AN: I would like to thank every one who favorite/followed this story, and a special thanks to all that let me know about how they would feel about a happy verses a sad ending. I took your comments to heart. I thought long and hard about how I wanted to end this story, and I was going to go with a not so happy ending, but then an idea popped into my mind and wouldn't leave. I'm not sure what ending I'm going to go with just yet. I've written one ending and started on the other too see what I like better. I had to split it into 2 Ch. Because I reached close to 6000 words and thought it would be easier to read as two. This gives me some more time to work out the kinks on the second Ch. And be able to post something. I'm not intentionally trying to drag this out. I honestly can't decide on an ending. If you don't want to follow me down the rabbit hole, please feel free to jump ship, and I thank you for reading my story. If you are on board, many hugs for you, just a warning this chapter serves as a bridge to the last chapter, so nothing much gets resolved. Whatever ending I choose I will state at the beginning if Jane and Maura end up together or not. This story is not Betaed, and I do not own anything.
Maura was just about to snuggle up on the couch with a glass of wine when she heard the distinct sound of keys missing their intended target. The doorknob rattled and the sound of swearing filled the air. The keys finally connected with the keyhole, and the door swung open to reveal an utterly intoxicated Jane.
"I'm glad you finally took my advice and locked you doors." Jane blurted out.
Maura stood up from the couch.
"You were extremely adamant about me keeping my doors locked. Therefore, I thought it wise to comply with your wishes." Maura responded.
Jane stumbled towards the kitchen muttering incoherent nonsense underneath her breath. She tossed her keys on the island with such force that they skipped across the top of the counter and landed on the floor.
"Oops!" Jane let out in a drunken snicker.
"I thought you said you weren't 'drunk' drunk." Maura said while using air quotes.
"Welp…" Jane opened up the refrigerator and pressed her body against the door. "I wasn't drrruunnk when you called, buuuttt the double shot I took for the road has made me its bitch."
Jane turned her attention back to the fridge where the bright light caused Jane to squint and contort her face. She shuffled the contents of the fridge around till she found a beer.
"I see. Do you think it's wise to consume more alcohol?" Maura said pointedly.
Jane shot Maura a defiant glare then proceeded to pop the cap off of the beer and took a long pull from the bottle.
"So tell my about your date with Mr. wonderful." Jane's tone dripped with sarcasm.
Stunned by Jane's brutish behavior, Maura stammered when she spoke.
"I… uh… we had a nice time. Are you ok Jane? You don't seem like yourself?" Maura was concerned about her friend's inebriated state.
Jane chuckled at Maura's comment, and brought her hand to her face as if she was just about to tell a secret.
"I'm a little shit-faced." Jane started to lose her balance. "Ok. Maybe I'm a lot shit-faced."
Maura walked towards her friend, slid her arm around Jane's waist to help her balance.
"Lets get you to the couch." The smell of alcohol wafted off of Jane and permeated Maura's nostrils.
Maura was able to walk Jane to the couch. Once there, Jane flopped down and swung her legs over the armrest.
"I want to hear all the amazing details of your dream date." Jane's attempt to sound genuinely interested failed miserably because jealousy was at the forefront of her mind.
Maura looked down upon the detective with concerned eyes. "I'm going to get you a glass of water."
Maura headed into the kitchen where she stumbled across Bass. "Oh! Hey handsome, are you hungry?"
Jane sputtered out "Is Jason here? I can go over to my Ma's if you guys need some alone time to get frisky." Then, she raised her hands in the air and proceeded to smash her fingers together in obscene gestures.
Maura tried to repress a chuckle. "No. No. Jason isn't here. I was talking to Bass, I need to feed him."
Jane mumbled a response that Maura didn't hear.
