AN: I'm so sorry for the lack of posting. I wanted to have a clear plan plotted out with this story before I posted again. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with this story. I'm posting two ch. today. There will be two more chapter, as soon as I finish writing them, to close out this story. I want to sincerely thank all the people that have read this hot mess of a story, and to all that have left me feedback, it was much appreciated. I realized that my Maura seems like monsters and not likeable and from Janes pov she is, so in the second chapter we get to hear Maura's side of things. Hopefully she doesn't come across as such a horrible human. In the last two chapter there will be more discussions between Jane and Maura as they try and figure what they mean to each other. If there is anybody left out there, please feel free to let me know what you think. This story does not have a beta, so all my terrible grammar is mine.
The mid-morning sun crept into the bedroom, settling on the sleeping detective's face. The sudden intrusion of light woke Jane from her slumber. Jane let out a groan as she sat up in bed. The light was anything but soft and warm, on the contrary, it was harsh and piercingly bright. Jane lifted her hands to block the sun's ray in a meager attempt to relieve the strain on her eyes. Her head was pounding, her mouth was dry and there was a knot in her stomach that threaten to naw it's way out. Today was going to be a slow road to recovery. Jane pinched the bridge of her nose as she internally chastised herself for drinking so much. She noticed an unusual amount of eye gunk in the corners of her eyes. Wiping her eyes, it occurs to her that this only happens when she has fallen asleep after a lot of crying.
Fuzzy images and fragmented memories swept into her mind.
"Maura" said in a slight whisper.
Jane turned to see if Maura was still in bed, but a few pillows and ruffled blankets and sheets made up the space next to her. Sensations of an uncomfortable 'morning after' and the enviable 'walk of shame' permeated Jane's existence. She slowly slid out of bed and retrieved clean clothes from her duffle bag. Jane staggered into the kitchen with mixed feelings about seeing Maura. On one hand, she knew that they desperately need to talk, yet on the other, she was embarrassed and emotionally conflicted about what happen between them. Jane felt the intense desire to disappear rather than have 'THE' conversation, but she pulled herself together and walked into an empty kitchen. The throbbing in her head intensified as her heart started to race as a sliver of panic started to filter through her body.
Not one to jump to conclusion before all the facts were in, Jane decided to check to the guest bedroom. She knew reality of the situation, but she desperately clung to any shred of hope because the truth would break her. With an unsteady hand, she reached for the door knob. Hesitation threaten to still her movements, yet the door continued to slowly open to reveal an empty room. Jane stood in the doorway with a blank expression on her face. She was neither here nor there. The sound of ticking from the wall clock and the faint smell of Maura's perfume filled the empty room. Jane could barely hear her thoughts over her pounding heart, the throbbing in her head, and the bile rising up in her stomach. As an added annoyance, her body's reaction to smell of Maura's perfume was a mixture of arousal, followed by soul crushing despair.
One thought was able to make it's way through the array of physical sensation Jane was experiencing at this moment.
"She left…."
It was just shy of a month since Jane's stay at her family's cabin. She hasn't seen nor talked to Maura since that night. Maura had to go up state to Salem to oversee the hiring of a new Medical Examiner for Essex county and has been commuting back and forth for the majority of the last three weeks. Jane couldn't decided if Maura's absenteeism from her life was a small blessing or a cruel punishment. Jane vacillated between wanting to completely break down due to the hurt and rejection that Maura's actions caused, or rage with a fury that border on the edge of violence. Of could this battle was an internal one. On the inside, Jane was a complete emotional mess, but on the outside she held her same stoic demeanor. During the day she would go to work, completely focused on her job, but it was a different story at night when all distraction were gone and she was left alone with her thoughts. Some nights she would sob uncontrollably, and then chastise herself for being so weak. Other nights, she would be so restless and filled with rage that sleep would not come. Jane would try to clean her house to expend some of the restless energy, but the urge to throw cups and plates against the walls was barely controllable, so she opted for late night runs. Jane would push her body past it's limits, she would run as fast and hard as she could till her legs gave out and her lungs would breath fire. She just needed to feel something other than the pain that has taken up residence in her heart.
