9/30/14: Breaking this into multiple chapters - a million words is a little difficult to digest in one sitting. Added chapters have new content as well!
New Impressions
The next morning came in the afternoon. The attendees of last night rose late after the sun had already climbed through the clouds and brightened the sky to an ocean blue. It seemed the only ones out and about earlier than noon were Selphie, Lina, Squall, and Rinoa. Squall and Rinoa were obviously sitting somewhere secluded and discussing their next step—time compression or something like that.
Lina and Selphie on the other hand, were doing something much more productive, but less essential with their time. They were planning.
Sure, the party Irvine had unexpectedly thrown for himself was fun. Lots of people attended, but Selphie wanted to do something a little more personal, intimate. She and Lina had sat, determined, in Selphie's room since ten in the morning (it was early for them) throwing around ideas, but nothing seemed to satisfy Selphie. Finally, they'd come up with a perfect plan that incorporated not only Irvine's birthday and predilection of being social, but all quenched Selphie's obsessive thirst for organized planning of social events.
They would throw a small dance party, with only their close friends, and no other girls would be invited besides from their smaller group as to not draw Irvine's attention away from his star lady of the night: Selphie herself. Well, it wasn't said aloud, but it was understood.
"Dress code?" Lina asked. "Casual, semi-formal, black tie?" Selphie scrunched up her nose.
"It should seem like we tried, so let's say semi-formal," she scribbled something down on a piece of paper, but Lina saw the furtive smile on her face.
"You just want to see him in a suit, huh?" Lina grinned.
"Oh, Lina, shush," Selphie blushed, but she didn't try to hide her smile, giggling quietly to herself and scribbling in her notepad. Lina smiled and closed her eyes. She didn't have to see to know that Selphie was undoubtedly doodling Irvine's name in the margin and drawing hearts around it with great pleasure. That was Selphie—filled to the brim with a contagious optimism. They were similar, both smiled more often than necessary, laughed loud and heartily, and a glowing disposition that could light up a room, but Lina held her cheerfulness beneath her skin, her feelings shrunken into her careful posture, folded underneath her hands in her lap. "Don't tell me you wouldn't want to see any of the guys 'done up' for just one night. Even Zell." Immediately, Selphie caught Lina's grimace.
"Whatever, maybe Squall and Irvine, but he's all for you tonight," Lina said , deflecting the point quickly to cover for her reaction. Selphie, who'd been sprawled out across the carpet sat up to face Lina, sitting on Selphie's bed, back to the wall. Selphie gave her a stern glare that implored for a further explanation,
"Sooo...what happened with Zell?" Lina frowned. She knew there was no use in trying to shy away from the subject with Selphie because Selphie'd just badger her until she finally let something slip.
"He's a jerk, that's what happened," Lina muttered. Selphie rolled her eyes.
"Lina, there's no use in trying to dodge me, you know," Selphie was direct, Lina chuckled—it was true. No matter how she tried to wiggle her way through, Selphie would badger the answer out of her.
"We got in an argument, a serious one this time. It's...he said some hurtful things last night," Lina finally said. Selphie scrunched her brow.
"I've known Zell for years now, longer than I could've even remembered," Selphie said. "If there's one thing I've taken away, it's that Zell Dincht always has good intentions. He really does. But communication is not his strong suit."
Lina was quiet, she didn't know how to respond. "I get it. But last night...was rough."
"There's definitely a learning curve to get used to," Selphie suggested. Lina frowned. "So...you don't like him then?"
Lina just rolled her eyes and gave Selphie a sarcastic glare. "My favorite person on the planet." Selphie chuckled softly.
"I get it, I get it. Just give it one more shot, Lina. Grudges are bad—at least for tonight since he's still invited to Irvy's shindig tonight." Lina sat up.
"Did you just say 'Irvy?' Do you guys already have nicknames!?" Lina's face immediately lit up. Selphie blushed.
"HEEY! Just! LINA! Wipe that smile off your face!" Selphie threw a pillow at Lina, but she blocked it and kept her smile up on her cheeks.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"It's open!" Selphie called. Lina fell onto her side, giggling and whispering, "Selphie and Irvy sitting in a tree!" The door was immediately flung open.
