me alone to the nurseries …"

T'gellan felt a stab of revulsion. He stood and paced the length of the bed then stopped in front of her. "He violated you?" Mirrim looked down to her hands and nodded. "This is why you were sentenced to death? Didn't they do anything to him?"

"His throat was slit in front of the entire Crafthold. Farmcrafters do not hold with such behavior."

"Nobody does," T'gellan interjected, gesturing to the ceiling.

"And because I had not cried out or told anybody I was shunned." Mirrim raised her head back up and stared across the room, her eyes focused on the horror in her past. "It was after thread started falling. I was taken up to a field that had been threaded and left there, told never to come back. Thread was due that day but Brekke and Wirenth landed before me and said 'Come' so I left with them to Southern. Brekke said that it was a hard time for halls and holds. Too many people to shelter, entire fields and groves destroyed. Masterfarmer Andemon had to control his people…," she faltered.

T'gellan sat close to her and slid his arm over her shoulder pulling her close again. As he absently caressed her shoulder, he mulled over her revelations. Kissing her hair he rested his chin on her head. He had to admit to himself that this didn't change his feelings for her.

"Maybe you should take me back to the lower caverns now," she said to fill the silence between them. "I'll have to figure out where I'll go, once…"

"Mirrim, Weyrs don't cast out their people, especially Benden…"

"No, I mean once Brekke," Mirrim's voice cracked. "Brekke" she repeated then dissolved into tears. With some exertion T'gellan pulled her into his lap, cradling and rocking her as she cried.

The center of this girl's life was shredded. She'd been uprooted from Southern Weyr to High Reaches without so much as half a sevenday when Wirenth rose, and fought and died between. Then she was here in Benden, among strangers, now to hear about this atrocity against her and her self-imposed shame. She was at Benden because of Brekke. Brekke the gentle, the dutiful, the repressed; she had raised Mirrim from childhood and had been her model. She was craftbred and would leave if Brekke died, when she died, which could be soon. He felt a pang in his gut at the thought of her not being at Benden. He was surprised that he was actually crooning until he realized her fire lizards were as well for they had found the two of them and were trying to crawl onto her lap or at least press up against her.

She had stopped crying and was simply letting him hold her. It was a comfortable silence and he knew if he spoke he'd ruin the moment. He had always admired her intelligence and resilience plus that wicked, sharp wit. But now he saw how tightly she bound her true feelings; her real self. Mirrim was trying to be dutiful, even now but was inhibited. He thought back to his convalescence in Sothern, he grinned and stopped rocking.

She turned a blotchy face to him and he kissed her gently. As she responded they became more intense. She snaked one arm around his neck to reposition herself but Tolly trilled. He was being smothered between them. T'gellan moved his head back to look into Mirrim's sea green eyes and remembered the first time they had regarded each other. It would have been simple to push her back on the furs and love her but he understood now; she wasn't ready.

"How does a soak in the pool sound?" He grinned as her genuine surprise melted into her quirky grin. She hopped off his lap and gazed around the room.

"Behind that curtain?" she asked, pointing. "Will it fit two people and three fire lizards?"

He had stood too and walked to the hooks pulling off his tunic in one fluid movement and hung it on the hook next to his towel and a basket of shielded glows. As he handed them to her he noticed that she was gazing upon his bare chest. "Here," he said. "Go through that curtain. You'll see that it will fit all of us. Go in on the side with the pot of sweet sands; it is shallow enough to sit. I'll wait here a moment."

She unhitched the glow basket's shield then proceeded through. The two green fire lizards followed her. He waited for her to undress and slip into the water but he wasn't sure when that was because of the greens' cavorting and splashing. She giggled then sighed with an "ahhhhh".

T'gellan pulled off the rest of his clothes, careful to hang them up. Tolly chittered as he glided past him when he parted the curtain. He toyed with making his usual splash but thought better of it. Instead he walked past where she has seated herself to where he knew the water was at its deepest then hopped off the lip up to his neck. He dunked under, swimming to where she sat. He came up beside her and sat on his underwater bench.

The three fire lizards were cavorting at the other end of the pool where the water tended to be a bit too hot for humans.

They regarded each other. Her severe bun was loose and a few wet tendrils curled about her neck. "Take your hair down. It looks like it'll come down anyway".

