AN: So this is a little drabble that has been rattling around in my head for a while. I decided to write this in an attempt to get my writing mojo flowing again. It's not Betaed, so I apologize for any grammar issues. I hope you like it. If not that's ok too
It was a typical Friday night, and Jane Rizzoli was sitting alone in a corner booth at the Dirty Robber. Maura had cut out of work a little early to get ready for her date tonight. Jane looked down at her phone to check the time. 11:37 flashed a across the screen. She let out a slight sigh and wondered if Maura would call her after her date. Jane motioned to Murray to bring her another beer. Murray was quick to bring Jane her beverage. They engaged in small talk. He politely inquired to the whereabouts of Dr. Isles and Jane simply stated that she had a date tonight. He responded with a confused "oh" and then left to attend to a new patron.
Irked by Murray's 'oh' Jane chugged half of her beer. She placed the bottle down the table with a little more force that was necessary. She ran her fingers through her hair while inhaling deeply through her nose. The amount of alcohol she has consumed wasn't enough to out pace her thoughts. In fact, it was just the right amount to make her introspective. If she was about to fall down the 'emotional processing' rabbit hole then she needed more liquor to guide her on her journey. With three large gulps she tapped her third beer. By the time the bottle left her lips, she was waving at Murray to bring her more to drink.
"Another beer." She shook the empty beer bottle to emphasize her request. "A shot of Jameson. Make it a double." Jane barked.
With in moments of her drink order, Murray appeared at her table with a beer, a bottle of Jameson, and two shot classes. He filled both shot glasses with the amber liquid. Next, he slid one shot towards Jane and raised his glass into the air.
"A beautiful and equally as dangerous lady such as yourself should never drink alone. It's a sin against man. Salute."
They clinked their glasses together and pounded down their respective shots.
Jane smiled. "Thanks Murray. You're a classy guy, despite being the owner of a dive cop bar. "
Murray chuckled. "Thanks detective. Holler when you need a refill." He said as he took leave from Jane's table.
The shot burned as it made its way down to Jane's stomach. Jane grabbed her beer and took a quick swig to put out the fire in her chest. She sat in silence while the alcohol started to swirl in her mind. She could feel her body slowly relax, but her thoughts were on the verge of busting in on her silent revelry. She took another sip of beer as she gathers her thoughts.
In the not so distant past, Jane came to the realization the she was deeply in love with a certain Medical Examiner. This discovery was only slightly shocking to Jane. She has always admired, respected, and loved her best friend. Sure there is a flirty aspect to their friendship that Jane relishes in, but she never thought it amounted to anything more than platonic exchanges. Until one random day, Jane looked upon her friend and realized that the love she feels for Maura is more than platonic. Jane remembers the exact moment. They were walking to a corner café to get lunch. The sunlight bounced off Maura's hair making it radiate with warm light. Her perfume gently drifted in the air and the click-clack of her heels seemed to strum in time with Jane's heartbeat. They shared a comfortable silence between them as they walked. Maura was staring off into the distance with a slight smile on her face. It was in that moment when she cast her gaze upon Maura, the true nature of her love became known. After the initial shock wore off, Jane felt as if on some level she has always known.
Jane took another sip of her beer. She placed the bottle down and started to pick at the edge of the label.
Jane wrestled with these feelings because she knows that Maura loves her more that life itself, but she was unsure if there was a possibility of a romantic relationship. Jane is aware of the fact that Maura can recite every peer-review article on sexual fluidity and quote Kinsey till she's blue in the face, but Jane is unsure of where the ME falls on the scale. Sure there was the flirting, lingering gazes, touches that last a hair to long, and cuddles. However, Jane felt that these things fall in the realm of intimate platonic friendship.
Jane ordered another shot of Jameson. The second shot didn't burn as bad as the first.
Many of night Jane has been involved in an exchanges with Maura that pushed the boundaries of platonic friendship. An internal battle would rage inside of Jane as she deliberate on making a move or not. As time wore on Jane figured that it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility if they slept together. Maura seems, at least from a scientific point of view, that she would be open to the idea. Jane feared that for Maura it would be a one off, an experiment in self-discovery. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but Jane knew that she would want more. She couldn't bear the heartbreak of needing more from Maura that she was incapable of giving. Plus, she didn't want to risk destroying their friendship. Sex and the emotions that come with sex have a tendency to complicate things. So Jane made the decision to never act on her love.
Jane drained the rest of her beer. The alcohol flooded her mind. She was staring to feel the euphoria of her buzz. She decided to order another beer, but to drink it slowly because she didn't need to be poured into a cab later in the night.
Her heart swelled with love at the thoughts of her friend. Jane let out a little chuckle as she thought of her and Maura. Jane cherishes her relationship with Maura and is more than willing to be content with just being friends, but she couldn't help imagine what her life would be like if she and Maura were to get married and had a family. Jane never desired these things until Maura was apart of her life. Sometimes Jane fantasizes about what their wedding would be like, or what their kids would be like. It's a fantasy that she tucks into the depths of her heart. However, a threat to her fantasy has arisen.
Jane shifted in her seat. She placed her elbow on the table a rest the side of her head in the palm of her hand. A sad huff escapes from her lips.
