AN: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIES FOR THE EXTREAM DELAY IN POSTING. IN SHORT, LIFE GOT IN THE WAY AND I'VE HAVENT HAD THE TIME TO WRITE. I'M SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU GUYS HANGING FOR SO LONG.
ALSO, I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE MY SINCEREST THANKS TO EVERYBODY THAT HAS REVIEWED, FOLLOWED, GAVE INPUT, AND FAVORITED THIS STORY. IT IS BY FAR MY MOST POPULAR STORY THAT I HAVE WRITTEN. THE FEEDBACK THAT I HAVE RECEIVED HAS BEEN AMAZING BECAUSE THIS STORY COMES FROM A VERY PERSON SPACE AND TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE TAKE AN INTREST WAS AMAZING AND VERY HELPFUL TO ME ON A PERSONAL LEVEL.
AS FOR THE STORY ITS SELF, I HAD MANY VERSIONS WORKED OUT IN MY HEAD, BUT I FINALLY SETTELED ON THIS ONE. AS FAR AS HAPPY/NOT HAPPY ENDING I TRIED TO WRITE WHAT I THOUGHT MIGHT BE THE MOST REALISTIC FOR THE ORIGNINAL INTENT I SET OUT TO WRITE. I TRIED TO SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, SO TO SPEAK. IF YOU ARE STILL INTRESTED IN HOW THINGS TURN OUT, PLEASE CONTINUE READING. IF NOT BECAUSE I HAVEN'T CLEARLY STATED HOW IT'S GOING TO END, THEN I THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY AND I WISH YOU MANY FLUFFY RIZZLE FICS IN THE FUTURE.
ON LAST THING… THIS STORY IS UN-BETA SO I'M SORRY FOR ALL GRAMMER MISTAKES. I TRIED MY BEST.
Confused and a little annoyed, Jane swung the door open.
"What the fuck you doing here?" She barked into the night air.
"I could ask you the same, Jane!" Maura said as she pushed past the detective.
"I… Uh… This is my family's cabin… What are you doing here Maura?" Jane said while she shut the front door with a little more force than was intended.
Maura straightened her shoulders and gave a stern look towards Jane.
"I have been feeling bad about spending all my time with Jason and neglecting our friendship, so I canceled my plans with him tonight in order to spend sometime with you."
"Well you don't have to do me any favors and besides I told you I'm busy all weekend." Jane scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"I can see that you're busy getting intoxicated while doing your paper work. Oh wait… your not doing any paperwork are you?" Maura spat.
"Holy shit! Was that sarcasm?" Jane held her hand to her heart in mock surprise.
"JANE!"
"MAURA!" Jane yelled back in a mocking tone as she crossed to the kitchen to fetch another beer.
Maura shifted her weight from one foot to the other, and glared at Jane.
"What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?" Jane inquired as she chugged down the beer.
"Like I said, I wanted to spend sometime with you, and thought that I would come over, cook your dinner and assist you with looking through your cold case files, but when I got to your house, Tommy was sitting on your couch drinking beer and watching TV. I asked him where you went and he told me that you took off to the family cabin for the weekend. I thought maybe you wanted a quiet place to work, but then I saw your so-called files on your table. Would you like to explain why you lied to me?" Maura crossed her arms. "I tried to call you but it kept going to voicemail. Why are you avoiding me?"
"Geez Maura, I'm not avoiding you! I just wanted a weekend alone. It's not a big fucking deal." Jane's temper started to flare.
Unsatisfied with Jane's response, Maura pushed further. "If is not a big deal, then why did you choose to lie to Jason and myself? You could have simply stated your desire to be alone and we would have respected that. Come to think about it, this isn't the first time in these recent months that you have used work as an excuse to not spend time together. Were they all lies as well?" Maura's voice faulted a bit.
Jane's shifted her eyes from Maura.
"They were lies! Weren't they?" Maura was hurt by Jane's non-verbal omission.
"Why Jane? What have I done to make you to not want to spend time with me?" Maura asked with a hint of desperation.
Extremely intoxicated and becoming exceedingly frustrated, Jane ran her hands through her hair exhaled forcibly out her nose.
"It's nothing! It's just…." Jane was rapidly losing control of her ability to filter, and was teetering on the edged of having an emotional outburst. "Just drop it will ya?"