"I already did but put it back up. If I get it wet now; it'd still be damp in the morning." She replied. "Ramoth's eggs could hatch any day. Hatchings are hectic enough without adding any more discomfort …"

"Hmmm, you're thinking about more than damp hair."

"Yes," she paused. "When the eggs hatch, a lot of speculation can end."

"So you think Brekke will re-impress."

"It's not what I think or want. I don't believe it is a good idea. And, I think she's too weak to even stand on the sands. It would queer the whole hatching if she died right there."

T'gellan hid his shock with that statement realizing Mirrim had had more time and insight to ponder. "Nobody will speak of her but she's at the forefront of our minds since she was brought here", he replied. "It doesn't take a healer to know she's failing to regain her mind."

"That's not true," Mirrim refuted. "She's there! Her mind is clear. All the dragons and fire lizards tell us so. She just won't respond or eat or drink or use the chamber pot. Not that she's had any use for one in almost a sevenday! We'll hold her down and force water and cold broth right into her stomach. It's ghastly, she has even stopped resisting. And I have to keep talking to her, nonstop, when it's my turn to care for her. F'nor looks like a shadow and Manora! Manora, it's killing her. That serenity of hers is a ruse; she's a wreck because she can't convince F'nor to rest or tend to Canth and she worries she'll lose them all. Brekke is the most horrible patient I have ever had. I'll never get to tell her that and I so want to shake her, slap her, tell her to stop being so …"

"Selfish?"

"Pathetic! She'd never allow this kind of behavior of me!" Mirrim stopped for a breath.

All three fire lizards had halted their frolicking during her tirade then began diving again. The two humans watched them in silence for a few moments. Mirrim hugged her knees to her chin then turned her head towards T'gellan who was comfortably sprawled against the rocky wall.

"I don't know if she'll re-impress. It's really Lessa's idea. So we have no choice but to go through with it. I think it will kill her."

T'gellan scooted over until they were touching. He draped his arm around her. He tried to think of what to say, not realizing his silence was the best response. Tolly shot out of the depth of the other side of the pool and landed neatly on the rim. He flapped his wings to dry then nosed under the curtain. "Is that wet fire lizard going to lie on my furs?"

"Probably not, Mirrim replied with a small giggle. "He's off for other diversions. Those two greens gang up on him, especially Reppa." She shrugged herself closer to him, "This is nice, this bath. It's bigger than the bathing rooms in the lower caverns."

"Really? I've never been in them." T'gellan paused then chuckled. "I really hadn't spent much time in the lower caverns at least not since I impressed Monarth."

"Huh," Mirrim replied. "I'd have thought. You did know the back hall to the bowl. I was surprised you took it."

"That's the same hall that continues to the Council Rooms".

"Oh" was all Mirrim said.

The other two fire lizards flitted out of the water, flapping themselves dry and nosing under the curtain. "I suppose I won't have much more time here to learn all the lower caverns either." She continued.

"What are you talking about?" He pulled forward to look straight at her face.

"After Brekke." She replied in matter-of fact voice. "I suppose I'll be returned to High Reaches since Healer Goren was my Craftmaster and that is my assigned Weyr. Either that or petition the Healer Hall. I can't return to my birthplace or Southern."

"I think you should stay in Benden with me".

Mirrim snorted, "Be serious, T'gellan. You're a bronze rider."

"Yes, Yes I am," he avowed. "I have my choice of women and I have thought on none but you since I woke to you tending my shoulder".

Mirrim looked at the scar that ran from under his clavicle to his armpit. She stretched her hand out and caressed it lightly. "It healed well. Do you remember me crawling between you and Monarth?" She looked into his eyes. He shook his head with renewed wonder. "Brekke said that Keth's foreclaw was deep in your shoulder and that I was the only one small enough with the skill to slide the claw out and to hold a compress to your wound without damaging either of you more."

"Once I started crawling up Monarth, I kept thinking, 'great bronze dragon, forgive me for walking on you' and then he spoke to me! He was the first a dragon besides Wirenth to speak to me. Do you know what he said?" She smiled at him as T'gellan shook his head. "He said 'little dark one, save them. Pull Keth's claw from inside my rider's jacket.' So I crawled under you and undid your jacket and cut your tunic to get to the wound. Monarth talked to me the whole time and he heard my every thought. There was so much ichor and I had to practically hug you to hold your wound from gaping."