Today was going to be a good day. No… maybe not a good day…. A better day then. Jane said to herself as she got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. After a short but refreshing shower, Jane dressed and headed out towards the kitchen to fix herself breakfast. She was greeted by an ecstatic ball of fur. Jane bent down and gave some love pats to Jo's head and promised to take her for a walk after they ate. Jane smiled as her furry friend licked the palm of her hand. Today was the first time in in a while that she hasn't woken up in a foul mood. Although, the cause of her elevated mood was a mystery to her, She didn't want to over analyze it. She was just thankful for the momentary reprieve from the emotional nightmare that has been ever so present the past few weeks. Jane finished eating her breakfast and took Jo for a walk. The weather was breathtaking. The morning cold was being chased away by the sun shining brightly in the sky, and the air smelt fresh, clean, new, like it's always does after a few days of rain. Jo tugged Jane towards a tree with a surrounding patch of grass. As Jo circled the patch of grass, looking for the exact place to do her business, Jane lifted her head up towards the sky, letting the sunlight shine down on her face, She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Jane stood there, taking in as much as she could, as the city moved around her. After completing her business, Jo jump against Jane's leg taking her out of the moment.
"Today is going to be a better day." Jane said as she tugged on Jo's leash.
It was lunchtime when Jane offered to head down to the cafe to get lunch for herself, Korsak, and Frost. She was growing restless and needed to look at something else besides her desk and the mountain of paperwork her and frost were slowly wading through. Jane headed to the elevator, reached out and pushed the down button. The doors opened to reveal Kevin Johnson, the newest officer to make Detective in the Drug unit. Kevin smiled at Jane and step to the side to give her some room.
"Rizzoli." Kevin said with a slight wink and a nod.
"Johnson." Jane replied with a smile as she stepped into the elevator.
Kevin had boyish good looks and a very charming personality. The combination of these two traits served him well in his undercover work in the drug unit. Kevin was quite the harmless flirt and had many women in the BPD swooning at his charms, but to their dismay, Kevin was happily married with a 5 year old son and another on the way.
"How is your wife holding up?" Jane inquired.
"She is doing well. Even though she all about the beautiful, transformative experience that is pregnancy, I get the distinct impression that she want to evict the little bugger and get her body back." Kevin said with merriment in his voice. "Seriously, these hostage negotiations have been ruff. The baby doesn't play fair with the constant kicking of the bladder and the heartburn." He smiled. "She takes it like a champ though."
Jane smiled at Kevin responses.
"How's your son doing?"
"Oh, he is my little man. He is very excited to become a big brother. This morning he came up to me all excited, shouting 'DADDY! DADDY! I got a joke for the baby.' So I say 'lay it on me little dude.' He stands up straight and clears his throat… 'What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?' Before I can say anything her blurts out ' ATyrannosaurus wrecks.' and drops to floor in a giggling fit."
Jane places her hand over her mouth the mask the gargantuan smile on her face.
"Thats super cute." Jane said in a chuckle.
"I know, right!" Kevin grinned.
The doors opened and Jane walked out, she turned to kevin and bid him a good day, he returned the sentiment. Jane couldn't help the warm feeling that was welling up in her chest. Usually, she was not one that gushed over her co-workers stories of their families, but Kevin's story was endearing and it was hard not to be affected by it. Plus, the joke was funny in a cute kids way.
Jane turned to head towards the cafe when she stopped abruptly. All warmth and good feelings left her body only to be replaced with anger and contempt.
Maura Isle was walking down the hallway when her eyes caught Jane's stare and stop abruptly in her tracks.
Jane stood stock still, back ridged, shoulders square, and white knuckled fists. Maura started to say something but thought against it when Jane's jaw clenched and her stare intensified.
To say that Jane's stare bore through Maura would be an understatement. Under Jane's steely gaze Maura felt like her body was being disassembled molecule by molecule in order to be completely wiped out from existence. Jane's body language screamed rage, but her eyes told a different story. Maura looked into Jane's eyes and saw anger, vile repulsion, broken trust, confusion, and complete sadness. The look on Jane's face asked questions her voice could not. In her heart, Maura knew what those questions were. Why? How could you do that to me? What kind of person are you?
Maura averted her eyes and hung her head low.
Maura couldn't explain herself even if she tried. Seeing Jane react to her like that made her feel so small and undeserving of existing in the same space as Jane.
Jane released a huff through gritted teeth and walked into the cafe. Maura lifted her head to see that jane was no longer there. She stood up straight, ran her hands over her dress to smooth out wrinkles that didn't exist. A small tear threaten to slid down her cheek, but Maura inhaled deeply and proceed to walk to the elevator. She cleared her throat, extended her finger and pushed the down button.