Determined to hold her ground. "No I will not just drop it, because you need to tell me what is going on with us. Is it Jason? Are you jealous of the time I spend with him, or is it the fact that I'm in a relationship and you are not?" Maura said pointedly.
Maura's statement struck a nerve within Jane. The last bit of her reserve was knocked down, for the whiskey was going to do the talking from now on.
"WHAT?! NO! Fuck Jason! For a genius you are pretty fucking stupid at times. Here's a tip… When a person avoids another person, it means they do not want to see the other person." Jane spoke slowly and succinctly to punctuate her point.
Maura stood still. Her face didn't register any emotion because she was in a state of shock. Jane has never spoken to her in such a manner.
Jane misinterpreted Maura's failure to respond as not understanding what she was telling her.
"I. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. NEAR. YOU! Jane shouted.
Maura felt the sting of Jane's harsh words and a small tear started to roll down the side of her cheek. It was possibly the most hurtful words that Jane had ever said to her. The venom in her tone sliced right through Maura causing her to lose her breath. Confused and hurt, Maura gathered herself together and turned to leave.
Jane felt like a colossal asshole. It was a combination of whiskey and misplaced anger that caused her to lash out at her friend. Now she was responsible for making the most generous and kind soul on this earth cry. Jane just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever.
"Wait." Jane's voice was low and gruff. "Maura… I'm sorry." A simple apology was all Jane could muster.
Maura stopped just shy of the door. Against her better judgment, she turned around to face Jane.
Jane looked upon Maura's tearstained face, her expression was begging for Jane to explain why she was infuriated with her.
Jane's mind was racing a mile a minute, for she knew that the moment she starts talking everything will come rushing out in verbal diarrhea. This is not how she wanted Maura to find out about her feelings for her. Actually, she planned on taking her feelings to the grave, but it has become just too much for the detective. She desperately wanted to be accepting of the fact that Maura loved Jason, but it was destroying her and causing her to lash out at the person she loved the most in the world.
Even though, Jane thought this would be a bad idea, she felt the need to explain herself. Her eyes shifted away from Maura; she started to nervously rub her scar on her right hand. "Fuck! I'm too drunk for this shit!" she thought to herself.
"Maura." Jane started slowly. "I'm so sorry for that outburst. That was horribly unkind and not quite the whole truth."
Perplexed by Jane's statement, Maura spoke in a shaky voice. "What does that mean 'not quite the whole truth'? I don't understand… you want to spend time with me, but have been avoiding me instead?"
"Uh… I owe you an explanation, and it isn't an easy thing for me to blurt out. Please have a seat on the couch." Jane's nervously gestured towards the couch.
Maura walked to the couch while Jane went to throw another log on the fire, in order to buy her some time to gather her thoughts. For what seemed to be an eternity, Jane finally turned to face Maura.
"It is true that I have been avoiding you lately." She exhaled loudly. "Um… It's not that I don't want to spend time with you per se. I really want to, but I can't."
Maura scrunched her face in confusion.
Jane started to pace nervously back and forth in front of the fireplace. She began to panic because she was afraid of how Maura was going to react to her confession, but she couldn't stop now. It was too late; the can of worms had been opened. Jane said the next part in such a manic rush; Maura had a hard time keeping up.
"The reason why I can't be around you, or around you and Jason is because I've realized that I'm in love with you, and have been for years now. I know you love me as a friend and nothing more, and I love you very much as a friend, yet I want more. I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night before I go to sleep. I want to get married and have kids and fight over if we are going to have bunny pancakes or French toast for breakfast. I want the Tea parties and baseball games, scraped knees and missing teeth. I want a real life with you, and I have never once considered wanting these things until I thought of sharing them with you." Jane's voice faltered a bit.
"I know it will only be a fantasy because you love Jason, and it kills me to know that we will never be. It's not you fault or anything, you can't help whom you love; I just wished you loved me."
Jane felt a rush of relief after telling Maura how she felt, but that feeling was quickly replaced with dread and insecurities about what was to follow.
Maura sat in a daze as she tried to process Jane's confession of love. It was a lot to take in, and the ME knew that whatever her response was going to be, it would greatly affect Jane's heart and impact their friendship.
Jane grew uncomfortable with Maura's silence.
"I knew I shouldn't have fucking said anything. It's going to be awkward as fuck between us now." Jane placed her face in her hand.
"Jane, please come sit by me." Maura patted the seat next to her.
Jane's whole body was shaking as she sat down. Maura took Jane's hands into her own and looked lovingly into Jane's eyes, for a split second Jane thought there was hope.