Maura set out food for Bass, and grabbed Jane a glass of water. As she approached the couch, she could hear the faint sound of heavy breathing. Maura gently untied the Detective's laces on her boots, and slipped them off her feet. Jane stirred a bit, but did not wake. Furthermore, she removed the beer bottle from Jane's grip, and placed a throw blanket over the detective. Maura grabbed a book to read, and sat down on the floor next to Jane's head. She wanted to make sure Jane was asleep and not passed out, so she waited to hear Jane's breathe even out to signal that she was asleep. Maura stood up, stretched, and looked down at Jane. She wondered what was troubling her friend, for her friend can be a bit complex and hard to understand at times. She bent down and placed a small kiss on top of Jane's head and whispered good night.
A month pasted since Jane drunken night at the robber. Maura was spending the lion's share of her time with Jason, which left Jane a little spurned. To calm the bitterness that was brewing inside of her, Jane would rationalizes that Maura was trapped in a sex haze. Maura's relationship with Jason was still in the honeymoon phase; therefore, she really couldn't begrudge Maura for wanting to spend her free time with Jason. Jane tried as hard as she could to be supportive, but her heart would wane and her feeling would get the better of her. As a result, Jane could feel herself withdrawing from the friendship.
There were times when Jane would be able to keep her feelings for Maura in-check and feel as if she could fully accept Maura's relationship with Jason. Maura's happiness would be so completely infectious that Jane's heart would fill with joy for her friend. Unfortunately those feelings would soon vanish when Maura would utter the words "I love him." It was an unintentional dagger to Jane's heart, but it would still hurt. After hearing those words, Jane felt as if all she was left with is a fake smile and faux enthusiasm.
Three months into Maura and Jason's relationship, he suggested that they should go away for a romantic weekend to the cape. Maura beamed with excitement when she told Jane over lunch. Jane mustered up as much enthusiasm as she could, and wished them a good trip. Maura tried to make plans for the two of them to get together after her weekend, but Jane gave a non committal excuse that depended on if she would be busy with work or not. As Jane was about to head back to work, Maura asked what she really thought about Jason. Jane took a cleansing breath, turned to face her friend and said, "I think you guys are a lovely couple. He is one of the good ones." Maura's smile was so incandescent that Jane would stop at nothing to make her smile like that forever.
Late Saturday Jane was snuggled up in bed ready to call it a night when a familiar Ringtone blared from her phone.
"Hey Maur! How's your romantic getaway going?"
Giggles and hushed whispers were on the other side of the line.
"Hello? Maura?" Jane hollered into her phone.
"Jane! Are you there?" Maura whispered into the phone.
Jane could tell Maura had been drinking. "Yeah sweetheart. I'm here. What's up? Why are you whispering?"
More giggles came through the phone line. "I only have a few seconds before Jason get back with the room service."
"Uh-huh?" Jane replied.
"Oh Jane, the most amazing thing just happened. Jason proposed marriage and I accepted." Maura squealed into the phone.
Jane was speechless. She felt as if the world its self had stopped.
"Oh! Jason is back with the room service, I've got to go and finish celebrating." Maura let out a devilish laugh. "Bye Jane."
"Bye Maura. Uh congratulations." Jane sputtered into the phone.
"Thanks Jane. We will catch up when I get back." The line went dead.
Jane sat in bed with the phone pressed against her ear long after Maura disconnected the call. So many confusing thoughts ran through Jane's mind. Although, she was ecstatic that her friend was getting married, she couldn't help the feeling of her heart fracturing into pieces because the woman she loves is marring another. Slowly, she slid under the covers, and curled into the fetal position. With every beat, Jane's heart would break a little more. In addition to the growing heartache, a few small tears started to slowly stream down her face. Jo Friday hoped on the bed and started to lick Jane's face. She grabbed the little pup and pulled her into an embrace.
"At least you still love me." Jane ruffles the fur atop of Jo Fridays head.
Jane closed her eyes and slipped into uncomfortable sleep.