"I didn't know that." T'gellan replied, "Sneaky dragon."

"When you spoke to me that first time, you sounded like Monarth. I wasn't supposed to fraternize with the patients but I truly liked your dragon, and you. Oh, Brekke was shocked at my behavior when she saw us together." Mirrim paused. "I've never told anyone about Monarth speaking to me until now."

T'gellan laughed and she joined him. He stepped away from the bench pulling her with him into the deep of the pool. Holding her head and shoulders above the water he kissed her gently. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself to him as he slowly swayed in the water. His hands slid down her back to grasp her rounded buttocks. He moved her legs to wrap around his waist and they stayed in that embrace until her grip calmed.

"You held me like this?"

"Tighter." She gave his body a squeeze "and you didn't hug back".

"I'm hugging back now," he replied giving her a squeeze as well, then spinning her. Her confessions he would keep precious and secret. Monarth spoke to her and Wirenth had too, he realized. I wonder if any other dragons do. Monarth calls her 'dark one'. She's all freckles on pale skin. Brekke's dark one, he corrected himself. With sudden clarity he understood. Without Brekke, who was Mirrim? Could she fit in at Benden? He saw her posturing in a new light. She was trying to fit and found herself lacking. She fit perfectly with him, he decided. "Come what may, I want you to stay at Benden; I'll make sure of it. Agreed?"

"Can I continue healercraft?"

"There's no question you will. And, I'll see about a weyr closer to the bowl."

"And lose this pool? NEVER!"

Laughing, he spun with her one more time before walking up the steps of the pool. Mirrim set her feet down when the water was to his waist. They waded, hand in hand, out of the pool. She reached for the towel which he took from her and wrapped the both of them.

They walked back into the sleeping quarters. T'gellan pulled the comb from her hair which cascaded to the middle of her back. He pulled a few strands through his fingers marveling at how the glows caught the streaks of honey through the chestnut tresses. Abruptly he swept her off her feet and laid her on top of the furs. He raised himself over her on his hands and knees.

"T'gellan?"

"Shhhh" he answered as he kissed her lips quiet. "It's my turn to tend to you. Be easy."

It was important to T'gellan that she felt not just pleasure but exquisitely so. He nuzzled her neck and lightly bit at her shoulder as one hand cupped her breast. Some need within him was answered by this lippy, acerbic young woman. And, his dragon called her by name. He felt Monarth's presence as a joy. He seemed to intimate "Finally!"

"I feel him too," Mirrim gasp.

He tasted deeply of her, working to bring her body to delight when he felt the pull in his loins. He had been certain that the long soak in hot water would prevent him. It had been his plan. When she cried out, arching her back he lurched forward. Their hips fumbled until he found her warm embrace. They wrestled together, Mirrim with abandon and T'gellan with ferocity. His tension burst suddenly. Almost violently he pushed her into the furs and gave a few more thrusts before collapsing on top of her. Her hips continued to move in erratic spasms. Eventually their breaths return to normal. T'gellan pushed back on his elbows and looked upon his lover, soft in her exhaustion. Her eyes were closed but she looked the most relaxed he had ever seen her.

"I didn't mean for us to go this far, at least not tonight." He started to say.

She opened her eyes, they looked depthless, "I'm glad we did."

"Am I too heavy?"

She clasped her hands around the small of his back "No, stay."

"I'll stay forever."

"Forever."

"Do you doubt us anymore, that we want you to stay?" T'gellan asked when she smiled at the dragon's response.

Her smile broadened.

He rolled off the bed and stood. "Let's get beneath the furs and get some sleep." Mirrim stood too. He yanked the damp towel to the floor and pulled the fur back. She shook her head and proceeded to hang it up. While she returned to the bathing room for the glow basket and her clothes, T'gellan slipped beneath the covers. She returned holding her clothes over one arm and the glow basket in the other. She put her clothes on the press then walked to the sconce to shield the glow. She set the basket on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed to plait her hair. Then she crawled in with him. Once she was comfortably curled into his chest she shielded the glow basket. T'gellan was already asleep.

She thought towards her fire lizards. Their presence was felt and she had the sensation that all three of her fire lizards were tucked against Monarth, fast asleep. "Monarth?" she tried thinking to the great bronze dragon on the other side of the curtain. "Monarth, will you wake us predawn?"

"We will wake before light. Sleep now, little one."