Chapter 16

Christine's POV

I was both excited and nervous to leave Paris. The Opera house had been my only home for so many years. I was a young woman without friends or family to care about me if something foul should occur. I couldn't help but to remember Erik's long ago promise to me that I would not have to die alone and unloved. For a moment I thought about Erik and Meg and my despair was tempered by the fact that at least Erik was perhaps receiving the love that he so desperately craved even if it was not from me. I decided to pay his former lair one last visit. I longed to find something of his to take with me, to remember the past and what might have been, had I possessed the courage to reach out to my angel and embrace him despite his ghastly face and fiery temper. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that had I reached back across the chasm to grasp him that I would have known an unbridled passion. Even Raoul once described Erik's love as that of the most exquisite type.

As if he were there to welcome me I found the wilted remains of one of his roses in the passageway leading to his lair. I lifted it to my nose and could still detect a trace of its perfumed odor escaping from its withered petals. For me it represented our unfulfilled love once so beautiful and promising, now only a shell of its former glory. I wondered if he found a haven, far from this place where he would not be disturbed by the gendarmes or my former fiancé. I hoped so, despite all that had happened to destroy our love I still wanted him to triumph, like his Don Juan from his opera. I remembered his impassioned final plea for my love and my betrayal of him at his most vulnerable moment, and I blushed with shame at my actions. I did not then know that he was innocent of the crimes that we had thought him guilty. I would like to think that if I had known the truth, that I might not have gone through with everything and betrayed him. Yet, in the end, he even forgave me that. For one flicker of a moment, after the kisses that changed my heart, our eyes met in love for the one and only time ever and then Raoul destroyed that moment.

I reached his home safely; he had shown me the way on that long ago night, when he revealed himself to me. A night of triumph for both of us. I can still close my eyes and hear my master's ghostly voice 'Bravi, bravi, bravissimo'. It was the only measure of acclaim that I wanted or needed on that special night. Not even a year had passed since then but it seemed like an age. On that night I felt my spirit soar along with my voice to the highest reaches of heaven. I had no doubt as to the source of my success, he was my muse. I went over to the automaton that had scared me so when he showed it to me. Her lifeless face, which was a replica of my face, mocked me for my fear. Her lifeless eyes stared off blankly as if ignoring me and my unworthy soul. In a way her eyes reflected how I felt inside of me blank and emotionless. I turned away from the automaton and then I moved on to his old bedroom; and beheld his coffin bed still centered in the room waiting for its master. In the corner of the room I espied what I had come for, his violin.

On my last visit when I encountered Raoul, I had seen it. I was surprised that no one had either taken it or destroyed it. I would have thought at least that Erik would have taken it with him. Its presence was disturbing because I knew that if he left it behind then he too was bereft of music. When I was a child, he would play it as he sang to me in my sleep. For me, it was so comforting that he would do so because it was a link to my departed father who also played the violin. Perhaps, in hindsight, he knew about my father and purposely played it to comfort me. I would like to think so. I touched it, and was surprised to see a piece of paper fall out of it written in his hand. It was addressed to me.

"My dearest Christine:

If you have ventured down here once again, it is either to repeat your attempt upon my life or to search for old memories. In either case you will find that I have left you for good. You need not fear me any longer. It was never my intent to make you fear me or even to deceive you. As you now know I am neither an angel nor a ghost but a living breathing man who wanted only to make you happy. I meant to set you free when I did so. You were right on that last night, my obsessive love for you had distorted my soul to a point where I descended into madness. Your kisses brought me back to the reality of what I had done, and my shame for my actions leading up to them. You seemed to be willing to sacrifice everything for your love for Raoul, even your happiness. I could never have continued to make you my prisoner and deprive you of the very thing that I had striven to do which was to assure your happiness, even at the expense of my own.

It was for that reason that your actions that followed were the only betrayal of me that I could not forgive. I had made the ultimate sacrifice already. I put your love for the boy above my one chance at happiness. If I had intended to follow you and bring you future woe, I would have killed the boy, not released him. I may be a monster in many respects, but I always keep my word. By helping Raoul in his cowardly attack on my unarmed self, you proved to me once and for all time that you did not deem me to be worthy of the title of man. I heard Raoul speak of me as a thing, a beast, a demon anything but a man. If he had deemed me at all human, he would have challenged me as such and given me a fair chance to defend myself like any other man that had offended him.

I will still honor my word and let you live in peace with your chosen boy. I may despise him for taking from me the one thing that I truly wanted and needed, your love. I will never truly exorcise the beast of my unfortunate love for you completely from my mind.

I must make the Vicomte pay for his attempt to kill me, the Phantom inside of me demands retribution. I have given some thought to the matter of my punishment and have decided to give him a brand that will remind him of his attempted crime against an innocent man. Since it is my face that has deprived me of humanity in his eyes, I will take it upon myself to give him a small momento of his crime.