The next few weeks that passed, Jane stayed in an emotional funk. Luckily for her work was really busy which helped keep her mind focused off of Maura's impending nuptials. There was a triple murder down by the docks that keep Boston Homicide very busy. As a result, Jane had a legitimate excuse for not spending time with Maura. On Maura's end, the majority of her free time was spent on planning her wedding. Maura was well aware of Jane's absence for her life, but contributed it to the heavy workload of resent weeks. Although, she and Jane were occupied by work duties, Maura couldn't shake the feeling that Jane was avoiding her. This certainly wasn't the first time they both experienced a heavy workload, but in the past they always manage to steal a few moments here and there to get together. Whether it was small lunch breaks in the morgue, or late nights eating take out and discussing the case, or even an early morning run, they always managed to find the time to see each other. Now, whenever Maura suggests getting together, Jane seems to be evasive. She always seems to have an excuse to why she can't hangout and makes non-specific alternative plans to get together at a later date. Maura could feel a shift in their friendship, but was unable to pinpoint what was causing said shift.
Jane caught a break in the case and was able arrest the prime suspect due to some forensic evidence that Maura uncovered. Relived that she was able to put another bad guy away, Jane went down to the Morgue to congratulate Maura on her contribution that helped put this case to bed. When she approached the Morgue doors, through the window she saw Jason giving Maura flowers and then pulling her into a passionate kiss. Maura broke from the kiss and placed her hand to the side of Jason's face and looked lovingly into his eyes. The look that they shared was of two people who were madly in-love. There was no doubt in Jane's mind that Jason was real deal and Maura loved him very much.
No wanting to intrude on their private moment, Jane carefully backed away from the Morgue doors and quietly slinked away. Riding in the elevator back to the BRIC, Jane felt like she was kicked in the stomach. Seeing them together sharing that intimate moment solidified the fact that Jane would never be able to be with Maura. These thoughts made Jane lose her breath and start to feel dizzy. She placed one hand against the elevator door to steady herself, and the other hand over her heart in an attempt to keep it from breaking into a million pieces. The elevator dinged as the desired floor was reached; the sound snapped Jane out of her anguish state of being. She inhaled deeply and put on her game face. Jane walked into Cavanaugh's offices and requested if she could take some time off. She wanted to take the weekend through Monday off. Cavanaugh didn't have a problem granting her the time off, because he knew that the Detective worked day and night on this last case and was more than entitled to a small break. Jane thanked him and left his office. Just as she stepped out of the door, she heard a male voice shout out her name. She looked up and saw Jason approaching; he swept Jane up into a large hug. As a general rule Jane was not a huger, but she had to admit it, Jason did give great hugs.
"Congratulation on putting the bad guys away." Jason said as he released Jane from their embrace.
"Thanks." Jane mustered up a smile. "We couldn't have done it without Maura." She motion towards her.
Jason turned to look at Maura. "She is quite amazing isn't she?" He said with a goofy grin. Maura blushed as she looked down at her shoes trying to hide the grin on her face.
"Yes she is." Jane said through her fake smile.
"Well… I was wondering that now that the case is closed, and of course if your free, if you would like to join us for dinner and wine tasting this weekend? Jason's eyes were filled with so much hope and sincerity when he asked, it almost broke Jane's heart to say no. Almost.
"Uh…" Jane scratched her head. "I would love to join you guys this weekend, but Cavanaugh just asked me to start working on my backlog of paperwork. Also, he wanted me to look over a few cold cases to see if I could find anything to clear them. Apparently, Cavanaugh is getting pressure from the mayor's office about homicide's low clearance rate." Jane shrugged. "I'm going to be pretty busy tonight and the rest of the weekend. Sorry."
Disappointment spread across both Jason and Maura's faces.
"Oh. Ok then. Maybe next time." Jason said.
"Yeah for sure. Next time." Jane offered a smile. "Um… if you will excuse me, I'm going to grab all my paperwork and head on home." Jane pushed passed the couple.
"Have a good night." Maura shouted. "Good luck with your workload." Jason offered in support.
Jane grabbed a stack of papers and muttered a "Thanks" over her shoulder and left the BRIC.
She felt like an asshole for lying to them, but there was no way in hell that she was going to spend time with the lovely couple. Jane's plans for the weekend involved her going to her family's cabin at the cape, and spend the entire weekend in a drunken stupor while she sorts out her feelings. Jane stopped off at the liquor store and bought two bottles of Jameson whiskey and a few 6 packs of Blue Moon beer. Her next stop was to the Grocery store to pick up some grub and toiletries for the weekend. She called Tommy and asked if he could come over tonight and stay the weekend watching Jo. He was more than happy to oblige her request. It was about 7:00 pm when she got back to her apartment, she quickly packed a few clothes, petted Jo on the head and left.