"That was a lot to digest at the moment, but I do feel that I need to respond to your confession." Maura said coolly. "I love you very much Jane. You are such an important part of my existence, and we have a bond that is undeniably unbreakable. By having you in my life, you have filled a void that I've had since I was a child and as a result, I have become a better person for knowing you. You are so entrenched into my being that I feel like that if we were to ever part, half of my soul would die."
Maura ran her thumbs over Jane's hands in a comforting manner. Jane smiled at the gesture.
"I'm not going to deny the fact that I have thought about what it would like to be with you romantically. You are very aesthetically pleasing to look at and you fulfill my emotional needs, but I'm afraid that whatever sexual curiosities I have about us, they will be nothing more than curiosities. I don't think I'm capable to love you in the way you deserved to be loved. When I envision my future life, I see myself married to Jason because I know in my heart that I can love him completely. He fulfills my needs and my desires and I fulfill his. Please believe me when I say that I do wish things were different and I'm able to love you the in the same manner as you love me because I would be incredibly blessed to share a life with you."
Jane brought Maura's hands to her lips and placed a soft kissed on her knuckles and released them.
"I'm sorry Jane."
"Don't be sorry, Maura. Thank you for being honest with me." Jane stood up from the couch.
"Are we going to be ok?" Maura inquired.
"Yeah sure, I just need some time alone to sort it all out."
"Would you like me to leave?"
"No. Don't be silly. It's very late and you are more than welcome to sleep in the guest bedroom." Jane waved her off. "I'm still a bit drunk and I need to digest all that has transpired, so I'm going to hit the hay. The guest bedroom is down the hall and on your right." Jane started to stumble towards her room.
"Oh! Don't think about sneaking out in the morning, I expect breakfast and a proper conversation." Jane said over her shoulder.
Maura smiled at Jane's comment. Maybe things will work out after all.
"Good Night Jane."
"Night Maur."
Jane staggered into her room and flopped on the bed. Her mind swirled with whiskey and emotions. She tried to focus on one feeling or thought, but her mind kept shifting at a rapid pace. She was completely emotionally drained, but through the haze of her mind one thought came busting through. Only Maura Isles could break her heart in such a way that made her love Maura even more. Jane laughed at her ridicules self. She just hoped that now that her feelings were out in the open, she could find some way of letting her love for Maura go.
Jane rolled off of the bed and stood up on wobbly legs. She stripped down to her tank top and panties, and turned towards the top of her bed to pull the covers down. She was just about to get back into bed when she heard a knock at the door.
"Maybe Maura needs some toiletries, or a something to sleep in." Jane thought to herself.
She opened the door and before she could get a word out, Maura sprung forward, slipping one hand around Jane's neck and the other around her waist, pulling her close. To Jane's complete surprise, their lips met in a fiery kiss. Maura slowly ran her tongue across Jane's lower lip demanding entrance. Jane's mouth opened slightly granting Maura access. After a few moments Jane broke off the kiss and rested her forehead against Maura. Both of them were breathing hard, but no words were spoken. Jane's body was on fire, urging her to continue. She leaned in to kiss Maura again, but hesitation halted her movement. Maura sensed Jane's hesitation and decided to give her some encouragement. She peppered kisses along Jane's neck up to her ear. Maura's hot breath felt against her skin, causing Jane's body to shiver in response. Maura ran her tongue across the shell of Jane's ear, taking the lobe into her mouth, and slowly raked her teeth against Jane's skin. Jane let out a small moan while sliding her hands up Maura's lower back. Maura continued to kiss down her neck and along her collarbone, her hand shifted from the nape of Jane's neck and slid down Jane's torso finally coming to rest over her right breast. Jane leaned into Maura's touch, and exhaled a shudder breath. Maura cupped Jane's breast and ran her thumb over a harden nipple causing Jane to capture Maura's lips and kiss her passionately.
Maura didn't exactly have the intention to become intimate with Jane when she knocked on her door. She was so moved by Jane's words and wanted to make sure that she was going to be ok after abruptly stopping their conversation. When Maura saw Jane standing in her tank top and panties, she simply reacted to the visual stimulus that stood before her.