I hope that you and he will understand my purpose, which is to remind the boy that it is not a perfect face that defines a person but what lies underneath. You may tell Raoul that if he accepts his punishment from me, that it will be the last time that either of you will ever see me. A long time ago I may have repaid his crime with his life, but I have taken pity on the both of you. I know that you both view me as a thoughtless murderer who 'murders all that is good' but that was never the case. My great sin was to try to win your love at any cost. I know now that it will never happen and have resigned myself to live to the end of my days alone and unloved. It has always been my fate and I will no longer struggle against it. I hope that perhaps when time gives you more perspective, that you will think of your old tutor fondly, and remember the friendship that we once shared. This violin is my final gift to you, a token of our shared past. Perhaps one of your children will inherit your father's gift and play it. I will have no future need for it, as only you and you alone could make my music live.

Adieu mon amour, mon ange,

Erik

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read Erik's note. He left never knowing that I had no part in what had happened. He believed that I hated him but I didn't. Even before when I feared him, and betrayed him, I never hated him. How could I hate the man who once inspired my voice, who calmed my fears and protected me, and taught me everything? I only feared him because he wanted from me what I was not yet ready to give. I am only eighteen years old, and he expected me to offer him my soul, when I wasn't sure what my soul wanted. If he and Raoul had not made me choose between them, not wanted all that I was I might have spared us all some pain. I was not given the luxury by either of them. Erik wanted to consume me completely, and Raoul wanted me to revile my past. I did not want to do either but they were both so strong. If I wasn't so afraid of Erik and so revolted by his face I might have come to know my feelings sooner. An empty hole now sits where my heart used to be.

I boarded the train on an early April day and left Paris behind me in my past. I wondered if Raoul's distant relative would prove to be as mean spirited as his sister was. Would she judge me for my past as a diva? I had never been to Germany except in passing through as a small child with my father on our way to Sweden. Since then I had only seen Perros and Paris and never ventured far from home, far from people who cared about me; but I guess that it did not matter anymore. The managers half- heartedly asked me for a forwarding address in case they wanted to offer me a position when the theatre reopened but I knew that they did not really want me back. I was associated with the Phantom regardless of my talents, and without Erik, I had no talent to speak of. I gave them my information but did not expect to hear from them. Jammes gave me a very strong hug and told me to write. A few of the other girls did the same. A huge chapter in the book of my life had closed and a new one was not yet started. I hoped that I would find happiness despite the tragedy of my recent past. I was only eighteen years old. It was too early to consider that my life was at an end. I knew that somehow, someday, my life would probably get better once I got rid of the heartbreak that I left behind. But at the moment I could see nothing past my own emptiness. Ironically Erik spent much of his life as a ghost. Was I now emulating him?

The train ride was fairly uneventful as we went through the beautiful countryside of Burgundy towards Alsace. The Comtesse de la Bois had sent me detailed instructions informing me to wait at a small inn across from the train station in Strasbourg if she were detained. She explained that it was a fair distance between her home outside of Haguenau and Strasbourg but she preferred that I get off the train there because I would have to change trains with some delays. She explained that at this time of year that the rains or snow could get heavy and the train would be detained for hours. She told me that the innkeeper was a former servant of hers and would take good care of me while I waited.

I alit from the train and found the inn. Strasbourg was a beautiful city, with typically German half- timbered homes and buildings. There was a lot of construction going on. The woman riding next to me contemptuously mentioned that the Germans were remaking the city to be a German town but that in its heart Strasbourg would always be French. She assured me that we would beat the Germans in the next war and get it back. I listened to the lady with some amusement. I was not terribly interested in which country controlled Strasbourg. I was Swedish not French despite my many years in France. I had never been terribly interested in politics. I worked too hard with my music and dancing to pay too much attention. Raoul would tease me that I had my head in the sand but I did not see the point of getting too involved. Women had no vote anyhow so it would not make a difference if I studied it or not. Even if women did get the vote someday, I was a citizen of Sweden not France. I never bothered to apply for French citizenship; again it was not important to me that I do. A part of me had always remained true to my Swedish homeland. I really did intend to continue there just as soon as I could make enough money to do so. I had several cousins there that I hoped to someday see again. I could vaguely remember some large family gatherings in that long ago happy time of my life when before my father decided to take me to France.

The innkeeper was a very pleasant man. He graciously offered me a room to await the arrival of the Comtesse. I began to worry when several hours had passed without a word but he reassured me that the Comtesse had sent word to him and knew that she was coming. I was a little nervous about some of his customers. They were leering at me. I did not dare leave the innkeepers sight even for a moment. After six hours of waiting, it began to grow dark, finally a man in a strange livery, that was not the crest of the de la Bois family, came into the inn and asked about me. The innkeeper pointed me out and he came over to me. He seemed like a nice boy, a little older than me.

"Madmoiselle, you are the new companion of la Comtesse de la Bois?" he asked me.

"I am." I replied.

"She sends her apologies for the delay she was detained at the side of the road with a broken carriage wheel. My master the Baron von Mulheim found her and has brought her to his own Chateau given the distance to her own. He has bid me to fetch you and bring you there where you will meet her. My name is Yves Levoix, I am one of the stable boys at the Schloss Mulheim."