Jane made good time getting up to the cabin. When she opened the door, childhood memories swarmed her mind. She recalled the many family gatherings over the summers of her past. Her brothers and boy cousins would build forts out of blankets and pillows. The boys would chant, "No girls allowed!" Jane would gather her female cousins and led an attack on the boy's fort. The living room would be destroyed in less than five minutes. Finally, the boys would submit and allow the girls to hang out in the fort, only if they helped rebuild it. Jane smiled at the memory, then proceeded to put the food up and changed into some comfortable clothing.
She grabbed a beer from the fridge, and set out to make dinner. Jane decided to make spaghetti and garlic bread. She wanted something substantial in her stomach if she was going to drown her sorrows with alcohol. As she waited for the water to boil, Jane picked up her phone from the counter. She scrolled through her contacts until she happened upon Maura's name. She pressed 'delete contact' and turned off her phone. Her reasoning behind this act was that she didn't want to drunk dial Maura. Not only would it be embarrassing to the detective, but also it would be unfair to drunkenly unload her feeling to the unsuspecting ME.
Jane ate and cleaned up her mess in the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of Jameson and poured a shot. The shot burned going down, but it was a welcomed sensation because Jane was able to feel something other than her broken heart. After a second shot, she went out to the back porch to gather up some firewood. There was a slight chill in the air that signaled the impending change of season. Jane inhaled the crisp air, cooling her burning chest caused by the whiskey. The moon shined brightly in the clear night sky, illuminating the surrounding. Jane looked around and thought how beautiful everything looked under the moonlight. She allowed herself this moment of serenity before she when back inside.
It took no time at all for Jane to build a fire. For this reason, she was quit proud of her fire staring skills. Jane grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took a long pull. The more she drank the smoother it went down. She thumbed her way through her uncle Marco's record collection trying to find some thing to listen to when she landed on a Patsy Cline record.
"She knows a little something about heartbreak." She said to no one in particular.
Jane placed the record on the played and tossed a pillow and blanket onto the floor. She curled up with the bottle of whiskey and listen as the music infiltrated her mind.
A third of the whiskey gone, two Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash records later, Jane thought that she should find some different music to listen to because if she continued listening to heartbreak music she might open a vein. Jane stood up and the room seemed to shift, she realized that she was successfully on her way into a drunken stupor. Jane stumbled to library of music records, and thumbed through the selection trying to find some lighter fair. In no time at all, she happened upon Depeche Mode.
"Yes!" Jane shouted while fist pumping the air. She swapped records and when the unmistakable 80's synthpop hit her ears, she couldn't help but start to dance a bit.
Jane shimmied across the living room floor into the kitchen to grab another beer.
She started to sing into the beer bottle as if it was a microphone.
"WHEN I'M WITH YOU BABY, I GO OUT OF MY HEAD. I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH. I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH. ALL THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME, AND EVERYTHING YOU SAID. I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH." Jane sung as loud and off key as possible.
Obviously she was in the euphoric, no fucks given stage of her bender. Jane like this stage very much because anger and indifference were easier emotions to deal with, for she was comfortable with these emotions because they felt functional. Where as, the soul crushing, curl up in ball and cry for days at a time emotions made her feel stagnant and weak. She took another sip of her beer and hoped that she could remain in the state for a little while longer. It was a fruitless wish because she new at some point she would come face to face with those emotions.
Jane continued to dance and sing around the living room then she heard a knock at the door. At first, she thought that she hallucinated the sound, but then more knocks came.
Jane turned off the record player and cautiously approached the front door, picking up the Louisville slugger bat that acts as a home security device and peaked through the curtains. To her surprise, she saw a visibly pissed off Maura standing on the front porch.
AN2: Anybody left? Please let me know what you think?