MEMOS
Did you get the staff announcements this morning?
Yes.
Have you actually read them?
No.
You know, Minerva, it's friends like you that let me know what I'm doing is worth my time.
Shucks.
Just read it.
Why? What's so important that it can't be thrown onto my unfortunately dwindling fire?
New staff list.
…
And if your fire is so "unfortunately dwindling" why don't you go out and chop down some wood?
Maybe I will.
Yeah, I can just see you dressed as a lumberjack.
Keep your perverted thoughts away from me please.
How do you know what I'm thinking?
It's you.
Fair enough. Have you read it yet?
Who is on the new staff list?
Or should you be asking who isn't on the new staff list?
Are you trying to tell me that you are firing me?
No... I'm joking. Just read it!
Uh… Hogwarts, we have a problem…
You threw it on the fire already, didn't you?
Maybe.
I don't know why I bother.
Neither do I.
I have found a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.
Oooh, who?
Brace yourself.
Check.
Put your wand down.
Check.
Subdue your temper.
JUST TELL ME WHO IT IS!
Gilderoy Lockhart.
WHAT?
I know, isn't it wonderful?
Are you mad?
…
Wait… bad question; we all know the answer.
I simply cannot wait. He is such an inspiration.
He's a lying, loathsome, obnoxious fraud.
He looks marvellous for his age.
He's an idiot.
He could help us with our unfortunate troll problem á la last Halloween.
He's only good for shouting at. Yet that's one of my favourite things.
I love him.
Me too.