"Yo Seph!" it was Zell. Lina was stiff. She immediately sat up in her place and curled her legs against her chest. She thought, maybe she could shrink up into a ball and disappear, but it was too late. "Oh, hi Lina." Lina flinched at his greeting, her gaze transfixed on the carpet in front of her. It was more a reflex than anything. He turned back to Selphie. "This is from Irvine. He said to take care of it." Lina heard Selphie squeal and looked up to see Selphie jump and snatch a familiar cowboy hat out of Zell's hands.
"Is that—YES! I asked to borrow this yesterday! YAY!" She said all in one loud yelp. She plopped it right on top of her head and hopped to her feet to the other side of the room, striking poses in front of a body length mirror and grinning all the while. She ran back to the doorway and threw her arms around Zell in a excitement. "It's perfect! Thank you thank you!"
"Course—well I'm just the messenger," Zell chuckled as she pulled away and beamed. He snuck a shaky glance at Lina who was still sitting with her legs clutched against her chest, a bright smile on her lips for Selphie's sake. Then, she suddenly sensed him watching her, and her smile faded into an expressionless line. Selphie's eyes hopped between the two of them.
"How about I leave you two to chat," Selphie suggested. Lina's heart dropped as she skipped into the bathroom on the other end of her room to check out her new accessory in the full length mirror. Zell turned his attention to her.
"Lina," he said. She turned her head slightly towards him and gripped her legs tighter. It still stung. His insults were still heavy in her heart. "Can we talk?"
"I'd...rather not," she murmured.
"Come on," he insisted. "Just one minute."
"It's not an issue of time, I'd just rather not talk to you," she curled her fingers into fists.
"Lina." She looked up at him. He stood completely still in the doorway, arms crossed. He did not smile, he did not move. He was, for once, being serious. "Please. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Please, he had said. That's probably the word that got Lina. She looked at his misty blue eyes. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he looked like he meant it.
Wordlessly, Lina got on her feet and followed him through the doorway. The two of them stood outside in the secluded hall, not an indication of life in sight. Lina folded her arms across her chest and stared away from him, down the hall. No signs of weakness, she told herself. Lina sighed. Why was she here? She finally looked back at him and was shocked. His eyes were wide, aware, and peppered with concern. He looked so sad, so...human.
"What is it, Zell?" she said, calm in an attempt to keep composed. Zell sighed.
"What I said last night, I...I'm sorry," he said, looking down at his feet. "I...I feel really bad. I didn't mean it and I'm sorry." He raised his eyes to meet hers, but she didn't look assuaged. Her face was pale, a small frown on her lips. "I...just think, since I'm your mentor, we should keep our relationship on good terms."
"So... you're apologizing because," Lina started, then breathed, "you feel obligated?"
"No, no," Zell struggled with himself. "It sounds bad when you put it that way."
"That's what it sounds like."
"Well that's not what it is," he spat. Lina shrunk a little where she stood, sinking back from her boldness, and he immediately realized his transgression. "Look Lina, I don't usually...apologize for things. When I say I'm sorry, I really mean it. I shouldn't have done that, said that. I was in the wrong, and I didn't mean what I said."
"I appreciate it, Zell," Lina smiled a little for him to see, but it still stung. Maybe, just maybe though, things would be okay between them. "Selphie's throwing a semi-formal dance party for Irvine tonight in the Quad. I'll...I'll see you there?"
"Yeah, okay," he murmured, sure that she was just trying to get rid of him. "I'll see you." He rubbed his head as he walked away, feeling unwelcome. He tried to understand this turmoil he felt brewing in his chest, this need for her to understand, to feel at ease, comfortable with him-he couldn't put the emotion into words.
Lina stood for a second by herself, caught completely off guard. A part of her still didn't trust him, and the other part of her wanted to try. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. This weight in her chest felt unbearable, heavy but empty. If only she could remember.
She shrugged it off for now. There was no use in pushing what wasn't there. Lina headed back into Selphie's room to find Selphie cheerfully standing in front of the mirror, twisting this way and that to get a good glimpse of how the hat looked on her head. Lina giggled; she knew Selphie liked the hat.
"I'm wearing it tonight! I don't care if it doesn't match the dress! I love it!" Selphie cheered. Lina laughed again. She'd completely forgotten, she hadn't any clothes for the occasion tonight. And it was almost as if Selphie had read her mind. "Shopping! For dresses, let's GO!" Selphie leapt up and pulled Lina out of the room. The details of what had happened would spill along the way.