He gave me a courteous bow. I could see that he admired me. I smiled back at him.

"Do you have any trunks?" he asked.

"Yes, I left them at the station." I told him

"We will retrieve them and then be off. It is getting dark and we do not want to be on the roads too late. They are safer than they used to be but there are still dangers from both man and beast in the dark." He informed me.

I followed him back to the station. I saw him motion to a second man in the livery. The coach was one of the most luxurious that I had ever seen. Only Raoul had one of similar type.

When we retrieved the bags Yves and the other driver loaded them onto the roof and Yves reached to me with his soft gloved hand and helped me into the carriage. I had grown very tired and did not really look at the city or then the countryside but it was a fairly short ride compared to the train ride that I had endured to get here and the wait at the inn. After a half hour or so we reached a very beautiful driveway lined with poplars that led to a large Chateau. It looked very old and medieval in feel but the grounds surrounding the Chateau were hilly and verdant green. The Baron was clearly a man of means and power.

I was lead inside through the servant's quarters. My guide apologized for that fact, but given the late hour of our arrival the family had already eaten, and were not receiving guests. A matronly woman approached me and asked me if I were hungry. I was a little hungry having eaten only a small snack at the inn. I had expected to be taken care of far earlier; I did not want to eat and be interrupted when the Comtesse came.

I was led a small foyer and given a small meal. When I was finished I followed the servant up a winding staircase to a small plainly furnished room.

She told me "The Comtesse is in the room next door to you and bids that you knock when you are ready to meet her. She is most anxious to see you."

"Won't I disturb her? It is fairly late." I asked.

"She told me that she is an old lady and does not require much sleep anymore." The servant replied.

"Will I disturb your master?" I asked.

"Not at all" replied the servant "Both Baron's apartments are in other wings of the Chateau. This is the oldest section of the Chateau, it dates back to Roman times. Baron Christian has designated this part of the Chateau to be the domain of any guests that may stay with us. Both Baron's enjoy their privacy."

"Who are the two Barons that you keep referring to? Is it a father and son? Does this Baron Christian own the Chateau?" I asked curiously.

"No they are cousins Mademoiselle. Baron Christian has been managing the Chateau in his cousin's absence. Baron Erik von Mulheim is the owner of this Chateau. He has only recently returned to us from Pomerania in Eastern Prussia where he has lived until now." She told me.

I blushed at the coincidence. Would I ever be able to hear the name Erik without remembering my Angel? There must be many Erik's here in Germany. It must be a common name, as it is in Sweden. Strangely I felt that this Chateau would fit my Erik, it is very mysterious and Gothic sort of like he is. I wondered what Phantoms might haunt its ancient buildings. Was I destined to see Erik everywhere even when he has ceded my mind back to me? It had been a long time since I had heard his music in my head.

The servant left me. My assigned room was very plain in appearance probably dedicated to the servants of the visitors to the Chateau. As instructed when I settled in I knocked on the heavy wooden door that was next to me. It looked very old like it was designed to keep out invading armies. I heard a faint voice.

"Come in." she said in French.

I opened the heavy door and walked in. Her room was far larger and more ornate than mine, which was to be expected given her position.

She looked at me and beckoned "Come closer to me child. I cannot see as well as I used to. You look younger than I expected and very pretty too but I suppose you will do."

I looked back at her. She was a very regal looking lady with beautiful blue eyes. Her shrewd eyes seemed to devour my face. I thought that I could detect a little of Raoul in her but I believe that it was probably due to my over active imagination. Raoul had said that she was a very distant cousin.

"I must apologize for leaving you stranded at the inn for so long, you must have been frantic with worry." She told me.

"I was fine." I told her "Herbert, the innkeeper told me that you might be detained for a while."

She smiled at me "Herbert is a very nice man. He was a loyal servant to my husband before he died. He was his footman. My late husband Jules gave him the money to buy the inn. Herbert had served him for many years." She continued "I am sorry that we could not go straight to my home, but it was getting late and the Baron brought me here. The Baron is a most thoughtful man, a true gentleman, just like his grandfather."

"Which one were you referring to? I was told that there were two." I asked.

"Erik von Mulheim, the owner of this Chateau. It does get confusing. Unlike us French, the Germans give all family members the same title. It can be most tedious to remember. In this case both Barons are very handsome and courteous young men, even if they both favor their German heritage. Erik speaks perfect unaccented French."

I started to feel very tired the day had been long and I longed to take leave of the Comtesse and go to sleep. She noticed my yawn and told me.

"We will speak more tomorrow young lady. I can see that you are very tired. We will have a two hour ride to my Chateau from here. We can sleep in a little bit so that you can get some rest before we go. The Baron has told me that he does not mind when we leave. He has loaned us his men to bring us home since my carriage is still under repair."

I took my leave from the Comtesse and went to bed. It had been a very long day for me and the little room that I was assigned looked very inviting. For a moment I forgot all about Phantoms and Vicomtes and Barons and Comtesses. I tried to drift off to sleep and succeeded for a short time until suddenly, without warning, I felt something.