Desperate to advance the situation, Maura pushed Jane backwards on to the edge of the bed. Before Jane's mind could catch up to what was happening, Maura straddled her lap and started to kiss her with reckless abandon. Jane's heart was beating so fast that she actually thought it might beat right out of her chest. All her senses were pushed to maximum sensitivity under Maura's touch. There was a slight sense of confusion and desperation in Maura's kisses that was echoed back by Jane.
"Uh… Maura." Jane said breathlessly. "What's happening?"
Maura could feel Jane's body tense up. Not wanting to stop, Maura nuzzled Jane's neck and whispered in her ear. "Jane, shut up and touch me."
Jane did as she was instructed and slipped her hand underneath Maura's blouse. Jane tenderly slid her hand up Maura's side and came to rest just under Maura's bra clad breast. The feel of Maura's soft skin on Jane's fingertips was incredible. Maura continued to kiss and nip along Jane's neck; she could feel warm skin and Goosebumps with every kiss. Maura took great pride in the fact that she was the cause of Jane's Parasympathetic Nervous System being in overdrive.
Jane raised her hand to cup Maura's breast and gave a gentle squeeze. Maura let out a small breathy moan and pulled Jane into a deep kiss. Maura broke off the kiss and removed herself from Jane's lap. Jane sat still while looking at Maura standing in front of her, she didn't move, she didn't breath, for she was afraid that they crossed a line that Maura didn't want to cross. Maura saw the panic in Jane's eyes and stepped in between her legs. Not wasting any more time, she started to unbutton her blouse, removing it and then dropping it on the floor. Next, she unzipped her skirt, Jane watched as the fabric dropped to the floor. Jane didn't have much time to take in Maura's mostly naked body before Maura reached for the hem of her tank top and lifted it above her head and tossing it on the ground. Maura cupped Jane's face and leaned in to kiss her. As the kiss deepened, she gently pushed Jane back on the bed.
Their bodies were flushed against each other. Instinctively, Jane slightly raised her knee and pressed her thigh against Maura's core. Maura exhaled deeply and started to grind against Jane. Their kisses became more and more wild and reckless. Jane's placed her hand and Maura's ass and pressed down, encouraging Maura to grind harder and faster. Maura's breath was becoming labored as her pace increased. She slid her thigh against were Jane needed her the most, Jane gasped at the contact. She could feel Maura's wetness seeping through her panties; it only served to turn Jane on even more. They moved against each other at an increasing rapid paced, both trying to become in sync with the other. Jane flipped Maura over on her back to give herself a moment for her whiskey soaked brain to catch up to what was going on. Maura was surprised by Jane's maneuver, and they both paused for a second. However, Not wanting Jane to lose her nerve and not wanting herself to over think about what was happening between them, Maura grabbed Jane's hand and pressed it against her stomach, then she slowly slid Jane's hands down her stomach to the edge of her panties.
There was a moment of hesitation before she shoved Jane's hand under her panties. Jane's eyes widen as she made contact with Maura's soft, silky core. Maura moaned at the contact and began to move Jane's hand up and down. Taking the hint, Jane set her own rhythmic pace between Maura's legs. Maura's breathing increased with each one of Jane's touches. She removed her hand from atop of Jane's and raised her thigh against Jane's core. Jane's hips started to buck and her breath became ragged. In time, both of their bodies fell in tune with the other. The room filled with panting and moaning as their pace quicken. Jane felt a fire building deep in her lower belly, and she knew she wasn't going to last much longer. Sensing that Jane was close, Maura snaked her hand under Jane's panties and started to rub in a tight circular motions. Jane's eyes slammed shut and she pressed her forehead against Maura's forehead. Jane started to shudder and shake as her orgasm ripped through her body. Seeing Jane coming undone was all Maura needed to fall over the edge herself.
Jane rolled on her back lying next to Maura in a post sex haze. A few moments passed and the energy of the room started to shift for the excitement of their lovemaking to an uncomfortable awkward silence. Even Though Maura was right next to her, she felt as if there was a vast amount of space between them.
Jane was the first to speak.
"Well, I guess that complicate things a bit."
"Yes. Yes it does." Maura said as she rolled on to her side with her back to Jane.
Jane felt the space between them fill with a coldness that left her heart empty. She rolled away from Maura and closed her eyes to stop the tears that threatening to roll down her face.
AN: I'M SO SORRY IF THEIR LITE SMUT SCENE WAS TERRIBLE. I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN A LOVE SCENE BEFORE AND IT WAS REALLY HARD TO DO. SO A THOUSAND APOLOGIES IF IT WAS HORRIBLE.