-5-
The Quad was lightly decorated, streamers hanging off the elegant marble pillars, small round tables sitting around the center of the room and a snack bar. Even so, Selphie had outdone herself, just for tonight, shopping included. Selphie was the center of attention tonight—along with Irvine of course—wearing a canary yellow spaghetti strap dress that fell right above her knees, and of course, Irvine's trademark cowboy hat. She danced around the room, chatting with everyone—especially Irvine. Her eyes never left his.
Zell showed up to Irvine's party about ten minutes late which was just enough time for the party to get started. He found his way to the snack bar and situated himself close to the punch bowl. His eyes wandered nonchalantly around the room until they fell on Lina.
Wearing a flowing white dress that dangled about her knees with her hair in gentle curls about her shoulder blades, Lina looked surreal. Her steps were light as she walked around the room, smiling and greeting everyone she saw. In a sense, Lina was co-hosting the party, since it was her and Selphie that had teamed up with everything—decorations, location, food, and music. The usual band was playing, an informal waltz and some couples had already hit the dance floor.
Earlier, Zell had noticed Rinoa and Squall already graced the floor with their gentle waltz, but for some reason, he couldn't take his eyes off Lina. When she smiled, a soft glow seemed to radiate off her skin, and when she laughed, the room felt lighter. It was pleasant watching her bounce all over the room; he subconsciously he questioned his own motives, he didn't even try to shake these thoughts away. Would she smile at him like that? After what he said last night? After that half-assed apology?
Lina, on the other hand, paid no particular attention to Zell. She was enjoying herself thoroughly. She'd been around with the group of friends long enough to finally be able to talk, to make herself feel at home, with an odd sort of family. It was while she was talking with Rinoa that she finally found something to assume peculiar. They stood in the corner of the large room, joking and giggling.
It wasn't long before Squall, standing expressionless by the punch bowl with Zell, noticed how much fun the girls seemed to be having and decided to break it up.
"Excuse me, Lina," Squall mumbled, pulling Rinoa away.
"Of course," Lina smiled her bright smile and let the two wander away. Then, Lina stood for just a second—she felt like she was being watched. And out of the corner of her eye, she saw him—standing off into the distance, arms crossed and frowning. Lina turned her head just a second to look, across the dance floor, past the snack bar, completely unaware of Zell, and to the last pillar in the room. There, she saw him, blonde hair, menacing scar, and sharp green eyes focused on no one in the room but her. "Seifer," she breathed.
Lina watched as he smirked at her, then sauntered away from the scene, unseen by anyone but herself. She felt compelled to follow him, and so, the smile gone from her face, she began to walk straight towards him, paying no attention to anything around her. Why? She had to know. Why was Seifer here? Was he spying for the sorceress? This could be trouble. She had to know. It was the only thing absorbing her attention when suddenly someone grabbed her arm and snapped her out of her trance.
She looked up; it was Zell and he looked concerned.
"What are you doing?" he asked. She looked at him, confused.
"I just...saw Seifer," she couldn't think to say anything else. She pointed to where he had been, across the room. "He was standing right there." Zell swung his head around, but there was no one there. He rushed out to where she had pointed; Lina followed. The two of them pushed past the party and the marble columns to the young trees sprouting just outside the Quad. Though it was dark, there was no sound, no movement; no one was there. "I swear I saw him; he was looking right at me."
"Well, he's not welcome," Zell muttered, then turned around and grabbed Lina's wrist. She flinched at his touch, but didn't make a sound as he pulled her back through the brush and into the party again. Suddenly, Lina remembered why his presence still made her burn inside and broke free of his grasp. He didn't seem to notice. He turned around abruptly and met her face to face. "If you see him, do not follow him alone."
"Uhm...okay..." she murmured. She finally got a chance to look at him; he had on a light blue dress shirt and black slacks, and for the quick second she got to look at him, she thought he looked rather handsome. His eyes lightened.
"Hey. Let's dance," he said quickly. Lina was shocked.
"Wha? With me?" she asked. "No, no...I should go talk to people...you should ask uh, someone else." Zell looked around the room.
"Everyone's dancing," he said, blunt as always.
"Well, yeah, but I mean there's Quist-" Lina started, stuttering and beckoning towards the blonde on the other side of the room.