This so call threat is named Jason Baker. Jason is a professor of literature at BCU. He is well spoken, educated, passionate, handsome, and couldn't be anymore Maura's type if he tried. Maura met him at a BCU alum gala just over a month ago. Jane was drugged to the gala as Maura's plus one. Jane made her way over to the bar when she had enough small talk to last a lifetime. As Jane sat at the bar, she scanned the room to locate Maura. It was then when she saw this man approach Maura and engaged her in conversation. Jane's initial reaction was to leap off the bar stool and checkout the situation. She was ready to jump in and c-block any d-bags from bothering her friend, but Maura body language was screaming that she was interested in this man. Jane watched them with scrutinizing eyes. She was taken aback at how respectful of Maura's space he was. He wasn't over selling himself or trying to dominate their shared space. They engaged in conversation for a bit. He truly looked like he was interested in what Maura had to say, and not feigning interest in order to get laid. Maura looked in Jane's direction and motioned for her to come to them. Jane went over to the couple. Maura introduced Jason and when he shook Jane's hand it was firm, but not domineering and his eye contact was genuine. An older gentleman approached Jason and requested his assistance. Jason politely excused himself and went on his merry way. Jane could tell that Maura was instantly smitten with him. Later that evening Maura ran into Jason again, and they exchanged numbers and a promise for a future date.
Jane picks up the beer bottle and swirls the liquid around in side before she takes a drink.
Jane met Jason a second time a few weeks later. She swung by Maura's house early one morning to drop off some files that Maura needed for a medical symposium she was attending the following weekend. Jane walked in bellowing Maura's name and was startled when she saw a man in her kitchen. Jason quickly reintroduced himself to the detective. He said that Maura was upstairs getting dressed and should be down shortly. Jane placed the files on the island in the kitchen and turned to leave when Jason offered her coffee. Jane didn't want to be rude and Jason hasn't given her any cause to be. She sat down and he poured her a cup of coffee. They engaged in polite small talk. As they talked Jane could see all the reasons why Maura was so taken by him. Jason was genuinely a good guy. Their conversation drifted to sports and she found out that Jason was avid Red Sox fan. Their small talk quickly evolved into a passionate discussion of their mutual love for the Sox. Jane hated to admit it but she was becoming a little bit enamored with this guy. He was very charming, to say the least. Maura eventually made her way down stairs and her heart soared as she looked upon the scene in her kitchen. Jason got up and went to Maura a placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and then he had to leave because he had office hours in an hour in a half. He shook Jane's hand and said that they needed to get together sometime soon and take in a sox's game. There was something about his demeanor that made Jane feel like he was serious about the invite and not just being polite.
Maura walked Jason to the door and they said their goodbyes. Maura came bounding around the corner as if she was walking on air. She asked Jane what she thought of Jason. Jane replied with a "he's alright I guess."
Maura's face lit up. "Good! I'm glad you like him because I think he is the one."
Jane just sat there motionless. Her heart shattered at Maura's words. Maura took Jane's silent response as concerned that her relationship with Jason was moving too fast.
"I know it sounds crazy, but I have never felt this way about anyone. He is just so amazing and he makes me feel like falling 'in love' is a real thing and not a series of synapses firing in the brain to produce and release hormones in the body." Maura beamed.
Maura continued her diatribe about the roles of certain neurotransmitters in forming attachment, but Jane had tuned her out. Jane knew Maura wasn't sharing her feelings about Jason to hurt her. Yet, when Maura's feelings for Jason mirrored her own feelings, it was hurtful nonetheless.
So here she is. Alone getting shitfaced in a dive cop bar. Jane downed the rest of her final beer. She was treading dangerously close to the weepy stage of drinking.
Jane ran her hands through her hair and sat up straight up in the booth. She placed all the empty bottles in a line.
She needs to figure out a way to deal with this clusterfuck of a situation. Jane wanted nothing more in life than Maura's happiness. So If her happiness meant sharing a life with Jason, then Jane wanted to support that with every ounce of her being. She started to imagine that instead of her standing across Maura getting married, Jason was there instead. Of course Jane would be the maid of honor. She would gladly do it because it would make Maura happy. No matter how supportive her words will be, or the happiness she exudes, a part of her would be dying.
Jane shifted uncomfortable in her seat.
To add insult to injury, Jane honestly liked Jason. He's a great guy. It would be so much easier if she could hate him. She wished he were a jackass, so her hate would be justified. She wouldn't have any trepidation in telling Maura that she deserved better and she needed to drop his ass. Then there would be one more jerk out of her life and Jane could reclaim her position in Maura's life as the person who loves and cares for her the most. Of course there is always a chance that Maura and Jason could break up, but Jane had a feeling that wouldn't be the case this time. The fantasy of her and Maura getting married and having kids is now being replaced with Jason.
Sadness crept inside of Jane.
Jane scoffed at her feelings.
She blames the alcohol for being so dramatic. It wasn't like Maura was no longer going to apart of her life. Maura was still every bit her best friend and loved Jane deeply. So instead of standing across Maura at a wedding, she will be by her side. Instead of raising a family, she will get to be the 'awesome aunt'. Not a bad conciliation prize. Jane came to the only conclusion she could think off. Her only option is to channel all of her feelings into being the best friend Maura deserves, and hope that this constant heartache will subside with time.
Jane's phone rings with a familiar ringtone.
"Heeyyy Maura!" Jane said with a slight slur.
"Nothing much. Just having a few drinks at the robber. How was your date?"
"Good. Sounds like you had a great time."
"Yeah sure. I would love to come over. Just let me settle up my tab and call a cab."
Jane chuckles a bit. "I'm a poet and didn't know it."
"I've had a few. I'm not 'DRUNK' drunk."
"No worries. I'm not too drunk to come over and hear all about you date. I'll be there in 30."
"Ok see ya soon."
Jane disconnected the call. After a beat or two, she stood up and headed toward the bar.
"Hey Murray I need to settle up my tab." Jane thought for a second. "Another double for the road."
She had a feeling that she would have to be 'DRUNK' drunk to deal with hearing about Maura's evening.
Jane settled her tab, downed her shot, wished Murray a good rest of his night, and stumbled towards the door.
AN: let me know what you think. Reviews are awesome. Thanks for reading.