"Germany, Germany!" I called with happiness squirming its way through my vocal chords. "Germany, are we leaving yet?"

"In a minute, Italy…" Germany's voice sounded a bit tired.

I stood by the door frame, swaying on my feet. Germany told me he'd take me out to a restaurant for lunch today and to say I was excited was an understatement. I was waiting for nearly two minutes in my blue tee-shirt and black slacks before Germany walked down the stairs. He looked super professional as usual.

"Alright, let's go," he said roughly as I all but ran out the door.

"Ve~ this is going to be so much fun!" I said as I continued to walk.

Recently Germany has been watching me more carefully, especially when I smiled. He stopped saying things when I faked it, but I could see his face fall when I did. I never understood why he cared so much… It's not like he'd like me better if I acted like myself. I'm disgusting and—

"Italy," Germany interrupted my thoughts. It was then I realized I wasn't smiling anymore.

"Hmm?" I said with the silly grin stitched back into my face with a needle of deception.

"What were you just thinking about? I saw you weren't smiling," he said before quickly adding: "And don't you even try playing dumb. I'm getting sick of it."

"Nothing important," I let my smile fall again as I found it pointless around Germany now.

"Promise me something," he said a bit quieter, looking away.

"Um… promise what?" I said a bit concerned.

I could see Germany get nervous as his gait stiffened and he rubbed the back of his neck before he composed himself, grabbing my wrist and looking into my eyes. I felt my eyes melt into his beautiful orbs as my hand felt as if it was disconnected. My breathing evened out and I felt his on my cheeks. He was silent for what felt like a thousand years.

"Promise me," he spoke quietly. Cautiously. "Promise me you won't use that pseudo-smile around me."

I watched his eyes dart to the ground as the words flew graciously from his lips. Could I even promise such a thing? Promise to be myself knowing he'd hate me… But I'd do anything for Germany. I'd do anything. I knew we'd drift apart at some point, but I prayed each night it wouldn't be this soon. I could hardly move let alone speak, yet I summed up enough courage—enough strength to reply to his request.

"I promise," I managed to squeak and I felt tears threaten to fall. This is the end. I thought. This is the end for us. I just know it.

I felt his hand release me and he continued to walk on. My pace visibly slowed but I kept up. Before long, I could see the restaurant sign and I forced myself to cheer up. You're with Germany now! Be happy… At least a little…

We walked through the glass doors and were welcomed in immediately. A nice waitress took us to our table and gave us menus.

She looked at us for a moment before asking us for our orders.

Germany looked over the menu but it seemed he already knew what he wanted by as fast as he ordered. I didn't have any idea what I wanted and I didn't see pasta anywhere so I just ordered the same thing. The waitress walked away after giving us a sweet smile. I glanced behind us and she was talking to her friends after she placed the order. I saw her blush as one pointed in our direction and then they started laughing as she shook her head vigorously.

After a while we got our food. Apparently it was some kind of wurst. I prodded it with my fork before timidly taking a bite, then a bigger one. Germany seemed to make note of this and leaned forward.

"You ordered it and didn't know what it was?" he asked.

"Ve… I didn't know what any of it was," I admitted and looked away shyly.

Germany let a chuckle escape his rough lips as he resumed eating his meal. I couldn't help but watch. Watching Germany eat was much more entertaining than eating myself. I tried not to be so obvious; only looking when he looked down at his plate to eat more or when he was gazing off into nowhere.

"I'm going to run to the restroom," I said standing before walking off in the direction of the toilets.

I promised I wouldn't fake my smile but right now I just felt so terrible, and seeing him just made it worse. He invited me to lunch with him so innocently but somehow this demon of a mind made it into something twisted and I hated it. I kept wanting to think… Maybe he liked me which was why he asked me, but obviously I'm just delusional.

After a while to have to myself I managed to compose myself and walk back in looking somewhat happy. I was almost around the corner when I caught a glimpse of them and felt my heart stop beating entirely.

Germany was talking to our waitress. I saw her cheeks tinted a light shade of pink as she leaned on the side of the booth. Germany said something to her making her blush deepen as she checked her hair. Germany gave a short laugh and reached across the table, taking a straw wrapper out of her short chocolate-colored locks. They both gave a small chuckle before resuming conversation.

I felt frozen in my tracks as I helplessly watched the two visibly grow more fond of each other. At this point I couldn't help it and I felt my cheek grow colder as a tear crawled down. I quickly brushed it away and grabbed a piece of paper with a pen.

I saw you were having fun with the girl so I left on my own to give you privacy.

-Feliciano

"Excuse me, can you give this to the man sitting in the booth, talking to the waitress there?" I asked the girl at the cash register.

"Of course!" she grinned as she took the slip of paper and trailed off in the direction of the booth.

I made my way to the door and pushed it open, glancing over at Germany one last time. He looked up at me at the same time and a face of confusion overtook his facial features. I only gave a weak smile and waved as I left.

As soon as I was out of sight from the door, I broke out into a sprint and ran back home. I ran until I felt I was almost about to pass out and fell to my knees on the ground, trying to ignore the burning sensation in my heart. I felt it break apart and I was certain nothing could be done to the pieces. I eventually picked myself up off of the ground and continued walking home.

I had always known loving him was pointless… So why does this hurt so much right now? I had always known he was straight so why did I have this stupid dream? I had always know no one would love me so why did I have false assumption..? I had always… I had always known all of this… So why did I keep up this stupid charade?

I fell onto my bed and felt nothing but remorse coursing through my veins. My chest felt as if it had imploded. As if the shards of my heart kept cutting up my insides. I felt completely worthless.

I fell asleep that night with a tear stained pillow and crushed dreams.

Thank you for reading! Maybe review? They are the meaning of life!