"You don't want to dance with me, do you?" he cut her off, looking shortly in their direction, then quickly back at her. "So I called you out on your bullshit—what are you so scared of?" His eyes were imploring, a little twinkle in them. Lina dipped her head and chuckled a little to herself—she recognized her own words.
"It's not that," Lina retorted. "It's just..." Zell was surprised when she started blushing. "I just can't dance."
"Oh. That's an easy problem to solve!" He grabbed her hand quickly and pulled her onto the dance floor. She squealed, and he grinned as he pretended not hear it. He dragged her along into the center of the room then stopped abruptly so that she almost fell into him. He caught her by the shoulders and stood her up straight. Before she could object, he guided her hand around his shoulder, wrapped a hand around her waist and gently took her other hand in his.
Lina flushed red at the touch.
"Follow my lead," he directed as he counted quietly, "one, two three. One, two, three." He looked up at her face, skewed in concentration, eyes focused on her feet. He couldn't help but chuckle.
"Wha? What's so funny, am I doing it wrong?" she looked up at him. She was surprised to see his eyes following hers so closely.
"No," he smiled. "You're fine. You're a fast learner." Lina smiled, a little half-hearted; she felt strange to be this close to him. It did give her a chance to get a closer look at him. To see his eyes she had to tilt her chin up a bit, but she saw that the features about his face which she had thought harsh and obtrusive were softer, and that tattoo that'd she'd thought intimidating looked artsy, pleasant even, under the light. "What are you looking at?"
"Nothing," she murmured. Then, "that's a cool tattoo."
"Thanks, not many people can appreciate it," his lips curled into a little smirk. She smiled back at him; it was nice not fighting for once. He watched her smile; he'd been watching it all night and he realized, it wasn't the same glowing smile he'd seen when she laughed with the other guests. It was a much more mild smile that only touched the edges of her lips. His tone deepened, "Lina... you're not still mad, are you?" Her smile faded completely.
"Not...mad," she admitted. She took a deep breath; she couldn't believe she was even admitting this to Zell. "It's...not my fault I can't remember anything, Zell. I wish I could, but I just have to deal with it." He nodded and was quiet for a second, the two of them spinning around the dance floor.
"Sorry," he mumbled again. Lina smiled a full smile; they'd finally broken the barrier. He smiled back, he'd finally captured that glow he'd been watching all night. For some reason, with Lina, he didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed to apologize.
"Hey, I just remembered, isn't your date with Sadie tomorrow?" Lina tried to make small talk to continue their light conversation.
"Oh, yeah...it is," he said, his words slow. He hadn't forgotten, just...hadn't paid attention to it.
"How you feeling? You excited?"
"Eh," he shrugged. "I guess I'm nervous, I can't really tell."
"You'll do great," Lina ensured him. "Just act like you are now; she'll fall head over heels." Zell nodded, but he didn't know how to take that comment. How was he acting now differently than he ever acted? He still felt like the same, brash dude he always was.
"What you said the other day, Lina," Zell started without thinking. "You asked me if it was a problem that you like to smile." Lina looked a little confused, she didn't always remember what remarks she'd used as retorts, but Zell seemed to remember. He seemed to struggle a little with himself before he let his words roll out in a deep tone, "It's not. I like it."
At that moment, the music ceased, and the two drew together. For just that second, he held her close and suddenly felt his breath stop. Lina flushed red at his touch. She looked up and found his eyes still watching her, his cheeks just as red.
"Yeah, so...I'll see you later," she said to break the moment.
"Yeah, thanks for the dance," he replied and the two of them quickly pulled away. Lina had been frightened. In that moment, she looked up and saw the one feature she'd missed while they were dancing, his lips, neither thin nor thick, but just perfect. And she had felt the pull in his eyes, in the closeness of his face. She had been frightened, and he'd felt the same.
The rest of the evening passed without specific significance. Lina wandered about the room, socializing and chatting with everyone; meanwhile, Zell did the same, stationed at the snack bar. Occasionally they would pass each other and smile timidly, but otherwise, the night was about Irvine—and Selphie, prancing around in Irvine's cowboy hat.
They sang him happy birthday, sat down and ate cake, and opened presents. Cowboy boots, gun polish, and a picture of Selphie and Irvine together that Selphie had secretly doctored. It was originally a picture of Irvine with his many suitors, but it just so happened that Lina helped Selphie cut it down to just the two of them. No one had to know, really.
Soon after, the crowd was exhausted, and everyone went their separate ways.